I refuse to wear a fake smile on my wedding
Friends & Family Advice
Guestpost by
on January 16, 2012
38
Photo by Whitney Lee.
After a very hard year with lots of family drama I came to the realisation that the definition of family does not limit itself to one's blood line. With my upcoming nuptials many family members have been asking whether I will be including members of the family that they know for a fact have nothing but bad wishes for me. To which I have honestly said "No."
My reasons are simple.
I refuse to wear a false smile at my wedding.
I refuse to have that moment where I really don't want to go over to a particular table to greet them as a newly married woman.
My only fake smile should be directed at the photographer as I pose in every which way in my gorgeous dress. It will not be directed at individuals who would show up out of spite and maliciousness.
I want to feel gorgeous from the inside out, be beaming with love and affection for my new husband and newly adopted family. And while many think I will regret my decision, I truly believe that my wedding day is not a day to fix wrongs — that can be done in therapy.
So! To all those asking if I'm inviting those said individuals: again I say no. I am a woman of my word and I want to begin my life with my husband floating on a cloud of good vibes and best wishes. Save the drama for group therapy.
But what about those of you who didn't invite certain people and yet they RSVP'd anyway? Ariel has some advice for those of you in THAT sticky situation coming up later in the week. -Megan
About LaToya
I'm a great Caribbean woman, happy and proud to be married to a awesome man. Can't wait to contribute on my experience as a Caribbean, better yet, Barbadian Bride!
Leigh said
I applaud you. My fiance and I made the same decision. At the time, it was so brutal and stressful, as many people were forcing down unsolicited opinions. However, the day of our wedding was beautiful and was shared with people who were truly happy for us.
faith said
Congrats on your upcoming day & your confidence in knowing what you need for said day! I did the same thing in Aug. when I re-married, after MUCH family drama the year leading to my wedding….no one on my mother's side attended (mom included) and our wedding day was brilliant! Everything I could have hoped for! Good luck on you future journey!
kim said
OHGODTHANKYOUSOMUCH.
Like, I-want-to-print-this-out-and-put-it-on-my-wall thank you. I am leaving out several family members, passing over close family that I hate for more distant family that is functional and well-wishing, and I get no end of hell for this. So thank you – I may quote you.
Jodi said
I brought up an issue much like this in the tribe forum not too long ago and did not receive this type of support. I'm glad there is someone who could express things more eloquently than me. Everyone just assumed I was being selfish and only cared about me and my day. I'm with you, why should I have to avoid people at my own wedding?
Lynz_Bee said
Thank you for this post, I've gotten a lot of flak from people when I tell them that my mother is the ONLY member of my blood family who is invited to our wedding. frankly the rest of my blood relatives are mean spirited, judgmental and actually pretty awful. My "side of the aisle" won't be empty though, I have plenty of soul family members which I love and who love and support me and my Partner-in-crime.
Blood is overrated, do what makes your day happiest!!
Logan said
This is such a wonderful post. *saves into inspiration folder for future wedding* My husband is transgender MtF and I plan to propose and re-marry her once she is further along in the process. Sadly we have already begun to receive some hate about this from family members. And I'm worried there will be more as she comes out to more people. And if it means telling family and friends "nope, I don't wanna see you on OUR day" then so be it. If you can't support love in any form, then we don't need you. We have enough people who do love and support us and those are the people we want around us.
Katie said
I want to have this mentality so much. So much, although pathetically terrified of it. The flip side is I also cant handle the thought of dealing with crappy people on our wedding day.
There are certain family members who ditched me when I needed them the most, and although we are on semi ok terms now (I avoid any contact and therefore drama but make small talk if i have to) I really get hebejebies thinking of them there on my wedding day – yet everyone expects me to invite them!
Bleh.
I applaud you.
Jamie said
I was asked the same thing about inviting my father.
I've spent years trying to undo the mental damage he inflicted on me growing up, and I definitely didn't want that stuff resurfacing on what should be (and was) one of the happiest days of my life!
People sometimes don't stop to think that the street runs both ways. If my father wanted to be a part of my life (and my big day), he should have been contributed in a positive way. He had 18+ years to do so, but chose not to. I have no regrets about not inviting him and honestly I don't think he was expecting me to.
Just because you forgive blood for their actions doesn't mean you ever completely forget or want to be reminded.
Jennifer said
Good for you! I have this horrible feeling if I don't invite 2 people from my family, then I will hear it from the rest of my family. Luckily I have some time to think it over and if I should invite anyone other than those family members that know they're my favorites and my immediate family. Serious pickle.