No, he doesn't wear a ring

March 29 | meggyfin

No he doesnt wear a ring

I follow a few popular wedding-related Twitter accounts — I chalk it up to a market research kind of thing. Most of the time I just ignore the tweets as 98% of them are pure WIC fluff. "Flowers worthy of escorting you down the aisle." "Have you ever thought of wearing a red wedding dress!?" "The time between your engagement and your wedding is an ideal time to begin a regular beauty and fitness regimen." "Make sure to buy more things! You need more things! Things that are shiny!" And then this tweet caught my eye:

"Do U Care if UR Husband (or Future Husband) Doesn't wear a Wedding Ring?"

I read it and immediately wanted to tweet back — Why the hell would I care!? Why the hell would anyone care!? And so on. But I thought, naw, totally not worth my time. And then it got worse as I read this response:

Even better question. RT @[redacted]: @BrideTide More important question: WHY wouldn't he want to?

Ooooh, my blood was boiling after reading that. To question someone's love and basic morality based on the fact that they don't want to wear a piece a of jewelry just seemed beyond insulting to me.

So I just had to respond in the piddly 140 characters at my disposal:

@BrideTide Why not? Bc he has a job where wearing jewelry is dangerous. Bc he hates wearing jewelry. Bc he doesn't need 1 to show he's committed [cont.] Mine doesn't wear a wedding ring and I couldn't care less. He gave it a go at first and he just never got used to it. S'okay by me

And it is okay by me! I'll be honest that at first I was bummed… I think wedding rings on a dude (especially your own dude) are sexy! Every time I saw that flash of metal on his finger I gave me a thrill — it's all sexy "grown up" of him.

But when I stepped back and looked at the reality of the situation I saw that, honestly, that ring spent more time spinning on the table in front of him, or alternately, rolling off the table and onto the floor, than on his finger. And I just saw how uncomfortable it made him. He really HATES wearing jewelry, and he complained that the air conditioning in the recording studio where he works made the ring so cold that his finger ached.

Now, I could've bitched and nagged and guilted my husband into just accepting his be-ringed fate, but I had realize that, even though that ring gave me a thrill, it's not at all worth his discomfort for one minute.

And what's the point of it really? 'It's symbol to show that he's devoted and faithful to me,' is what I came up with. But isn't it okay that the symbol just be that he freaking MARRIED ME!? I mean, what more do I need? This man stood in front of family, friends, and a few complete strangers, and exchanged vows with me — do I need more than THAT? And the answer was, obviously, no. There doesn't need to be a physical symbol when his vows alone and my trust in him are enough to show me (and everyone else?) that he is devoted and faithful to me.

So, no, he doesn't wear a ring, and I'm okay with it. But I'll keep wearing mine because I think it's purrrrty.

And for you LOTR nerds out there, you might get a kick out of the version of this post that my husband created late last night while I was sleeping, unawares… No, he doesn't wear "the precious."

  1. My dad is a construction worker who drives a cement truck and deals with concrete all day, making his hands completely caked with cement and other muck. He has never worn a ring (I'm not even sure if he has one) and I grew up not realizing that any husbands did. I think it's perfectly fine if either the groom or the bride aren't interested in wearing rings. It didn't affect my parents' marriage or how anyone (including me) saw it, so why should anyone care?

  2. I've got to say, I'm a bit surprised at the angry response to the tweet. I realize that some people prefer not to wear a ring, and that's fine if both partners are comfortable with it. But I would be very upset if my fiancé did not want to wear a ring. When my father stopped wearing his, it was a big sign, a sign that he did not want other people perceiving him as married. In a society in which such a small piece of jewelry means SO MUCH, to me and to many others, it is still very important. I don't see anything wrong with wanting your partner to wear a ring.

    4 agree
    • Has anybody said there is anything wrong with wanting your partner to wear a ring?

      1 agrees
  3. my dad never wore his wedding ring when I was growing up. They discovered a few days after the wedding that he has allergic to gold (so happy I didn't inherit that allergy) his finger had swelled up and they had to have the ring cut off. He kept it in a box.

    as for me and my sweetie we are getting both tattoos and rings. The tattoo's are gonna be of toad and toadette.

  4. I completely understand this opinion and I am glad to see there are so many in agreement!

    I don't value symbolism and rings are not inherently meaningful symbols to me anyway. I don't wear one, but my husband does choose to. I just don't agree that a ring represents my relationship so it is not a tradition I chose to honor when I married my husband!

  5. My husband said up-front he didn't want a ring, he didn't like jewellery, and he wouldn't wear one if he had one. It didn't bother me at all – I'm not a jewellery sorta girl myself, with the exception of sleepers in my ears, so I certainly wasn't going to criticise.

    I asked him to humour me and at least buy a ring, just to exchange for the wedding ceremony, and maaaaybe wear it on special occasions. We picked a ring he likes (titanium), and much to both of our surprises, he actually wears it every day!

  6. My Daddy doesn't wear a ring, he has one that hangs out in my Mom's jewelry box but he doesn't like wearing it, so he doesn't. If someone didn't tell me that it was different, as a kid, I wouldn't have even known that it was a societal obligation to wear a ring… I'm OK with it :-)

  7. I think like many other decisions in a relationship, it's a personal choice about whether or not to wear rings.

    Yes, we have rings, but for a while thought about tattoos (we just couldn't find anything we both wanted). So my husband made our rings out of silver coins.

    For me, I'd prefer not having to explain to people who make unthinking comments when one of us is not wearing a ring.

    I'm fine with my husband not wearing his ring for whatever reason; we're still married whether he's wearing it or not.

    1 agrees
  8. I gave my husband his wedding band for christmas a month after we got engaged and he wore it the 10 months we were planning our wedding everyday because he loved it. Some people thought it was weird that he was wearing his ring early. Who cares? Of course, a month after we got married, he lost his ring, and so now he doesn't have one. Haha. Kind of funny how that worked out!

  9. You know, I don't think I ever remember a time when my dad wore his wedding ring. In fact, I grew up with the odd notion that "boys don't wear wedding rings!" (I was a quite, fey sort of child who tended to develop really weird notions about the world without bothering to confirm them with adults).

    When I was older, I asked about it. Turns out that my mom once smashed her left hand in the car door and her wedding ring had to be sawed off when she got to the emergency room. She was really bummed about it, so my dad gave her his wedding ring to wear until her ring got fixed. It took something like 10 years :)

    1 agrees
  10. Respectively, I completely disagree. I can understand if your husband doesn’t wear it at his job (for manual labor) but shouldn’t it go right back on afterward? I don’t think your “blood would be boiling” if it didn’t bother you at all that he didn’t wear it, defense mechanism much?

    No, wearing a wedding ring does not define your relationship & to each their own but from an outside perspective…most people who see men who don’t wear rings & know they are married automatically think there is serious trouble in paradise and some girls are ruthless and can be very forward in getting what they want. I think wearing a ring is a sign of respect to your wife. “Wearing a ring bothers me” Oh please guy…get over it. You will get used to is fairly quick.

    I asked my husband what he though about this & he said, “Maybe it’s an ego thing, there’s really no reason not too.”

    I’m sure you & your husband have a good relationship & the no the ring does not define you guys but if it’s just an external thing & has nothing to do with where your heart is at, shouldn’t it be easier to wear?

    2 agree
    • Well, let's turn this around. I was instructed not to wear my ring when I'm washing dishes (as the setting can come loose), when I'm at certain sites for my job (that require all workers to remove rings and jewelry due to concerns about injury to crew and equipment), when I'm taking a shower (it could slip off), Etc. Etc. Etc.

      Sometimes (OK, a lot of the time) I plum forget to put them back on. They're the only jewelry I typically wear and even 18 months after the wedding they're just not something I think about. Does that make me a horrible wife? Does that mean I'm thinking about cheating? If you see me walking down the street, and my husband has a ring and I don't, will you assume that I am his mistress or something?

      I don't let the judgemental attitude of others dictate my own behavior. If you want to know about my personal life, ask! Don't make assumptions based on my sartorial choices for that day! Much less on whether or not I had a hectic morning and just forgot!

      2 agree
      • "“Wearing a ring bothers me” Oh please guy…get over it."

        – I wouldn't ever tell my husband to 'get over it' if he felt strongly about something. If you're insecure about your husband not wearing a ring that is something you should deal with instead of projecting it on to him. I would be incredibly insulted if my husband told me to 'get over it' and wear a ring if I didn't want to and felt strongly about it.

    • blood boils when people judge you for not wearing a ring.

      "most people who see men who don’t wear rings & know they are married automatically think there is serious trouble in paradise and some girls are ruthless and can be very forward in getting what they want. I think wearing a ring is a sign of respect to your wife."

      really? so when you see a married man without a wedding ring you judge him and his relationship to his wife?

    • I said in my reply to the original post that I don't expect my FH to wear a ring but am happy that he wants to, but my view on it is basically this:

      Is it possible people will assume there's "trouble" if the man isn't wearing a ring? Sure. But I don't give a crap what other people think. I know there's not trouble and that's all that matters. And I know FH will be 100% faithful to me and has all the respect in the world to me. If he had NOT wanted a ring and I said it was important, he would wear one. But personally, what other people think about whether he wears a ring is the last thing on my mind. If women make moves on him because he's not wearing his ring, it doesn't bug me, because I KNOW he will say "I'm married." There is nothing any other woman could say or do to make him break his vow, and knowing that is far more important to me than whether or not he wears a piece of jewelry. I think if you want your man to wear a ring, that's just fine — to each her own — but I also think if the sole reason for wanting it is that strangers might judge the marriage, it's your (I mean the universal "your" here, not you specifically) insecurity that's the real issue. Who cares what other people think if you know the marriage is good?

      Side tangent on that topic: My dad has never worn a wedding ring consistently. He also has single female friends(who also are friends with mom). He doesn't go out with other women, but if he sees a friend in the store, he might give her a hug. One time, my mom had been gone out of town for work or something and a friend of my dad's came by and said, "Rumor has it you guys are splitting up. I just separated from my wife and I need a roommie. Interested?" My parents were in NO way separating and we can only assume the rumor came from dad's lack of a ring, but my parents thought it was hilarious. The idea that anyone who has ever met them would believe that rumor was just ludicrous. That's how I feel about my relationship. Anyone who knows us knows the relationship is solid, so I don't care what strangers think.

      I agree that if the man's ring is important to the woman, trying to wear one is a sign of respect, but I think it's silly to automatically assume a man who isn't wearing one is disrespectful or unfaithful or that there's trouble in the marriage.

  11. My dad didn't wear a ring for the first 35 years of his marriage. He was a trucker and knew a few guys who'd lost fingers from wearing rings and getting them caught. He has a nice one now that he wears for special occasions, but that doesn't mean he didn't love my mother for those first 35 years, just that he has the opportunity to wear one now.

  12. Right on! My finance and I talked about just doing the ring thing for the ceremony and since neither of us wears rings anymore, just nix them after. Maybe we'll put them in a display case on the shelf with all of our trinkets and collections :)

  13. I totally agree that men OR women should not be forced to wear wedding rings. However, I can relate to Nathalie's previous post. I noticed that my uncle stopped wearing his wedding ring a few years before he decided to leave my aunt, when things were going downhill (they raised me). So deciding not to wear it can also have other meanings, from the anecdotal evidence seen here. Also, I am not sure if someone already brought this up, but a wedding ring is also a form of communication, and not necessarily a symbol. It is an artifact, that screams, "Unavailable." If your partner decides not to wear a ring, won't people assume they are not married, and feel free to flirt with them? Should it not be a big deal that other people are constantly flirting with your partner? Or am I just too jealous? Haha.

    2 agree
    • If your partner decides not to wear a ring, won't people assume they are not married, and feel free to flirt with them? Should it not be a big deal that other people are constantly flirting with your partner? Or am I just too jealous? Haha.

      I think the MAIN message it carries (in Western society), is 'not available to marry anyone else'.

      1 agrees
  14. 1) If a married man wants to cheat he will cheat regardless of whether he wears his wedding ring or not.

    2) If you want to know if someone is married or not maybe you should ask them? I personally don't run around looking at people's hands to see if they're married or not. I generally find out whether they are or not by talking to them. Strange concept I know.

    1 agrees
    • umm…i know a lot of single women who DO check for a ring before they approach a man…ring on..they move on…no ring…they are like fricking lionesses going in for the kill.
      hmm….maybe I am too jealous too…i know i dont want every stray single woman smiling and giggling and batting thier eyes at my man.

      3 agree
  15. something else to consider, for people who are hung up on rings meaning 'unavailable' to other people: i've been unavailable for 10 years without a ring. are you available until you have a ring on your finger?

    1 agrees
  16. My boyfriend and I simply decided to forgo rings because neither of us care much for them. Instead, he proposed to me with a Hawaiian tribal necklace. It meant more to me than any ring ever could have because it symbolizes me becoming a part of his Hawaiian family. Instead of a ring exchange we're going to use matching tribal necklaces.

    • Oh that is WONDERFUL! I'd love to see what the necklaces look like. the ONLY piece of jewelry that Aaron ever wore was his hei matau given to him by a very dear Hawaiian friend of ours during a ceremony. He wore it for years until the cord broke and he became afraid to lose it.

      • Megan, I just went through the whole shark ceremony set. So amazing. I read a bit on your blog before, when your honeymoon was posted here, I think.
        I love Hawai'i and the culture and learning about the shark ceremony was so interesting.
        Sad that your husband was hurt but so much amazing stuff in the aftermath! Cheers to you both.

        • Oh Ali, thank you! That's sweet. Yes, it was a HUGE lesson that out of really horrible strokes of luck amazing things can happen. The shark ceremony was one of the most amazing things that we've ever experienced.

  17. My FH is the one enamored of all things shiny. I have an aluminum locking necklace I wear, that distinctly states "hands off". I'm just perfectly in love with it. When we talked about rings he went on a..Rampage in a cute way. "I wanna get you a big ole red diamond made out of my hair!! and I'll get a black diamond ring for me! and that way we always have our wedding colors!" I pretty much vetoed that idea when i saw the ring he wants to get me is like, $20,000 or something retarded like that. I did however point out a Red Spinal ring (a $900 ring. Had to compromise on the price. I still think its WAY expensive) I rather liked. I just still have a problem with doing that whole "bling" thing. I honestly think I should have a manicure all the time wearing a pretty ring or it doesn't do it justice on my short nailed unkempt waitress hands lol. But he is so enthused by it I couldn't say no.

  18. In many if not most of the Jewish sects, married men don't wear wedding rings.

    • That's true, there's the cultural aspect. My boss is from India, and while he wears rings I don't think there's one that's really a "wedding ring." Or maybe it's on a different finger. But there's not a solid band that, according to Western culture, identifies him as married.

      • Indian men do not wear wedding rings, unless they're angl0-Indians or getting married in a Church. But most South-Indian families of brides we know of give a token of the engagement like an expensive gold chain or ring to the groom. Sometimes the groom or his family opt for some other gift like a car or a bike.

        The concept of wedding ring is recent Western import like Malls & pubs.

  19. ARGH! I almost freaked out trying to find where to add my two cents on this bullshit topic.

    My fiance will NOT be wearing a ring for two reasons – he HATES jewelry of any sort and his job is too dangerous to wear a ring. Do I really need him to prove his love and commitment to me by potentially having part of his hand ripped off at work?

    To add to that, my bro & sis-in-law, married by the way for 15 years, have NEVER worn rings. They are the purest definition of offbeat (I'm so fuming, I know my spelling is horrific!) and could give a rat's ass what people think about rings or no rings.

    Personally, I like sparkly things – that's the ONLY reason I have a ring. And, the jeweler was a total a-hole because he clearly pointed out that "that isn't an engagement ring". Well, if it's on my ring finger, it's a fucking engagement ring!

    Okay, thanks for the vent – getting off the soapbox now…..

  20. My dad never wore a ring because he's a farmer and the job presents some occupational hazards detrimental to wearing a ring. My fiance is a construction worker. I told him I'd rather him have 10 fingers than wear a ring and get it caught on something!

  21. What if it is reversed? What if the chick is the one not wearing the ring? I know we are supposed to eat, sleep, and breather a big sparkley rock, but my engagement ring is antique, made up of three Jade bars and a) I'm afraid to lose it and b)it gets in my way at work and c) I work with stones that could damage it so I rarely wear it. Does that mean that it means any less? Nope. Does it mean that I love my guy any less? Nope. It's just a ring. It's a symbol. What's in our hearts is what matters.

  22. Just checked out this wedding book from 1956 from my college library. It says that
    "Whether or not the groom has one (a ring) is entirely a question of personal taste."
    Just putting that out there.

    2 agree
    • Interesting. You know, I was shooting a wedding this weekend and the rabbi mentioned that it wasn't until recent times that men wore rings. It made me smile.

      2 agree
  23. I too did not see anything offensive in the first tweets – a little back-n-forth that clearly didn't look to "dangers in the workplace" or "missing fingers" when considering the issue. Come on. I get p.c., but then I also get "touchy" – striking a balance is important. USUALLY when rings are discussed, it is in the context of wearing an item which is universally understood to symbolize an individual is married, and thus no longer available. Sure, sure, there's the romance and the all that symbology, and yeah, it's lovely to look at, but mostly it just tells that creepy bar fly or overzealous receptionist that they'll likely get nowhere fast by flirting with you.

    Now, of course, people can be faithful or not whilst wearing a ring or not….blah blah blah etc, but I think, barring physical dangers or problems, the Tweeter that asked the second question was probably asking something more along the lines of "why wouldn't your spouse want others to know he's taken?". It's stupid, yeah, but I don't think it has anything to do with missing fingers, danger, or painful air conditioning. Hmmm…..I don't know. Of course, I'm no stickler – I suppose I was just surprised by your taken aback-edness. People don't really self-edit much on Twitter, but that one was particularly mild.

  24. I think there's way too much hubbub about the rings. For example: My fiance felt he had a right to wear an engagement ring as well, and so we both put on a ring when I accepted his proposal of marriage.

    You would not BELIEVE the comments. People thought it was "weird", unethical, tantamount to LYING, and some even claimed it was effeminate. WTF?

    Symbols can be powerful, but only with the power you give them.

    1 agrees
  25. My partner isn't a big fan of rings, so for the longest time I figured he'd wear it on a necklace (we've both been wearing each other's wedding ring on a necklace as engagement jewelry). It's not a big deal for me. He's marrying me, he's putting up with me going completely crazy planning this thing, it's pretty clear that he loves me.

  26. There is some logic with not wearing a wedding ring. Most constructors wont wear them as you instinctively remove your hand from under something thats about to crush it, litterally striping the flesh from the bone. This includes architects, mechanics, manufactures well the list goes on really. Some of us don't really wont to lose our fingers, in something that would normally be a near miss.

  27. I am nowhere near even considering marriage, but I have found myself drawn into the thought process of what I would want. For years I was turned off to the idea of ever getting married, for the sole reason that I can't stand puffy white dresses, and bouquets, and makeup, and RINGS!!! I loathe wearing rings; I despise them with a fiery passion. I just don't like wearing them, and I never even considered that I could be married without them. My parents are very "traditional" and "conservative" when it comes to "marriage", so I never knew any different.

    Thanks to Offbeat Bride, I have realized that I can do whatever I want at my hypothetical future wedding, and my hypothetical future partner and I can do whatever we decide to, without being bound to the "traditional" mores of our present-day culture. At this point, I will be strutting by myself down the red carpet-lined aisle in pants, a corset, and 8" platform wedge heels, with blue hair, multiple piercings, and a top hat veil. (Hey, just throwing that out there!) And I will NOT be wearing a ring if I can help it, it being a personal decision that I am allowed to make.

    1 agrees
  28. This post made me laugh. I've seen girls get REALLY upset by their husband not wearing their ring at all times (work, sports, etc)
    My husband doesn't wear his ring at all. It's uncomfortable and dangerous at work. I rarely wear mine either since I'm a massage therapist.

    1 agrees
  29. We are getting married in about a year and we have already had this discussion about my *future* husband not wearing his ring. He doesn't wear a watch, or even a necklace. The first time the conversation came up, I have to admit I was a little devastated. But, take a step back. What is a round piece of metal versus every day that you get to grow old together. For those of you who want him to wear something every day what is the difference between a ring, and a shoelace laced through this shoe?

    • "what is the difference between a ring, and a shoelace laced through this shoe? "

      a ring is a symbol of emotional attachment/marriage/unavailability"… a shoelace is not s symbol but a functional mechanism used to keep the shoe on the foot of the wearer, therefor preventing physical pain and potential injury to the owner of the foot in question.

      two very different things 😛 above statement is meant as a funny and nothing else.

      my FH and I are going to have rings….he will likely lose his often and soon after the wedding…he loses everything…from keys to wallets to remotes, lighters, clothes…you name it…he has no damn idea where it went.

      I do think it should be up to each individual couple if they want to wear a ring..or a necklaces or noting at all or something entirely different. Its really no ones business but you and your partners.

      3 agree
      • and i cant spell and now realize there is a spellcheck…sorry

  30. My partner hates wearing jewelry, so he rarely wears his, which is so fine with me. His ring is set aside and on reserve – he wears it "upon request." He never says no when I ask and I don't abuse the privilege. Every once in awhile, it's nice to see him put it on for special occasions. I can still get that warm-fuzzy feeling.

  31. My brother doesn't wear his wedding ring on his finger (he has it on a chain around his neck though) because of his job. His mother-in-law freaked out at first, but she eventually got over it. I never understood the mom-in-law freak out. When you marry someone–it seems as though you are accepting them for who they are. And if they don't wear jewelry, then they don't. I personally don't think they need to change who they are to go along with tradition.

    3 agree
  32. Neither of my parents ever wore a ring. They were married during WWII, metal was in short supply, neither had any money… after the war, my father worked in jobs where a ring would have been dangerous. Rings weren't important to my mother.

    1 agrees
  33. I wouldn't have a problem if when I get married my husband decided not to wear a ring. Technically a guy wearing a ring to symbolize he is married is something new to the last century. I'm not sure when it started but I think it was around the 30s or 40s. With my boyfriend right now he would be into wearing a ring if we get married (he's even considered getting a Claddagh ring to show he's in a relationship!) think that's sweet but honestly if he were to decide not to I would not be offended. Marriage does not depend on a piece of jewelry. 😛

    1 agrees
  34. I wouldn't mind if my future husband didn't wear his ring… it would be a little hypocritical of me after all, as I probably won't wear mine! I have these long knobbly fingers that change size with the weather, so the ring would need to fit my finger in summer, when my hands swell, and also be large enough to get over my finger joints. In winter once the ring is on, it stays on but rattles around, it would likely be too big to stay on any way after being fitted for my summer fingers.

    In the end, it's just a piece of metal.

  35. Just about a month ago, my husband and I were out with his immediate family. My mother in law ignores us for the first forty minutes and then when the food comes, I'm a lefty, she says, "You don't wear your wedding ring?" in a tone that suggested I might be sneaking around.

    I just smiled and told her I forgot it after my shower, but I don't normally wear it. I love my ring, but I don't need it all the time, especially not when my husband is sitting right there.

    1 agrees
  36. I think I might have my fiance read this! He's been a little… uneasy, maybe? whatever it is, the ring discussions of late have been more about trying to reconcile the fact that, in his line of work, the ring maybe ISN'T so safe and the typical alternatives (putting it on a chain and the like) aren't any safer. This will be his second marriage, and he's already had a bad experience once with putting it on a chain; he thought he lost the ring and spent hours panicking about it. I don't really know if reading this will help him feel any better, but at worst, it won't make him feel any worse!

    1 agrees
  37. I was just reading an article about "How to Choose a Man's Wedding Ring" and came across this offensive comment which portrays every woman as one who NEEDS a BIG, SHINY, SPARKLY, EXPENSIVE wedding set.

    The quote: "So, what decisions need to be made? Well the first is this. Will he wear a ring? That's probably the hardest decision in the process.

    For a woman there's no decision. She's engaged, she wants the ring. For her she needs an engagement ring as well as a wedding ring, and an expensive engagement ring at that. But for a man it's not so straightforward.

    I can immediately think of three contradictory situations that prove that statement wrong:

    A couple of my friends are getting married this month and the groom has an engagement ring as well as the bride.

    Another friend has ONE ring, a diamond engagement/wedding ring.

    Myself. I don't want an engagement ring to cost more than a few hundred dollars.

    Article here: http://www.weddingvendors.com/planning/articles/man-wedding-ring/)

    1 agrees
    • This comment is from a website called Wedding Vendors? Well then, there's no need to get upset about it – it's very simple.

      It's simply a marketing campaign for a jeweller or someone who supports that industry – 'wedding vendors' kinda gives it away.

      DeBeers did the same thing in establishing diamonds as the MUST have stone for enaggement rings. It was a marketing campaign that was very successful and over time, it started a tradition.

      They've also done very well in promoting the right hand ring trend as well. I especially love their tagline….The left hand says 'we' the right hand says 'me' etc

      Brilliant I say, but easy to see where its coming from and why.

  38. We're the opposite- My husband wears a wedding ring, I do not. I hate rings, I always have. Sometimes people give us crap about it, or try to make it seem like I'm making some great feminist statement at the sake of my husband. I just tell them that it has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that I hate things on my hands, and that my husband is secure enough with me to know that my commitment isn't tied into a piece of metal.

    3 agree
  39. My husband does not wear his wedding ring. He works on power lines and it is incredibly dangerous to wear jewelry while doing this. It does not bother me in the least that he does not wear his ring. It sits on the ring holder in our bathroom and when I walk by or wash my hands or brush my teeth I see it and smile. He loves me no matter what and I know. However I am the opposite you would only be able to get my ring off my cold, dead, finger~ I love, love, love my wedding set

  40. This selfsame thing happened to my father (a contractor) when I was a kid; he was installing a garage door opener and got caught, almost losing a finger. After that, he no longer wore his ring (after he got it back from repairs!), and it was never and issue in my family at all. My sister's fiance will not probably wear his either as he's an electrician, for the same reason.

  41. My FH and I have already discussed the fact that he will not be wearing his ring to work. For both safety reasons and because he is afraid he will ruin his ring. I also work where wearing my engagement ring is a hazard so will not wear it to work. The wedding band may be a different story. We have both decided, however that we will put them on when we get home. I am totally good with that. I would way rather have him go ringless, than fingerless.

  42. I was frustrated for a while cuz my husband didn't wear his ring, I don't like rings and when he gave me the engagement one I thought it was too much for me, but I wore it every day with pride. (this caused my fiance to be mad at me because the ring wasn't shiny any more)

    Then we got the wedding rings and they were sooooo expensive, I at the ceremony I told him I hoped he would wear it every day and he prommissed to do so.

    That lasted for about a week, and he stopped using it. I got really mad of been the only one with the ring, because for me they only mean something if we both wear them, it doesn't show "union" if only one is wearing it, so whatever, we could have save that money and go somewhere nicer or have an extra day at our honneymoon.

    So I don't care if he doesn't want to wear it but there was a big deal around those things, we had to make a special part at the wedding just to exchange rings, I got gnasty things around my fingers for wearing them and playing drums, and he is sad because mine never shine… We could have avoided all this if only he had been honest and said "you know what, I think I'll never wear it"

    But thanks for posting, it has taken some frustration away, currently I wear the ring if I want and the way I want, I wear mostly the engagement one, because I think this one means more to me…

    I do think he looks sexy with it and I wish he would use it for a special dinner or in our aniversary (if he wants).

    • wow, that -is- frustrating.

      we haven't decided yet, but i hadn't thought of the getting in the way of playing instruments factor (we both play guitars and neither of us wear rings generally). maybe we should stick with pins (i gave him an engagement pin).

      • I liked having the ring, but I don't see a ring as showing love (I know it does) but i see it more like "sharing something in public" and obviously we aren't going to dress alike every day, so rings sound good, but for me anything that we see as a representation of our love, works even better than the rings we do have and never wear.

  43. I just found this website. I'm kind of in love with it. Just so you know. :)

    Anyway, my husband doesn't wear a wedding ring and it bothers EVERYONE but me for some reason. I wear mine (most of the time anyway) because it's lovely.

    I figure we are committed to each other and we both know it…why do we care what anyone else thinks?

  44. My guy doesn't wear any kind of jewelry and watches aren't his thing. I think I'm going to buy him some engagement khakis….

    • Wow, I originally laughed a bit when i read that but honestly: go for it! Sounds like a pretty practical, considerate (and definitely unique in a good way) idea. :)

  45. This post has been fascinating to me. I wear a wooden ring (when I remember), and my husband wears a silver ring (when he remembers). My husband is awesome and because of that he gets hit on a lot. Even when I'm with him, even when–gasp–he's wearing his wedding band. I think it's silly to believe a ring deters people from hitting on other people. Also, the ring as indicator doesn't work because as we've seen in this post many people (both male and female) can't wear them, and many people choose alternate styles. I can't tell you how many people have looked at my ring and told me it isn't a wedding band because it's made of wood.

    • Hell, I've been hit on by men who were wearing rings on their left hand. So not only does it not stop the person with the ring from being hit on, it doesn't always stop the person himself from doing the flirting.

  46. my man didnt want to wear a ring either he said it was too uncomfortable. however one day i got him to try on a comfort fit ring and he loves it. i was always fine with him not wanting one but i never thought it would be sexy to me hehe

  47. I kinda hoped my husband-to-be would wear a ring, but I was also practical enough that if he didn't think he'd wear it, that I didn't want to spend the money! I knew he loved me, and that a ring was just symbolic and not really necessary (though I liked the idea of him wearing one, I wasn't hugely set on it either). The ring he was looking at was a fairly plain band with layers of different colored gold – looked sort of like wood-grain. But it was around $700, an OK amount to spend if he'd wear it for the rest of his life, but WAYYY too much if he wouldn't (and he wasn't sure he could – he's never been able to wear a watch). So I told him my position, and let him decide what he wanted to do. He decided that he thought it would work out, and we got it. He's worn it every day since (had no trouble getting used to it, actually) and that was 13 years ago.

  48. 7 years married. No he does not wear his ring, b/c he lost the 1st 1 on our honeymoon in vegas. not on tables, jewlery is foreign to him, he forgot and left it. losing the money was harder for me, since i paid for it. but being a former sailor and hearing about the scary details of electricity blowing up his finger, it no longer bother me. he's wanted to be w/ me since 7th grade and been after me till we made it offical, i know he won't destroy everything we've made. i trust him (he has a 2nd he wears here and there), i don't care for the cause mention above.

  49. I wear my engagement ring about two days a week, sometimes less. Many of you seemed to talk about how your significant other can't wear his ring at work, but in this situation, I'm the one who can't wear my ring at work. I have been installing commercial HVAC for five years now. I can't wear a ring. Sometimes I feel bad. Like I should wear it. But then, I think about the fact that I don't care if random people i meet know I'm engaged. I care that Gary and I have chosen to spend our lives together. However, I feel for all the women who can't wear their ring (for whatever reason) because I always get the feeling that people find it offensive or disrespectful that I am not constantly trying to show off my ring or advertise our engagement.

    I mean, it seems like a fairly common issue, men wearing a ring vs. not wearing a ring, but what about those on the other side of that equation? People tell me I should tattoo my ring on. I wear my ring on a chain at work. No one sees it. but I constantly can feel it, and it reminds me of Gary throughout the day. Does it really matter that no one else knows that?

    So I guess, what about women who cannot or choose not to wear a wedding ring? do we all ask the men-folk how they feel about it?
    How would we respond to their opinions?

    I like that Gary gave me a ring – but does it matter that I barely ever wear it? it is still important to me as a symbol, but do I need everyone else to see that symbolic gesture for it to have the same meaning? I mean, yes, maybe you wear a ring because you find it beautiful, but what if you aren't the ring-wearing type? or you can't wear it because of work or medical or physical reasons? do you still want the ring?

    1 agrees
    • You know, since writing this post I actually stopped wearing my ring too. I stopped wearing it for a few months because it was starting to irritate me. And NO ONE even noticed. I expected someone to ask, or give me crap like people give my husband crap, but I got nothing! And then after a few months I started wearing a totally different ring because the irritation was gone and I felt like mixing it up. And now, if I feel like wearing a ring, I rotate through several different rings that I've collected over the years. And still… no one has said anything. And my husband? He doesn't really care either way for all the same reasons stated in the post.

      So, I guess I'm saying… I don't know about other women and their partners, but it my case it was/is a total non-issue. Of course, we'd already established that wedding rings weren't really super duper important to us in the first place, so my experience is probably not the norm.

      2 agree
  50. I guess I'm in the same boat, my experience is probably not the norm either. I'm just curious because even after dudes at work, friends, and family found out about the wedding, no one ever questions me for not wearing my ring. However, many of the guys I work with either constantly wear their rings even though it could injure them or endure harassment from other guys for not wearing it.

    Not that there is anything wrong with women's rings being flashy or unflashy, it always stands out to me that most men's rings are very plain. Since Gary works with people and clients a lot, I like to tell him that I'm going to get him a ring full of rubies.

    1 agrees
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