The unplugged wedding: couples tell guests to put down their devices
Wedding trends
By
on June 13, 2011
202
Photo by Nora & Troy at Aurora-Photography.com, used by permission
So there you are at the altar, gazing into the eyes of your beloved, saying your vows. You turn to sneak a glance at your wedding guests, all your favorite beloved friends and family… and are greeted by a sea of down-turned faces staring at their LCD screens.
When your photos come back from your wedding photographer, all your guest shots include your favorite people staring at their favorite devices. People are smiling, but they're all staring at little screens.
Welcome to the era of the over-documented wedding, where, even if you've hired someone to take photos, every guest has a camera and an iPhone and is tweeting the whole event. They're there with you, but are they really present?
Be nice, turn off your device
As a web nerd who spends the majority of my life plugged into my laptop and smartphone, even I think it's critical to take a few moments to be truly present. Smell the air, look around, feel the texture of the world around us. A wedding ceremony is exactly the kind of fleeting, important moment when it's especially valuable to really be present, rather than relating to the world through a small LCD screen. When you discourage devices at your wedding, you encourage your guests to look up and drink in the world. Let's call it "in-the-moment matrimony."
As a web nerd who spends the majority of my life plugged in, even I think it's critical to take a few moments to be truly present.
While many churches have no camera policies, I'm hearing more and more from nontraditional secular couples that they're considering an unplugged wedding — at the very least, asking guests to turn off their devices during the ceremony.
Now, let's acknowledge that a fully plugged-in, hyper-documented wedding makes perfect sense for some couples. Micro-budget brides sometimes skip professional photography, opting to rely on guest photographs — so of course guest cameras make perfect sense in that context. If you're a digerati who announced your engagement via Facebook, had an iPad-wielding officiant, read your vows off an iPhone, and live-streamed your ceremony, then there's no reason you should unplug your wedding. I'm certainly not here to dictate that anyone needs to have less tech at their wedding.
If, however, you and your partner are looking for a few less beeps and a bit more face-to-face connection with your guests, an unplugged wedding could be a good fit for you.
Photo courtesy of Jeff Seltzer Photography, used by permission.
Don't experience our wedding through a viewfinder: the bride perspective
Philadelphia resident Kathleen Harbin, 27, is considering going unplugged for her June 2012 wedding in Antalya, Turkey. "My ceremony will be very short (perhaps 15 minutes)… it could fly by while someone tries to figure out whether their memory card is full. How can I connect with my guests when I can't even see them through the cameras they're holding up?"
How can I connect with my guests when I can't even see them through the cameras they're holding up?
Carrie Kilman, a 35-year-old planning her August 2011 wedding in Madison, WI, has personal experience with the distraction factor. "As a photographer myself, I know how the act of being behind the lens can distance me from the energy of the moment — I become an observer and interpreter, and no longer a true participant. We want our guests to experience our ceremony in a way you typically can't do when you're staring through a viewfinder or fiddling with your iPhone."
She goes on, "Philosophically, I don't like the way digital cameras and camera phones have encouraged the sense that we need to 'capture' everything in order for it feel complete. I'd rather people simply watched and clapped and smiled and cried — and really listened and remembered, not from the photos they downloaded onto their computers, but from their own memories."
Photo by Benj Haisch, used with permission
Dealing with Uncle Bob: the wedding professional perspective
Wedding officiants are starting to get more requests for unplugged ceremonies, as well. Celebrant Jessie Blum, of New Jersey's Eclectic Unions
said, "I've had a few couples who have requested that NO photos be taken at the ceremony. Often times, when the request comes from the officiant, guests will take note and respect the couple's wishes. Guests get so bogged down in taking photos sometimes — it's nice to be able to step back, and just enjoy the moment!"
Wedding industry insiders even have a name for the aggressive amateur photographer at weddings: Uncle Bob.
Perhaps the strongest proponents of unplugged weddings are professional wedding photographers, who sometimes experience significant challenges working around guests trying to capture the event for themselves. Seattle wedding photographer Jenny Jimenez observed, "Too many wedding crowd shots these days include distracted people checking cell phones and camera LCDs… especially during the processional and recessional."
Wedding industry insiders even have a name for the aggressive amateur photographer getting in the way at weddings: Uncle Bob. You don't have to look very hard to find a million rants about how Uncle Bob has ruined professional wedding photos with the flash from his camera, photobombing gorgeous poses, kneeling in the aisle blocking the view of the vows, and even standing on pews.
Some wedding photographers will even show their couples photos of an Uncle Bob ruining a wedding photo, as a way to encourage their clients to ask guests to put down their cameras.
Apparently, shortly after this photo was taken, the officiant turned around and firmly told this guest to go sit down. Photo by Joe Sanfilippo Photography, used with permission.
Is unplugging right for your wedding?
I want to clarify again: I'm certainly not saying that all weddings should be unplugged, or that guests are doing anything wrong when they have their cameras and phones out. If it doesn't bother the couple, then it's not a problem. As with all things Offbeat Bride, ultimately this wedding decision comes down to what feels right to each couple.
That said, I do think that in this era of 24-hour connectivity, where there's an iPhone in every pocket, a Facebook status update in every encounter, and a digital hobbyist photographer in every family, it's important to carefully consider the issue. Digital devices are ever-present in our daily lives; what role do you want these devices to play at your wedding?
If you're considering an unplugged wedding, we've got copy 'n' paste wording ideas and printable signs you can post at your venue.
About Ariel Meadow Stallings
Author of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides, Ariel acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives, loves, and dorks out hard in Seattle, WA.
Sara Byrne said
I'm going to start requesting this at all weddings I shoot
great post.
Terence said
we hire only 1 photographer for our wedding and picture came out good. but missing a lot great moment. I do work for part time wedding photographer. I do know what is good and bad.
Never trust photographer, even 2 at the same company. The company may shoot 1000+ pictures for the day, but they may only give you 50 or only the one they think is good back to you.they want to protect their company's image.
Some photographer even put on contract that the client can't post their pictures on internet. WTF??
Some of the photographer just worry and jealous, their picture came out worse than the guest.
My advice is. if you have only 1 photographer, better ask 1 family or friend take some snapshot picture during the ceremony too.
Sarah said
I don't know if you had anything in writing but hiring a photographer for a wedding is definitely a situation where you need everything written out. I don't think it's fair at all to say "never trust a photographer" based off of one experience.
As a photographer, I'm not jealous of guests, nor do I have a problem with guests snapping photos for themselves, all I "worry" about is making sure the people who hired me get their money's worth. If that means shooing away an Uncle Bob, so be it.
Tatjanna said
I'm with Sarah here, if you've worked in wedding photography you should have known to only hire if there is a contract.. These contracts protect both photographer and clients and I think it's safe to say your photog was not a pro if they didn't use one. If you had a contract then you are well within your rights to ask for what you paid for or if denied any help settling go to court. Your contract should list everything you paid for. But remember you get what you pay for.
Phillippa said
Great post. I'd love to link to this on my blog.
Wil Reiner said
Great article, I've always been trying to find the right words to tell people about the whole Uncle Bob photographer scenario. It's sometimes difficult to approach this subject without coming off like a snob! I'm so glad you put this together, I'll be forwarding this to everyone I know who is planning a wedding.
Alexander Wilson said
Great article! 'Uncle Bob' can get very frustrating at times, especially when posed guests don't know where to look.
Thanks for this!
(How's this for the paparazzi: http://l.zndr.co.uk/p8fxWG)
Sarah said
This is SUCH a well written article and it brings up so many good points. I appreciate how you're not full square against people taking photos at weddings but as someone who's photographed weddings, it is so true that part of the battle is getting around all the family and friends who have their point and shoots out flashing pictures.
It's definitely tough to balance not being rude to wedding guests and making sure you get the shots your clients are paying you to get! More guests just need to be aware of what is appropriate and what is going on around them.
April said
I've been on both sides of the fence when it comes to this situation. I got married five years ago, so photography wasn't even remotely like it is today. My "wedding photographer" was a family friend who spent more time drinking mimosas then he did photographing us. A close friend took shots at our ceremony (and thankfully, our reception as well because our actual photographer had thrown-in the towel by then), and those are the only decent shots we have from the whole day. If she hadn't been there, getting in "the photographer's" way, we'd have nothing.
That being said though, I'll definitely be discussing with the bride and groom before my next wedding shoot.
On the other hand, I've shot a couple of weddings now and my first was a disaster, filled with Uncle Bobs, Aunt Marges and Cousin Freds. I assume it could have been because so much of the family lived a significant distance away and rarely got to see the couple, but I don't think it should make a difference. It took forever to do the family shots because of the bridal party's wandering eyes an heads, but I muddled through. A comment earlier about being a professional stands true-it's our jobs to make the best of the situation no matter what. The couple is paying us to capture what made their day special-not complain about their annoying family!
Danikat said
Having gotten our pro and non-pro photos back from the wedding I have to say I'm so glad we didn't do this.
Our photographer was an amazing photo-journalist and he got a lot of fantastic shots but he couldn't be everywhere at once. He caught the group of guys twisting to Chuck Berry's You Never Can Tell (aka the song from Pulp Fiction) but missed the bubble war going on at the same time on the far side of the room.
He also couldn't have the same perspective on which were the really important shots. He got some great photos of my husband's cousin's new boyfriend doing poi but didn't take any of my best friend of 15 years attempting to remember the routine we'd put together on holiday years before. This is in no way a critisism of him, there is no way he could or should have known but without that background he couldn't know that one shot of someone doing poi would mean more to us than another.
Without guests cameras we would have missed a lot of special moments and the minor irritation of seeing the cameras was well worth it.
Of course not everyone will feel the same, and if you want an unplugged wedding them go for it, but I wanted to offer an alternative perspective on the end result.
Heather said
"Today I finally overcame trying to fit the world inside a picture frame… Didn't have a camera by my side this time. Hoping I would see the world through both my eyes." — John Mayer
I think that quote is going in our invitations, followed by something along the lines of "So all our guests can be 'in the moment' with us, please, no photos during the ceremony."
Jeff said
Great article – but in my experience I think guests with digital cameras and phones are hear to stay. It's up to the wedding photographer to prove their worth. I always look at my photos and ask myself whether a guest could have taken them… For me that is the real measure of good wedding photography.
Dave said
We live in a culture that is obsessed with the photo. Capturing the moment forever. We as photographers are partly to blame for it! Without such demand our industry would be drastically different. Would you be able to charge the same amount if people put little value in creating and capturing something that lasted forever? Living in the moment is a good thing but you can hardly blame people for wanting to create something that will live on.
Lena said
I am a professional photographer who just, in the past couple years, made the big leap from managing corporate studios to launching a business of my own.
At a wedding I photographed in June, I couldn't help but notice that a well-dressed guest had a much more expensive camera than my own. Mine is a great one, but she had the one I drool over and am saving up to purchase one day. Throughout the ceremony, she was constantly in my way. When it came time to do the group pictures, it got to the point that I had a hard time getting all the subjects to look straight ahead at my camera, when she was 20 ft to my right, taking pictures of my groups as well. I was so frustrated by the time the day was over, but kept my cool nonetheless.
The very next day, she posted an album on facebook of a couple hundred photos from that day, and immediately I was afraid that she was going to undermine my work (ie: make the bride wonder why did she just pay me all that $ for photography that was going to take a couple weeks, when her family member was able to do it much faster and with better quality).
Then I looked through the pictures and was reminded that the camera does NOT make the photographer. They were TERRIBLE. I was no longer worried about that. The worst that came out of it was the fact that I had to do a LOT of extra work in photoshop because I didn't have many where everyone was looking at me. I had to do quite a bit of head-swapping.
I wish people would realize that when there is a paid professional there to do the job, they shouldn't feel compelled to help out. At the very least, if you do feel compelled to help out, have the decency to stay out of the way of the real professional. Maybe she thought she was going to save them some $ on ordering prints???
rhonda said
having just shot a couple weddings – by the time I cropped out arms with dangling cellphones and point and shoots – all that was left was part of the bride and her dad walking down the isle. I also had photos that where sheer white from other people blowing the flash during my posed pictures!!! UGH
Carolyn Scott said
As a professional wedding photographer, I agree with an unplugged wedding. As a former bride last year, I disagree, but only because our photographer did a horrible job of actually capturing the mood, the space, and the details. He did a good job with most, but we had to ask several of our wedding guests for pictures in order to find a picture of the entire ceremony (not one super zoomed in on us) and of the entire wedding reception (not one super zoomed in on us). With a good photographer, they'll record everything, but ours was supposed to be a damn good photographer.
So, while I agree that Uncle Bobs can get super annoying, a few of our wedding guests saved us precious memories that our photographer did not capture.
LRH said
I am a hobbyist photographer, NOT a professional & I acknowledge that. Still I LIVE to photograph things & would not appreciate someone telling me I wasn't welcome to take at least SOME photos at their wedding ESPECIALLY if it was about "I want the guests to pay their attention to ME" vs concerns about interference of the hired professional. When I have taken photos at weddings I've always struck a rapport with the professional & let them know that they are "it" & I will not seek to interfere–and if by chance I do, please let me know & I will do whatever, no objections. It's worked fine.
Believe me I realize the bride & groom have every right to demand "unplugged," heck they can demand guests wear purple polka-dot hats if they want, it's THEIR wedding. But I would not feel welcome at an event where people act like me using a camera is akin to showing up dressed like Bozo the Clown or belching outloud during the ceremony, especially if I am in fact respectful of the pro & am out of the way. What business is it if anyone that I don't "absorb the experience?" If I'm not disturbing the peace or being a disruption, don't make a big deal out of nothing. I respect it is the couple's choice how they do it, but I still say just leave well enough alone if the guests aren't being a disruption or being loud/unruly etc.
Emma said
Well, if you're one who stays out of the way you're very much in the minority, I think. Most amateurs are intrusive whether they mean to be or not, particularly with flashes and stuff, and the photos from the post above demonstrate that rather well.
Also I don't think it's unreasonable to expect guests to pay attention during a wedding ceremony. The point of being at a wedding is to absorb the experience, as you put it, and if you don't want to do that, I don't understand why you're there at all.
PinkieCrumble said
That's all very well, but religious ceremonies (for example) are still an act of worship and some religious leaders ask for no photography out of respect of that. My ceremony will be religious and I don't want people interrupting quiet, intimate moments with flashes of the camera and the obnoxious 'clicking' noise.
Receptions are different, anc I'd be perfectly happy for other guests to be snapping away, especially as I wouldn't be doing any myself.
Jessica Miller said
I had my guests unplug for my may wedding during the ceremony- it was a truly magical experience. EVERYONE was in the moment with us- when we were announced as husband and wife, instead of the loud invasive clapping, everyone was right there with us- quiet, smiling, the room was filled with love- and there was a deep spiritual connection made between everyone in the room. It was electric and just fantastic- i can't recommend it enough!
sophie said
Love this article!
At the last wedding I attended I was so frustrated and distracted by the photographic under takings of my friend sitting near me. Not only was she documenting every bit of it, but with a TABLET, no less. Many other guests were ungrossed in their photos, and I honestly don't recall much of the ceremony at all. >:/
Initially, I thought that I'd be glad many guests will do the same at my wedding; since it means more photos, but that's why I'm shelling out for a photographer! In the end, I really don't want to look at the guest and see a sea of faces, behind lens and screens.
Matt said
Great article – I'm sharing it with my clients!
Samantha said
We will be asking for absolutely no photography by guests during the ceremony. I am paying $3,500+ for our photographer, and I want to make absolutely sure I don't see any photos of point-and-shoots or cell phones in his beautiful professional photos. I am an amateur photographer and a bit of a photography snob. I recently perused through the portfolio of our photographer, and in one particular wedding, the ceremony was SO well-documented; he got every shot imaginable. And, in EVERY SINGLE photo, there was one guest in the third row or so on the aisle who stared at her phone the entire time; I don't know if she was taking photos or videoing, but never once did she look up at the couple. It drove me crazy. For people who are okay with that or who like that in their photos, all the more power to you, but it's just not for me.
The reception, however, is fair game for all – from the DSLR users who don't know what ISO and shutter speed are to the iPhone people who apply every special effect imaginable. I'll be excited to see everyone's angle on the reception.
Neil Speers said
I've shared this article many times now – great advice. I once turned down shooting a friends wedding because I wanted to actually 'be there' that day not just hidden behind a camera and mentally removed from the activities. I love doing photography but sometimes its just better to experience the event, not just document it.
sara roeder said
well said! Thank you for giving brides and grooms a voice to set limits for their day.
Matt Dillon said
"The bride and groom have requested that all guests remain seated, do not stand in the aisles taking photos and enjoy the ceremony". Thank you, the minister.
Denise said
With our wedding invites we sent out cards saying no cameras or phones allowed at our wedding and it really worked. Use the vistaprint free business cards!!!
Kerrmit said
not hating here, but it is extremely difficult for me to understand how someone would want this. Firstly, all photogs will want you to do this so they make more money, and secondly, yes your photog will take amazing pictures (but for me personally), having those candid shots, and different angles just gives you extra pictures to enjoy, and maybe your favorite picture is of "uncle bob" break dancing, and your photog didnt get it because they were doing a close up of a napkin with your name on it?
Heather said
If uncle bob is break dancing during my vows, not only do I not want a picture of it, I have assigned specific people to be armed with sharp objects for removing anyone who tries to interrupt the ceremony.
Chicago1954 said
It is amazing how different people can be. My son is handing out cameras at his wedding and asking people to shoot away and pass them around. He is the artsy type, so this might not work for everyone.