The best decision I made in my marriage? Keeping my name. #Features#last names February 29 | Guest post by Ashley Lauren S. Thanks to Jayme Lover for uploading this to the Flickr Pool. Jayme explains this name jumble: I kept my last name, so one of my mentors was jesting about it. (Note: She didn't change her last name when she got married either.) The best decision I ever made was keeping my last name when I got married in October 2010. I didn't change. I didn't hyphenate. I didn't merge. I didn't decide to use my name professionally and his name socially. I didn't make my name a middle name and take his as a last name. I didn't take any of the plethora of options out there regarding this important decision. I simply kept my name the way it was. There are many, many stories out there about why women have chosen to change their names upon getting married. In fact, a recent survey by TheKnot.com stated that 86 percent of women getting married are changing their names. Furthermore, another survey by the Gender and Society Journal has stated that about half of the participants think that changing one's name should be a requirement for marriage. Related Post Top 5 reasons hyphenated names are awesome Offbeat intern, Becca, and her sister brainstormed why their hyphenated last name kicks ass. Here's our top five reasons! Women keep their name for a variety of reasons. For some, it is a feminist decision that defies patriarchal norms that often come along with becoming a wife. For others, a name can reflect one's culture; when you have a culturally specific name and your partner does not, giving up that name can feel like giving up your culture, too. For still more women, it's about working hard to build a career in a culture that uses social media to associate people with their names. This is not a conclusive list, but the decision to keep one's name — no matter the reason — is an important choice for many women, and one that should not be taken away. Granted, sometimes changing your name seems easier than keeping it — after the visit to the Social Security office, and the DMV, and calling credit card and billing agencies, to be sure everything is up to date. When you don't change your name, that stuff is easy; you don't have to do anything at all. But socially, when you are constantly asked, "What's your new name?" and then given disapproving or confused looks when you respond that you kept your name, it can be disheartening. Even more disappointing is when you start to receive cards in the mail from friends and family addressed to Mr. and Mrs. His Name. However, the benefits for me have been immense. My name symbolizes my identity, and it was very important for me to be able to retain my identity when I got married. Of course, you have to fit your life in with another person, but the symbolism of completely becoming part of him, while he wasn't symbolically becoming part of me, was too much to bear. Plus, as a little girl, I never dreamed of having articles or books published or earning advanced degrees as Ashley Lauren SomeoneElse'sName, but I did dream of seeing Ashley Lauren S___ on bookshelves and diplomas. There are as many reasons to keep your name as there are to change it, and the decision is not one to make lightly. The choice should be ours to make with our families, whatever that choice is. Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo Ashley Lauren S. Ashley Lauren S. teaches high school English in the suburbs of Chicago. She writes at Small Strokes, and is also a senior editor at Gender Across Borders where she writes about global feminist issues. http://smallstrokesbigoaks.com PREVIOUS Mojo, mojitos, and DIY — with a hair cutting ceremony! NEXT Maddy & Jacob's garden and arcade geeky wedding Toggle comments [ 204 ] Comment navigation ← Older Comments Newer Comments → I've always known I was going to keep my crazy-Polish last name. I like the history (my great-grandfather came through Ellis Island, barely speaking English and barely literate in his native alphabet. The officials put down what they thought his name sounded like, and it kind of went back and forth on different documents before settling on a consonant-heavy spelling pronounced "decision" but with two C's, two Y's, and a Z). I also know I am the ONLY Jamie MyName in the WORLD because only people directly related to me have this last name (in this spelling, anyway) and I'm the only Jamie in my family. Before Ellis Island, it was spelled in a different alphabet. Anyway, my fiance knew I was keeping my name before we even started dating. He is a little quiet about the subject because he is kind of a traditional guy (he is also "quiet" about me filling out paperwork to donate my body to science) but he knew it was just part of the package. To appease his bruised male ego a little, I suggested we take each others' last names as middle names. His middle name is of little consequence to him, but mine has family history, so I'll probably just have two middle names….Jamie MiddleName HisName My Name. I'll still me Jamie MyName professionally and socially, but WE'LL know that we have a name connection. This way, if someone calls me Mrs. HisName, it will be somewhat accurate. I may correct younger people, but I won't bother correcting older generations that may have a heart attack from my radicalness. So far, I haven't told his parents yet of my decision….so we'll see how THAT goes. 3 agree I love this article! This is precisely why I wont change my name. There are numerous other little reasons but the biggest one is its MINE. Its my name and its who I am and I dont want or need to change that. It does not affect us as a couple or how I feel about him at all. 6 agree We're getting married next week, and I won't be changing my name. When I was born my mom gave me her maiden name as my middle name, so that me (and my sisters) could have her name AND my dad's name. The thought of changing my name honestly makes me feel like I would be losing a part of me because of that. When we first got engaged I told FH that I didn't want to change my name, and he is completely on board! However, minus my family, the rest of the world is fighting against us. We've gotten numerous wedding cards that are addressed to either Mr & Mrs. D.S. or Mr & Mrs. S…. sigh. And people at work, and wedding places make funny faces when I tell them I'm not changing my name. I'm not saying that changing your name is a bad thing at all! All of my friends who are married changed their names, and I don't think any less of them. It's just not for me. 6 agree Your families no addressing cards properly despite knowing your choice is kind of obnoxious. Be sure to mail Thank You notes back with both of your names written clearly. Maybe underlined… 6 agree I personally don't know what to do. I hate my last name but I don't like his either lol. His is easier to pronounce and I get upgraded from a Z to a C but it doesn't have a good ring to it. What to do.. 0 agree Have you thought about combining the two into a brand new name? Like, if his name was Campbell and yours was Zeroni, you could be Zebell or Cameroni or Robel, or whatever. Get some scrabble tiles and play with different combinations. If you can get him into it, then you can both pick a new name together. 4 agree I considered hyphenating, but in the end I decided that it's important to me to keep my birth name, so I am. He's now deciding between keeping his birth name or hyphenating with my name, but either way I'm keeping my name exactly as it is. As for kids, we haven't decided, but I know that they will certainly have my name at least. As I'm the one carrying them for nine months and then giving birth, I'm pretty sure I'll earn the right to give them my name. We might also give them his name and hyphenate, but maybe just my name. Certainly not just his! 7 agree Rock on! I have exactly the same feelings on kid's names. 1 agrees I'm considering changing my name, not sure about it though. I'm not too attached to either name. HOWEVER, I would be going from one weird, impossible to spell/pronounce German last name to another weird, impossible to spell/pronounce German/Scottish last name. Sigh. My recommendation is we both hyphenate and start wearing monocles. 8 agree I love that we have hit a time when women are able to openly make this decision for themselves. Personally, I am planning on changing my last name to his, but for entirely selfish reasons. I *hate* my last name, because it is the name of my abusive biological father, and his family which turned their back on us (the kids) when my mother got the good sense to leave him. When my mother remarried, she took my dad's last name (yes, he's my stepdad, but he's the only real father I've ever had), while my brother and I had to keep the old ones. I hated it; I've hated being stuck with it for over 13 years, but apparently changing your last name outside of marriage is a pain in the ass, and expensive. So, I'm taking advantage of this situation, and taking his last name. In the end, it's the name I finally got to *choose*. And I love that. 6 agree Choice is awesome! 3 agree Thank you for this! It's so rare sometimes to see a story about a woman keeping her last name, I got very excited when I saw this headline. I kept mine too – and I could not be more happy that I chose to do so. Also, I think the author made a great point by leaving out "liking" or "not liking" the name. There's so much more too it. 3 agree I have kept my name for now, since I immigrated four days after the wedding. It seems easier to have my legal name on all the paperwork, since I won't be able to go home and change any of my home id's, yet can't get new id's until my paperwork is approved. I like it right now, as I gave up pretty much everything external about my identity to come live with my partner (job, type of town, country I live in, friends, family). It's one part of me that HASN'T changed in the last two months. 1 agrees I have a friend who hates her *first* name (and her middle name), so she's taking advantage of her upcoming marriage to change her name completely. Well, sort of- she's debating whether to hyphenate or have her maiden name replace her current middle name. This is because she does want to take her fiance's name, but she's an only child and her father has no brothers let alone nephews (that and her last name is by far the least "offensive" part of her birth name- still plans to use it professionally either way). As for me, I'll probably do like another friend and not change my name at all but give any kids we have his name. 0 agree After thinking about this issue for several months, I have decided to change my middle name to my current last name and take my fiance's last name. I still feel somewhat anxious about the decision because I really have a strong attachment to my last name and I'm in academia, but it's a decision that I can live with. I despise my middle name and am eager to change it to my super awesome last name. My fiance's last name is short, awesome and much rarer than my current last name. I can still publish under Amanda MyLast and that name will be written on my PhD diploma. 0 agree The only reason I am changing my name is because my last name is awful and his last name is AWESOME. Well, maybe not the only reason. My parents went through a very messy divorce almost seven years ago, the result of which is that I don't speak to my father or any of his family. I really would rather not be associated with their name anymore. 1 agrees This is an issue that I keep bouncing back and forth on… I feel really torn on the issue. There's the romantic part of me that wants to acknowledge that we're officially part of the same family now and would LOVE to take his name, and then there's the part of me that worries it would feel weird to have a new name and wonders about whether it would be a career issue (I'm a writer, and have been published, but not in any major publications and not for anything I feel strongly about yet). I've known multiple women who immediately changed their names on Facebook post-wedding, probably in a fit of romantic joy, only to change them back to their maiden names a few months later when they realized they didn't like the change. So that gives me pause as well. And a coworker/friend of mine TOTALLY gave me shit when I mentioned possibly changing my last name (she's married, and kept her name). She went on and on about how it was so anti-feminist, and how she liked my last name anyway, so she didn't see why I would ever want to change it. So, anyway, I totally see both sides of this. And this decision is going to be a long time coming. 1 agrees I've actually been thinking about this one a great deal. We were going to hyphenate, and honor both our names but the paperwork is terrible for men. Then several family members mentioned to me just taking his name but it isn't MINE. I'm not a T—-. Saying I am is a lie and I'm really touchy about lying, may be my biggest pet peeve. I'm not going to lie for anyone. So I am keeping my name, it is who I am and I have no intention of misleading anyone by suggesting otherwise. But the future, that might be fun. Both of our families have the real potential to really wreck things with us. After a solid row with my father I considered taking the FI's name, and after a fight with his mum he asked if he could take mine. I don't know what role family will play but it will be interesting to see. I've also heard about women(and men) who grow into names. One name becomes less and less how they see themselves and they migrate to another. I can see that happening with us. We want to share a name but there isn't one we could agree on that both of us felt okay with. Maybe in time there will be. 1 agrees Oh the relief when the divorce was final and I could change my name back to my maiden name for free. Back in 1986 in my province it cost $120 to change your name without a finalized divorce and nothing with a divorce certificate, the certificate only cost $10. If I ever got married again I would keep my maiden name. I don't care if people mispronounce it or misspell it as long as the bank cashes the cheques! 2 agree Exaclty this. I try to ignore it when people address us wrongly by mistake. It gets offensive when people do it on purpose. I do have quite a lot of friends that are in the middle; they address us as 'hisfirst & myfirst hislast-mylast'. I try to ignore that too. They do it with good intentions, although they get it wrong (I haven't changed a bit). I'm not willing to go on a crusade for my name. But I do get a little miffed. This part of the post rang especially true for me: My name symbolizes my identity, and it was very important for me to be able to retain my identity when I got married. Of course, you have to fit your life in with another person, but the symbolism of completely becoming part of him, while he wasn't symbolically becoming part of me, was too much to bear. Yes! And I wouldn't have married a guy who wasn't ok with my decisions. We discussed briefly him taking my name, but decided that the reverse was also wrong. We don't have a clue though, what we'll do about kids. 3 agree I was raised with a really strong family identity, based in part on our name. Our name was who we were, and my brother and I wrote songs and poems about it, crafted an identity around it. While you might think this left me with a desire to never change my name, what it actually gave me was a strong need for my adult family (myself, my husband, and our future kids) to all have the same name. I want my kids to have the same sense of identity and belonging that I did. It seems that whenever a woman keeps her name the children take the father's name, so how is that equality? My husband and I took on an entirely new name, and plan to create a new family identity and culture. Of course, that's easier said than done. While in California it's easy to have either partner take on the other's name or some combination, changing to a completely new one involves court dates and lots of paperwork, which we haven't gotten around to. Our first is due in six months, and I hope that we'll have it figured out by then so that everyone can have the same last name on the birth certificate. 2 agree When I was younger I hated my long, cumbersome, double-barrelled name. I had looked forward to the future Mr who would provide some kind of awesome lastname that I could take on. Now he's here, and I'm starting to rethink things. I have my name on my passport, my driving license, my educational certificates, on my employment records. I'm not sure I want to potentially lose my connection to all those things, but – equally – I'd quite like to join names with him and create a family. Still not decided! And then there's whether to be Ms or Mrs. 0 agree I didn't really hate my maiden name, but I didn't like it really either. I like my new last name much better. 0 agree Thank you so much for this statement. It has never been an option for me to change my name. Not for any other reason but that anything else would simply not be me. Why change? We talked about it, I asked my FH if he would consider changing his to mine. He said no and I asked the reason. He said exactly the reason why I can't and I respect him for that. We have a family, a history and an identity of our own that will not change when we tie the knot. Those factors will help us develop the next stage of our family, history and identity together. 2 agree HOORAY! That's all. <3 <3 <3 1 agrees I've read all 120+ comments to this article, and I have to say….I love you ladies! On any other wedding site (*cough The Knot *cough cough*), articles about name changing often have comments from other women who say things like, "I can't imagine not taking his name! It's tradition!" or "Not taking his name shows how disresepctful you are towards your new husband!" or "Your marriage will never last if you keep your maiden name!" Here? I haven't seen a single negative comment directed at anyone else (just at meddling relatives). How awesome is that, that everyone here respects one another's choices, regardless of what it is? This is why I love OBB! 18 agree Their comments are hilarious. My husband's first wife took his name; they divorced a couple of years later. I kept mine and we are going strong after 10 years. I think he "respects" me even though he kept his own name, so why would that be any different for me? The strength of marriage depends on love and commitment, not who's called what. 10 agree As a staunch feminist I always thought, "I will never change my name!" Then when we decided to get married and my husband told me how much it meant to him I changed my mind. Sometimes you make sacrifices for the people you care about. Yes, I've been published under my maiden name. Yes, I am super family oriented and with my brothers hold tight to my maiden name. But in reality, a name is just a name. Changing it meant so much to the person that I love most in this world that it really doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I'm no less of a feminist. Period. 5 agree I changed my last name to his because I didn't identify with my maiden name anymore. I went through so many changes in life in the way of family, beliefs, ideologies, friends, and hobbies that changing my last name seemed like a necessary step in the process of my most recent life change of getting married. The only thing about it is I went from a name no one could spell correctly (very common last name, but one letter difference from the common spelling) to another last name no one can spell correctly, and is often mispronounced (another common last name, and we have the least common spelling; least common in that I've never seen it anywhere else). 0 agree Great post! I had always thought i would immediately change my name – I have one of those impossible to spell, more impossible to pronounce ("Pich-a-what??") names, and fell in love with a wonderful man with a wonderful four-letter, Anglo/Saxon name ("Ohhh"). But during our relationship was when my business actually boomed, and now, my full name ("Karina Pich-a-canyousayitagain?") is on everything, and I can't imagine parting with it. Lucky me, my wonderful boy isn't too traditional, and couldn't care less if I took his name (though my mom will have a heart attack over it). 1 agrees I would prefer if FH and I both changed our names to a new family name, but he doesn't want to go through the hassle of changing his name, so we're both keeping our current names. I tried to combine both our names, but it just doesn't work. He has two sisters and they both kept their names, it doesn't bother him in the least. Both of our last names are short, and our kids will get both names. That's another thing that bugs me, even when women keep their names, it is assumed that the kids will have only their father's name. Methinks not! 3 agree Amen! I also got married in October 2010, AND I also kept my name as is. I contemplated before and after we got married, and I came to the ultimate decision my name is reflective of who I am. And a lot of that could be because I didn't marry until 35, so I've been going by MY name all those years. It felt weird to think of my name as anything else because it wouldn't be me. It doesn't make me any less of Mr. _____'s wife. I respect all decisions on this matter, but women need to know they DO have a choice and not to feel pressured. 2 agree I strongly believe this is a very personal choice, and I've decided to change my name for one important reason: My name will not change my identity. My last name represents my family history which comes from thousands of names. When you do genealogy you very quickly realize ALL branches of your family are important, not just the one branch that carries your name, and changing my name does not erase that history. I'm as much a Broughton as I am a Dowling, Smith, etc And if you're looking for judgement, there's plenty to go around on both sides. I worry about being seen as backwards and not feminist. 3 agree I kept my name. Never considered changing it. I've spent 30 years spelling it for everyone (it's ethnic and unusual) and it sounds like a little poem. His surname doesn't sound right with my first name. There were never any qualms or quibbles about the issue from either of us. Two weeks after our wedding, I saw hubby's aunt who said, "How does it feel to be Mrs. T–?" I said, "Well, I'm actually Ms. P–, but now I'll always be a T–in my heart too." I do find it weird that some people KNOW I've kept my surname and yet still send mail to "Mr. and Mrs. T–"–especially when that mail comes from ladyfriends who had kept their OWN surnames! Weird. I don't get in a tizzy about it–yet, anyway, since we're still newlyweds–and mostly think it's quaint and old-fashioned. Maybe someday it'll annoy me, but for now it's okay. I mostly think it's funny. I love the joke someone else made about teasing hubby regarding his "other wife." Will need to use that sometime! We have, for years now, referred to ourselves as a combination of our last name (a la Brangelina), and many people love it. In fact, we sometimes get mail addressed to Him and Me FAUXSURNAME. His parents even mailed a package to "THE FAUXSURNAMES." I don't know if we'd ever officially change our surnames to the shared one (I've suggested it!), but unofficially it's how we, and many loved ones, refer to us. I love it. Just because it's not recognized by the law, doesn't mean it's not real! 3 agree I choose long ago to ditch my birth name. I changed it in high school to what it actually should be, so I became a bit attached to my slightly expensive and hard-earned surname. Hyphenating isn't an option since five names would be a bit much so the choice became which to drop. I choose to shed my third name since I was the least attached to it. Not taking my FHs name was never even an option. I'm not exactly Captain Feminist and I quite like the idea of being owned by him. I couldn't think of a person I'd rather give my life to than him and that includes myself. 1 agrees Although I praise the direction this post is heading, it's only halfway there. I look forward to the day that women don't *choose* to keep their names after getting married, but rather do so as a matter of course, because a woman taking her spouse's name is not even considered a natural option, just like it's not for 99.9% of men. And a woman changes her name for reasons of pronounceability, bad associations, etc. whenever and however she pleases, without regard to marriage, just like 99.9% of men. THAT is equality. 20 agree I kept my name We're getting weddinged next year, so many friends and family are just assuming that I'm waiting until then. But I'm not. I get so angry when my husband's brother calls me Mrs. Hisname, saying it like I'm accepted into some sort of cult that I only have access to because I'm Mrs. Hisname. And I've corrected him SO many times and he just laughs at me like I'm stupid. -_- 5 agree I don't much like my maiden name so I don't really plan on keeping it if I ever get married. But I can see why others might want to keep theirs, particularly if you're marrying across cultures. 0 agree By the way – another cultural reason – in some cultures, many actually, women never change or add a name. I'm doing both! Professionally, I keep my name – that way, everything I publish, continues to be proudly published under the same name. Privately, I'll add his name, and probably, he will add mine, though he wavers about that. I was married once before and never even considered taking my first husband's name. I'm not exactly sure why I'm willing to add my husband's name this time. I think partly because it's a beautiful name And partly because this relationship is so fabulous that I have no fears that the name changes is representative of a deeper inequality. 0 agree I think if my husband wasn't okay with my keeping my own name, we would have broken up, end of story. When I hear a story about some guy being furious or worked up about the woman wanting to keep her own name, I start frothing at the mouth. If you want to change your name, do it! I don't care what the reason is, as long as you genuinely want to do it. But I would like to slap each and every man who pitches a fit about this (seriously, did you not know she was a feminist/loved her name/etc. during the X amount of time you've known her?). Maybe not the most productive response, but it just drives me up the wall. I got a LOT of "so are you changing your name?" from people, but at least they asked rather than assuming. His mom sent our holiday present to "Mr. and Mrs. Hisname" and I frothed at the mouth a little, but I think it's just the novelty of us being married that made her do that (since she knows better), so I wiped the froth away and forgave her. If I make a wed site for getting weddinged, maybe I'll have an explanation for why I am still Ms. Hername… 9 agree Changing my name was never a question I had to deal with- when my mother married my father, she kept her maiden name, so from a young age I was already aware of all the hassles in doing so- and of the possibility of keeping my own name when I got married someday. I let my fiance know early on that under no circumstances would I be changing my name. Family is important to me, and my father has two sisters and two daughters- so after my sister and I, there is nobody to carry on the family name anymore- not from my grandfather's bloodline anyways. Fiance was fine with my decision to keep my name, less so when I told him that our first-born (or adopted) son would have my last name- it's something that is super important to me and I can't compromise on the issue. Fiance comes from a family of 11 children, with 5 boys, and 1 nephew from one of his brother's already, so that line is pretty safe- my name isn't quite as secure. I won't be offended if I get social calls/letters/etc. addressed to 'Mrs. HisLastName' because I know it's the common thing, and like I said, I grew up with a mom who kept her maiden name and went through all those hassles. No harm, no foul, just learn and do it right the next time is how I feel about it all. So far I haven't had any issues with people asking about why I'm not changing my last name, but then again I haven't really brought it up into conversation much either. I'm not anticipating many issues from my side of the family (after all, they've gone through it with my mom already, and everybody says we're so much alike). His family, however, will be a little trickier. They're a super religious family (half of them, anyways) who are already less than supportive because I'm the first non-Mennonite to marry in, and because him and I have been living together for over a year already (and I'm very anti-organized religion)- so we'll see what their reactions are when our officiant presents 'Mr. HisFullNAme and Mrs. MyFullName'. Honestly, though? I'm not overly concerned with what they think. I'm marrying my fiance, not his family, and we're both grown adults who can be trusted to know what's best for ourselves now. 0 agree Tubsy & I aren't officially engaged yet but we set a date. (I know it is odd.) Since we've been together for 7 years, marriage comes up during his family gatherings. I don't know why they started to call me Mrs. Hisname but they did and it annoyed me. I blurted out that I won't take his last name. His mother cheered thinking it was because I was taking her semi-feminist stance (she kept hers) but I followed up because I don't like their last name. I should've kept my mouth shit because now everyone one is made at me, expect for my Tubsy. I guess I should try to take a more civil or emotional stance that you ladies are putting forth. You struck a cord with me about the publishing and the degrees. I do want to pursue a terminal degree and if I finish, I would be the first in my family to do so. I would love for that degree to have the name of my family, my heritage because it represents the struggle my parents went through to come to America. So maybe I do have more of a reason than I thought to keep my name, but I don't think I would be so opposed to changing it if he had a cool last name. 0 agree My wife just finished up changing her name through the court system in Minnesota. It took months and cost nearly $500 with all the hoops you have to go through if you've lived in other states (finger-printing, background checks for each state). It was worth it though because it's the biggest legal thing we could do to be publicly recognized as a family unit in a state/country that denies us the right to marry. We could have changed our names to the same last name and avoided one of us "losing" our family name but we were both more attached to my family history for various reasons. I am honored that she would take my name and amazed that more men don't show total gratitude that a woman is willing to transform her name for the sake of a family with the same last name. We own a wedding venue and I am surprised by how many couples haven't had a conversation about this before it's time to get the marriage certificate. It's such an identity-altering decision! 6 agree I loved this. my soon to be wife and I had a very important discussion on this subject. I asked her what we was going to do about the last name thing since I have two last names I can choose from (I was adopted by my father). She thought about it and picked my other last name. I was OK with it but the more I thought about it the more I wanted to know if she really wanted to change her name, seeing as she has no brothers and her dad isn't going to have anymore kids. she told me she hated seeing the family name stop with her but it was ok. I looked her in the eyes and told her that I would be more than honored to take her last name. and that's what I'm going to do (no one but me and her know about it so it's going to be a surprise). I mean here are the choices… My lasts names are Joslin or the one I have now which is George… or hers which is Santamaria. Not a hard choice in my mind. 14 agree For anyone who is worried that it is going to be hard when the kid starts school and the parents have different names, let me assure you of this: it's incredibly common for children to have a different last name than one (or even both) parents if you look at it internationally. So basically any school district that has students of international descent (first-, second-, third- generation or whatever) can deal with it. In fact, I work in Seattle, and our student information database has an icon that says "This Is The Mother" (or "This is the Father") next to the name and contact info of said parent. Also, lots of students have two last names with no hypen. Totally, totally not a big deal. 3 agree Comment navigation ← Older Comments Newer Comments → Comments are closed.