My paintball hen's party adventure

July 18 | Guest post by Lozz

I'm by no means a pro paintball player — I just think it's hilarious fun! So for my hen's weekend [Editor's note: aka "bachelorette weekend"], I demanded we go and play paintball for a day. I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate my upcoming wedding than by running around in the mud and shooting my best friends.

I set a rule that everyone had to wear the most hideous bridesmaid dress they could find (or make). My Chief Maid of Awesome ended up finding my dress at her local op shop — it was a never-been-worn vintage creation that was probably someone's dream dress back in the day. She also customized a stack of paintball masks snaffled for free from her local paintball field.

Just so damn pretty.

It was so muddy that day, I was sinking halfway to my knees in some parts of the field. The puffy skirt bit kept getting snagged on trees, so I was leaving a trail of tulle and lace everywhere I went. Not to mention all the fallen branches that managed to get kicked up into the skirt and just stuck there! Luckily The Chief was there to help me get over some obstacles…

The people that ran the place could not stop laughing at us and our silly hijinks, particularly because the boys that were invited to the party really got into the spirit of it with their fishnet stockings, feather boas, and over-dramatic princess posturing.

Yep, those are the dudes in the front.

When we turned up to the fields, I told the owners to treat us like a buck's party [Editor's note: aka "bachelor party"], so we ended up doing all sorts of fun manly games. Including one which was meant to be everyone firing three shots each at the bridal party. What the Maids of Awesome and I didn't know is that the game was actually Unload The Entire Hopper At The Bridal Party… Unless They Scream Stop. We also created our own game which involved me being the only armed person, tossing a fake flower bouquet from one end of the field then firing randomly at people as they wrestled each other for possession, until one person made it back to the safe zone clutching the bouquet.

Pro-tip: if being shot at from the front, DON'T TURN AROUND! Getting shot in the back hurts more. I ended up with twenty-two welts on my body. Surprisingly, despite not wearing chest armor, no-one shot me in the boobs. Win!

So if you're a bit more of an adventurous bride, I would totally recommend paintball as a hen's activity — just do it a couple of weeks out from the wedding so your bruises disappear. I'd share those pics too, but it might put you off the idea. ;)

  1. I LOVE THIS. my love and i are big paintballers and i wanted to incorporate it somehow into our celebration, and this idea is great. I also thought of having a game going on after the ceremony so guests could get a chance to play. rock on…

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    • Oh. Hells. Yes. Post-vow paintball would be so bad ass. DO IT!

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  2. what a hoot! the Darth-Vader-of-brides shot is spectacular. bet you have a very fun wedding!

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    • Thank you! I really hope to inject the same sense of fun into the wedding day – 10 days now, so will update The Tribe soon :)

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    • The Chief is a freaking creative goddess, I'm so lucky to have her!

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  3. I think paintball would be a good idea for an anniversary gift. That way the bride and groom can take out any pent up aggression 1 year down the line.

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    • We're planning a yearly event now so we can revisit the awesome – will pick a new dress-up theme every year.

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  4. Awe. Some. I fall at the feet of such badassery. =)

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  5. Just a heads up – it's not for those who are easily bruised or sensitive to pain. I did paintballing for a hen party activity a couple of years ago and got massive bruises – 15cm/6in across – on my legs. As I bruise easily they took longer than 2 weeks to disappear so unless your wedding party are all made of iron I'd suggest going at least a month before your wedding. I had slight marks on my thighs for about 6 months afterwards too. Nice.

    I'd also recommend finding somewhere that allows you to play on your own. We found that the stag parties and kids didn't follow the basic rules (when you're hit, you're out and have to leave the field of play without shooting). Their actions spoilt our enjoyment and put off many of the first time paintballers like myself.

    I wish we'd gone quasar/laserquest instead. You get the adrenaline without the pain!

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    • Absolutely, the first-timers did freak out, but threw themselves into it. My bruises were skanky for 3 weeks before disappearing, so I would recommend a minimum of 4 weeks to make sure your body doesn't look like a punching bag.

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  6. I really wish I knew how to shoot a paintball gun now!

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    • Point and click ;) you'll pick it up reeeeeal easy!!

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  7. LOVE. IT.

    If I were not a pain-fearing wussypants, I would so do this.

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  8. Me and my boys play paintball all the time. This is such an awesome idea. We play on our own fields, but it would be awesome to do groom vs bride paintball day. Except the boys are in the gowns and the girls are in cheap tuxs!

    As an experienced player, I would recommend you do this at least a month in advanced depending on your party. I don't think paintball hurts at all (most field regulated pressures just sting a little as long as you follow the distance regulations) but I bruise like crazy! And it takes a while to heal up, even though I never felt it in the first place lol

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