No, he doesn't wear a ring

No he doesnt wear a ring

I follow a few popular wedding-related Twitter accounts — I chalk it up to a market research kind of thing. Most of the time I just ignore the tweets as 98% of them are pure WIC fluff. "Flowers worthy of escorting you down the aisle." "Have you ever thought of wearing a red wedding dress!?" "The time between your engagement and your wedding is an ideal time to begin a regular beauty and fitness regimen." "Make sure to buy more things! You need more things! Things that are shiny!" And then this tweet caught my eye:

"Do U Care if UR Husband (or Future Husband) Doesn't wear a Wedding Ring?"

I read it and immediately wanted to tweet back — Why the hell would I care!? Why the hell would anyone care!? What business is it of yours!? And so on. But I thought, naw, totally not worth my time. And then it got worse as I read this response:

Even better question. RT @blueskyshine: @BrideTide More important question: WHY wouldn't he want to?

Ooooh, my blood was boiling after reading that ignorant twat tweet. To question someone's love and basic morality based on the fact that they don't want to wear a piece a of jewelry just seemed beyond insulting to me.

So I just had to respond in the piddly 140 characters at my disposal:

@BrideTide Why not? Bc he has a job where wearing jewelry is dangerous. Bc he hates wearing jewelry. Bc he doesn't need 1 to show he's committed [cont.] Mine doesn't wear a wedding ring and I couldn't care less. He gave it a go at first and he just never got used to it. S'okay by me

And it is okay by me! I'll be honest that at first I was bummed… I think wedding rings on a dude (especially your own dude) are sexy! Every time I saw that flash of metal on his finger I gave me a thrill — it's all sexy "grown up" of him.

But when I stepped back and looked at the reality of the situation I saw that, honestly, that ring spent more time spinning on the table in front of him, or alternately, rolling off the table and onto the floor, than on his finger. And I just saw how uncomfortable it made him. He really HATES wearing jewelry, and he complained that the air conditioning in the recording studio where he works made the ring so cold that his finger ached.

Now, I could've bitched and nagged and guilted my husband into just accepting his be-ringed fate, but I had realize that, even though that ring gave me a thrill, it's not at all worth his discomfort for one minute.

And what's the point of it really? 'It's symbol to show that he's devoted and faithful to me,' is what I came up with. But isn't it okay that the symbol just be that he freaking MARRIED ME!? I mean, what more do I need? This man stood in front of family, friends, and a few complete strangers, and exchanged vows with me — do I need more than THAT? And the answer was, obviously, no. There doesn't need to be a physical symbol when his vows alone and my trust in him are enough to show me (and everyone else?) that he is devoted and faithful to me.

So, no, he doesn't wear a ring, and I'm okay with it. But I'll keep wearing mine because I think it's purrrrty.

And for you LOTR nerds out there, you might get a kick out of the version of this post that my husband created late last night while I was sleeping, unawares… No, he doesn't wear "the precious."

  1. I'm the one that doesn't wear my ring in our relationship, haha. I lost weight and it's really loose, so I only wear it when we go on dates, or when I'm around my more conservative family members, because they get quite huffy if they catch me not wearing it. He doesn't mind at all!

    2 agree
  2. My Dad's 1st wife DEMANDED that he wore a ring all the time, so when he married my Mom he didn't want to wear one & she was fine with that. On their 35th Wedding Anniversary they did a recommittal ceremony and he decided that now he would like a ring. 4 weeks later he was mugged and they stole his ring :S so now he's back to not wearing one

    PS LOVED the LOTR post

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  3. My husband wears a ring and has since the day we married. I, on the other hand, took mine off the day after we married and haven't put it back on since. Feels odd. It's no big deal.

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  4. I personally find it frustrating how people here boast about how they don't wear their wedding rings — or didn't have any to start with. My husband and I are in different branches of the active duty military. We are apart for long periods of time. When I'm feeling alone, all I have to do is look down at my hand, and I'm comforted by the fact that he has the matching one on his hand. I know he feels the same way. It's our connection while we're apart, when we can't write or call each other. Although he works with dangerous equipment (and has gone through one ring already) he chooses to wear his ring and never takes it off. It means a LOT to us, and I wouldn't trade it for anything other than a tattoo ring. If he told me he didn't want to wear his ring anymore I would be crushed.

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    • Hey Alis, I'm sorry you're feeling frustrated by the comments, but I definitely wrote this post specifically to reach out and give those ring-less couples a safe space to speak up, be represented and feel accepted. I'm sure no one means any disrespect to those couples who DO wear rings. They more than likely just as proud of their choice to not wear rings, as much as you are proud of your super sweet matching rings. :)

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  5. I'm not judging anyone but I definitely have an opposing opinion on this issue. Wedding rings to me symbolise commitment to someone. They are a visible sign that someone is no longer available. As a single woman I don't want to make the mistake of chatting with or dating someone who is unavailable. A man with a ring = married = stay away. Believe it or not I believe that the man should be upfront about being unavailable (especially if there is no clear visible sign of this, i.e. a ring). If a man courts me (yes, I know it sounds old fashioned, but oh well), asks me out on a date or suggests romantic weekends away then I assume he's available. Why? Because I believe its unconscionable to do any of this if you are married. My apologies to anyone that thinks that makes me naive, old-fashioned, conservative or not with the times. Past experience tells me that no ring (if it isn't for safety reasons of course) implies an unwillingness to be seen as attached to someone. Personally I wouldn't be comfortable with that.

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    • Well, wedding rings for men are a pretty recent development. Most people agree that they only start getting going during WWII and weren't very common until the 70s or 80s. And the funny thing is, back when men didn't wear wedding rings, the divorce rates were lower! : )

      1 agrees
      • (Of course, part of the reason for divorce rates being lower then was because women literally could not afford to get divorced…)

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  6. I've never seen the big deal wheather a man is willing to wear a wedding ring or not. My father worked on trucks and with his hands a lot, and he is just not a jewelry kind of guy. I don't ever recall seeing him with a wedding band. In fact, I believe my parents cashed it in for money years ago when times were rough.

    Same thing goes for my boyfriend, I have already been forewarned that he will not be wearing one because he doesn't like jewelry, I am fine with this. I know that it is a personal preference rather than a ploy to be able to hook up with other women without a ring to hinder him. We will buy something cheap from a department store for show during the ceremony, and that will probably be the last I see of it on his finger.

    That being said, my boyfriend's brother got married 2 years ago. He isn't required by his wife to wear his all the time because of where he works. But she will flip out if he goes anywhere else without it. They were even going to a wedding together and he forgot it, and they had a huge argument and had to turn around to go get it. I don't understand the point in creating so much drama over it, especially when they were going together. It's not like she caught him coming home from the bar half in the bag with lip stick stains on his collar, come on now!

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  7. My fiance is a previously married cop. He stopped wearing his ring to work when the brother of someone he arrested was found with photos of him, his ex-wife, and their daughter. I'm perfectly fine with him not wearing one; I can't get used to wearing an engagement ring myself!

    1 agrees
  8. My husband doesn't wear a ring unless we go out for a special occasion (even then I usually forget to give it to him). We both know hes committed to our marriage so its not a big deal. Due to injuries he received in Iraq he regularly loses feeling in his left hand and works on motors and cnc machines. The thought of him wearing a ring full time truly scares me due to the risk of injury even though it is extremely sexy on him. I never take off my wedding ring because I feel naked without it. Anyone wearing or not wearing their ring is completly up to them not anyone else.

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  9. I thought that was pretty ignorant of that lady on twitter to say. My dad doesn't wear a wedding ring and he isn't leaving my mother any time soon. He's worked with his hands as a mechanic, photographer and filmmaker for most of his life so it didn't make sense for him to wear his ring after a while and my mom was okay with it.
    If my FH decides he doesn't want to wear a ring, he certainly doesn't have to. I know he loves me and is committed to me now when he's not wearing a ring.
    I think some women (especially, but some men, too) forget that their significant others were committed to them before they had to wear a ring. So why is it such a big deal to have the ring if they were committed all along?

    1 agrees
  10. My parents have been married for 32 years and neither has ever worn a wedding ring. At the time money was tight, but it's been so long it's basically a non-issue. They know they're married, I know they're married. What's the big deal?

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  11. Megan–Thank you! My future hubby does not wear jewelry! I have been trying to come to terms with the fact that marrying me is not going to change that. I appreciate your insight and I totally agree with that ring being incredibly sexy but also, I will have his last name so what the hell? I decided to ask him to wear it only when we are in bed–not while we sleep–so I get my fix of finding him sexy with it and he does not have to suffer any more than he has to for being married to me! :)

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  12. Just married in a single ring ceremony (only I got a ring). Celebrant was flummoxed by that. Which I found strange.

    No man in my family has ever worn a wedding ring, and they didn't work with their hands, just thought it was "vulgar." All of them had marriages that lasted forever — my parents are coming up on their 50th next month. Please that my guy has followed my family tradition!

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    • Neither of my Grandfathers had rings either, one worked with his hands the other didn't. My Dad does have a ring, but his fingers swell in the heat now so my Mum wears it as a thumb ring for most of the year. Doesn't make 'em any less married, right?

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  13. My parents have been happily married for 34 years now. My father still wears his wedding ring, he always has, but not on his finger. He wears it on a necklace.

    My future husband and I got our rings a year in advance. We're very excited about it. I must admit we did have a little argument about how to wear it: he wants to wear it on his right hand and I want to wear it on my left hand. To be honest, I don't mind. I just think he's a little weird. And he thinks that I'm a bit weird as well. :-)

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  14. My husband and I had all of our rings made (my engagement ring and the wedding rings) in a design that he came up with…and since his finger is so much bigger than mine–his ring cost almost twice as much as my wedding ring…and he almost never wears it. He's a carpenter so he can't safely wear it at work and he plays guitar all the time and it interferes with his playing…so it lives on a hook on my dresser…and in a perfect world it would be cool if he would wear it (not only because it lets potential bitches know he's taken (haha–joke), but because it was pretty expensive)…but I see it every morning while he's still sleeping and I'm getting ready and I think about how that little reminder of our promises will always be at home, and that's cool with me.

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  15. This may have been said, but I'm too lazy this Friday morning to sift back through the comments. My boyfriend and I aren't engaged yet, but it's imminent. When the discussion of rings came up, he said the idea of wearing it made him uncomfortable. Not being married, but wearing the jewelry (he doesn't like physically constricting things, which sounds silly, but hey, we all have our quirks). And you know what? It didn't bother me one bit. If Prince William doesn't wear a wedding ring, then by golly, my boyfriend doesn't have to! Obviously that wasn't the only reason why it didn't bother me, but I feel like the Prince William comment would shut up any naysayers.

    2 agree
  16. I never thought much about it. Neither of my parents wore their rings consistently, and I can't even remember if I've seen my dad wear his recently. They're both teachers, so it's not an issue of safety — they're just not big jewelry people. They'll wear them when they remember, but if not, whatever. They've been married about 35 years. Long before we got engaged my fiance had mentioned his father doesn't wear a ring (because he doesn't believe men should wear jewelry), so I didn't expect FH to, but he surprised me by really wanting one. When we went to get my engagement ring sized shortly after he proposed, he picked out his own ring and put it on the same store account. I wouldn't be unhappy if he didn't want to wear one, but it did feel kind of good to know how much he wanted one of his own.

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  17. I'd rather my dairy farmer husband didn't lose an expensive ring to a cow if you get what I mean. Just saying.

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  18. My dad never had a wedding ring. He worked with machinery and he once witnessed his coworker get his wedding ring stuck in a bandsaw and lose his whole hand. After that my dad was not much interested, and even though my mom was a little disappointed she understood. I figure, it's more about the quality of the marriage than it is about whether he wears a ring or not.

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  19. We are coming up on our one-year anniversary of marriage, and both of us have gotten into a strange habit: we leave our rings on our ring holders. Our rings are insured, and we love them. They just don't make it out of the house very often. Neither of us feel bad about it, nor do we make each other feel bad about it. It's not that we forget our wedding rings; we forget all our rings. It's kind of awesome :)

    We went to a punk rock show a couple of weeks ago and was in the pit with a 100+ people. I wore all my rings, and after each song, I'd check my hands to make sure I had all my rings and the stones. It was awkward.

    Earlier this week, we went to a metal show, and neither of us wore our rings. It was nice to say we were married and not have our rings. I guess the thing is we love our rings, and we love each other. If we wear them, it's great. If not, it's still great :)

    1 agrees
  20. My dad works in the OR and he saw his colleagues forget their wedding rings so often after an operation that he decided not to get one. My mom has one but never wears it. They have been married for 30 years, had their problems, got over them and never had any issues about the rings that I know of. I'm used to not seeing a ring. Still, I want to wear a ring because I like to wear rings. Sadly I have broken and lost several over the years, that is why I'm looking for a simple design that doesn't get caught on anything and something sturdy.

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  21. We're still two months out from our wedding date but we reached a compromise that works for us both on the jewelry front.

    I want to wear my rings all the time, but I work hands-on with kids and didn't want to a) scratch/hurt the kids or b) scratch/hurt my rings. To solve both, I designed my engagement and wedding ring to be snag- and scratch free. No sticky-outy, sticky-upy bits for me!

    He isn't able to wear his ring at the chemical plant he works at, so he wasn't going to bother having one. But, because he knows I would like him to have a ring he's going to have one to wear just for special occasions, vacations etc.

    Works for both of us.

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  22. my husband is a hemophiliac so it's dangerous for him to wear a ring b/c if he hits his hand and gets a bleed, he could lose his finger if he can't get his ring off in time. him wearing a ring isn't worth a finger. besides he's been committed to me since the day i met him and that's all that matters!

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  23. My hubs doesn't wear one because of work (airplane mechanic for the Air Force) and neither do any of the other married guys in his shop! At first I thought it was strange but its a safety thing and I would rather have him be safe than stylish!

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  24. I actually didn't realise for years that it was a 'thing' for men to wear wedding rings. My dad never wore one, and as far as I know he had no reason other than he didn't want to. They have a great marriage, so it clearly isn't a problem! So when my FH told me he didn't want to wear one, he was surprised when I wasn't surprised (he's from a culture where men usually wear rings). Sadly, his family are pressuring him to wear one, and don't understand that I don't mind in the slightest.
    If it's good enough for William and Kate, it's good enough for us!

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  25. A friend of mine works in the military and is therefore not allowed to wear her engagement ring on the hand. So she simply wears it on a chain around her neck, underneath the uniform. I find it very romantic!

    My dad has been joking for several years about making an ear piercing out of his ring. That's another fun idea, instead of wearing them on the finger.

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  26. My mother hasn't worn her rings since she got pregnant…her jeweler originally sized them so that they would never fall off. Well, lo and behold, her fingers swelled and she couldn't wear her rings anymore. My father got into a bike accident several years ago and broke his hand, and now he can't get his ring past his knuckle. They've been married for 33 years and are still going strong.

    I wear my engagement ring daily and I'm excited to get my wedding band. My fiance wants to wear a ring as well (he says he wants the One Ring…I was thinking more of getting our rings engraved with "I love you" and "I know"), but if circumstances prevented him wearing it, I wouldn't mind.

    Whatever floats your goat.

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  27. FH has mentioned he doesn't like rings, which made me pout…until I read this article.

    WHY wouldn't he want to? *this made me fume*

    Well, if he needs a ring to remind him of his commitment to another person, or if he needs a ring to advertise he is taken to others, then he's not much of a mate choice, is he? And that's on him.
    Not on the bride, Mr. Twitter Poster-who's-obviously-targeting-brides-and-being-a-jerk!

    Never bringing it up again. We'll exchange rings, because of the symbology. But not being *that* person ever again.

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  28. To each their own, but I couldn't be any more put off by the thought. Thanks but no thanks!!

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  29. My husband and I just got married for legal (hospital visitation rights) reasons but haven't had our wedding yet. I love wearing rings but doesn't. I'm getting one to wear whenever I'm in the mood for rings but he wants to get a bracelet or necklace instead. It certainly doesn't diminish our love or commitment. We're different from most people in this way and that's exactly why I love him. Though we both like the idea custom made matching rings, it's just not for us.

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  30. Adorable story: My parents have been married for more than 30 years, and they got married young even by 70's standards: they were 18 and 19, about to start college and totally broke. To save some money, my dad said he didn't want a ring, so they didn't get one, and he's never worn one all my life. But last year for Christmas, out of the clear blue sky, he told my mom he wanted a wedding ring. She wrapped it up and put it under the tree with all the other presents. Watching my dad see his wedding ring for the first time, and my mom slip it on his finger, and the way they looked at each other was absolutely priceless.

    1 agrees
  31. I am just going to weigh in with this: My husband wears his ring far more often than I wear mine. He puts it on to go into clients' offices. He says it makes him look "responsible". I forget to put mine on most days. Neither of us cares. At All. Wear it, don't wear it. Just don't lose it because it costs $.

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  32. My fiance is a firefighter and I am a massage therapist so needless to say we both hardly wear our rings. Honestly we barely remember to wear them on our days off lol… I don't think its a big deal.

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  33. Decisions like this made between couples seem to cause a lot of drama for others who don't seem to WANT to understand the real reasons behind those decisions.

    My husband recently started taking off his wedding ring because he has *cough* put on a little weight, and the ring tends to pinch his finger, and coincidentally causes his hands to become cold due to bad circulation. I'd buy him another ring, but that seems silly and a waste of funds. Everyone we know is very aware of our marriage. Even former customers he use to work with walk up to me and say, "Hey! You're blah blahs wife! Congratulations!" It's kinda weird but nice.

    I've also recently stopped wearing my engagement ring because I was 1) afraid of losing it (I take it off to wash my hands) and 2) I have a fear of being mugged for my jewelry. My rings aren't necessarily expensive, but they mean a lot to me and I wouldn't want them to be lost because I'm lazy and particular about hand washing. ;)

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    • "Decisions like this made between couples seem to cause a lot of drama for others who don't seem to WANT to understand the real reasons behind those decisions." I love that! It's so true.

      Btw, I'm going on 5+ years of that guy I married not wearing a ring, and it's completely a non-issue at this point. In fact, no one's even brought it up in YEARS. Which is great.

      1 agrees
  34. We both have wedding rings. My husband takes his off all the time and I am more worried he'll lose it somewhere since this has already happened.

    Being in the military, it slipped off during PT one day and he went and borrowed a metal detector and spent all day looking for it with a buddy of his. They found a ton of trash before they found his ring.

    But he does take it off when he's playing with the dogs (we have small dogs and one pretty much got a black eye while rough housing), or for work. I told him to not wear it when he does PT or what not.

    In all honesty I don't care, it's a ring. The same ring that just about all the other military guys have. But seriously, it's just a ring. My sister and her husband don't wear their bands at all and she doesn't have an engagement ring. Some people don't need a ring. Some people can't wear them. And some people get tired of stones coming loose or falling off. (My niece's husband got a matching band to hers complete with diamonds on it. He no longer feels comfortable wearing it after loosing almost all the stones after only 2 years of marriage).

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  35. If you are so insecure in your relationship that you need him to wear a ring to show the world that he's taken, then you should reevaluate your relationship. We are doing the ring thing, but I forget my engagement ring by the dishes all the time and he doesn't care. Likewise if his ends up in the ring dish before a night on the town, I would never question his loyalty.

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  36. I don' wear my wedding ring, my husband wears his every day and it's never off. Bizarely I make wedding tiaras and accessories and don't really enjoy wearing jewellery, I love looking at it and own lots and make lots and always wear new designs for a week to make sure they 'work' but I prefer my jewellery in a box.

    Being married isn't about a ring, its a commitment, my commitment to my husband is no less just because I choose not to wear a symbol of it. I am married, I have pledged to love and respect my husband and his choices, he choose to do the same at the same time, that is enough for us.

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  37. Mine works with engines keeps his in his pocket but we're getting anchor ring tats he said he wanted something there. But I agree the risk working on boats is too dangerous. When were out he wares it. My dad same way he worked on machines. Nothing wrong with not wearing it. He's got a bigger ring around his heart marrying you :) but it is sey when they do

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  38. We exchanged rings and my husband wore his for the first few months… then he lost close to 100lbs. and it didn't fit anymore. I kept wearing mine because I loved it, but then I lost like 50lbs. and mine didn't fit either. We couldn't get his sized because it's titanium, and at first talked about buying him a new one and started saving up to get him a new one and get mine resized… then we realized after a few months that it was silly and there were a lot of things we would rather spend that money on. I bought a sized for mine and wear it sometimes but not everyday, he put his on a chain and wears that sometimes… we used the money to take a second honeymoon to Universal to visit Springfield and The Wizarding World on our 2 year anniversary. I'll take the memories over the jewelry any day.

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  39. It is an amazing article for me because we have the opposite problem. In traditional Jewish Israeli culture, women wear rings but men do not usually. In a traditional ceremony the only one making a vow is the husband to the wife and the ring is a token of that vow. The wife doesn't even speak. She shows her consent for the wedding by allowing the groom to cover her with her veil. I think it is summed up best in our language. The word for wife in Hebrew is "Isha" which directly translated means "Woman" but husband is "Ba'al" meaning "Master".
    I run with a pretty progressive crowd. When we said we didn't want to get married in Israel under the religious authority, they said great. When we said we wanted to both exchange vows, they said ok. So I thought they would approve when I gave my fiance an engagement band as well. Also, though I call him Ba'ali "My Master" (it sounds very S&M in English but it doesn't have a sexual connotation) he calls me Giverai "My Mistress"….aaaannnd people lost their minds. I was told by bi-sexual girls with pink hair that I was being too dominate of my fiance and he would get tired of it and runaway. No one wants a Ballabusta ( a tough bossy ass housewife), I was told. His friends questioned his masculinity.
    In short as offbeat brides, no matter where we live, are going to force people to question customs they think are natural, even if they are anything but natural. It is demeaning to think that without a band of gold a man will be unfaithful or with one he is less of a man. Some times we catch some flack for rubbing against the grain but for me and my wonderful fiance who is secure enough in himself to treat me as an equal, it is the only way to be :)

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  40. I couldn't agree more. My fiance probably won't wear his much, if at all after the wedding and honeymoon. His job makes it potentially dangerous to wear it as well as the fact that he is a hunter and I would really rather him not lose it in some marsh during a hunt. I told him he has to have one but mainly so we can exchange on the wedding day. If he wears it once a year, I'm ok with that. The marriage isn't about a stupid ring.

    0 agree

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