I am getting married and I am, to the surprise of myself and those around me, not a wreck. Hurrah! However, there are some things I have noticed about the way people are treating me that is causing some strife. So here is my guide to handling me now that I'm a bride.
1. DO NOT ask me if I'll be wearing my glasses on the day. I wear my glasses during every waking hour. I cannot see without them. So, at what point exactly is it sensible for me to take my glasses off? In fact, that leads me to my second rule…
2. PLEASE TRY not to suggest things about my looks. I have been surprised at the sheer level of vanity/paranoia that the whole "bride" thing has set off; comments are innocently made, but combined with the knowledge that these photos are going to be around FOREVER I am paranoid. So, er, unless I am actively asking your opinion then don't opine on my looks if you wouldn't do it to me normally.
3. DO NOT tell me your horror stories. "On my wedding day, the priest got our names wrong and I fell over my own veil," the wife of my boss cheerfully told me the other day. I nearly cried. They are funny stories, I will freely admit, just not at the moment.
4. DO tell me your horror stories about stuff that cannot possibly happen on my wedding day. A friend told me about a wedding she attended where the child of the pastor ran around unchecked for the whole thing. There is no child of the pastor at my wedding, so I can laugh and also faintly be victorious that whatever may go wrong at my wedding, this will not be it.
5. DO NOT ask me open-ended questions that can be solved with common sense. I cannot arrange how you are getting to the wedding. I am sorry. I provided instructions with the invitations. I am also unable to find you shoes, tell you when you check in to your hotel (yes, a real question!), or advise what time you should take off work.
6. DO ask me specific questions. I got a text enquiring if a guest house someone had found was a sensible distance from the town. I can answer these questions without having the sense that I'm having to organise you on top of organising myself.
7. DO NOT assume the groom is in some way invisible, or not helping with the wedding. We've split it remarkably equally.
8. DO ask me about the day. Look, I like to burble about it, and to be honest I can't help it. I enjoy talking about it!
9. DO tell me about stuff that has nothing to do with the wedding. Please, please, please tell me about the course you're doing. Tell me about your new job. Chat with me about Being Human and why Tom is ace. Discuss that new book with me. Tell me about why you're never drinking gin again after what you did last weekend. Bitch with me about your neighbours. I am still a person who isn't this mythical bride figure. I like being the centre of attention, and it's a fabulously easy (and fun!) topic to talk about, but I can be drawn along a line of just talking about it and that is a bit rubbish.
10. Finally, DO tell me when I'm being ridiculous. I tend to hysteria at the best of times, and now I'm even worse. Laugh at me, I need it.
So, tell me, what are your rules for how YOU want to be treated as a bride?