Our wedding rings.
I follow a few popular wedding-related Twitter accounts — I chalk it up to a market research kind of thing. Most of the time I just ignore the tweets as 98% of them are pure WIC fluff. "Flowers worthy of escorting you down the aisle." "Have you ever thought of wearing a red wedding dress!?" "The time between your engagement and your wedding is an ideal time to begin a regular beauty and fitness regimen." "Make sure to buy more things! You need more things! Things that are shiny!" And then this tweet caught my eye:
"Do U Care if UR Husband (or Future Husband) Doesn't wear a Wedding Ring?"
I read it and immediately wanted to tweet back — Why the hell would I care!? Why the hell would anyone care!? What business is it of yours!? And so on. But I thought, naw, totally not worth my time. And then it got worse as I read this response:
Even better question. RT @blueskyshine: @BrideTide More important question: WHY wouldn't he want to?
Ooooh, my blood was boiling after reading that ignorant twat tweet. To question someones love and basic morality based on the fact that they don't want to wear a piece a of jewelry just seemed beyond insulting to me.
So I just had to respond in the piddly 140 characters at my disposal:
@BrideTide Why not? Bc he has a job where wearing jewelry is dangerous. Bc he hates wearing jewelry. Bc he doesn't need 1 to show he's committed [cont.] Mine doesn't wear a wedding ring and I couldn't care less. He gave it a go at first and he just never got used to it. S'okay by me
And it is okay by me! I'll be honest that at first I was bummed… I think wedding rings on a dude (especially your own dude) are sexy! Every time I saw that flash of metal on his finger I gave me a thrill — it's all sexy "grown up" of him.
But when I stepped back and looked at the reality of the situation I saw that, honestly, that ring spent more time spinning on the table in front of him, or alternately, rolling off the table and onto the floor, than on his finger. And I just saw how uncomfortable it made him. He really HATES wearing jewelry, and he complained that the air conditioning in the recording studio where he works made the ring so cold that his finger ached.
Now, I could've bitched and nagged and guilted my husband into just accepting his be-ringed fate, but I had realize that, even though that ring gave me a thrill, it's not at all worth his discomfort for one minute.
And what's the point of it really? 'It's symbol to show that he's devoted and faithful to me,' is what I came up with. But isn't it okay that the symbol just be that he freaking MARRIED ME!? I mean, what more do I need? This man stood in front of family, friends, and a few complete strangers, and exchanged vows with me — do I need more than THAT? And the answer was, obviously, no. There doesn't need to be a physical symbol when his vows alone and my trust in him are enough to show me (and everyone else?) that he is devoted and faithful to me.
So, no, he doesn't wear a ring, and I'm okay with it. But I'll keep wearing mine because I think it's purrrrty.
And for you LOTR nerds out there, you might get a kick out of the version of this post that my husband created late last night while I was sleeping, unawares… No, he doesn't wear "the precious."
About Megan Finley
Megan Finley is the Managing Editor for Offbeat Bride and the Associate Publisher for the Offbeat Empire. When she's not slaving away for the Empire, she's sharing her dork side on her own blog and on Twitter @meganfinley.
MissFaye said
I've never seen the big deal wheather a man is willing to wear a wedding ring or not. My father worked on trucks and with his hands a lot, and he is just not a jewelry kind of guy. I don't ever recall seeing him with a wedding band. In fact, I believe my parents cashed it in for money years ago when times were rough.
Same thing goes for my boyfriend, I have already been forewarned that he will not be wearing one because he doesn't like jewelry, I am fine with this. I know that it is a personal preference rather than a ploy to be able to hook up with other women without a ring to hinder him. We will buy something cheap from a department store for show during the ceremony, and that will probably be the last I see of it on his finger.
That being said, my boyfriend's brother got married 2 years ago. He isn't required by his wife to wear his all the time because of where he works. But she will flip out if he goes anywhere else without it. They were even going to a wedding together and he forgot it, and they had a huge argument and had to turn around to go get it. I don't understand the point in creating so much drama over it, especially when they were going together. It's not like she caught him coming home from the bar half in the bag with lip stick stains on his collar, come on now!
Maria said
My fiance is a previously married cop. He stopped wearing his ring to work when the brother of someone he arrested was found with photos of him, his ex-wife, and their daughter. I'm perfectly fine with him not wearing one; I can't get used to wearing an engagement ring myself!
Kelsey said
My husband doesn't wear a ring unless we go out for a special occasion (even then I usually forget to give it to him). We both know hes committed to our marriage so its not a big deal. Due to injuries he received in Iraq he regularly loses feeling in his left hand and works on motors and cnc machines. The thought of him wearing a ring full time truly scares me due to the risk of injury even though it is extremely sexy on him. I never take off my wedding ring because I feel naked without it. Anyone wearing or not wearing their ring is completly up to them not anyone else.
Sarah said
I thought that was pretty ignorant of that lady on twitter to say. My dad doesn't wear a wedding ring and he isn't leaving my mother any time soon. He's worked with his hands as a mechanic, photographer and filmmaker for most of his life so it didn't make sense for him to wear his ring after a while and my mom was okay with it.
If my FH decides he doesn't want to wear a ring, he certainly doesn't have to. I know he loves me and is committed to me now when he's not wearing a ring.
I think some women (especially, but some men, too) forget that their significant others were committed to them before they had to wear a ring. So why is it such a big deal to have the ring if they were committed all along?