How to use your straight marriage certificate to make a point about gay marriage
Ceremony Advice
By
on July 26, 2010
53
OBT member Alaura has been featured on the site before with her vintage National Park save-the-dates. Now she's back and bringing some more inspiration with her. Alaura decided to let her views on gay marriage be heard by including this letter of support with her marriage certificate.
Thanks to blurgg for submitting this to the OBB Flickr pool.
We got our marriage license today! Very exciting, but I floated out of the Probate Court Office and realized that I wanted to let someone know my thoughts on Ohio's ban of same sex marriage. So I'm planning on turning in this letter with my marriage certificate in the hopes that the powers that be see it and pass it on…
July 16th, 2010
Judge Alan S. Acker
Franklin County Probate Court
373 S. High Street
23rd Floor
Columbus, OH 43215
Dear Judge Acker:
I am writing to you to thank you for the opportunity to legally join my partner, [Joe], in marriage. Your office has provided us with the opportunity to protect the family that we will create under the laws of our state. Your staff treated us warmly and the process of obtaining a marriage license was much quicker and simpler than we expected. We thank you for creating a friendly, efficient environment in which we could make one step closer to solemnizing our marriage.
I do, however, want to express a grievance. It saddens me to know that while my partner and I may walk in to the Franklin County Government Building and go through the process of obtaining a marriage license in an effortless manner, thousands of couples in Ohio aren't allowed to. As I walked away with our marriage certificate, I realized that my partner and I have been given preferential treatment simply because of the fact that I am female and my fiancé is male. If I had walked in with a female partner and applied for a license, we would have been refused. The notion that the State of Ohio recognizes our relationship as somehow more legitimate than the relationships of same sex couples who are just as committed and have just as great a desire to create a family seems to me an infringement of one of the inalienable rights promised us in the Declaration of Independence: the pursuit of happiness.
I have asked that our officiant, Rev. Fowler, include this letter with our Certificate of Marriage in the hopes that my voice may be heard by someone who has the authority to provide the opportunity to marry to all residents of Franklin County. I do not feel that my commitment to my partner is in any way threatened or made less legitimate if a same sex couple were to be guaranteed the same rights that we have. If anything, the great
joy that I have upon entering a marriage with my partner has an undercurrent of sadness because we are marrying in a time when our state is denying the joy of marriage to so many. It is my fervent wish that when it is time for our children to walk into your office, they will be waiting in line with couples of all orientations, and they will be greeted with the same warmth that Joe and I were given today.
Sincerely,
[Al]
About Megan Finley
Megan Finley is the Managing Editor for Offbeat Bride and the Associate Publisher for the Offbeat Empire. When she's not slaving away for the Empire, she's sharing her dork side on her own blog and on Twitter @meganfinley.
kayla said
This made me choke up. Thank you for this. I'm going to do the same.
Shawn said
My bride to be and I are both bi-sexual, and so it has been a very present thought for both of us how "fortunate" we are that the person we fell in love with happens to be of the opposite sex. And this is sad. If I had fallen in love with a man or she with a woman, we would be denied the rights we now have.
Our sadness over this issue has moved us to include as much recognition in our vows and the rest of our ceremony as possible. We are also donating to HRC in-lieu of favours. We have so many friends that are denied this basic human right, and we are working to show to everyone who witnesses our union in two-years that we support love, all love.
This letter is amazing and I thank and applaud you for this, know that you have neighbours in PA who agree and will be looking to do similar things. May your marriage be filled with love!
Beth said
This is a very lovely letter. You should send it to your state senators and representatives, who have the ability to change the law (as opposed to judges, who don't). Here's hoping that they are willing to listen!
Barbara said
I am making a copy of our marriage license and sending it with a cover letter to Judge Vaughn Walker, who is hearing the arguments against/for Prop 8 here in California. Thank you so much for this awesome idea.
Alaura said
As a postscript, after we returned from our honeymoon yesterday, we found this handwritten note in the mail from Judge Acker:
Dear Mrs W,
Thank you for your letter dated July 16 and congratulations to you and Joseph on your marriage. In less than three weeks, I will celebrate my 37th wedding anniversary and like you, my wife and I do not feel that our commitment to each other is threatened or made less legitimate if a same sex couple were able to marry.
Although I share your wish that couples of all orientations one day will be able to marry, not just in Ohio but everywhere, sadly the Ohio constitution currently forbids this. As a result, we must wait until enough citizens are willing to change our constitution and allow everyone the inalienable right to the pursuit of happiness.
Sincerely,
Judge Alan S. Acker
His response has inspired me to take a more active role in the fight for marriage equality in Ohio. If there are any other Ohio OBBs out there who would like to join me, please contact me via OBT.
Barbara said
What IS sad is that in his letter, he pointed out that equal rights is seen as a popularity contest, to be decided by voters. It should never be left to a majority of voters who gets freedom and who doesn't.
In California, tomorrow the judge will rule on Prop 8… fingers and toes crossed…
Alaura said
My everything is crossed for CA as well!!!! It also seemed to me a bit defeatist for a judge to say "we'll just have to wait for it to happen." Since when does anyone in the history of this country just sit back and wait for equality to be realized? Can you imagine what would have happened if Abolitionists just waited for enough people to see just how inhuman the institution of slavery was? People have to fight for change. The majority cannot rule when it comes to defending the rights of minorities.
Alaura said
YES! Thank You Judge Vaughn!!!!! Let's make marriage a right for *everyone* now!
Gris said
This made me cry.
Especially when you mentioned the Declaration of Independence.
I love America yet, dammit.
Sabrina said
What a great idea, and what an eloquent letter! Made me tear up a bit
Thanks for doing this!!!!!!
SRT said
I am getting married in 2 weeks, and I wanted to do something small to show my support and solidarity for LGBT rights. I will be wearing a bracelet from the Human Rights Campaign on my wedding day – and if anyone asks about it I will explain. I don't want to make any guests uncomfortable that don't agree with me (honestly, I don't even know some of the people coming), but it means a lot to me to acknowledge that not everyone has the rights that I do.
Here's a link to the bracelet – they have a lot of great items. http://shop.hrc.org/equal-rights-wristband.html
If you are interested in doing something similar, check out:
http://www.hrc.org/
or
http://www.whiteknot.org/
Jen said
I loved this post so much that I sent a similar email to my court house where we got our license, and received the following reply:
Ms. Horne,
I wanted to let you know that it is not the policy of the Gwinnett County Government Building or government to refuse the issuance of a marriage license in Georgia to same sex couples. This is a state law and we must abide by it. You may want to let your congressmen, senators, or Governor know of your feelings. As always, we are here to serve you in the future.
Lorraine Stafford
Gwinnett County Probate Court
Fine! Let's contact our senators, and governors in that case!! =)
Just wanted to pass on the info.
a bicycle built for two said
you are rad.
Erin said
This is wonderful! I am going to follow your lead and do something similar. I'm so glad you thought to do this and to share it with OBB. Kudos to you!
Jessica said
Oh, I am so doing this. Would it be a problem if I used yours as a form?
Beth said
I am crying. That was so beautiful and so poignant. Thank you for sharing.
Jackie said
Brilliant! I love it
Good for you 
Scott said
Thanks you so much for your support. My fiance and I are marrying in October here in Franklin County–though the legal piece will take place in New England. It's not been easy–can't legally marry in our own state, my family won't be in attendance due to religious convictions and even when we have a legally-binding marriage from another state, Ohio won't recognize it. They'd give recognition to a marriage solemnized between a man & woman in China, but not us. Frustrating…
Be that as it may, I wanted to write you and thank you so very much for your support–and to thank all the commenters for their support as well. With folks like you in the world speaking out, we move closer and closer to marriage equality. Thank you! – Scott (& Chad)
Sarah said
BEAUTIFUL! I am getting married in OH two weeks before your anniversary! I think we will totally steal this idea. We'd also thought about writing a letter to President Obama on our wedding day and inviting guests to add their signatures to ours (is that an idea that I came up with myself or did I read that on OBB? There's so much great inspiration here I've lost track!). Your letter is beautifully written and I hope more folks will take the opportunity that you have to make a statement. Best wishes, and happy almost anniversary!
Nikki C said
We just got our marriage license application yesterday and I've already started drafting my letter, thanks to this post. Thank you so much for the inspiration and guidance!
Crystal said
I am a resident of Ohio down in Hamilton, and I am gay. I hope to one day be able to marry my fiancee in my home state and to have her recognized as my wife and I hers. Thank you for this, it was beautiful and perfect. It warms my heart to know you showed your support for equality in such a way. I wish you and your husband every happiness in your life together.
Scott said
Just wanted to follow-up to show the folks on this thread how joyous a gay wedding can be–please feel free to spread the video on! Thanks & much love,
Scott & Chad
(Hopefully, I embed this correctly…)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iZtXsS07NI
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