Lighthearted wedding readings that'll make you laugh AND cry #Ceremony Advice#ceremony#dr seuss#geeky#readings#zombies June 20 | Megan Finley meganfinley Photo by Allison Andres We already gave you awesome wedding readings for bad-ass couples, but what if you're less bad-ass and more wonderfully weird? You could always use these sweet and silly wedding readings from children's books, but here are some more silly wedding readings taken from Dr. Seuss, Neil Gaiman, and even Douglas Adams. Silly they may be, but believe it or not, they're both weird AND wonderful… just like your particular brand of relationship. "I Rely on You," by Hovis Presley I rely on you like a camera needs a shutter like a gambler needs a flutter like a golfer needs a putter like a buttered scone involves some butter I rely on you like an acrobat needs ice cool nerve like a hairpin needs a drastic curve like an HGV needs endless derv like an outside left needs a body swerve My secular ceremony wording: lots of equality and silly puns Like our personalized wedding logo, our ceremony is something we came up with together and personalized as well. We wanted to keep it short, simple,... [more] I rely on you like a handyman needs pliers like an auctioneer needs buyers like a laundromat needs driers like The Good Life needed Richard Briers I rely on you. Jon reading All I Need with a very straight face. From Flickr member miss meziere. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. How on earth can you explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That's relativity. -Albert Einstein "Falling in love is like owning a dog," by Taylor Mali First of all, it's a big responsibility, especially in a city like New York. So think long and hard before deciding on love. On the other hand, love gives you a sense of security: when you're walking down the street late at night and you have a leash on love ain't no one going to mess with you. Because crooks and muggers think love is unpredictable. Who knows what love could do in its own defense? On cold winter nights, love is warm. It lies between you and lives and breathes and makes funny noises. Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs. It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy. Love doesn't like being left alone for long. But come home and love is always happy to see you. It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life, but you can never be mad at love for long. Is love good all the time? No! No! Love can be bad. Bad, love, bad! Very bad love. Love makes messes. Love leaves you little surprises here and there. Love needs lots of cleaning up after. Sometimes you just want to get love fixed. Sometimes you want to roll up a piece of newspaper and swat love on the nose, not so much to cause pain, just to let love know Don't you ever do that again! Sometimes love just wants to go for a nice long walk. Because love loves exercise. It runs you around the block and leaves you panting. It pulls you in several different directions at once, or winds around and around you until you're all wound up and can't move. But love makes you meet people wherever you go. People who have nothing in common but love stop and talk to each other on the street. Throw things away and love will bring them back, again, and again, and again. But most of all, love needs love, lots of it. And in return, love loves you and never stops. "Yes, I'll Marry You," by Pam Ayres Yes, I'll marry you, my dear, And here's the reason why; So I can push you out of bed When the baby starts to cry, And if we hear a knocking And it's creepy and it's late, I hand you the torch you see, And you investigate. Yes I'll marry you, my dear, You may not apprehend it, But when the tumble-drier goes It's you that has to mend it, You have to face the neighbour Should our labrador attack him, And if a drunkard fondles me It's you that has to whack him. Yes, I'll marry you, You're virile and you're lean, My house is like a pigsty You can help to keep it clean. That sexy little dinner Which you served by candlelight, As I do chipolatas, You can cook it every night! It's you who has to work the drill and put up curtain track, And when I've got PMT it's you who gets the flak, I do see great advantages, But none of them for you, And so before you see the light, I do, I do, I do! "Foxtrot From a Play," by W H Auden The soldier loves his rifle, The scholar loves his books, The farmer loves his horses, The film star loves her looks. There's love the whole world over Wherever you may be; Some lose their rest for gay Mae West, But you're my cup of tea. Some talk of Alexander And some of Fred Astaire, Some like their heroes hairy Some like them debonair, Some prefer a curate And some an A.D.C., Some like a tough to treat'em rough, But you're my cup of tea. Some are mad on Airedales And some on Pekinese, On tabby cats or parrots Or guinea pigs or geese. There are patients in asylums Who think that they're a tree; I had an ant who loved a plant, But you're my cup of tea. Some have sagging waistlines And some a bulbous nose And some a floating kidney And some have hammer toes, Some have tennis elbow And some have housemaid's knee, And some I know have got B.O., But you're my cup of tea. The blackbird loves the earthworm, The adder loves the sun, The polar bear an iceberg, The elephant a bun, The trout enjoys the river, The whale enjoys the sea, And dogs love most an old lamp-post, But you're my cup of tea. "Oh the Places You'll Go," by Dr. Seuss Mark's silly vows to Tribe member Sneff. Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to Great Places! You're off and away! You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go. You'll look up and down streets. Look'em over with care. About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there." With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you're too smart to go down a not-so-good street. And you may not find any you'll want to go down. In that case, of course, you'll head straight out of town. It's opener there in the wide open air. Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you. And when things start to happen, don't worry. Don't stew. Just go right along. You'll start happening too. Oh! The Places You'll Go! Best Person J. reading Oh the Places You'll Go by Dr Seuss You'll be on your way up! You'll be seeing great sights! You'll join the high fliers who soar to high heights. You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed. You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest. Except when you don't. Because, sometimes, you won't. I'm sorry to say so but, sadly, it's true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you. You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You'll be left in a Lurch. You'll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you'll be in a Slump. And when you're in a Slump, you're not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done. You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win? And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind. You can get so confused that you'll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place. The Waiting Place…for people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting. Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting. No! That's not for you! Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying. You'll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you'll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you're that kind of a guy! Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV. Except when they don't. Because, sometimes, they won't. I'm afraid that some times you'll play lonely games too. Games you can't win 'cause you'll play against you. All Alone! Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you'll be quite a lot. And when you're alone, there's a very good chance you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won't want to go on. But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you'll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are. You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.) Kid, you'll move mountains! So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O'Shea, you're off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So…get on your way! "The Day the Saucers Came," by Neil Gaiman Avalon and Daniel had a reading from Neil Gaiman. That day, the saucers landed. Hundreds of them, golden, Silent, coming down from the sky like great snowflakes, And the people of Earth stood and stared as they descended, Waiting, dry-mouthed, to find what waited inside for us And none of us knowing if we would be here tomorrow But you didn't notice it because That day, the day the saucers came, by some coincidence, Was the day that the graves gave up their dead And the zombies pushed up through soft earth or erupted, shambling and dull-eyed, unstoppable, Came towards us, the living, and we screamed and ran, But you did not notice this because On the saucer day, which was the zombie day, it was Ragnarok also, and the television screens showed us A ship built of dead-men's nails, a serpent, a wolf, All bigger than the mind could hold, and the cameraman could Not get far enough away, and then the Gods came out But you did not see them coming because On the saucer-zombie-battling-gods day the floodgates broke And each of us was engulfed by genies and sprites Offering us wishes and wonders and eternities And charm and cleverness and true brave hearts and pots of gold While giants feefofummed across the land, and killer bees, But you had no idea of any of this because That day, the saucer day, the zombie day, The Ragnarok and fairies day, the day the great winds came And snows, and the cities turned to crystal, the day All plants died, plastics dissolved, the day the Computers turned, the screens telling us we would obey, the day Angels, drunk and muddled, stumbled from the bars, And all the bells of London were sounded, the day Animals spoke to us in Assyrian, the Yeti day, The fluttering capes and arrival of the Time Machine day, You didn't notice any of this because you were sitting in your room, not doing anything not even reading, not really, just looking at your telephone, wondering if I was going to call. A reading at Heather & Ben's wedding. Photo by One Love Photo From Douglas Adams' "So Long and Thanks for All the Fish" There was a sort of gallery structure in the roof space which held a bed and also a bathroom which, Fenchurch explained, you could actually swing a cat in, "But," she added, "only if it was a reasonably patient cat and didn't mind a few nasty cracks about the head. So. Here you are." "Yes." They looked at each other for a moment. The moment became a longer moment, and suddenly it was a very long moment, so long one could hardly tell where all the time was coming from. For Arthur, who could usually contrive to feel self-conscious if left alone long enough with a Swiss cheese plant, the moment was one of sustained revelation. He felt on the sudden like a cramped and zoo-born animal who wakes one morning to find the door of his cage hanging quietly open and the savanna stretching gray and pink to the distant rising sun, while all around new sounds are waking. He wondered what the new sounds were as he gazed at her openly wondering face and her eyes that smiled with a shared surprise. He hadn't realized that life speaks with a voice to you, a voice that brings you answers to the questions you continually ask of it, had never consciously detected it or recognized its tones until it now said something it had never said to him before, which was, "yes." "All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten," by Robert Fulgham All of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in Kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school. These are the things I learned… From Lenore and Andrews wedding on a jungle gym. Share everything. Play fair. Don't hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don't take things that aren't yours. Say sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Give them to someone who feels sad. Live a balanced life. Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day. Take a nap every afternoon. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that. Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together. Get more ideas for your wedding ceremony… Wedding Ceremony 101: Crafting your own wedding ceremonies from scratch Sweet, serious, and non-gaggy: a few of y'all's very favorite wedding readings Sweet and silly wedding readings from children's books Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo Megan Finley Megan Finley is the Associate Publisher and Editorial Overlord. When she's not slaving away for the Empire, she's sharing her dork side on her own blog. @meganfinley @meggyfin PREVIOUS Bloomers, lightsaber mishaps, and one cheeky horse NEXT Colleen & Phil's pagan DIY autumn wedding Toggle comments [ 65 ] I'm doing a reading at a wedding pretty soon. It's going to be 'We Go Together' from Grease. 86 agree Reply Like rammalammalammakadinggadidingdidong? 28 agree Reply It's going to be hard to do it with a straight face but I'm up for the challenge! 26 agree Reply I've been leaning heavily towards using Tim Pratt's "Scientific Romance" (found here: http://tim-pratt.livejournal.com/106839.html) as a reading in my ceremony. 21 agree Reply That's a great choice. Especially for this part: "and okay, I'd probably travel to the time when we were a young couple and try to get a three-way going. I never understood why more time travelers don't do that sort of thing." 11 agree Reply OMG I love this one. It sounds so much like my honey. We want to do out own vows but both don't really want to write them. I sent this to him as an idea to read as his vows. 76 agree Reply Oooooh, that's a good one! Wish I had found it on my search. Thinking about adding it to the article just because it's THAT rad. 18 agree Reply That is wonderful…the bit about the zombies makes me smile since we spend a lot of time playing zombie video games together, haha 3 agree Reply MIA thank you so much for the science romance link, its just what i've been looking for! 5 agree Reply Oh man, that H2G2 one! Definitely using that, I can totally see my brother reading it! 9 agree Reply Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou been looking for a reading from hitch hikers for ages 5 agree Reply We're doing the Taylor Mali poem for ours. We split it up between two readers; one person has the Mali poem, the other a collection of assorted quotes on the subject of love. Of course, that includes the Hitchhiker's Guide's advice. Also squeezing in "A Lovely Love Story" which gets a lot of traffic around here. 13 agree Reply Great readings! I felt like a genius when I realized I could have one of my favorite poems as a wedding reading– Frank O'Hara's "Having a coke with you…" The line "I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world…" always makes me tear up. Here's the poem : http://edwardbyrne.blogspot.com/2008/06/frank-ohara-having-coke-with-you.html 3 agree Reply We had a friend read the picture book of Neil Gaiman's "Instructions" (http://www.endicott-studio.com/cofhs/cofinstr.html). She did a beautiful job. 10 agree Reply I ADORE the Pam Ayres one. It'd be particularly perfect because the man I plan on proposing to is delightfully English. 17 agree Reply These are all fabulous! And I think I've finally found one of our readings for our wedding in the Taylor Mali poem. So adorable, so true…and, as we're huge dog lovers, so perfect for my DF and I. Once again, a huge THANK YOU to OBB! <3 5 agree Reply They're so cool! I love them. Weddings should be more about laughter than tears! 11 agree Reply Love! And I'm trying to work out a way to modify the Taylor Mali one to work for owning cats… haha We have a dog too but the boy prefers the cats. 1 agrees Reply Let me know if you figure this one out… FH and I love that reading, but we're definitely cat people. 5 agree Reply I considered this too (I love the reading, but don't own a dog). Unfortunately, my conclusion was that's Falling in Love is not like owning a cat at all. XD Let me know if you work it out! 4 agree Reply We're using the Pam Ayres one! I didn't realise until after we'd picked it but she actually wrote a lot of poems I liked as a kid. For some reason it never occured to me that people who wrote silly poems about everyday life might have written something about weddings too. 12 agree Reply Oh my gosh, I LOVE that last one. Amazing. 4 agree Reply I love Robert Fulgham. My mum used to read his books to me when I was a kid. ^_^ 2 agree Reply I love the "you're my cup of tea" one and may use as part of a toast at my wedding reception, which will be a "High Tea" theme in a castle. I think that poem is charming! 6 agree Reply Squeee! Props for including the Douglas Adams! I pulled that segment as the one to be on the back of my programs the second I went over "word related wedding things." 0 agree Reply We did a portion of the script of the film Stardust (also by Gaiman) for ours – where Yvaine is talking about love: Yvaine: You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate… It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves… You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and… What I'm trying to say, Tristan is… I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange – no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine. 9 agree Reply I think I may need to steal this idea because all of the significant music for my whole wedding is film based 0 agree Reply My bro in law read "oh, the places you'll go" and it was WONDERFUL! 4 agree Reply I remember the original thread (I got married in 2009) and got my two readings from it. Thanks for restarting one – it's brought back loads of happy memories of the planning of my wedding. 1 agrees Reply My traditional southern pastor wasn't keen on the idea of using Dr. Suess as a reading, but we definitely used Oh The Places You'll Go as our guest book 2 agree Reply When I first met my boy I thought of that part of "So Long and Thanks for All the Fish". I was so excited to use it in our wedding. Some people were confused by it, but that was okay as everyone could tell how much it meant to us. 1 agrees Reply Inspired by an older post from OBB, we used Just The Two Of Us (song) by the Mr T Experience, as we were looking for something nice and fun but not soppy. We had a friend read it, but we already knew it pretty well from scrutinising our options while putting together our ceremony. We were particularly fond of the reference to our "giant double brain" and quoted it to each other before the wedding. When it came to the reading during the actual ceremony, I started getting excited when that line was about to come up. My other half grinned at me and I could tell he was too 6 agree Reply This is the most original idea I've heard in yonks and will very likely be using it! THANKYOU !! 2 agree Reply I found this today and wanted to add it to the pool of awesome that is found on this site. How To Tell If Somebody Loves You Jul. 5, 2011 By Ryan O'Connell info Somebody loves you if they pick an eyelash off of your face or wet a napkin and apply it to your dirty skin. You didn’t ask for these things, but this person went ahead and did it anyway. They don’t want to see you looking like a fool with eyelashes and crumbs on your face. They notice these things. They really look at you and are the first to notice if something is amiss with your beautiful visage! Somebody loves you if they assume the role of caretaker when you’re sick. Unsure if someone really gives a shit about you? Fake a case of food poisoning and text them being like, “oh my god, so sick. need water.” Depending on their response, you’ll know whether or not they REALLY love you. “That’s terrible. Feel better!” earns you a stay in friendship jail; “Do you need anything? I can come over and bring you get well remedies!” gets you a cozy friendship suite. It’s easy to care about someone when they don’t need you. It’s easy to love them when they’re healthy and don’t ask you for anything beyond change for the parking meter. Being sick is different. Being sick means asking someone to hold your hair back when you vomit. Either love me with vomit in my hair or don’t love me at all. Somebody loves you if they call you out on your bullshit. They’re not passive, they don’t just let you get away with murder. They know you well enough and care about you enough to ask you to chill out, to bust your balls, to tell you to stop. They aren’t passive observers in your life, they are in the trenches. They have an opinion about your decisions and the things you say and do. They want to be a part of it; they want to be a part of you. Somebody loves you if they don’t mind the quiet. They don’t mind running errands with you or cleaning your apartment while blasting some annoying music. There’s no pressure, no need to fill the silences. You know how with some of your friends there needs to be some sort of activity for you to hang out? You don’t feel comfortable just shooting the shit and watching bad reality TV with them. You need something that will keep the both of you busy to ensure there won’t be a void. That’s not love. That’s “hey babe! i like you okay. do you wanna grab lunch? i think we have enough to talk about to fill two hours!” It’s a damn dream when you find someone you can do nothing with. Whether you’re skydiving together or sitting at home and doing different things, it’s always comfortable. That is fucking love. Somebody loves you if they want you to be happy, even if that involves something that doesn’t benefit them. They realize the things you need to do in order to be content and come to terms with the fact that it might not include them. Never underestimate the gift of understanding. When there are so many people who are selfish and equate relationships as something that only must make them happy, having someone around who can take their needs out of any given situation if they need to. Somebody loves you if they can order you food without having to be told what you want. Somebody loves you if they rub your back at any given moment. Somebody loves you if they give you oral sex without expecting anything back. Somebody loves you if they don’t care about your job or how much money you make. It’s a relationship where no one is selling something to the other. No one is the prostitute. Somebody loves you if they’ll watch a movie starring Kate Hudson because you really really want to see it. Somebody loves you if they’re able to create their own separate world with you, away from the internet and your job and family and friends. Just you and them. Somebody will always love you. If you don’t think this is true, then you’re not paying close enough attention. 23 agree Reply This is gorgeous! Do you know of a way to contact the author? I'd love to use that, but it might have to be polished up a little bit for use at our wedding and I'd want to get the author's permission if possible. 7 agree Reply I cried the first time I read that passage about Fenchurch and Arthur and I started crying again when I saw it here, just now! I know it's science fiction, but it's one of the truest and most poignant descriptions of meeting the right person – maybe especially as a lonely nerd – that I've ever read. I wish my partner (a serious D.A. fan) and I had thought of using that in our wedding. Hey, now we have something for our next big anniversary. 4 agree Reply I love this from The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson: "I once knew a woman who liked to imagine Love in the guise of a sturdy dog, one that would always chase down the stick after it was thrown and return with his ears flopping around happily. Completely loyal, completely unconditional. And I laughed at her, because even I knew that love is not like that. Love is a delicate thing that needs to be cosseted and protected. Love is not robust and love is not unyeilding. Love can crumble under a few harsh words, or be tossed away with a handful of careless actions. Love isn't a steadfast dog at all; love is more like a pygmy mouse lemur. Yes, that's exactly what love is: a tiny, jittery primate with eyes that are permanently peeled open in fear. For those of you who cannot quite picture a pygmy mouse lemur, imagine a miniature Don Knotts or Steve Buscemi wearing a fur coat." 7 agree Reply OMG I'm so keeping that! We're involved with Pit Bull rescue (perfect description of one in the first part of the quote) and the second… well, who doesn't laugh at Don Knotts, let alone a mini one? 0 agree Reply Does anyone know of any poems or stories about cameras that could be related back to love? I'm a photographer and really want to tie something about cameras into our readings! 1 agrees Reply This is amazing. I am totally making our pastor read "Saucer day" by neil gaiman. 1 agrees Reply We modified "Yes, I'll Marry You" for a reading at our wedding and actually incorporated it into our theme as well!!! I was very excited to see it in your article! 2 agree Reply Yes, I'll Marry You is soooo me and the Einstein quote is sooo him! 1 agrees Reply Hi i found this one by Bob Dylan on a site Bob Dylan – 'Wedding Song' Ever since you walked right in, the circle's been complete I've said goodbye to haunted rooms and faces in the street To the courtyard of the jester which is hidden from the sun I love you more than ever and I haven't yet begun You breathed on me and made my life a richer one to live When I was deep in poverty you taught me how to give Dried the tears up from my dreams and pulled me from the hole Quenched my thirst and satisfied the burning in my soul I love you more than ever, more than time and more than love I love you more than money and more than the stars above Love you more than madness, more than waves upon the sea Love you more than life itself, you mean that much to me http://toddperry.com.au/byron-bay/ I think i will use it or a variation. I also love "Oh the Places You'll Go," by Dr. Seuss. But every one uses it.. xx 6 agree Reply I'm thinking of printing them all and leaving them lying around the venue for people to pick up and read ~ they are all great 1 agrees Reply I think Kat's poem from 10 Things I Hate About You would be awesome at a wedding: I hate the way you talk to me, And the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots And the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick, It even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you're always right, I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, Even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around, And the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, Not even close… Not even a little bit… Not even at all. 13 agree Reply this brought tears to my eyes again 1 agrees Reply Fun movie fact: Julia Stiles wasn't meant to cry in that scene; she just spontaneously started weeping as she read it, and they liked what it did for the character so much they kept that single take. 1 agrees Reply This is my favorite: "I Like You" by Sandol Staddard Warburg I like you and I know why. I like you because you are a good person to like. I like you because when I tell you something special, you know it's special And you remember it a long, long time. You say, Remember when you told me something special And both of us remember When I think something is important you think it's important too We have good ideas When I say something funny, you laugh I think I'm funny and you think I'm funny too Hah-hah! I like you because you know where I'm ticklish And you don't tickle me there except just a little tiny bit sometimes But if you do, then I know where to tickle you too You know how to be silly That's why I like you Boy are you ever silly I never met anybody sillier than me till I met you I like you because you know when it's time to stop being silly Maybe day after tomorrow Maybe never Too late, it's a quarter past silly Sometimes we don't say a word We snurkle under fences We spy secret places If I am a goofus on the roofus hollering my head off You are one too If I pretend I am drowning, you pretend you are saving me If I am getting ready to pop a paper bag, then you are getting ready to jump HOORAY That's because you really like me You really like me, don't you And I really like you back And you like me back and I like you back And that's the way we keep on going every day If you go away, then I go away too or if I stay home, you send me a postcard You don't just say Well see you around sometime, bye I like you a lot because of that If I go away, I send you a postcard too And I like you because if we go away together And if we are in Grand Central Station And if I get lost Then you are the one that is yelling for me And I like you because when I am feeling sad You don't always cheer me up right away Sometimes it is better to be sad You can't stand the others being so googly and gaggly every single minute You want to think about things It takes time I like you because if I am mad at you Then you are mad at me too It's awful when the other person isn't They are so nice and hoo-hoo you could just about punch them in the nose I like you because if I think I am going to throw up then you are really sorry You don't just pretend you are busy looking at the birdies and all that You say, maybe it was something you ate You say, the same thing happened to me one time And the same thing did If you find two four-leaf clovers, you give me one If I find four, I give you two If we only find three, we keep on looking Sometimes we have good luck, and sometimes we don't If I break my arm, and if you break your arm too Then it's fun to have a broken arm I tell you about mine, you tell me about yours We are both sorry We write our names and draw pictures We show everybody and they wish they had a broken arm too I like you because I don't know why but Everything that happens is nicer with you I can't remember when I didn't like you It must have been lonesome then I like you because because because I forget why I like you but I do So many reasons On the 4th of July I like you because it's the 4th of July On the fifth of July, I like you too If you and I had some drums and some horns and some horses If we had some hats and some flags and some fire engines We could be a HOLIDAY We could be a CELEBRATION We could be a WHOLE PARADE See what I mean? Even if it was the 999th of July Even if it was August Even if it was way down at the bottom of November Even if it was no place particular in January I would go on choosing you And you would go on choosing me Over and over again That's how it would happen every time I don't know why I guess I don't know why I really like you Why do I like you I guess I just like you I guess I just like you because I like you. Its my favorite so far… but the scientific romance is a close second. 10 agree Reply An Excerpt from "The Game" by B.J. Falken http://bjfalken.blogspot.ca/2012/06/an-excerpt-from-game.html It appeared to outsiders that they were at odds. He would test her patience and try to charm his way out of it. She would try impose her will through loosely crafted arguments based on creative feminine logic. He would put on magnificent displays of rhetoric and manipulation, because he liked it when she caught him trying to get away with something. She liked it too. Over time though, it became obvious that this was not a fight, or a contest. It was a game. Two sides, back and forth. Advance and defend. A game that was almost as much fun to watch, as it was to play. In this game, however, keeping score was never necessary. It was like children playing tic-tac-toe. The minute one round was over, they'd scrawl out another cross-hatched board, barely paying attention who had been victorious only seconds earlier. Even if they had kept score, it would have still been tied after a hundred years of play. Sometimes he'd win, sometimes she would. And sometimes, when it was needed, they'd remind the spectators that they were actually on the same team all along and would do anything for each other. Before each other, they hadn't discovered anybody who could play the game at their level, nor anybody who wished to. But they found each other… and in each other a worthy adversary, a constant companion, and a best friend. And they played the game for years and years, until one of them died. The person left standing being defeated by the heart's greatest loss… and yet, still victorious because everyday they had spent together, the game brought into their hearts the greatest joy and love. Again, it was a tie. 2 agree Reply Unfortunately, many readings I find are Anglo-centric. How about the rest of the world? This is one of the best wedding readings that I have ever heard by the Japanese poet Ryunosuke Satoro. Title: "Where Art I Bound?" He says to the Journeyman, "Where art I bound?" "Lift your leaden feet and walk where your heart directs you," replies the Journeyman, "and your gait will become light and your heart more assured." "But wait Journeyman, now I must act for two and no longer just one. What shall I do?" To which the Journeyman replies, "If you truly love, give away your heart to make half of a greater whole, and follow It for the rest of your days." 2 agree Reply Love this! Am really struggling to find any more of his work, other than quotes. Do you know here i could find more of his work? 0 agree Reply Ooooo I love the Douglas Adams reading!!! But my FH is much less into it than I am. Does anyone have any good Harry Potter readings? 3 agree Reply Great website you have here, I was just trying to find one of our readings and stumbled across your site. Really love it, found one which was the Apache Blessing but need to search further for the other one. I think it was entitled "Will you marry me" although the thought seems quite nice etc etc Baz 0 agree Reply Just for clarity's sake, the "Apache Blessing" is not an authentic Apache blessing; it first appeared in a movie. Not that it makes the blessing any less beautiful, but I feel kinda bound to spread the word on that. 2 agree Reply I love th idea of reading the passage from the jerk as referenced in the first picture. It would crack everyone up and break any tension but I'm not sure how to introduce it so it makes sense in a wedding. Does anyone know about where the original wedding that used it is? Thoughts? 0 agree Reply We modified "Islands in the Stream" for our beach wedding and had my boys little sister read it. At the end, everyone chimed in on the last "uh-huh"!! 2 agree Reply We had a mad lib at our wedding. =) All of the people who couldn't come were able to contribute to the mad lib, as well as our guests. It was a great way to include everybody. 1 agrees Reply Oh dear, I guess I will be the sap to share that I will feature Alanis' "Head Over Feet" at my wedding. "Head Over Feet" I had no choice but to hear you You stated your case time and again I thought about it You treat me like I'm a princess I'm not used to liking that You ask how my day was You've already won me over in spite of me And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are I couldn't help it It's all your fault Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole You're so much braver than I gave you credit for That's not lip service You've already won me over in spite of me And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are I couldn't help it It's all your fault You are the bearer of unconditional things You held your breath and the door for me Thanks for your patience You're the best listener that I've ever met You're my best friend Best friend with benefits What took me so long I've never felt this healthy before I've never wanted something rational I am aware now I am aware now You've already won me over in spite of me And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are I couldn't help it It's all your fault 1 agrees Reply I really like e. e. cummings "i carry your heart" for a reading or to incorporate into vows. Cummings wasn't really my cup of tea until I read this and fell in love with it. 1 agrees Reply Readings are such a great way to add to the feel or theme of the wedding! We had a saying read about running a race together since we had a running theme wedding. 0 agree Reply Hi Cassie, would you be able to let me know what your reading was about running a race together? Thanks 0 agree Reply hi! I need a poem just in general please x Cant find any super cute ones! 0 agree Reply I really like the Taylor Mali one. I sent it along to my brother for his consideration when choosing his reading at my wedding. And I might read the Pam Ayres one during the reception speeches for the laughs. It's adorable. 1 agrees Reply A long time ago I read a short story by Kurt Vonnegut on marriage. It talked about how a successful marriage isn't between just two people; that each person needs 100 people to make them feel fulfilled. Anyways, I can't paraphrase as well as Vonnegut can write. It's a very beautiful piece about the power of community and I've been looking for it everywhere to read at my wedding. Anyone know wtf I'm talking about and know where to find it?! 0 agree Reply I think it might be this one…it doesn't specifically reference 100 people, but talks about how we need more than just each other. Hope it helps! http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/300997-ok-now-let-s-have-some-fun-let-s-talk-about-sex 1 agrees Reply Join the conversation Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked * Comment Notify me of follow-up comments by email. No-drama comment policy Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy. Biz owners & wedding bloggers Please just use your real name in your comment, not your business name or blog title. Our comments are not the place to pimp your website. 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