How to use your straight marriage certificate to make a point about gay marriage
Ceremony Advice
By
on July 26, 2010
53
OBT member Alaura has been featured on the site before with her vintage National Park save-the-dates. Now she's back and bringing some more inspiration with her. Alaura decided to let her views on gay marriage be heard by including this letter of support with her marriage certificate.
Thanks to blurgg for submitting this to the OBB Flickr pool.
We got our marriage license today! Very exciting, but I floated out of the Probate Court Office and realized that I wanted to let someone know my thoughts on Ohio's ban of same sex marriage. So I'm planning on turning in this letter with my marriage certificate in the hopes that the powers that be see it and pass it on…
July 16th, 2010
Judge Alan S. Acker
Franklin County Probate Court
373 S. High Street
23rd Floor
Columbus, OH 43215
Dear Judge Acker:
I am writing to you to thank you for the opportunity to legally join my partner, [Joe], in marriage. Your office has provided us with the opportunity to protect the family that we will create under the laws of our state. Your staff treated us warmly and the process of obtaining a marriage license was much quicker and simpler than we expected. We thank you for creating a friendly, efficient environment in which we could make one step closer to solemnizing our marriage.
I do, however, want to express a grievance. It saddens me to know that while my partner and I may walk in to the Franklin County Government Building and go through the process of obtaining a marriage license in an effortless manner, thousands of couples in Ohio aren't allowed to. As I walked away with our marriage certificate, I realized that my partner and I have been given preferential treatment simply because of the fact that I am female and my fiancé is male. If I had walked in with a female partner and applied for a license, we would have been refused. The notion that the State of Ohio recognizes our relationship as somehow more legitimate than the relationships of same sex couples who are just as committed and have just as great a desire to create a family seems to me an infringement of one of the inalienable rights promised us in the Declaration of Independence: the pursuit of happiness.
I have asked that our officiant, Rev. Fowler, include this letter with our Certificate of Marriage in the hopes that my voice may be heard by someone who has the authority to provide the opportunity to marry to all residents of Franklin County. I do not feel that my commitment to my partner is in any way threatened or made less legitimate if a same sex couple were to be guaranteed the same rights that we have. If anything, the great
joy that I have upon entering a marriage with my partner has an undercurrent of sadness because we are marrying in a time when our state is denying the joy of marriage to so many. It is my fervent wish that when it is time for our children to walk into your office, they will be waiting in line with couples of all orientations, and they will be greeted with the same warmth that Joe and I were given today.
Sincerely,
[Al]
About Megan Finley
Megan Finley is the Managing Editor for Offbeat Bride and the Associate Publisher for the Offbeat Empire. When she's not slaving away for the Empire, she's sharing her dork side on her own blog and on Twitter @meganfinley.
Miranda said
Completely BADASS!! You totally rule. What a classy way to make your voice heard. I don't know if it will make a difference, but maybe, if government got enough letters like this, it could mean something.
Galadriel said
Alaura,
I logged on to OBB today with the intention of searching out wording for our wedding invitations and found this instead. I want to thank you for preparing this beautiful letter and setting an example for us all! I have been mulling over ways that my FH and I could make a statement in our own ceremony supporting equal rights in marriage for all. As I plan our wedding, I have been all too aware as I bubble over with excitement,that I am talking with friends and co-workers who are being denied this basic civil right.
We planned to say a few words on the subject during the ceremony, but now I plan to follow your lead and submit (with your blessing) a version of the letter you composed with our certificate as well.
Thank you again, and well done!!
Alaura said
Galadriel (and anyone else who wants to use it), please feel free to use any of the wording as you see fit…I'm just so happy to see this has inspired some other OBBs to action!
TaciLunaRain said
I'm currently in the pre-planning stages of my own wedding scheduled for early 2012, but if the state of Florida hasn't recognized same-sex marriages by then, I definitely plan on following your lead!
MUCHO KUDOS TO YOU! ^^,
dzymzlzy said
Beautifully written. I'm going to have a part of the MA ruling an gay marriage read during my (hetero) ceremony in 18 days (OMG EIGHTEEN DAYS!!). I too feel like there is an undercurrent of sadness that not all couples are allowed to experience the same rights as my future husband and myself.
Sara James said
I LOVE THIS!!! just shared it on facebook!
susan said
i literally have goosebumps from head to toe. knowing that there are allies out there standing up to be heard gives this lesbian hope.
JoAnna said
Also gives this one some hope too!
Chris said
bravo. very well written. polite and to the point.
Telleen said
I'm not even engaged (hopefully soon) but I came across your site and this post! So much respect for you! If and when I get married I will definitely do the same.
Rose said
My fiancee and I hope to marry one day. Though we have a domestic partnership (we're in California)), it's just not the same. Though we're in different states, thank you for standing up for our rights.
Courtney said
This is a great idea. I have ambivalent feelings towards the "institution" of marriage for a number of reasons and the lack of marriage equality is one of them. I do want to incorporate a message like this into the wedding I might have someday. (May have found the man for the job )
Lauren K. said
That was beautiful and perfect! My FH and I are very supportive of gay marriage and are fortunate enough to live in Massachusetts, or else I would have loved to have sent a letter too.
Kate C said
Fantastic letter. Excellently written, polite and respectful, yet extremely powerful. Great idea!
rjane said
I second! Amazing.
Sharon said
That is FANtastic. I only wish I'd thought of doing the same thing.
When my husband and I got married on July 4th (geez, it's only been three weeks?!) I was overjoyed that my brother and his partner were able to fly in to be with us. But, at the same time, so incredibly sad that this couple, committed to one another since I was 14 years old, doesn't have the same right to get married that we do. I wish I'd thought to speak up the way you're doing.
Rachel said
My (opposite sexed) fiance and I live in Franklin County, too. Maybe we can ALL start sending in letters like this in addition to our collective actions!
lauren said
I agree with all the compliments. The Goodridge v Public Health Ruling of 2003 (Stating that MA could not deny same sex couples this basic civil righ) is the top reason why I am proud to call the Commonwealth my home. I am getting married in October and am also planning on using some of SCJ Marshall's opinion for the majority. Despite being a legal document, it's very moving. I recommend anytime OBBs get bogged down with stupid arguments with your mom about flowers, or start obsessing about whether your guests will want an edible favor or a keepsake, you just find a copy of the brief for a dose of perspective. Reminding yourself how many loving couples are denied this right, helps you refocus on what is important on your wedding day.
Ava said
We have a domestic partnership in Oregon. It's not enough. You've inspired me to make my own statement.
Becky said
Thank you for this. I'm inspired.
Erin Marie said
You kick ass. Seriously. Imagine the statement that could be made if every heterosexual couple getting legally married did the same thing.
N said
I just cried a bit. Thank you so much for this letter.
I don't live in Ohio or even in the States, but knowing that there's people like you, who not only think like this but act on it too, means really lot.
Crystal said
Bravo! You stated it so perfectly and in such a classy way that makes your point. Very well done!
Anonymous Non-Bride said
Unfortunately, there's not much a simple county probate judge can do. The Statehouse is just up the street, I say cc them on this letter too. It would ultimately be up to the Ohio Supreme Court to overturn the Ohio constitutional amendment(which was unfortunately voted upon, grrrr…)which defines marriage in Ohio as being between only a man and a woman. (Or another voted-upon amendment, which I sadly don't see happening any time soon.)
In the meantime, I'm a Franklin County resident myself so please post your wedding deets – and congratulations!
Alaura said
Thanks for the insight, Anon…I will definitely try to get this into the hands of a State senator.
Shannon said
This is a great idea. I think that yes, while local judges may not have much power, publicly acknowledging the inequality in the institution you're entering into is powerful and important. When my husband and I got married, we selected HRC as an organization for people to give donations to instead of having a registry. I didn't believe for a minute that my (mostly very conservative) relatives were going to give money to a gay rights organization, but I wanted to call attention to the discrepancy in how het and gay folks are treated at a social and legal level. Hopefully we provided an occasion for thought about marriage inequality rather than pretending it doesn't exist or matter.
Basically, even if you identify as straight, you can still "out" yourself as a supporter of gay rights, including marriage equality!
Loren Scott said
That is excellent!
Tiffany Jackson said
I'm in awe. This letter is a great idea, and you've written it brilliantly. Thank you for sharing.
irisira said
I love it!
Sarah Stevenson said
What a great letter. It's inspiring to see more and more hetero couples coming out to show their support of marriage equality. I hope you and your husband have an awesome and happy life together! <3
Nora McCoy said
Wow….I wish we could of all been able to submit this letter when we received our marriage license. Mine was 30 years ago when my husband and I married.