How do your values influence your honeymoon or destination wedding choices?
Honeymoons
By
on November 15, 2010
80
With Megan in Fiji this week, the time is perfect to discuss honeymoon destinations — specifically, how your ethics and values might play into the decision of where to go.
Fiji is a destination with some challenging political issues, and it's in good company when it comes to tourist destinations with sticky ethical challenges for visitors. Do you want to go to Mexico, knowing that your tourism dollars are going into a war zone controlled by the drug cartels? (Then again, are you punishing the local economy for the drug lord's crimes? Do sanctions work?) Do you travel to gorgeous Vietnam, with its child labor issues? What about lovely Thailand, and its sex trade? Irie Jamaica, with its homophobia? Maybe you go to colorful India, choosing to overlook its child beggers. You have to wonder if, during the Bush years, there were Europeans who opted against honeymooning in the United States. The mind boggles with the issues: does going on a cruise or staying at an all-inclusive resort even count as travel? Is all travel inherently wasteful? Should you just stay home?
As with many wedding decisions, where you go for your honeymoon boils down to a question of your personal priorities and values. For my honeymoon, I wanted a balance of international travel and cost … and so we went to the destinations (France and Spain) where we could couchsurf. We flew there (ignoring our carbon footprint) because we prioritized low-budged cultural exchange over our environmental concerns. We compromised.
For you, your priority might be on eco-tourism, so you head to a destination where you can make a low impact while learning about a lush local ecology. You might be super green and feel like flying anywhere is too wasteful, and so you and your parter plan a staycation where you bike between local wineries and lakeside towns. Your priority might be finally getting to explore a culture you've been curious about for years, whether it's Argentina or Portugal or Indonesia.
Then again, you might be a Type-A control freak who DIYed every single fucking thing for the wedding and for just once, for this one time, you want to take it easy. So you go for an all-inclusive package at a place where your only concerns are whether you want to have your froofy cocktail at the swim-up pool bar or on the beach. Sanity might be your priority. I totally respect that.
These priorities can get extra sticky when you have competing values — trying to balance your politics with your budget; your ethics with your need for relaxation; your dreams with our world's realities. Do you compromise a bit on your budget for the international destination you've been dreaming of? Do you compromise your environmental concerns to get in the cultural exchange you're craving? Only you can know which compromises feel right for you. (Balancing these competing values totally went into the decision to accept the Fiji trip. We totally respect that some of you might've made a different decision based on your personal values, and that's awesome.)
Rick Steves has a great perspective on balancing your values when selecting travel destinations, as excerpted from his book Travel As A Political Act:
I didn't go to Iran as a businessman or as a politician. I went as what I am — a travel writer. I went for the same reasons I travel anywhere: to get out of my own culture and learn, to go to a scary place and find it's not so scary, and to bring distant places to people who've yet to go there. To me, understanding people and their lives is what travel is about, no matter where you go. I have long held that travel can be a powerful force for peace. Travel promotes understanding at the expense of fear. And understanding bridges conflicts between nations.
Only you know your values, and so only you can know what your specific priorities will be. We support our readers having a range of values and priorities, and totally respect everyone's ability to make their own decisions accordingly.
So, now I'm curious: how do your values play into YOUR honeymoon travel decisions? What are your personal priorities?
About Ariel Meadow Stallings
Author of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides, Ariel acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives, loves, and dorks out hard in Seattle, WA.
Jen said
Quite honestly, with the wedding and paying a mortgage we can't afford a honeymoon (plus we'd have to put our dog up in a boarding kennel, which gets pricey after a few days). I don't like traveling and I have too much to do here at home. We aren't taking one. We might take a "special vacation" in the fall (the wedding is in April 2011) but more than likely we'll just skip the whole thing.
It's hard enough for me as it is to justify paying as much as we are for the wedding (which is mere pennies compared to most people!) I've always been uncomfortable paying a large amount of money for something that's not a necessity, so I'm just having a hard time in general. Like I said, maybe in the fall we'll take a large vacation, but with money being the issue I think I'd rather be able to maybe get a nice massage or something after the wedding rather than pay for a trip and go through the stress of traveling.
Jill said
Option B (the DIY control freak who opted for an all-inclusive package) described my honeymoon to a T. My husband and I are both more down & dirty travelers – camping in national parks, couch surfing in Europe, stuff like that – but Pete wisely suggested that we opt for a totally-unlike-us, culturally inauthentic Sandals resort because we'd be too tired and wound up to backpack, sightsee, and seek out local eateries. And he was right.
I don't know if I'd ever go to a Sandals again, but for the purpose of bonding and relaxing, our decision-free, super mellow honeymoon was perfect. I read five books on the beach, drank about a million fruity drinks and glasses of champagne, and generally felt warm, fuzzy and chilled out as hell.
Jill said
psst – thanks for linking. Ours was in St. Lucia, but it hardly matters because they're kind of the same everywhere. Hah!
Jen said
I love to travel. I would have love to exposed my husband to somewhere new since he's never really gone anywhere. I would have loved to go back to Xalapa in Mexico, to London, or to Toronto, but we didn't have the money so we went to Ocean City, NJ. And we had fun! We'd always gone with family, but we'd never been there together, so it was awesome to just hang out there for a few days. We have years and years to save and travel.
Meg said
I wanted to drink mother-f*cking whisky, after a year of wedding planning, so we went to Scotland.
Also, I wanted to make a little statement to ourselves that, right this second, travel is more important than a downpayment. Because, really, do we need to buy an apartment and pay triple our rent in a mortgage for the exact same thing? Not right now. Right now we need whisky.
mariegael said
as someone planning on eventually living in thailand, someone who knows the language … i really don't think thailand should be boxed into the sex trade. if you aren't buying sex favors, you aren't contributing to that? thailand has beautiful land, culture, wildlife, language, dance, music, & amazing food.
every country, even this one, does evil. staying home does not change that.
Ariel said
Agreed completely. My point was less "Thailand is evil" and more "Every destination (including the United States) has its share of ethical challenges for visitors."
mariegael said
yeah, my thought was just that that's a seriously easy one to avoid (i would hope) on your honeymoon unless you married a monster. know what i mean?
for our honeymoon we just got a nice room in a posh hotel & had an amazing dinner. for me, the goal was being alone.
femmeknitzi said
Our values played a huge role in our honeymoon choices. I refused to go to any resort where I would be sipping Mai Tais while the majority of people outside the resort struggled for food, potable water, sanitation, safety and a living wage. I was only willing to relent on this point if we spent at least half of our honeymoon volunteering in the community but we weren't spending a whole week on our honeymoon so when researching, I couldn't find any volunteer opportunities that were flexible enough to fit our travel schedule.
I also refused to take a cruise because of the immense toll that cruise ships take on the environment.
These were really the only non-U.S. destinations in our budget so we decided to stay stateside. We drove to New Orleans. It was close enough to avoid flying and it was a city that we both loved. I volunteered there after Hurricane Katrina and I often heard from locals that while they appreciated my time, what they really needed was tourism dollars. We stayed at a local b&b, ate local and entertained local so I could be sure that the money I spent there stayed in the community.
Unfortunately, my hubby and I both contracted the swine flu and the majority of our honeymoon was ruined, but we both hope to go back and relive it soon.
Kate said
I love to travel, and very happily would have done a trip to Europe (specifically Ireland, where my family is from- and where we could surely get some free room and board for a few nights
). See historic sites, meet new people! But my husband is more of a fun-loving homebody, and while I knew that he'd go for me, I knew he wouldn't enjoy himself as much. So we went to Disney instead for their Food and Wine Festival. We got engaged at Disney a few years earlier, and while I know what some people think of The Mouse, they ARE really good at treating their guests well and making sure they enjoy themselves. And we still drank around the world! 
So really, what mattered the most to us was going somewhere we'd have a good time together, being the little kids we are, and we still got to experience something new!
Kristy said
We also got engaged at Disney and only had three days to spend there when we did (it was a surprise birthday/anniversary/Christmas gift to me since they all fall around the same time and that was the biggest chunk of time i had off from work that my fiance could plan it around. He's sneaky like that lol.) We are so incredibly excited to get to do all the things we didn't get to do because of time constraints last time. I agree that some people mightnot choose the same thing, but for big kids like my fiancé and myself, it's perfect. I hope you both had the best time, congrats and many blessings in your marriage!
Cassie Sue said
Holy cow, I am dealing with this right now. I'm leaning toward a cruise (because I've been planning EVERYTHING) but cruises are SO. F-ING. EXPENSIVE!
So I haven't answered the question yet on my honeymoon. But I'm glad I'm not alone.
Kait Scott said
personal recommendation here: use cruisecompete.com once you've found a cruise you think you want to go on. various travel agencies can offer you different perks, be it cheaper fares, upgrades, cabin credits, etc. Not all cruise lines let TAs set prices, but you can definitely profit if you do some work!!
Dana said
Thanks so much for posting this! I just created an account and submitted a request for the exact cruise we have in mind. I am very appreciate of your sharing!
Casey said
I freaking LOVE cruises. Been on 4 so far. Did Hawaii for the honeymoon and 3 times around the Caribbean. I don't know if I'm allowed to put a website in here but, www.vacationstogo.com always has some pretty great discount deals. They can get pretty expensive, but it's pretty much like a floating Sandals type thing. They're awesome if you just want to veg out and sit at the pool with a frou frou drink, then spend the evening having fancy dinner and seeing a comedian or something. But the cruising to various locations part gives you the option of being a little adventurous in port (or, ya know…more lounging around). I highly recommend them
Chris said
my biggest trouble with the honeymoon isn't ethics or money or politics. it's letting my control-freak nature go and giving my fiance the free reign he's begged me for to plan it himself.
Jill said
ENJOY IT! That's one of the wonderful parts of being married — having someone who you trust to make decisions as awesome (and sometimes even better!) than you'd make yourself. Relax and enjoy the ride!
Nicki said
The hubby and I went to Southeast Asia, Vietnam and Cambodia specifically for our honeymoon. We went here because we knew we wanted to travel for awhile, the weather would be nice and warm, we had always wanted to see these countries after visiting Thailand, and most importantly, it allowed our dollar to stretch the farthest.
Yes, there are LOADS of issues with poverty and exploitation in places like these. However, there are also LOTS of opportunities to make a positive impact with your travel.
We stayed at only small local inns, nothing fancy. We ate many of our meals at local restaurants that supported projects for street children. We bought our souvenirs from markets and shops that support fair trade and disabled artisans. We shopped at local farmers markets. We may have gotten a couples massage, but we did so from an NGO that supports work for the blind.
We had a fantastic time, and left feeling like we had learned from the local culture and contributed our fair share to the local economy in a positive way. The people we met were excited to have the business and we were happy to support them.
Lindsay said
I am planning a Vietnam/Cambodia honeymoon and would love to know what resources you used to plan yours. How did you find out about the NGO, local inns, etc.? Thanks!
chinasez said
You will be able to find the NGO stuff in Vietnam and Cambodia really easily. They are all over the place and always seem to get a mention in the lonely planet etc. You can even do yoga at an NGO in Phnom Penh.
By the way, anyone planning a trip to Cambodia before the wedding, think about having your dress made here. There are some seriously talented local designers and you'll get a custom fitted gorgeous silk dress for less than $500. I did
Mari said
We are traveling to California for the first wedding and honeymooning in Sonoma. I find the TSA's new grope search policy offensive to my privacy (health no low level x-rays thank you), but we booked those tix before the policy and we're still going.
Using those examples of where people shouldn't go because the destination has some wrong then I guess one should never go to Chicago (vote early and often and even after you're dead). What location without sin gets to throw the 1st stone?
Bridget said
I was just reading about the scanners earlier – someone tweeted about http://wewontfly.com/ which has lots of information about the policies and how you can opt out of the scanner (but that they will have to essentially frisk you and will pressure you into doing the scanner.) Scary stuff, but it helps to be informed!
Andrea D said
Chicago gets such a bad rep for politics! I've only ever voted once in every election, honest!
One could rule out South Carolina and Louisiana for the same sort of political corruption.
No destination is perfect. I think if we base everything on politics or human rights or whatever it is, no one would go anywhere – including the USA. There are plenty of poor people here in the US who need shelter, not just foreign countries that we think of as vacation destinations.
Hilary said
So far, the plan is to take the train to Montreal. I just couldn't stomach the thought of the carbon generated by flying – it would basically undo our efforts to reduce our footprint in other aspects of our lives. Plus, I love travelling on trains – the forced relaxation aspect really appeals to me.
Resorts make me uncomfortable. I would just rather donate money.
winterbymorning said
As a Montrealer, I approve of your honeymoon plan ;D It's a great city and my only "regret" about my upcoming wedding (in quotation marks because it's too harsh a word) is that I'll have to move away! I'm sure you'll have a blast.
Jessica said
Honestly my dream honeymoon was 4 months in Asia, politics be damned! I dreamt of visiting architectural wonders I have only seen in books by the architects I admire (Tadao Ando, etc)..now with a baby on the way and me going on Maternity leave until after the wedding, plus trying to get my grad school applications done, plus the cost of the wedding… honeymoon is a no go.
Financially viable needed to be reality and it was the honeymoon that was the ultimate sacrifice. I don't regret it and I plan on travelling throughout Asia (perhaps after grad school), as well as Europe, Russia, etc. I don't travel (or not travel), because of political issues within a country…we all do wrong..I'm there to experience the culture and my own political beliefs take a backseat to the culture I get to experience.
Granted, I do intend on taking a large percentage of my travel time and dedicating it to volunteer work (Architecture for Humanity, Global Volunteer Network, etc).
Lauren said
I think people who travel are doing it to see other countries' cultures, people, customs, food, landscape, languages, and everything else that a country may have to offer.
And here's the deal:
Every country is going to have it's dirty laundry. Every country. And to not travel to that place specifically because of that bad aspect is not respectful of that country or it's people who are trying to turn that part around for the better.
Does that mean I'm not going to go to Japan because of it's restrictive social heirarchy? Or go to Germany because of the Nazi's and Hitler? Or go to Cambodia because of the Khmer Rouge and ongoing poverty? What about the US because of the Bush years? Or Canada (where I live) because of the seal hunts and oil? Or Australia in with their discrimination towards the aboriginals? Should I never see the Great Wall of China because of the strict communist regime?
If that is the case, then I can never go anywhere.
I think we should travel where ever we want, and to have a knowledgable backround of what that country's "dirty laundry" is, and if there is anything I should avoid or contribute to in order to help.
natasha said
Honestly, I did not even think about anything but ourselves. I feel bad now! The year and a half of DIY just about killed me so we wanted/NEEDED sun and alcohol and fun and just being together. I did think about just the ease of the USA vs trying to figure out what people are saying and what the hell are we eating?! Also we did not want to sight-see. We wanted to just be together, enjoy each other and NOT worry about anything or timelines or other people. This is pretty much the only time in your life that you can do this (unless you are super lucky wealthy) A week in Maui and a week at Disneyland was perfect.
Emily Valentine said
We are planning on going to Maine for our honeymoon. Neither of us want to go to some big resort or hotel- we would be more comfortable at a bed and breakfast, though we are probably going to be very picky about the one we choose. We'll probably be taking the train up, since he is uncomfortable with flying (and we're in the northeast- not too long of a ride!)We would rather support a local business/restaurant/inn/bed and breakfast than something owned by a multimillion/billion (whatever the big number is nowadays…) dollar corporation. On top of which, both of us are uncomfortable in hotels. Most of them remind both of us of hospitals/mental hospitals. So, our decision was slightly based off of values (supporting smaller businesses), slightly off of comfort (Ew, hotels!), and slightly because he wants to stay in the Northeast, and slightly because we both like Maine.
Jill said
We just went to there for our first anniversary! Maine is beautiful, and Portland's a great foodie town (try Grace if you'll be there!)
Melinda W Hohler said
We initially thought we would go to the Maldives for our honeymoon. It was far enough away that our adventurous spirit got the better of us, but close enough that we still knew the language, could get back to somewhere we knew about (namely Europe) if all else failed. Then of course, what happened next? Yup…the pirates started hanging out in the Indian Ocean. In lieu of that, we did opt for Fiji. We're outdoorsy people, and I'm obsessed with surfing, so it was one of those "we'd never get back here if we didn't just do this now".
Our ignorance didn't know about the political climate until we got back. The 2nd place we stayed on Viti Levu had some political tension surrounding it. The main islands are raught (I think that's right) with political tension, largely due to the vast amount of poverty that emerges. We did what we could, supported the local merchants, ate local cuisine, etc. We did our best to support the local villages, despite the so called resort that said we should just stay there. 4 days of rain will promote anyone to get out and about. When you're out on the islands though, that's a completely different experience. It was completely and I mean COMPLETELY self contained, and there was nothing, not a thing you could do except get airplaned off the island if you had a medical emergency, something happened violently, etc. You'd have to just swim for it. It sure was beautiful though. The Fijians frown upon tipping, but we did when we felt like the service was exceptional. I think the people appreciated it.
Sarah said
I think being aware of global issues while traveling is important, whether it is a honeymoon or a family vacation. Especially if you are wanting to embrace & experience the culture. Instead of being shocked by statistics or allowing research to scare, you be an influence. Roll up your sleeves while you're there. A honeymoon is a chance to relax but giving back even for a few hours to country that has welcomed you will not only put a smile on your face but show love that goes beyond the Newlyweds.
Christine Porter said
I live in Tucson. We have human trafficing, sex trade of any and all kinds, probably slavery, certaily intentured slavery with illegals, drugs, murders in the streets, water waste, and most likely terrorist ties and money that goes to some meany. So, as far as I am concerened, if going to the supermarket is supporting all that, anywhere else in the world would probably be less damaging to the world.
Hannah said
We are going to Madeira (Portuguese island out the coast of Africa in Atlantic Ocean).
I try to be concious on how/where we go on holiday, especially the means of transportation. I feel flying is not right for pleasure, because of the carbon foot print. So usually when we go on holiday by train and foot (or we go sailing, wind energy rules!). But our honeymoon is in the winter, which means snow/cold all over Europe. We talked about taking the train to Budapest, but realized we really wanted to see the sun and nice temperatures. You can only fly to Madeira. So yes, we are flying. Flying to celebrate this huge step in our lives with a relaxed, sunny vacation.
I hope it is worth it. And that our lifestyles will permit this one time splurge.
Anon said
I highly recommend the Portuguese Islands. I haven't been to Madeira, but São Miguel is gorgeous, and it's something like a four hour flight from the East Coast of the US and two hours out of Iberia. And everyone I met there was paid a living wage. The one problem I foresee is that if you don't look at all Portuguese, you might get stares. My tall, blonde friend was stared at a decent amount both on the islands and the mainland.
Stephanie said
I just wanted to say thanks for posting this. I was a little worried when I saw the post about the trip last week, and these questions have made everything all right in the off-beat world.
sam said
If money were no object, my intended and myself would LOVE to travel to Sark, one of the Channel Islands. We never go anywhere and are so intrigued by their society. Tourism is also basically their entire economy and there is no where to stay but small local business. We would probably even save up for it even on our meager budget were it not for our puppy dog. He is a rescue, he is extremely attached to us, and we will never board him. We would not visit or move anywhere requiring a quarantine period for him. We also will never fly with him because he is JUST big enough to not be allowed in the cabin and there are too many horror stories about pets on planes. (Sidebar: In my opinion treating animals as cargo is unconscionable.)
So, small road trip with the little dude it will be!
We don't think about carbon that much to be honest, but I do love train travel. If they allow dogs, we would go for that in a second!
Eri said
If you're interested in Sark you could stay in France and maybe just go to Sark for a day or two? The Channel Islands are very expensive and Sark is teeny weeny
Erika said
Here's some honesty: My priority for the honeymoon is not political or financial or even completely emotional. It's sexual. See, I plan on having sex on my honeymoon. Lots of sex. Sweet sex. Crazy sex. Painful sex. Sexy, sexy sex. So traveling to a different country and immersing myself in a new culture is rad and all, but we'd probably spend the whole week not leaving our hotel room anyway…
So, we're doing the staycation deal. Any money we would have spent traveling is being put into sexy time things, which include massage oils, delivery pizza, and video games. Like I said: sexy.
Anon said
I had a (actually very conservative) friend tell me that it's best not to go anywhere special for the honeymoon because you should spend that time having tons of sex
(She said to go somewhere special for the one year anniversary so you actually will be willing to leave the room
)
Megan said
YES @ Rick Steve's reference. Represent!
gesche said
i'm marrying gay, and i am thinking a lot about our honeymoon destination. only this year i started seeing everything from a political point of view, and my travel (and therefore also honeymoon) plans are strongly influenced by that too. i wouldn't travel anywhere where homosexuality is illegal, for instance. partly to not spend money in a country that doesn't recognize me as a human being with rights like any other, partly because i can never keep my hands off my girl in public and i'd rather not be arrested in a foreign country for that. since we live and are getting married in sweden, we will be actually legally married, so for my honeymoon i'd very much like us to go someplace where our marriage will be recognized, or at least where homosexuals have the option of a civil union/registered partnership.
with the budget restrictions, we might have to settle for a small honeymoon in sweden though. i don't really care, as long as i get to make lots of love and relax with my lovely
Jill said
That's a huge reason I didn't want to go back to Jamaica. I went with a friend when I was 21 (her mom works for the Nature Conservancy and was there on business) and loved it, but immediately felt guilty because I know that my brother, for example, wouldn't be able to go with a boyfriend if he wanted to. The whole of the Caribbean can be unfortunately iffy about the whole tolerance/acceptance issue. I hope you find the perfect honeymoon destination! (check out www.soyoureengayged.com — they have tons of gay-friendly vendors, and I bet travel destinations are among them!)
gesche said
wow, i never even stumbled across that site. thank you!
lmb said
Come to Canada!