The unplugged wedding: couples tell guests to put down their devices
Wedding trends
By
on June 13, 2011
193
Photo by Nora & Troy at Aurora-Photography.com, used by permission
So there you are at the altar, gazing into the eyes of your beloved, saying your vows. You turn to sneak a glance at your wedding guests, all your favorite beloved friends and family… and are greeted by a sea of down-turned faces staring at their LCD screens.
When your photos come back from your wedding photographer, all your guest shots include your favorite people staring at their favorite devices. People are smiling, but they're all staring at little screens.
Welcome to the era of the over-documented wedding, where, even if you've hired someone to take photos, every guest has a camera and an iPhone and is tweeting the whole event. They're there with you, but are they really present?
Be nice, turn off your device
As a web nerd who spends the majority of my life plugged into my laptop and smartphone, even I think it's critical to take a few moments to be truly present. Smell the air, look around, feel the texture of the world around us. A wedding ceremony is exactly the kind of fleeting, important moment when it's especially valuable to really be present, rather than relating to the world through a small LCD screen. When you discourage devices at your wedding, you encourage your guests to look up and drink in the world. Let's call it "in-the-moment matrimony."
As a web nerd who spends the majority of my life plugged in, even I think it's critical to take a few moments to be truly present.
While many churches have no camera policies, I'm hearing more and more from nontraditional secular couples that they're considering an unplugged wedding — at the very least, asking guests to turn off their devices during the ceremony.
Now, let's acknowledge that a fully plugged-in, hyper-documented wedding makes perfect sense for some couples. Micro-budget brides sometimes skip professional photography, opting to rely on guest photographs — so of course guest cameras make perfect sense in that context. If you're a digerati who announced your engagement via Facebook, had an iPad-wielding officiant, read your vows off an iPhone, and live-streamed your ceremony, then there's no reason you should unplug your wedding. I'm certainly not here to dictate that anyone needs to have less tech at their wedding.
If, however, you and your partner are looking for a few less beeps and a bit more face-to-face connection with your guests, an unplugged wedding could be a good fit for you.
Photo courtesy of Jeff Seltzer Photography, used by permission.
Don't experience our wedding through a viewfinder: the bride perspective
Philadelphia resident Kathleen Harbin, 27, is considering going unplugged for her June 2012 wedding in Antalya, Turkey. "My ceremony will be very short (perhaps 15 minutes)… it could fly by while someone tries to figure out whether their memory card is full. How can I connect with my guests when I can't even see them through the cameras they're holding up?"
How can I connect with my guests when I can't even see them through the cameras they're holding up?
Carrie Kilman, a 35-year-old planning her August 2011 wedding in Madison, WI, has personal experience with the distraction factor. "As a photographer myself, I know how the act of being behind the lens can distance me from the energy of the moment — I become an observer and interpreter, and no longer a true participant. We want our guests to experience our ceremony in a way you typically can't do when you're staring through a viewfinder or fiddling with your iPhone."
She goes on, "Philosophically, I don't like the way digital cameras and camera phones have encouraged the sense that we need to 'capture' everything in order for it feel complete. I'd rather people simply watched and clapped and smiled and cried — and really listened and remembered, not from the photos they downloaded onto their computers, but from their own memories."
Photo by Benj Haisch, used with permission
Dealing with Uncle Bob: the wedding professional perspective
Wedding officiants are starting to get more requests for unplugged ceremonies, as well. Celebrant Jessie Blum, of New Jersey's Eclectic Unions
said, "I've had a few couples who have requested that NO photos be taken at the ceremony. Often times, when the request comes from the officiant, guests will take note and respect the couple's wishes. Guests get so bogged down in taking photos sometimes — it's nice to be able to step back, and just enjoy the moment!"
Wedding industry insiders even have a name for the aggressive amateur photographer at weddings: Uncle Bob.
Perhaps the strongest proponents of unplugged weddings are professional wedding photographers, who sometimes experience significant challenges working around guests trying to capture the event for themselves. Seattle wedding photographer Jenny Jimenez observed, "Too many wedding crowd shots these days include distracted people checking cell phones and camera LCDs… especially during the processional and recessional."
Wedding industry insiders even have a name for the aggressive amateur photographer getting in the way at weddings: Uncle Bob. You don't have to look very hard to find a million rants about how Uncle Bob has ruined professional wedding photos with the flash from his camera, photobombing gorgeous poses, kneeling in the aisle blocking the view of the vows, and even standing on pews.
Some wedding photographers will even show their couples photos of an Uncle Bob ruining a wedding photo, as a way to encourage their clients to ask guests to put down their cameras.
Apparently, shortly after this photo was taken, the officiant turned around and firmly told this guest to go sit down. Photo by Joe Sanfilippo Photography, used with permission.
Is unplugging right for your wedding?
I want to clarify again: I'm certainly not saying that all weddings should be unplugged, or that guests are doing anything wrong when they have their cameras and phones out. If it doesn't bother the couple, then it's not a problem. As with all things Offbeat Bride, ultimately this wedding decision comes down to what feels right to each couple.
That said, I do think that in this era of 24-hour connectivity, where there's an iPhone in every pocket, a Facebook status update in every encounter, and a digital hobbyist photographer in every family, it's important to carefully consider the issue. Digital devices are ever-present in our daily lives; what role do you want these devices to play at your wedding?
If you're considering an unplugged wedding, we've got copy 'n' paste wording ideas and printable signs you can post at your venue.
About Ariel Meadow Stallings
Author of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides, Ariel acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives, loves, and dorks out hard in Seattle, WA.
Brandi Thompson said
YES YES YES! When I have the couple who elects to do this.. I am SO HAPPY. I don't understand how someone can even enjoy the event with a camera glued to their face. It's really out of control with today's wedding guests. That is why there is a professional photographer.. So you can capture the day. I am not against bringing your camera to get fun shots of you with your friends but geez, don't keep it up the whole day.
Jennifer Hopson said
AMEN! I've been concerned about this very issue for our upcoming wedding, and the info here is just the inspiration I needed to be firm with the guests on this issue. TOO MANY photos now show the majority of folks making double-chins staring intently at their device missing everything, and essentially techno-photo-bombing the shots.
Thank you!!!
Mandy said
Yes, I absolutely agree! Thank you for pointing this out. I had the same experience at our Stag & Doe on the weekend and as much as I would appreciate some photos and videos of the event, I don't need 80 people doing it! I really wanted to party it up with my friends and have fun but they all had their cameras out getting in the way! I'm definitely considering an unplugged wedding and will suggest this to my guests. I want them to experience it first hand, not through their viewfinders!
Chris said
I AM SO DOING THIS. Am completely going to steal the "official wording" as soon as you post it. Photos during reception, yes preeez, but doing the ceremony por favor no
Zan said
Yeah I am eagerly awaiting a look at the wording tomorrow. I am actually putting off printing our programs for one more day so I can steal this idea.
Terry said
I'm thinking of a hybrid idea. I probably won't be able to provide a professional photographer, and will probably have a number of broke friends who take decent pictures (much like myself). So I'm thinking of letting a few people take pictures as a gift to us, and telling everyone else to turn everything off.
rodrigues said
I wanted to put a line in our programs requesting guests keep their cameras, phones and camcorders off during the ceremony. My husband thought this was bossy and uncalled for… but I had been to so many weddings where everyone was experiencing the wedding via their screens and viewfinders. Ultimately we didn't put the note in our programs and I felt a little bugged when I walked into the wedding to find a bunch of lenses pointed at me. But the nice thing about our looooong Catholic wedding was that by the time we got to the important parts, people had clicked away to their heart's content and were more or less paying real-life attention.
Ariel Meadow Stallings said
Yeah, my hope is that with the wording offered tomorrow, we can find a way to make the request without coming off as TOO bossy.
SamB - OBT Getting Weddinged Group Mod said
I am a big fan of: "I want the only stars I see to be caused by the sight of my beloved. Please don't bring your cameras, cell phones, or boxing gloves to the ceremony… Or at least leave them off until we're done"
Emma said
That's really cute! I like that.
K said
This is something I wouldn't have considered, until a wedding I recently photographed. Now, I'm not a professional photographer, so I haven't experienced a ton of weddings… but I've been to quite a few. At this wedding that I was the photographer of, it was a complete nightmare for me… and I blame the guests, a dozen Uncle Bobs.
I was tripping over people standing in the aisle to get good photos of the wedding party and the bride walking down. A woman rudely asked me to move out of her way.
During the ceremony, people were leaving their seats and surrounding the couple as they said their vows, just to take pictures. I had NEVER seen this before at a wedding, in my life. This seems so incredibly rude to me… not only that, it was distracting for the couple and the officiant. And of course, they got in the way of many photo opportunities. Groomsmen were taking pictures with their phones, wtf!?
After that, the formal shots. Once again I was asked to please get out of the way, without a ceremony happening I was finally able to explain (okay, and I probably got pretty snippy) that I was the photographer. Still, people were like, "Okay then, we'll let you take the pictures… after we take just a few more." The groom had to keep telling the groomsmen to LOOK AT ME instead of the million other people taking pictures.
I managed to get some beautiful photos, but I think I could have done 10 times better if the other guests would have just put their cameras away for a bit and enjoyed the ceremony and the party.
Gina said
I had the same experience at a wedding I photographed in the fall! There are always those people at weddings who own a fancy dslr, but have no idea how to use it. I actually had a guest of that wedding come up to me and start asking me a million and ten questions about giving him tips and how to use certain settings on his camera. And this was while I was trying to pose the bride, groom, and about 20 of their family members!
Andrew Davis said
This is why I like weddings with two locations and a cocktail hour-I do the formals at the ceremony location while all the guests get out of the way and enjoy the cocktail hour at the reception site. If that isn't possible, I usually have my assistant shuffle people away during the formal photos. I will quite literally tell the wedding party to look at me and ignore everyone else, but in a joking tone of voice so I don't come across as a jerk.
Cortney said
I saw this thread on Brides today and realized that this actually DOES happen quite often at weddings! This guest stood with a camcorder right behind the couple saying their vows, and ruined almost every wedding pic. It is going to cost almost 10 grand if they want to photoshop him out of all of them…
http://www.brides.com/forums/t…p;tstart=0
Marney said
Man, it's amazing the chutpah and total self-absorption of some people. They have absolutely no clue. Leave the official documentation to the pros! I would imagine this couple is fuming over having their wedding photos ruined like this. I know I would be!
Tammy S said
I took the pics for a family member..I'm not a professional either and had several uncle bobs that were there. Very similar to this story. I had pics messed up due to flashes, ppl in the way, etc. I can see both sides of the fence. Its up to the bride and groom to let ppl know what they want…and its up to the guest to respect those wishes.
Belinda said
I think i will consider this on my wedding day. Trust me i looove to take pictures, but you have to know when is it appropriate to do it and when not… at least for the ceremony.. and our photographer will give us all the photos they take anyways…
Sarah said
Amen! I'm so glad you are putting up copy paste stuff tomorrow coz this is exactly what I need! I don't want to hear 40 photo clicks a second during the ceremony, put them away! Everyone will have access to the pro photos, why do you need your own one from a bad angle?!
Adriana M said
Exactly! My photographer will have an online viewing album about a week after so no need for bad pictures. If its not included in the copy/paste I may add this fact so people aren't "worried" they will miss something LOL
MLE said
While it made for some interesting logistical issues, I was super glad that our wedding ceremony and reception were in a dead zone for cell phone service because I didn't have to worry about people's phones ringing during the ceremony. Of course, this was in 2008 so before many people had smartphones. Remote locations FTW!
Khürt L Williams said
Unless there was an emergency and then someone needed someone to use the cell phone to make a call.
Danikat said
Well presumably there was a landline avaliable, unless it was a REALLY remote location.
Marney said
Then you step out of the room quietly if you have an emergency. You don't stay and make it there.
Donnica said
We have even started a photo wesbite for all of our guest to upload their pics! We definitely want to see their pics! LOL!!
Andrew Davis said
Great article! I am considering sharing this with my clients. As someone who experiences a good deal of his life through the lens of a camera, it is very refreshing to put down the camera and just observe what is going on. Unfortunately, there seems to be some sort of psychological need for people to document every event they go to.
Adding insult to injury, the majority of the guest photos will range in quality from poor to awful, especially during the ceremony. And these mediocre photographs are then usually dumped on to Facebook, leaving the poor bride and groom tagged in 40 different albums with 300 blurry, unflattering photos each.
Just so I don't sound like a bitter wedding photographer, I think that it's great if guests take their cameras out during the reception-there are usually lots of great things going on, and I can't be everywhere at once. But leave them alone during the ceremony, the pro has that part under control.
Heather said
My hunny and I have talked about this, too. I am a photographer of sorts (serious amateur), but I really hate looking at professional pictures and seeing a sea of screens. The only wedding I was asked to photograph, I was also the matron of honor, so the family didn't take my role as camera-wielder seriously. I eventually gave up, and let them have their Uncle Bob way. Maybe I will have my officiant tell the crowd that they have 30 seconds to take their pictures, then put the cameras away.
RC said
I like the idea of having a specific time for an "everybody photos" free for all. It seems like a nice compromise – sort of the "please hold your questions till the end of the lecture" statement. Some sort of statement like: "Please let the professional photographer be the only photographer during the ceremony. We'll have a few minutes at the end of the ceremony for everyone else to take photos with their own cameras or phones."
Ariel Meadow Stallings said
Yep, one of the officiant wording suggestions tomorrow basically says "Take your pictures now, and then please put your cameras away."
laura said
I had a no-camera ceremony and I can totally get a photographer wanting no uncle bobs in the way. however when it came to my formal shots, i didn't have an uncle bob and my incompetent photographer didn't transfer the pictures correctly and no i don't have a shot of me and my parents at my wedding. i wouldn't wish this on a soul of course. to ease the bride/grooms anxiety to get some pics, i would want an uncle bob to take SOME shots during an allotted time but then make damn sure your photographer knows what he/she/they're doing
Ariel Meadow Stallings said
There are always going to be nightmare stories of the wedding photographer who missed a shot — I'm just not sure having 50 guests with point-and-shoot cameras is the best way to compensate for a potential photographer fail.
laura said
oh of course. unfortunately i took the no camera thing a little too literally and put too much faith in one person. so the goal is a happy medium
NJ said
I use a snapshooter and can see them also capturing alongside me for the formals in the event something technical should happen. I am a photographer and also don't think it's wise to have just one capturing but I also wouldn't want 50 capturing.
Brandi Thompson said
I definitely would make sure you get a photographer you're comfortable with but I really feel that having an 'uncle bob' take photos during formals is the absolute worst time. When other people are firing off shots during formals, it makes it that much harder for your professional photographer to get their shots, because everybody else is looking at the family members and NOT the photographer. It makes the formals last longer too and everybody hates that. Just get a great pro and then don't worry about it!
Bob said
This is a perfect example of hiring a professional, not someone from Craigs list or someone who always wanted to "Try it". I can't tell you the number of times I've been called to see if I could "Fix" the photos their friends had taken.
Nicole said
All professional photographers have a second shooter. A second Photographer who also photographs the wedding. This is for two reasons, one to get the shots the main photographer can't get (due to not being able to be in two places at once. And two, to make sure that, even if there is a technical problem, the married couple still gets a nice variety of photos From their big day. If you are thinking of hiring a "professional" photographer, make sure to hire one who works with a second shooter!
Kurt Vinion said
This is rubbish!
Not all professional photographers need a second shooter. Most of us are trained well enough and competent enough to know how to capture a wedding well enough without resorting to a second shooter.
There are exceptions of course; if i am having a 250 plus people wedding (like in Ireland or in Italy) then yes, I will bring a second shooter as I want as many moments captured as possible and as the professional that is my call as I ultimately will answer to the brides. But it is disingenious to suggest that 'If you are thinking of hiring a "professional" photographer, make sure to hire one who works with a second shooter!'
Education goes a long way with brides and having a discussion on this issue is truly wonderful, but to slam professionals who do not work with a second shooter is simply rubbish and you should not be making such foolish statements… It's not about the quantity – it is about the quality!
Lucy said
I think if people want this at their wedding, they need to turn around and offer some generosity in return: Make sure their photographers and catching all of the guests at the wedding and reception, and then make photos available to the guests. People take pictures because they want memories. And most couples are pretty stingy with their photos, even when they are getting the rights to print them as they will.
Ariel Meadow Stallings said
Yep, all the copy 'n' paste wording that I'm offering tomorrow includes mentions that the couple will share photos with guests after the wedding. I think most couples WANT to share their photos with guests — the issue is more often just the delay in getting the photos back from photographers.
maria said
I'd be careful stating this. Most photographers don't allow their clients to "share" the files. That is considered copying. Just sayin.
Emma said
I think this is becoming less and less true, to be honest. Photographers now are very aware that people want to share photos online and so on, and are finding ways to do it. For example, many photogs have a blog where they post a small gallery of photos for everyone to access, or have an arrangement like my cousin's where she paid a little extra to have low-res, watermarked copies of all the images to put up on facebook.
Rebekah said
Most professional photographers post all the wedding images in an online gallery. You are then welcome to see them all, and even purchase files or prints. If the couple has purchased the high res files, you could track her down for any particular images you would like… tho it may be easier and quicker to buy the prints on line from the photographer.
Amabel said
Hi. I am dying to know what the official word is on sharing with guests the unplugged preference. I'm getting married in 2 weeks on Manuel Antonio Beach, Costa Rica. Need to be prepared for the big event.
Love your site!
Danikat said
Agreed.
The problem with no guest photos for me is that as a wedding guest I have never been offered a copy, digital or otherwise, of the professional photos and the best I've gotten by asking for them was a suprised, slightly confused reply and 3 tiny pictures of the bride via email.
So my experience is that if I want pictures of a friend or family members wedding I have to take them myself or go without. I don't really enjoy taking photos so I don't go over-board but if that's my options I'm going to take photos.
Emma said
I agree, my cousin had all hers up on Facebook eventually, which was lovely.
Khürt L Williams said
Bingo! You get it. Off all the comments on here, this is the only one that get's to heart of the matter. All those guests with their point-n-shoot and the Uncle Bob's are just trying to make sure THEY get a photo of the wedding. They mean no real harm. One of the most brilliant things my sister-in-law did for her wedding we providing sitting time for close family and friends with the photographer. A few months after the wedding we each received a CD containing shots from both the wedding and the reception. He even provided a framed print for close family. No one interfered with his wedding photographer.
K said
Wow, I had no idea people found guest photography to be so offensive. Makes me wonder how many people i have inadvertetly upset without even knowing it. I can definitely see couples asking that their guests turn off or silence their cell phones during the ceremony, but I always like seeing other people's views of the wedding. This is especially true when the couple are friends who couldn't afford to invite everyone they know to the wedding and aren't going to publish their professional online gallery to the masses. Also, those Facebook photos are great to relive the event and see other perspectives right away, as opposed to months later when the professional pics are complete and the couple chooses to share three of them with their friends.
I of course understand "Uncle Bob" and how inappropriate these people can be, but isn't a professional supposed to be able to deal with these people? There is no shortage of cameras at Fashion Week and those pros still manage to get great shots. Getting in the way of the camera is unacceptable but just taking pictures? These people are your guests and asking for no photos, especially if you don't make a gallery readily available to them, seems a little selfish.
I look forward to seeing both the pros and my friends' photos of our wedding. The pros are the ones I will save forever – the non-pros are the ones I will giggle or groan at because they were taken through the eyes of people who care about us.
Brandi Thompson said
I don't think there is a problem if you take SOME photos at a wedding but I have seen so many people who are getting in the way of the professional in their eagerness to take a photo. I have almost tripped over people who are hanging over my back trying to get the same shot I am getting. Yes, every professional does their best to deal with obnoxious guests, but why would someone want it to be okay for their guests to possibly ruin a shot from the person they paid good money to capture their wedding. I am really not against all cameras, but it's just the obsessive nature people tend to have nowadays that's the problem. I think it's easier to say 'no cameras at all' versus saying.. no cameras for specific people!
Ariel Meadow Stallings said
K, as I said in my post, I'm NOT asserting that every wedding should be unplugged or that there's anything inherently wrong with guest documentation. If the couple getting married isn't bothered, then it's not a problem. I'm not accusing an etiquette breach or bad manners — it's just an issue of personal taste.
Mink said
We had a good mix – no one got in the way of our one pro photographer, and we got great pictures. We also had three guests who took their own pictures, but not during formal shots (which we staged in a room where people couldn't find us!), and not very many during the ceremony. The benefit to allowing that was that my parents' oldest friend developed the photos overnight, and left them a photo album of the entire wedding on their doorstep at 8am the next day, in time to bring it to the post-wedding brunch. It was an incredibly thoughtful gesture, since we didn't get professional photos for another month. We really enjoyed those photos! And she was able to accomplish it WITHOUT getting in anyone's way.
So, it's possible to get photos from friends without having it be a disaster. It's hard to communicate that succinctly, however, and we got lucky because we didn't instruct anyone.
joanie said
As a professional wedding photographer I do my best to work around guests and Uncle Bobs but sometimes it is impossible. Some of these people come to the wedding with the mindset that they can do a better job than me and wish to prove it. I had one man actually shove me out of the aisle at a wedding.I had to put a clause in my contract regarding aggressive guest interference! It can get bad!
Nora said
As wedding professionals, we definitely have experience and know (hopefully) the right way to deal with other photo-takers… But if I'm politely asking uncle bob to not be in the background of every single photo of the first dance, guess what I spend less time doing… taking photos of the first dance!
Educating your guests about your photo desires (no matter what they are) will only help things in the end.
Heather said
To the fashion week comparison….just remember the models are professionals too. But a bridal party is not. They are easily confused at who to be looking at. Plus music and energy is playing a factor on the runway. Plus most pro photogs at fashion week are not using flash but rather te complex lighting provided by the designer of the show. Uncle bobs pop their flashes off when it suits them not the bride and groom. Believe me if they pulled that at fashion week they would be shown the door.
LRH said
I agree 100% with the comment by "K." People are naturally going to want to take their own photos, so long as they aren't interfering with the pro and stay out of the way (which I am VERY BIG on making sure of myself when I attend a wedding), big deal. People are WAY too schizophrenic about photography these days sometimes. I once was photographing the ducks at a lake near where I live & a woman screamed "don't take my child's photo, you pervert!," when I wasn't even doing that to start with (and even though it's actually LEGAL to do so anyway if I were).
Besides not getting in the pro's way, I understand also about not having the phone beep & buzz every 5 seconds too. I also understand couples renting out a nursery room & having guests drop off their kids in there because kids can be noisy; I have kids & that doesn't offend me any at all.
But in terms of "stare at me not at the LCD screen," why should that matter so much? If I'm just sitting in the pew & not taking any shots, maybe I'm staring at my phone because the wedding song playing is familiar & I'm curious to look it up & see who the singer is. Maybe I bid on something on eBay before I left the house and need to check on it real quick. Regardless, so long as my phone isn't going off and making a FUSS during the ceremony, what business is that of anybody's? Since when did a LITTLE BIT of phone interaction in public, especially if it's discrete, become equivalent to blowing cigar smoke in people's faces?
The bride & groom have EVERY RIGHT to ask ANYTHING THEY WANT of the guests, sure. The bride & groom can even make ridiculous requests such as "only fans of the New York Yankees are allowed to attend our wedding," but it doesn't mean it's not RIDICULOUS.
Emma said
I *hate* photos of myself, and I think I have a right to ask people not to take them.
And as far as staying out of the way of the pro goes, I think the photos above and elsewhere online demonstrate quite clearly that many amateur photogs do not.
Phone interaction in public is one thing, phone interaction during an intimate and touching moment is quite another. I for one would be very upset if instead of watching the ceremony one of our friends/family spent the time playing with their phone. And personally, I don't think it's ridiculous at all to ask that people put their phone away for twenty minutes. Some things are, or should be, more important. These people have gone to a lot of trouble to craft a ceremony which is funny/warm/touching/whatever and if you don't care enough to pay attention for twenty minutes, I think that's a bit sad.
Katie Jane said
YES. Amazing article. We asked our guests not to take photographs during our ceremony by putting a note in the program, and everyone was very respectful. I wanted my guests there and in the moment, especially since our ceremony was so short.
As a wedding photographer myself, I didn't want any of MY uncle bob relatives getting in the way of the people we paid lots of money to officially document our wedding. I guess I was hyper aware of how annoying it is to the professional, and I wanted to keep our photographers happy. And our ceremony was very personal, so I didn't want to see any photos of it popping up on Facebook later.
Jonathan Ivy said
Amen!! This is definitely becoming a problem!
Meg said
I have photographed one (intimate) wedding where the officiant asked that none of the guests take photos. It meant that everyone had to pay attention to what was happening, and honestly, the vibe in the room was palpable. Everyone was so taken in by the ceremony – it was amazing. I do think that having a camera up to my face puts a layer of distance between me and what I'm photographing. I certainly understand why guests want to photograph weddings and I respect the choice to have an unplugged wedding, both as a photographer and as a guest. In the end, it's up to the bride & groom to decide!
Laura said
My ceremony was going great, then it happened, one person just had to have their phone on and it rang! Didn't let it bother me but looking back boy was that rude!
Cortney said
I remember the red flush of embarrassment I'd get when mine went off during class. I can't even imagine how mortified I would be if my phone went off during a friend's wedding.
Karin said
THANK YOU for posting this. It's something that has bothered me tons going to concert and events but I hadn't even thought of this happening at our wedding until you posted this..we are going unplugged baby
sisterwhodidn'tgetpicturesyetayrlater said
May I suggest, if one decides no photography during the event, that one therefore compensate by providing the guests with a free pic, either make it the favor or tuck it in the thank you note.
Ariel Meadow Stallings said
Yep, as I mentioned up-thread, the wording suggestions & templates coming tomorrow all assume that guests will receive photos after the wedding.
Kathleen said
I was diagnosed with Epilepsy this year and I can't handle tons of flashes. I have been really struggling with the weddings I've attended since my diagnoses. Most of my guests don't know that I have Epilepsy. Has anyone gone unplugged for the reception? It will be much darker than our ceremony and I'm more concerned about flashes then, although I'd rather not have them at all outside our photographer. If you've gone reception-unplugged: how did you do it?
Thank you! I am excited to hear the wording ideas. Also so glad I am not the only one.
Tori Story said
Unfortunately I haven't decided or had my wedding yet, but I'm also considering going unplugged at the reception as well.
Are you comfortable sharing with many of your guests that you have epilepsy? It's a pretty solid reason to ask people to leave their flashes off, at the very least. You could maybe use another excuse for going unplugged on any written mediums, but assign parents or your wedding parties (anyone else your guests might talk to about the wedding) to discretely explain in more detail before the wedding to anyone insistent. If you're comfortable with discretely disclosing, anyone who argues might not be worth having there at all.
Kathleen said
I took your advice on this one: most of my friends and some of my family know I have epilepsy, but I'm not sure all of them will think through what a lot of flashes could do to me.
I asked my mother and future mother-in-law to spread the word. Nobody (this request got to my dad and grandma in about 20 minutes) liked the idea of just asking people not to take pictures without mentioning "a medical condition," which I thought was very telling regarding why this was even a blog entry in the first place. It's surprising that people won't just do what you ask of them at your wedding without questioning it.
I have a vision of "Now, Kathleen, I know I'm not supposed to take any pictures, and I'm sorry to hear about your epilepsy, etc" from the concerned elders at the wedding. I'm used to that reaction but don't feel like hearing it on my wedding day. Hopefully people will use their manners and think about "time and place" of their comments. We'll see.
Melissa E said
Do the guests need to know that it's you who has the epilepsy? Your family could just pass the word that one of the guests or one of the wedding party members or something has it (technically true) and to not use a flash, and then you'll avoid uncomfortable commentary.
Khürt L Williams said
Have you spoken to you wedding photographer about not using a flash? He/she may need to do something different with lighting to get quality photographs.
Snarkbat said
I do not have epilepsy, but my one working eye is very light sensitive. We're definitely talking to our photographer about not using a flash, and there will need to be a note in the program.
Your health concerns (and my inability to walk post being hit with a flash) need to be respected and left alone. If anyone approaches you and discounts your request, you are entirely within your rights to shut them down.
Ruth said
I'm terrorifed of the Uncle Bob photos. FH has a Uncle who thinks nothing of getting in peoples faces to take awful photos and ignore all requests to go unplugged.
Really looking forward to stealing tomorrow's wording and translating it into Dutch so he has zero excuses.
Brittney said
Holla! I want people to be present at my wedding. Like, fully. Plus I'm paying an obscene amount of money on someone I researched completely and whose work I believe in.
The only person I want to have a camera at the wedding is my future father in law; He's legally blind (but can still see shapes and colors) but has been taking photos since high school (he says he got into it because he could FINALLY see things in detail when he blew up photos in the dark room). I just wonder if there's a polite way of telling him that I want him to bring just one of his smaller cameras for some snapshots and nothing else (I've seen him go to the zoo with a camera bag the size of a small duffel bag with three different lenses!). Also, I wonder if other guests will be offended… I want him to be able to see the details that he wants to see, and not letting him bring a camera would hinder that. But I don't want anyone else to be hiding behind a screen or lens!
Cortney said
You could just explain "We've hired a photographer, and FH's father will also be taking some pictures on the side. Anyone who wants a copy of these photos will be more than welcome."
Snarkbat said
AWESOME. Another legally blind photographer! I'm sure if you tell him that you just want him to bring one camera, he'll oblige.
Christen said
Brilliant. I actually shared this through the *ahem* Facebook group I have set up for our guests. Irony? Maybe.