In defense of Trash The Dress
Sponsors, Sponsors: Photographers
Guestpost by
on May 28, 2010
52
You might remember Angela, aka. New York based wedding photographer Milestone Images, from our previous Q&A's. Well, she's back with more awesome wedding porn and a guest post in praise of Trash the Dress sessions. -Megan
I've had a lot of interest in Trash the Dress sessions from OBB readers, and yes, true confession time… I love doing them! One of the things I love about Offbeat Bride is that Ariel has created a space where such things can be discussed in a fair, thorough, candid way. I know that the concept of Trash the Dress is not for everyone. In fact, when I first learned about it in 2007, I blogged excitedly about how awesome it was, only to have one of my most loyal readers, an "alumni bride" whose wedding I photographed in 2006, point out in the comments how wasteful and decadent it seemed. She felt very, very strongly about it. I was taken aback at first by the strength of her reaction, but I was so grateful for opportunity to really think through the concept of a trash the dress session beyond my initial "Oh, cool!" reaction.
For me, it's about creation, not destruction…
I think one of the things that make these images so provocative to the viewer is that it's a complete reversal of the traditional notion of how wedding dresses are depicted. A wedding dress is so much more than a dress. Yes, there's the emotional component. This is the dress in which you publicly honor and celebrate your union. That is so powerful. Just speaking from my own wedding dress shopping experience — from the shame of not fitting into ANY of the sample sizes to the moment my mom and sister saw me try on the dress I eventually wore and realized, "My god, I feel actually feel good about this one!" It was honestly one of the most emotionally charged purchases I've have ever made.
And yet, wedding dresses, particularly traditional, poofy white gowns, have such a powerful symbolism in pop culture. Traditionally, they represent purity, innocence, virginity, wealth and status. In contemporary culture, they've taken on new symbolism as icons of celebration and new beginnings. Photographs created during trash the dress sessions subvert the traditional implications of how a wedding dress should be worn, and how a woman wearing one should be seen and act. And now my degree in academic feminism is showing, isn't it? Semiotics! Subversion! Visual issues in the media! Cultural studies and critiques! Can I get a shout-out from my fellow women's studies majors? 
Deep thoughts about visual depictions of femininity aside for a moment, with the exception of one client who wanted to do underwater photography in her gown, my clients who have booked these sessions haven't ACTUALLY trashed their dresses. It was more of a relaxed, day after the wedding, "don't-worry-so-much about the dress" session.
Both Heather, the bride sitting on the wall, and Lesley, the bride in the wheelbarrow (Editor's Note: and OBT member southpaw23), are sitting on clear shower curtains. Both of their dresses are completely fine. Lisa, the underwater bride got married in a beach town and took lots of photos with the wedding party down on the sand. Between that and rocking out of the dance floor, the bottom of her dress was in rough shape long before she and her husband booked our session. Their wedding day sounded pretty hectic, as well, and she and her husband didn't get to take as many photos of just the two of them. The TTD session was an opportunity for them to put on their wedding clothes one more time and create memories for the two of them.
Of course, truthfully, there are much nobler destinies for gently used dresses. I get that. As such, I donate a quarter of what I earn from each Trash the Dress sessions to the Susan G. Komen Foundation for breast cancer research. By donating a portion of the proceeds from Trash the Dress sessions, I'm honoring my mother-in-law, a breast cancer survivor, AND recognizing that women who want to do something different with their dresses often feel conflicted about donating them.
The other argument against this kind of session is, of course, what if you daughter wants to wear it someday? I've shot more than fifty weddings. I've only had one bride wear her mother's veil. That's it. On the other hand, my maternal grandmother got married in a chic brown suit in 1944, which is displayed proudly on a dress form in my studio.
That said, the whole pro-TTD argument that says, "Show your man you love him and won't marry anyone else by trashing your dress" thing is bullshit. The end.
If you're like me and Angela, who are of the pro-TTD variety, and you would like to do your very own Trash the Dress session, then you'll be happy to know that Milestone Images is offering 10% off to all Offbeat Brides!!
Or if you're not into Trash the Dress but ARE into having really good wedding photos, you will also be happy to know that Milestone Images is offering 10% off to all Offbeat Brides!!
So get in touch with Milestone Images and feel free to do whatever you want in your wedding dress! -Megan
Read more posts about: feminism, new york, photography, trash the dress, wedding photographer« Previous post
About Angela from Milestone Images
Angela from Milestone Images is an amazing photographer from New York. She lives in Rockland County with her husband and business partner Joel, their two cats, sweet dog, and six cameras.
Ang said
First let me start off with I love trash the dress shoots.
I'm torn on what to do with my dress. I can't ever see my yet to be conceived daughter wearing it. Part of me is thinking that when I lose the weight I'm currently trying to, I'll have the dress totally revamped into something short and fun that I'll wear again. Then do a "Trash the remnants" shoot, simultaneously celebrating the new me and trashing the remnants of the larger dress and symbolically the "old, doormat that gained 70 pounds" me.
And I think that's what I like about trashing the dress shoots. The pristine dress IS a huge symbol in the culture of the Western world. Hence the freaking if lipstick touches it, or if the hem gets dingy before the pictures are taken, the expensive garment bags, climate controlled storage, all that garbage is to lift the dress up as "THE dress", it takes on a life of it's own. Women punish themselves to fit into the dress, they sacrifice to afford the dress, they talk about the dress like it's a guest "Oh yeah I'm wearing Vera at the wedding." I see TTD, as a way for women to say "I own this dress and I will do any damn thing I want to it." And I think that's powerful and beautiful.
As for the wastefulness, I don't think it's right for anyone to push what their personal thoughts of wastefulness are on someone else. Many people would say that my driving an SUV is wasteful (even though I have 3 large dogs and live where 4WD is a necessity), or that buying brand name toilet paper is wasteful, or for that matter, using toilet paper at all is wasteful. No matter what your lifestyle is, I'm pretty sure that someone looking hard enough will find a way to point a finger and say you're wasteful. The point is that we currently live in a Capitalistic society, and what ever we choose to do with our money or our possessions is our choice, so if you want a TTD session for your own personal joy, then do it. JMO of course.
Sully said
I decided that while I did want the whole wedding gown business, I also wanted to have fun on my wedding day. Worrying about a little smudge or even a little rip doesnt sound like fun!
What did was wicked awesome fun snowboarding in my dress (I know, I know I need to add the photos to the flickr pool!). Basically I did a TTD session BEFORE the wedding.
In the interest of wanting to party with my guests immediately after the ceremony, instead of a big delay before the reception I decided to do it first thing that morning… yep, I ripped out the bustle, lost one button (of a trazillion), and got a few dirt smudges in the process. But, man oh man was it a great time! WOOOOOHOOOO!!! And you know what, I still got married… even with a bit of dirt and a teensy tear in the fabric. Funny, no one seemed to notice while I walked down the aisle!!
SubliminalCake said
I'm actually hoping to trash a traditional dress for my wedding invitations. My fiance and I both love to paintball so we're going to have a paintball match for our bachelor/bachelorette parties and take photos for the invites. I haven't decided on the actual dress for the ceremony yet.
Nikki said
I actually like the concept of TTD, mainly because I love seeing people have FUN in their "formal" clothes. And isn't that the point???
I don't know if I will do a TTD session whenever I do get married, but if I can in a way that doesn't actually damage the dress, I might. I already have plans for what to do with the dress after the ceremony – I'm making it into a duvet cover for the marital bed!
diagonalgirl said
Nikki, that is an awesome idea!
Personally I don't think I could trash my dress mainly for the reasons already mentioned – firstly for sentimental reasons and secondly because I can't bear to throw away anything that has the merest hint of life left in it.
That said, I don't plan to keep my dress for all eternity either. I bought it second hand directly from the previous owner two years after her wedding. I asked her if she was sad to see it go and she said that it was a bit of a shame but practically speaking she would never wear it again and it just took up too much space in her house (it's a pretty traditional big white poofy effort).
While my wedding is still four months away and I'm already feeling quite attached to it, I like to think that when the moment has passed and is retreating into the distance and I've got some great photos and memories to remember it by, I will be able to sell the dress on a third time or donate it – depending on how neat I manage to keep it on the big day.
It's maybe a bit cheesy and sentimental but I really like the idea of meaningful items fulfilling their purpose in one place then carrying on a journey where it comes to be meaninful to someone one else rather than just being suspended in time – no longer useful or even seen and appreciated in the case of a lot of wedding dresses I suspect.
Hence I love duvet cover idea because the dress remains both meaninful and a useful part of the couples daily life.
(I have been saving my old band t-shirts which I've been accumulating since the age of 10 or 11 to make into a patchwork quilt for my first child – should I ever have one!).
All that said however, I am really in favour of people doing TTD shoots if they feel so inclined. All the TTD photos I've seen are absolutely beautiful and I'm sure people with the resources and inclination have invested equal amounts of money and effort in other artisitc projects so why not use your dress and memories to create something beautiful and sentimental and deeply personal?
Jax said
First Rockland County vendor. Wow…where was this when I needed to book vendors.
Thanks!
Aprilette said
I love the idea of trashing a wedding dress at a beach setting. Quite carefree and romantic, although some brides do have the option of either selling the dress or keeping it safe in the closet for a glorious memorabilia. Still, you choose whatever you do with your wedding dress, as long as you don't have any regrets.
Lola = R3 said
I think the pictures look awesome but I don't know that I could actually trash my hypothetical dress. My mom kept her dress and I later wore it for my first communion. Then, the next year I wore it for Halloween as Dracula's Bride (it totally rocked)before it was unfortunately lost in a freak closet fire (along with the rest of my clothes). There are many ways in which that gown can be passed to future generations to enjoy. That being said…ScotchGuard that bitch and everyone can have TTD sessions.
AyJay said
Honestly, I think it's important to remember that, well, it's MY dress. I can wear it as many times as I like, play dress up in it, twirl around the garden, put it on a dress form, give it away, ritually burn it in sacrifice for a strong marriage, make a collage out of it–it's a personal choice, and this group of wonderful individual women are usually so brilliant at honouring each other's own choices. It's frankly nobody else's business what I do with my own dress, provided of course I'm not using it to strangle orphans with or something. It's just as easy to argue that the whole concept of a wedding is wasteful and anti-feminist and we should all just get a legal union over a lunchbreak, but then it wouldn't be ours anymore, would it?
Amber Miller said
I did a trash the dress shoot, but for different reasoning. I actually ended up getting divorced and we really trashed the dress but very creativly and I really enjoyed myself! It was a great stress reliever. I am still taken away by some of the pics my photogapher took.
LizzieJ said
I'm getting married in Sept 2011 and am already planning my TTD session. I work in lighting/rigging for a convention hotel and want to get pictures taken with all the backstage elements of my job in addition to the beautiful setting of the hotel. I don't know how much actual "trashing" will happen, but if I do end up getting chain motor grease or who knows what on it I'm not going to worry. Of course it helps that this is my second marriage and my first gown is still shoved in the back of a closet…
Brittany Nichole said
If it's okay to wear whatever kind of dress you want on your wedding day: white, pink, red, black, poke-a-dot, etc… Then why wouldn't it be okay for you & your new husban to ttd it while creating the photographs & memories that you really want to create? If it's what you really want, then go for it!!!
T'Rinaxxl said
My dress is glimmering black and since I had Weight Loss Surgery it was bought with the idea that it could be easily taken in and worn again someday as I lose weight, to me it is a pretty dress, why would I want to only wear it once?
It may start out as a floor length 4x A-line dress with bell sleeves but who knows what size/cut/length it will end up as, but I do know it will never go to waste.
I am not the white dress type, I am an artist and a goth and so the thought of trying to get through an entire day wearing white scares me to death…LOL I would end up trashing my dress on accident and what a sad thing that would be if I had invested large amounts of money and emotion into it
annearky said
"The other argument against this kind of session is, of course, what if you daughter wants to wear it someday? I've shot more than fifty weddings. I've only had one bride wear her mother's veil. That's it."
I'm altering my mother's 1977 victorian-style dress into into a halter-style top with a corset back. Now you know two women. And no, I'm not trashing it.