A slap in the face (in a good way!) #Reader Mail#groomsmen#perspective#reality check#uneven wedding party April 20 | Ariel Meadow Stallings offbeatbride Thanks to Ravenjules for uploading this to our Flickr pool. Nothing I love more than some nice sane reader mail: I just want to say thank you keeping me grounded during my wedding planning. Since I proposed to my fiance I've frequented A LOT of wedding sites. It's insanely addictive. The only problem is, like many brides to be, I get so caught up in the how the event is going to look that I tend to forget what the event is about. I knew I hit a wall the other day… I told my fiance he couldn't have the number of groomsmen he wanted because I read that when your having a small ceremony you should only have this number and I didn't want to add a bridesmaid to even out the sides and blah blah blah. I needed a reality check so I came back to your site to get the slap in the face I deserved. Of course he can have his closest friends in the wedding. It seems so trivial that I even had to think about it. Reading posts submitted by people wanting to show off their love and not their reception decor is like breathe of fresh air when you've literally gone insane with planning. Whenever I feel myself going off the deep end I just stop by and I'm immediately calmed. I'm not ashamed to say that yes I still do care about my color scheme and what my bridesmaids wear, but not nearly as much as I care about having a ceremony that truly reflects how much I love the man standing next to me. If that isn't the part that everyone leaves talking about then what was the point of having a wedding in the first place. -Sabrina Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo Ariel Meadow Stallings Author of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides, Ariel acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives, loves, and dorks out hard in Seattle, WA. @offbeatariel @offbeatbride PREVIOUS Lindzy & Davido's river camp wedding NEXT One-stop online registry and wedsites from Deposit a Gift Show/Hide comments [ 20 ] I second this. This website is like a warm hug when wedding planning gets too techinical. 11 agree Reply I, too, was just thrust here from another site that had the "how much did your engagement ring cost" poll. Gag. This is like a breath of fresh air. 1 agrees Reply I completely agree. I got so frustrated reading one of the other main wedding websites and finding how rude and tradition driven those brides were. This place is like a safe haven from the insanity! 2 agree Reply I, too, was just thrust here from another site that had the "how much did your engagement ring cost" poll. Gag. This is like a breath of fresh air. 1 agrees Reply OMG, how random! That's my college roomate's wedding! Love you Carrie! 1 agrees Reply I can't believe a picture of our groomsmen (and my groom) are featured on here! So cool! Btw, I would like to agree that the wedding should be all about the people you love, not about "how it looks." Our wedding was one of the most FUN days of our lives, as it should be. 1 agrees Reply There are other websites with some great and groovy features, don't get me wrong. But OBB has been a breath of fresh air for me. This has been my first wedding community I've joined and I'm so thankful for it. This one said congrats first where others were telling me to join a gym. Thank you all oh yes…Sabrina, it's totally ok that you still care about what your ladies are wearing so long as you maintain perspective. Your letter clearly shows you haz it so don't you dare apologize!! 😛 1 agrees Reply Absolutely. We both had our best friends at our sides. For him, that was 2 guys. For me, it was 2 girls and a guy. My family pushed for him to have my brother up there to even out the sides.. but my brother and my husband are not close. They also suggested moving my guy-friend to his side and including my sister-in-law or the wife of a groomsman on my side. None of the above worked for us, and I'm glad we stuck to our guns. We included my brother in other ways, and I'm glad. Also, it was awesome when my girlyfriend got escorted by two guys in the recessional. Pimpin'. 4 agree Reply Exactly why I love this site Reply As Boxer said it's exactly why I love this site. 😀 It's almost scary how easy it is to get caught up in all the hoopla of 'everyone must do this!' with weddings, especially since I've never had much trouble shrugging off social/peer pressure in the past. I think a big part of it is that most people are on unfamiliar territory with weddings so we go looking for guidance in how things 'should' be/usually are done as a starting point, but once you've opened yourself up to being told how things should go it's easy to get really wrapped up in it, especially when some websites/people seem totally devoted to convincing everyone else that different is wrong and if anything is wrong your wedding is ruined and your friends and family will never forgive you. (I won't name names but I do have some in mind.) By contrast this place feels so wonderfully positive. Even if I don't like the actual ideas I love reading about everyone else's weird and wacky weddings because it's incredibly reassuring just to know that there are alternatives to what has been dictated elsewhere, they can work and people will actually love it! It's a massive (and much needed) confidence boost! 2 agree Reply I come here for a similar reason: to remind me that I'm not alone in this! I'm at the place in my planning where I'm going to do what I'm going to do, but I still need reminding that other people think that's cool and not crazy. Thanks for that. 1 agrees Reply Oh God, this website is my lighthouse of sanity. THANK YOU! 1 agrees Reply Sooo agree. I come here to remind myself what truly matters. At the end of the day if we're married who cares if everyone thought wearing costumes was weird or if someone cringed at my purple fairie dress? I want our day to stand out and reflect who we are, not what other people think. And this site reminds me of that. GO OBB!!! 1 agrees Reply when i notice that i care too much about centerpieces and favors and crap….i stop in for a reality check. which is like, twice a day.just save money, and stuff will make sense in the next year and a half. make time for cuddling, not coasters! 1 agrees Reply I had a bad moment the other day. I was reading through a forum topic about how anyone who wants a coloured wedding dress is just wanting to be different for the sake of being different and there are enough "colours" of white, ivory, cream, champane ect. to suit everyone. After about 5 pages of universal agreement I actually found myself wondering if maybe I should give a white dress a chance! That's utterly absurd, I have maybe 4 white tops and I rarely wear them because I don't like it and it just doesn't look good on me. There is no reason I'd want a white dress! (I do wonder if they'd also agree that there's enough shades of red/blue/green/yellow etc. that everyone could find one that'd look good if that was traditional, or if it was only white that's apparently so versatile.) Reply ya know, if someone WANTS a white dress, yay for them. but to press that there are enough versions of white? seriously?!? I own ZERO pieces of white clothing (ok, the star wars baseball jersey, but it has black sleeves!) so why on earth would i even think of wearing white? i knew the dude and i were on the same wavelength long before i proposed when i mentioned being in an area of town literally surrounded by wedding dress shops and he asked if there were any black ones. gawd i less than 3 him to pieces! Reply i had the SAME slap in the face about two weeks ago! it feels good when you bring yourself back to earth and can truly focus on the really important parts of getting married. Reply ::huzzah!:: Reply I'm having one more Brides-person than he's having Groomspeople. And two of his people are girls, and one of mine is a guy. How will it look? Don't care. His people will sit near him, mine will sit near me, and nobody need be confused – and if they are, they can ask, and get to know their fellow wedding guests better. 1 agrees Reply Oh man – I need this really badly right now! I shocked myself this weekend with how excited I've become, and need a bit of a reeling in. It really is so easy to get caught up in how things have to look, and to feel the pressure. Reply Join the conversation Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked * Comment Participate in this conversation via email No-drama comment policy Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy. 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