No, he doesn't wear a ring

No he doesnt wear a ring

I follow a few popular wedding-related Twitter accounts — I chalk it up to a market research kind of thing. Most of the time I just ignore the tweets as 98% of them are pure WIC fluff. "Flowers worthy of escorting you down the aisle." "Have you ever thought of wearing a red wedding dress!?" "The time between your engagement and your wedding is an ideal time to begin a regular beauty and fitness regimen." "Make sure to buy more things! You need more things! Things that are shiny!" And then this tweet caught my eye:

"Do U Care if UR Husband (or Future Husband) Doesn't wear a Wedding Ring?"

I read it and immediately wanted to tweet back — Why the hell would I care!? Why the hell would anyone care!? What business is it of yours!? And so on. But I thought, naw, totally not worth my time. And then it got worse as I read this response:

Even better question. RT @blueskyshine: @BrideTide More important question: WHY wouldn't he want to?

Ooooh, my blood was boiling after reading that ignorant twat tweet. To question someone's love and basic morality based on the fact that they don't want to wear a piece a of jewelry just seemed beyond insulting to me.

So I just had to respond in the piddly 140 characters at my disposal:

@BrideTide Why not? Bc he has a job where wearing jewelry is dangerous. Bc he hates wearing jewelry. Bc he doesn't need 1 to show he's committed [cont.] Mine doesn't wear a wedding ring and I couldn't care less. He gave it a go at first and he just never got used to it. S'okay by me

And it is okay by me! I'll be honest that at first I was bummed… I think wedding rings on a dude (especially your own dude) are sexy! Every time I saw that flash of metal on his finger I gave me a thrill — it's all sexy "grown up" of him.

But when I stepped back and looked at the reality of the situation I saw that, honestly, that ring spent more time spinning on the table in front of him, or alternately, rolling off the table and onto the floor, than on his finger. And I just saw how uncomfortable it made him. He really HATES wearing jewelry, and he complained that the air conditioning in the recording studio where he works made the ring so cold that his finger ached.

Now, I could've bitched and nagged and guilted my husband into just accepting his be-ringed fate, but I had realize that, even though that ring gave me a thrill, it's not at all worth his discomfort for one minute.

And what's the point of it really? 'It's symbol to show that he's devoted and faithful to me,' is what I came up with. But isn't it okay that the symbol just be that he freaking MARRIED ME!? I mean, what more do I need? This man stood in front of family, friends, and a few complete strangers, and exchanged vows with me — do I need more than THAT? And the answer was, obviously, no. There doesn't need to be a physical symbol when his vows alone and my trust in him are enough to show me (and everyone else?) that he is devoted and faithful to me.

So, no, he doesn't wear a ring, and I'm okay with it. But I'll keep wearing mine because I think it's purrrrty.

And for you LOTR nerds out there, you might get a kick out of the version of this post that my husband created late last night while I was sleeping, unawares… No, he doesn't wear "the precious."

  1. Neither of my parents wore their rings for most of their 34 yrs. of marriage b4 death parted them. I wasn't around for the first 2. My man wont wear his b/c of his work and we'll see if I wear mine. I barely wear my diamond as I'm not comfortable with a ring on all the time and I'm afraid of losing it. I don't think its mandatory attire. While the ring is a symbol of commitment, the commitment should be seen in the actions and not the metal on one's hand!

    0 agree
  2. I like wearing my engagement ring because it's a GTFO to the randos who hit on me when I'm walking down the street. I trust my man completely, but I guess a ring is kind of my way of being possessive a little and telling all the other girls to back off, lol.

    2 agree
  3. I'm allergic to metals – earrings, rings, necklaces. This website is all about being offbeat – who cares about THE RING its just some tradition that has been handed down and if it holds no meaning for you – why wear it? Being that I don't put a lot of weight on that tradition AND i'm freaking allergic to metal – oh well I'm not wearing it.

    0 agree
  4. My fiance I would say is the opposite. He even wanted an engagement ring. He said that it didn't seem fair that I got two rings and he only got one. So I bought him one (a cheap one from amazon) and proposed to him too. So now I will have three rings and he will have two, I am sure he will not wear both that would be ridiculous. But he doesn't wear it at work, otherwise he may get slag stuck on it or maybe weld it to something. (not really :P) I say to each his own, if he doesn't like it that's fine. I think some people look down on it bc they think it's a sign that the guy doesn't care about you or something. Really whatever, those people are idiots.

    0 agree
  5. I got this text from my mom yesterday: "FYI Buckingham Palace has just announced that Prince William has decided NOT to wear a wedding ring… so take that Bitches!!!" :)

    7 agree
  6. My darling husband doesn't wear a ring and I sometimes forget to put on mine. We are 100% committed to each other. Someone once told me I was wearing my engagement ring and wedding ring wrong (engagement ring on the inside). I told her that I really didn't think that I love my husband any less because my wedding band was 5 centimeters away from my heart. A ring does not make us more committed to each other — if we were to stray from the marriage, a ring is not going to stop anyone. It's really just a ring.

    0 agree
    • That's funny. I got that too. I wore (when I actually still wore) my engagement ring on the inside too — I just liked the way it looked better — and got scolded by a few people. Really guys? Really? And now I only wear my rings (any of them) when I feel like it.

      0 agree
  7. I've suggested rings to my fiance but it doesn't seem to interest him, so I'm not going to push the topic. If he doesn't want to wear a piece of jewlery, I don't care. I care about him just loving me the way I am, and so I'd better love him for who he is too!

    0 agree
  8. To be honest, this isn't something that I'd ever really thought about. Growing up, it was always "Of Course the husband wears his wedding ring."

    That being said, my hubby was never one to wear much jewelry. So even though I wanted to get him a super fancy ring (cause he deserved it!), I'm so glad I listened to what he wanted and what he would be comfortable with wearing – a very simple, lightweight band.

    I ended up getting him a titanium ring. And less than two years after we were married, my FIL had an accident at his workplace – almost losing his ring finger. In fact, if his ring hadn't been gold and soft enough for them to cut, he would have lost his finger.

    Needless to say, it took all of a minute for my hubby and me to decide to replace his titanium ring with a white gold ring. We both love the symbolism of the ring, but none of that is worth losing body parts over!

    And it's worked out great. Hubby likes his new ring even better than the first, and I've strung his old ring onto a necklace passed down from my grandmother.

    0 agree
  9. OMG! The LotR version is HYSTERICAL! I couldn't stop laughing.

    0 agree
  10. I agree with your comments Megan, my dad has never worn a ring and I think jewellery on a man is weird personally. I also don't wear a lot of jewellery unless it is plastic so for me even the thought of an engagement ring for myself was off putting. I got around this by finding a lovely simple band with black diamonds round it to do the job of both wedding band and engagement ring for me and my fiance designed his own wedding band to match, however when he proposed as we knew it would be several years before our wedding, I proposed right back at him so he could wear his too.
    It is less a symbol of ownership than an awesome piece of metal that rocks and doesn't get in the way or annoyingly catches on everything. People so tend to think we are already married though cos he is wearing a ring too…

    0 agree
  11. My husband and I have never had rings. He would like to have one, although I don't particularly care to wear jewelry. Over seven years of marriage I have never felt the lack of a ring, engagement or wedding, except for the very few times when I wanted to flash some bling. One interesting thing I find is that some single men and women get upset when they find that one of us (whoever they are interested in) is married and unavailable, despite the appearance of our ringless fingers.

    0 agree
  12. My FH and I were just having this discussion the other day. He hates wearing anything that he can "feel" constricting him. No hats, no watch, no jewelry; he even freaks out when he can feel his hair touching his forehead or his mustache curling around and touching his lip (how he survives having a full beard is still beyond me).

    Anyway, I told him long before we even got engaged that I would prefer him to be comfortable, and although I would be happy to see a ring on his finger because I think it's romantic, I love him so much that I would NEVER insist on it if it bothered him.

    I guess it's a testament to how much love and respect we BOTH have for each other, because when we were talking about it the other night, he said, "If you had really wanted me to wear a ring, I would have because I love you and want you to be happy, but I can't tell you how relieved I am that you don't mind if I don't."

    That he would have made that sacrifice for me is just as touching to me as seeing a strip of metal around his finger.

    Thank you for this article. It's great to know there are so many people out there who feel the same!

    0 agree
  13. I've read this article a few times and never saw anything wrong with wearing a wedding ring. Then, after a trip to my parent's house, I realized why: my father doesn't wear a ring! I never remember him wearing a wedding ring when we were growing up. When we'd asked about it when we were kiddos, the responses were always "I don't like rings" and "My fingers are too fat" (Dad had gained a lotta weight between wedding day and the day we asked).

    He wears one now–a brush with diabetes and his thyroid inspired him to lose the weight–and I don't think it's actually the same one from his wedding day. I've never asked about the "change" in rings (or my mom for that matter). To us, it just seemed normal that the guy had an option. My mom never cared–and to this day, only wears a simple band as opposed to her original rings (she's a lefty). I think all the WIC nonsense about "ring upgrades!" "biggest ring ever!" "show your love!" have just forced the notion of jewelry on people. Just 'cause they don't wear a ring doesn't mean they don't love you (and, conversly: just because they DO wear a ring, doesn't mean that they love you).

    My partner wants to wear one after we get married (as a mechanic, I have to find something indestructable for him) but I like the idea of the guys having the option without the pressure.

    0 agree
  14. Another option is tattoos in another place than the ring finger – I've been thinking about over the heart. Also know a couple that has wrist tattoos. I also know a couple who gave bracelets. It's an interesting topic b/c there are so many sides to it – the couple's choice fro themselves, how we view each other etc.

    0 agree
  15. I'm not used to seeing men in rings. My dad is a construction worker so it's dangerous for him to wear one so I have gotten used to seeing men without them. I really couldn't care less. I wear a cladaugh facing in on my left hand because it is symbolic of the commitment that I have to my boyfriend, but I don't wear it everyday. I figure that if I don't wear jewelry all the time it unreasonable to expect my partner to.

    0 agree
  16. My dad doesn't wear one and he has been committed and in love with my mom since 1969. So no I wouldn't make him wear one if he did not want to.

    0 agree
  17. I'm pretty sad that my fiance doesn't want to wear a wedding ring but I totally understand the not being a jewelry person (I'm not and wearing a ring is going to be an adjustment for me) plus his line of work makes it a little dangerous.

    Does anyone have any ideas for alternate ring ceremony wording where only I'm getting a ring?

    0 agree
    • My fiance and I were having the same quagmire, so for our ring ceremony he gave me a wedding band, and I gave him a love note rolled up into a ring shape :) It's a keepsake and symbol of our marriage…no awkward explanation at the alter needed.

      0 agree
  18. My FH said that he didn't want to wear a ring. I was a little disapointed. I was so excited about wearing mine that I didn't see why he wouldn't be. Anyways, I realized that that was silly, so I'm buying him a ring with engraved viking runes (his fav), and then I'll get him a chain so he can wear it next to his heart. Problem solved!

    0 agree
  19. I actually have this issue on my end and I find it so judgemental. My father hasnt worn his wedding ring or any jewelry my entire life and guess what still warried faithful etc, but wll like having all our fingers intacts and not cutting them off through our work. I work in restoration /construction and FI does mechanical/flight. We are both getting rings and he insisted on getting me an engagement ring, but I practically never wear it. I'd hate to ruin the stone with an odd solvent or by crushing it, snagging it etc. I think it's horrible that guys specifically get picked on for not wearing them when I know my Fi was initially kind of bummed when he realized I wouldn't be able to wear mine all the time, but no one seems to think its horrible of me not to wear it, yet they judge that I wont make him wear one to work when it has nothing to do with loyalty or our wedding or our relationship.

    0 agree
  20. My parents don't wear their wedding rings, except on special occasions sometimes. I've seen my mom's ring a few times throughout my life, and dad's..no clue where he even keeps his. A drawer somewhere I'm guessing. His first one got stuck to his finger and had to be cut off, and then he just didn't wear the new one after that. But he's a plasterer and works with his hands, so best not to wear it. My mom use to work in a stock room, and now she cleans for a living, so also not the best job for a fancy ring.

    0 agree
  21. I'm the one that doesn't wear my ring in our relationship, haha. I lost weight and it's really loose, so I only wear it when we go on dates, or when I'm around my more conservative family members, because they get quite huffy if they catch me not wearing it. He doesn't mind at all!

    2 agree
  22. My Dad's 1st wife DEMANDED that he wore a ring all the time, so when he married my Mom he didn't want to wear one & she was fine with that. On their 35th Wedding Anniversary they did a recommittal ceremony and he decided that now he would like a ring. 4 weeks later he was mugged and they stole his ring :S so now he's back to not wearing one

    PS LOVED the LOTR post

    3 agree
  23. My husband wears a ring and has since the day we married. I, on the other hand, took mine off the day after we married and haven't put it back on since. Feels odd. It's no big deal.

    2 agree
  24. I personally find it frustrating how people here boast about how they don't wear their wedding rings — or didn't have any to start with. My husband and I are in different branches of the active duty military. We are apart for long periods of time. When I'm feeling alone, all I have to do is look down at my hand, and I'm comforted by the fact that he has the matching one on his hand. I know he feels the same way. It's our connection while we're apart, when we can't write or call each other. Although he works with dangerous equipment (and has gone through one ring already) he chooses to wear his ring and never takes it off. It means a LOT to us, and I wouldn't trade it for anything other than a tattoo ring. If he told me he didn't want to wear his ring anymore I would be crushed.

    2 agree
    • Hey Alis, I'm sorry you're feeling frustrated by the comments, but I definitely wrote this post specifically to reach out and give those ring-less couples a safe space to speak up, be represented and feel accepted. I'm sure no one means any disrespect to those couples who DO wear rings. They more than likely just as proud of their choice to not wear rings, as much as you are proud of your super sweet matching rings. :)

      6 agree
  25. I'm not judging anyone but I definitely have an opposing opinion on this issue. Wedding rings to me symbolise commitment to someone. They are a visible sign that someone is no longer available. As a single woman I don't want to make the mistake of chatting with or dating someone who is unavailable. A man with a ring = married = stay away. Believe it or not I believe that the man should be upfront about being unavailable (especially if there is no clear visible sign of this, i.e. a ring). If a man courts me (yes, I know it sounds old fashioned, but oh well), asks me out on a date or suggests romantic weekends away then I assume he's available. Why? Because I believe its unconscionable to do any of this if you are married. My apologies to anyone that thinks that makes me naive, old-fashioned, conservative or not with the times. Past experience tells me that no ring (if it isn't for safety reasons of course) implies an unwillingness to be seen as attached to someone. Personally I wouldn't be comfortable with that.

    2 agree
    • Well, wedding rings for men are a pretty recent development. Most people agree that they only start getting going during WWII and weren't very common until the 70s or 80s. And the funny thing is, back when men didn't wear wedding rings, the divorce rates were lower! : )

      1 agrees
      • (Of course, part of the reason for divorce rates being lower then was because women literally could not afford to get divorced…)

        2 agree
  26. I've never seen the big deal wheather a man is willing to wear a wedding ring or not. My father worked on trucks and with his hands a lot, and he is just not a jewelry kind of guy. I don't ever recall seeing him with a wedding band. In fact, I believe my parents cashed it in for money years ago when times were rough.

    Same thing goes for my boyfriend, I have already been forewarned that he will not be wearing one because he doesn't like jewelry, I am fine with this. I know that it is a personal preference rather than a ploy to be able to hook up with other women without a ring to hinder him. We will buy something cheap from a department store for show during the ceremony, and that will probably be the last I see of it on his finger.

    That being said, my boyfriend's brother got married 2 years ago. He isn't required by his wife to wear his all the time because of where he works. But she will flip out if he goes anywhere else without it. They were even going to a wedding together and he forgot it, and they had a huge argument and had to turn around to go get it. I don't understand the point in creating so much drama over it, especially when they were going together. It's not like she caught him coming home from the bar half in the bag with lip stick stains on his collar, come on now!

    0 agree
  27. My fiance is a previously married cop. He stopped wearing his ring to work when the brother of someone he arrested was found with photos of him, his ex-wife, and their daughter. I'm perfectly fine with him not wearing one; I can't get used to wearing an engagement ring myself!

    1 agrees
  28. My husband doesn't wear a ring unless we go out for a special occasion (even then I usually forget to give it to him). We both know hes committed to our marriage so its not a big deal. Due to injuries he received in Iraq he regularly loses feeling in his left hand and works on motors and cnc machines. The thought of him wearing a ring full time truly scares me due to the risk of injury even though it is extremely sexy on him. I never take off my wedding ring because I feel naked without it. Anyone wearing or not wearing their ring is completly up to them not anyone else.

    1 agrees
  29. I thought that was pretty ignorant of that lady on twitter to say. My dad doesn't wear a wedding ring and he isn't leaving my mother any time soon. He's worked with his hands as a mechanic, photographer and filmmaker for most of his life so it didn't make sense for him to wear his ring after a while and my mom was okay with it.
    If my FH decides he doesn't want to wear a ring, he certainly doesn't have to. I know he loves me and is committed to me now when he's not wearing a ring.
    I think some women (especially, but some men, too) forget that their significant others were committed to them before they had to wear a ring. So why is it such a big deal to have the ring if they were committed all along?

    1 agrees
  30. My parents have been married for 32 years and neither has ever worn a wedding ring. At the time money was tight, but it's been so long it's basically a non-issue. They know they're married, I know they're married. What's the big deal?

    0 agree
  31. Megan–Thank you! My future hubby does not wear jewelry! I have been trying to come to terms with the fact that marrying me is not going to change that. I appreciate your insight and I totally agree with that ring being incredibly sexy but also, I will have his last name so what the hell? I decided to ask him to wear it only when we are in bed–not while we sleep–so I get my fix of finding him sexy with it and he does not have to suffer any more than he has to for being married to me! :)

    0 agree
  32. Just married in a single ring ceremony (only I got a ring). Celebrant was flummoxed by that. Which I found strange.

    No man in my family has ever worn a wedding ring, and they didn't work with their hands, just thought it was "vulgar." All of them had marriages that lasted forever — my parents are coming up on their 50th next month. Please that my guy has followed my family tradition!

    0 agree
    • Neither of my Grandfathers had rings either, one worked with his hands the other didn't. My Dad does have a ring, but his fingers swell in the heat now so my Mum wears it as a thumb ring for most of the year. Doesn't make 'em any less married, right?

      0 agree
  33. My parents have been happily married for 34 years now. My father still wears his wedding ring, he always has, but not on his finger. He wears it on a necklace.

    My future husband and I got our rings a year in advance. We're very excited about it. I must admit we did have a little argument about how to wear it: he wants to wear it on his right hand and I want to wear it on my left hand. To be honest, I don't mind. I just think he's a little weird. And he thinks that I'm a bit weird as well. :-)

    0 agree
  34. My husband and I had all of our rings made (my engagement ring and the wedding rings) in a design that he came up with…and since his finger is so much bigger than mine–his ring cost almost twice as much as my wedding ring…and he almost never wears it. He's a carpenter so he can't safely wear it at work and he plays guitar all the time and it interferes with his playing…so it lives on a hook on my dresser…and in a perfect world it would be cool if he would wear it (not only because it lets potential bitches know he's taken (haha–joke), but because it was pretty expensive)…but I see it every morning while he's still sleeping and I'm getting ready and I think about how that little reminder of our promises will always be at home, and that's cool with me.

    0 agree
  35. This may have been said, but I'm too lazy this Friday morning to sift back through the comments. My boyfriend and I aren't engaged yet, but it's imminent. When the discussion of rings came up, he said the idea of wearing it made him uncomfortable. Not being married, but wearing the jewelry (he doesn't like physically constricting things, which sounds silly, but hey, we all have our quirks). And you know what? It didn't bother me one bit. If Prince William doesn't wear a wedding ring, then by golly, my boyfriend doesn't have to! Obviously that wasn't the only reason why it didn't bother me, but I feel like the Prince William comment would shut up any naysayers.

    2 agree
  36. I never thought much about it. Neither of my parents wore their rings consistently, and I can't even remember if I've seen my dad wear his recently. They're both teachers, so it's not an issue of safety — they're just not big jewelry people. They'll wear them when they remember, but if not, whatever. They've been married about 35 years. Long before we got engaged my fiance had mentioned his father doesn't wear a ring (because he doesn't believe men should wear jewelry), so I didn't expect FH to, but he surprised me by really wanting one. When we went to get my engagement ring sized shortly after he proposed, he picked out his own ring and put it on the same store account. I wouldn't be unhappy if he didn't want to wear one, but it did feel kind of good to know how much he wanted one of his own.

    0 agree
  37. I'd rather my dairy farmer husband didn't lose an expensive ring to a cow if you get what I mean. Just saying.

    5 agree
  38. My dad never had a wedding ring. He worked with machinery and he once witnessed his coworker get his wedding ring stuck in a bandsaw and lose his whole hand. After that my dad was not much interested, and even though my mom was a little disappointed she understood. I figure, it's more about the quality of the marriage than it is about whether he wears a ring or not.

    0 agree
  39. We are coming up on our one-year anniversary of marriage, and both of us have gotten into a strange habit: we leave our rings on our ring holders. Our rings are insured, and we love them. They just don't make it out of the house very often. Neither of us feel bad about it, nor do we make each other feel bad about it. It's not that we forget our wedding rings; we forget all our rings. It's kind of awesome :)

    We went to a punk rock show a couple of weeks ago and was in the pit with a 100+ people. I wore all my rings, and after each song, I'd check my hands to make sure I had all my rings and the stones. It was awkward.

    Earlier this week, we went to a metal show, and neither of us wore our rings. It was nice to say we were married and not have our rings. I guess the thing is we love our rings, and we love each other. If we wear them, it's great. If not, it's still great :)

    1 agrees
  40. My dad works in the OR and he saw his colleagues forget their wedding rings so often after an operation that he decided not to get one. My mom has one but never wears it. They have been married for 30 years, had their problems, got over them and never had any issues about the rings that I know of. I'm used to not seeing a ring. Still, I want to wear a ring because I like to wear rings. Sadly I have broken and lost several over the years, that is why I'm looking for a simple design that doesn't get caught on anything and something sturdy.

    0 agree
  41. We're still two months out from our wedding date but we reached a compromise that works for us both on the jewelry front.

    I want to wear my rings all the time, but I work hands-on with kids and didn't want to a) scratch/hurt the kids or b) scratch/hurt my rings. To solve both, I designed my engagement and wedding ring to be snag- and scratch free. No sticky-outy, sticky-upy bits for me!

    He isn't able to wear his ring at the chemical plant he works at, so he wasn't going to bother having one. But, because he knows I would like him to have a ring he's going to have one to wear just for special occasions, vacations etc.

    Works for both of us.

    0 agree
  42. my husband is a hemophiliac so it's dangerous for him to wear a ring b/c if he hits his hand and gets a bleed, he could lose his finger if he can't get his ring off in time. him wearing a ring isn't worth a finger. besides he's been committed to me since the day i met him and that's all that matters!

    0 agree
  43. My hubs doesn't wear one because of work (airplane mechanic for the Air Force) and neither do any of the other married guys in his shop! At first I thought it was strange but its a safety thing and I would rather have him be safe than stylish!

    0 agree
  44. I actually didn't realise for years that it was a 'thing' for men to wear wedding rings. My dad never wore one, and as far as I know he had no reason other than he didn't want to. They have a great marriage, so it clearly isn't a problem! So when my FH told me he didn't want to wear one, he was surprised when I wasn't surprised (he's from a culture where men usually wear rings). Sadly, his family are pressuring him to wear one, and don't understand that I don't mind in the slightest.
    If it's good enough for William and Kate, it's good enough for us!

    0 agree
  45. A friend of mine works in the military and is therefore not allowed to wear her engagement ring on the hand. So she simply wears it on a chain around her neck, underneath the uniform. I find it very romantic!

    My dad has been joking for several years about making an ear piercing out of his ring. That's another fun idea, instead of wearing them on the finger.

    0 agree
  46. My mother hasn't worn her rings since she got pregnant…her jeweler originally sized them so that they would never fall off. Well, lo and behold, her fingers swelled and she couldn't wear her rings anymore. My father got into a bike accident several years ago and broke his hand, and now he can't get his ring past his knuckle. They've been married for 33 years and are still going strong.

    I wear my engagement ring daily and I'm excited to get my wedding band. My fiance wants to wear a ring as well (he says he wants the One Ring…I was thinking more of getting our rings engraved with "I love you" and "I know"), but if circumstances prevented him wearing it, I wouldn't mind.

    Whatever floats your goat.

    0 agree
  47. FH has mentioned he doesn't like rings, which made me pout…until I read this article.

    WHY wouldn't he want to? *this made me fume*

    Well, if he needs a ring to remind him of his commitment to another person, or if he needs a ring to advertise he is taken to others, then he's not much of a mate choice, is he? And that's on him.
    Not on the bride, Mr. Twitter Poster-who's-obviously-targeting-brides-and-being-a-jerk!

    Never bringing it up again. We'll exchange rings, because of the symbology. But not being *that* person ever again.

    2 agree
  48. To each their own, but I couldn't be any more put off by the thought. Thanks but no thanks!!

    0 agree
  49. My husband and I just got married for legal (hospital visitation rights) reasons but haven't had our wedding yet. I love wearing rings but doesn't. I'm getting one to wear whenever I'm in the mood for rings but he wants to get a bracelet or necklace instead. It certainly doesn't diminish our love or commitment. We're different from most people in this way and that's exactly why I love him. Though we both like the idea custom made matching rings, it's just not for us.

    0 agree
  50. Adorable story: My parents have been married for more than 30 years, and they got married young even by 70's standards: they were 18 and 19, about to start college and totally broke. To save some money, my dad said he didn't want a ring, so they didn't get one, and he's never worn one all my life. But last year for Christmas, out of the clear blue sky, he told my mom he wanted a wedding ring. She wrapped it up and put it under the tree with all the other presents. Watching my dad see his wedding ring for the first time, and my mom slip it on his finger, and the way they looked at each other was absolutely priceless.

    1 agrees
  51. I am just going to weigh in with this: My husband wears his ring far more often than I wear mine. He puts it on to go into clients' offices. He says it makes him look "responsible". I forget to put mine on most days. Neither of us cares. At All. Wear it, don't wear it. Just don't lose it because it costs $.

    0 agree
  52. My fiance is a firefighter and I am a massage therapist so needless to say we both hardly wear our rings. Honestly we barely remember to wear them on our days off lol… I don't think its a big deal.

    0 agree
  53. Decisions like this made between couples seem to cause a lot of drama for others who don't seem to WANT to understand the real reasons behind those decisions.

    My husband recently started taking off his wedding ring because he has *cough* put on a little weight, and the ring tends to pinch his finger, and coincidentally causes his hands to become cold due to bad circulation. I'd buy him another ring, but that seems silly and a waste of funds. Everyone we know is very aware of our marriage. Even former customers he use to work with walk up to me and say, "Hey! You're blah blahs wife! Congratulations!" It's kinda weird but nice.

    I've also recently stopped wearing my engagement ring because I was 1) afraid of losing it (I take it off to wash my hands) and 2) I have a fear of being mugged for my jewelry. My rings aren't necessarily expensive, but they mean a lot to me and I wouldn't want them to be lost because I'm lazy and particular about hand washing. ;)

    0 agree
    • "Decisions like this made between couples seem to cause a lot of drama for others who don't seem to WANT to understand the real reasons behind those decisions." I love that! It's so true.

      Btw, I'm going on 5+ years of that guy I married not wearing a ring, and it's completely a non-issue at this point. In fact, no one's even brought it up in YEARS. Which is great.

      1 agrees
  54. We both have wedding rings. My husband takes his off all the time and I am more worried he'll lose it somewhere since this has already happened.

    Being in the military, it slipped off during PT one day and he went and borrowed a metal detector and spent all day looking for it with a buddy of his. They found a ton of trash before they found his ring.

    But he does take it off when he's playing with the dogs (we have small dogs and one pretty much got a black eye while rough housing), or for work. I told him to not wear it when he does PT or what not.

    In all honesty I don't care, it's a ring. The same ring that just about all the other military guys have. But seriously, it's just a ring. My sister and her husband don't wear their bands at all and she doesn't have an engagement ring. Some people don't need a ring. Some people can't wear them. And some people get tired of stones coming loose or falling off. (My niece's husband got a matching band to hers complete with diamonds on it. He no longer feels comfortable wearing it after loosing almost all the stones after only 2 years of marriage).

    0 agree
  55. If you are so insecure in your relationship that you need him to wear a ring to show the world that he's taken, then you should reevaluate your relationship. We are doing the ring thing, but I forget my engagement ring by the dishes all the time and he doesn't care. Likewise if his ends up in the ring dish before a night on the town, I would never question his loyalty.

    0 agree
  56. I don' wear my wedding ring, my husband wears his every day and it's never off. Bizarely I make wedding tiaras and accessories and don't really enjoy wearing jewellery, I love looking at it and own lots and make lots and always wear new designs for a week to make sure they 'work' but I prefer my jewellery in a box.

    Being married isn't about a ring, its a commitment, my commitment to my husband is no less just because I choose not to wear a symbol of it. I am married, I have pledged to love and respect my husband and his choices, he choose to do the same at the same time, that is enough for us.

    0 agree
  57. Mine works with engines keeps his in his pocket but we're getting anchor ring tats he said he wanted something there. But I agree the risk working on boats is too dangerous. When were out he wares it. My dad same way he worked on machines. Nothing wrong with not wearing it. He's got a bigger ring around his heart marrying you :) but it is sey when they do

    0 agree
  58. We exchanged rings and my husband wore his for the first few months… then he lost close to 100lbs. and it didn't fit anymore. I kept wearing mine because I loved it, but then I lost like 50lbs. and mine didn't fit either. We couldn't get his sized because it's titanium, and at first talked about buying him a new one and started saving up to get him a new one and get mine resized… then we realized after a few months that it was silly and there were a lot of things we would rather spend that money on. I bought a sized for mine and wear it sometimes but not everyday, he put his on a chain and wears that sometimes… we used the money to take a second honeymoon to Universal to visit Springfield and The Wizarding World on our 2 year anniversary. I'll take the memories over the jewelry any day.

    0 agree
  59. It is an amazing article for me because we have the opposite problem. In traditional Jewish Israeli culture, women wear rings but men do not usually. In a traditional ceremony the only one making a vow is the husband to the wife and the ring is a token of that vow. The wife doesn't even speak. She shows her consent for the wedding by allowing the groom to cover her with her veil. I think it is summed up best in our language. The word for wife in Hebrew is "Isha" which directly translated means "Woman" but husband is "Ba'al" meaning "Master".
    I run with a pretty progressive crowd. When we said we didn't want to get married in Israel under the religious authority, they said great. When we said we wanted to both exchange vows, they said ok. So I thought they would approve when I gave my fiance an engagement band as well. Also, though I call him Ba'ali "My Master" (it sounds very S&M in English but it doesn't have a sexual connotation) he calls me Giverai "My Mistress"….aaaannnd people lost their minds. I was told by bi-sexual girls with pink hair that I was being too dominate of my fiance and he would get tired of it and runaway. No one wants a Ballabusta ( a tough bossy ass housewife), I was told. His friends questioned his masculinity.
    In short as offbeat brides, no matter where we live, are going to force people to question customs they think are natural, even if they are anything but natural. It is demeaning to think that without a band of gold a man will be unfaithful or with one he is less of a man. Some times we catch some flack for rubbing against the grain but for me and my wonderful fiance who is secure enough in himself to treat me as an equal, it is the only way to be :)

    0 agree
  60. I couldn't agree more. My fiance probably won't wear his much, if at all after the wedding and honeymoon. His job makes it potentially dangerous to wear it as well as the fact that he is a hunter and I would really rather him not lose it in some marsh during a hunt. I told him he has to have one but mainly so we can exchange on the wedding day. If he wears it once a year, I'm ok with that. The marriage isn't about a stupid ring.

    0 agree
  61. He will have a ring for the ceremony and special occasions, but he works with dry ice on a regular basis and him wearing a ring is not worth possibly losing his finger at work! He has, however, opted to get a tattoo instead. It will say "all my love all my life" in french and the same will be engraved inside my wedding ring. We were actually just discussing our wedding tattoos this morning…he will have his ring tattoo and we will both have our wedding date tattooed on our wrist…I already have a tattoo on my wrist that says Love in support of TWLOHA and my beautiful niece who has struggled with cutting, so adding the date we chose to commit ourselves to this shared life feels right for me.

    0 agree
  62. I agree that I think it's a personal decision made by the couple, and really none of anyone business! It's infuriating when people say judgmental statements like "Why wouldn't he!?!" Like you said, there are lots of reasons. And for the record a ring doesn't actually mean that someone is more or less committed to a relationship!

    However, I'll be honest. The whole concept of the woman wearing the engagement ring after the couple gets engaged does bother me a little bit. There is no expectation that the man will need to wear a ring in the WIC. It does make my inner-feminist go "hey, wait a minute! What century is this!?!"

    That being said, my guy will wear a ring once we're married and sometime before. I am currently wearing an engagement ring and he's not. We're still 14 months out 'til the wedding and once we have enough money saved up we'll buy his wedding ring so he can wear it as an "engagement" ring. He was a little indifferent to the ring concept until we went ring shopping. Then I think he got a little excited about having something that could make a statement about his style that is also a statement of us.

    0 agree
  63. I wonder if I'm the only one with the opposite "problem" (in quotes because neither wearing a ring nor NOT wearing a ring is inherently a problem in my book)–my fiance couldn't wait to wear his ring! Shortly after I bought it, he wore it for a few hours to get used to the feel (he plays bass and we both wondered whether it would get in the way) and got hooked. Now he's wearing it all the time (pre-wedding). Some people think it's weird or ask him why. I think it's sweet that he can't wait to be married to me and wants to show it. His mother of course jumped to her personal version of a worst case scenario and asked him if we were "shacking up" (wait, wouldn't a ring be a more likely sign of having eloped than that anyway??). Hehe.

    0 agree
  64. My fiance isn't too keen on wearing jewelry either. He'd rather have a nice watch to symbolize our marriage.

    My mother doesn't wear her wedding ring because it's made out of coral. She wears her emerald anniversary ring or her diamond right hand ring instead.

    0 agree
  65. My fiancé and I have matching engagement tattoos near our hip bones.

    2 agree
  66. I do look forward to seeing A in his ring eventually, but it certainly won't be every day. He mucks about in caves, aquariums, the river, and wherever else our head naturalist leads him; outside of work he is typically covered in corrosive art stuff. I'm completely okay with that – cause he has his eye on a pricey bit of metal and I don't want to pay for a replacement.

    My Dad and Mom hit 41 years last month, and he's never had a wedding ring. The symbolism of commitment is so personal that sometimes we can Miss it entirely.

    When I was 12, his wallet was stolen and he was beyond distraught. It was found a few weeks later in a burned out building. When he got it back the first thing he checked wasn't cash or cards. He checked the picture flap. He didn't care about the money, he needed to see if my mom's senior picture was still there. It was taken about a month before they got married and it's probably his most precious possession.

    My Dad never faltered in loving her, even though they had some rough times. He never lied about being married. He worships my Mom and there's no piece of metal that can make that happen magically. It's the integrity of the man or woman that enforces the exchanged promises.

    To infer otherwise, is like saying that if you wear lipstick, you must be going on the pull. Which having pitched to us is just rude and a bit predatory.

    Watches, rings, necklaces, tattoos, and pbotos are all beautiful symbols. But it's the people involved who make the real Bond work. And they dont owe anyone a show, a symbol, or an explanation.

    0 agree
  67. My Hub was really apprehensive about the ring. So I told him we'd go look at some rings together- I had a feeling he'd like something hammered or the like. Sure enough, we found one hammered that he slipped on, looked at me, and started singing the Game of Thrones theme. Then wouldn't stop. I laughed& said "yeah, we'll take that one." He got used to how it felt to wear & loves it now.

    But had we not found one he liked, or had he not gotten used to it, I'm with you. Who cares? Marriage is more than weddings & rings. Not wearing one doesn't make a person any less committed. Not acting committed or being faithful is what makes someone less committed, and news flash, a ring is not a magical force field to stop that!

    0 agree
  68. Let me just say, my parents have been married for nearly 40 years and I've never seen a ring on my dads finger. I didn't even know he owned a ring until I was in my late teens- my mom found it in an old jewelry box. No one I know has ever considered my parents any less married because my dad doesn't wear a ring and NO ONE ever questioned my fathers commitment to my mother. Marriage is an internal commitment, it doesn't need to be validated by an external possession, it's validated completely by the love between two people. Anyone who implies otherwise is missing the point- a marriage is still a marriage, a love a love whether the couple decides for rings, against rings, tattoos instead of rings, or wedding necklaces instead of tattoos.

    0 agree
  69. I'm in your boat….seeing a ring on my husband's finger made me swoon! He wore the one we got married with until he started dropping weight (it's been replaced twice since then) all becoming too big. He carries a firearm for work and when it became more of a hazard for him to wear it, the decision was made not to. Although, he was never a jewelry wearer to begin with (he gets props for trying) he seems much more comfortable without it. At first it bothered me. Now I just glance at my name he opted to have tattooed down his left forearm as a sentimental replacement.

    0 agree
  70. My parents never wore their wedding bands. I don't even know if my dad ever had one (He's a welder too!) and my only wore a diamond band on special occasions. I also have two good friends, the husband never wears his band and the wife only wears her engagement ring. Both couples have been happily married for over 20 years.

    0 agree
  71. When my husband and I married we didn't have rings because we couldn't afford them. We had a second wedding to pacify my religious family where the bought us rings. We never wear them. He works as a computer programmer so it's not comfortable and I forget. He married me twice we don't need ring to prove we are committrd.

    0 agree
  72. I've said it before and I'll say it again. If he can't remember he's married without a wedding ring, what makes you think he'll remember with it on?

    0 agree
  73. We've discussed the ring thing…he's not a fan of jewelry but he promises to give the thing a go. My feelings are pretty in line with the OP; While it matters somewhat to me and it's definitely my preference that he wear it, ultimately, I love him enough to choose his comfort over my own emotional attachment to the symbolism.

    We're going to try to find one he can tolerate and see how it goes.

    0 agree

Join the conversation

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

No-drama comment policy

Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy.

Biz owners & wedding bloggers

Please just use your real name in your comment, not your business name or blog title. Our comments are not the place to pimp your website. If you want to promote your stuff on Offbeat Bride, join us as an advertiser instead.