No, he doesn't wear a ring

March 29 | meggyfin

No he doesnt wear a ring

I follow a few popular wedding-related Twitter accounts — I chalk it up to a market research kind of thing. Most of the time I just ignore the tweets as 98% of them are pure WIC fluff. "Flowers worthy of escorting you down the aisle." "Have you ever thought of wearing a red wedding dress!?" "The time between your engagement and your wedding is an ideal time to begin a regular beauty and fitness regimen." "Make sure to buy more things! You need more things! Things that are shiny!" And then this tweet caught my eye:

"Do U Care if UR Husband (or Future Husband) Doesn't wear a Wedding Ring?"

I read it and immediately wanted to tweet back — Why the hell would I care!? Why the hell would anyone care!? And so on. But I thought, naw, totally not worth my time. And then it got worse as I read this response:

Even better question. RT @[redacted]: @BrideTide More important question: WHY wouldn't he want to?

Ooooh, my blood was boiling after reading that. To question someone's love and basic morality based on the fact that they don't want to wear a piece a of jewelry just seemed beyond insulting to me.

So I just had to respond in the piddly 140 characters at my disposal:

@BrideTide Why not? Bc he has a job where wearing jewelry is dangerous. Bc he hates wearing jewelry. Bc he doesn't need 1 to show he's committed [cont.] Mine doesn't wear a wedding ring and I couldn't care less. He gave it a go at first and he just never got used to it. S'okay by me

And it is okay by me! I'll be honest that at first I was bummed… I think wedding rings on a dude (especially your own dude) are sexy! Every time I saw that flash of metal on his finger I gave me a thrill — it's all sexy "grown up" of him.

But when I stepped back and looked at the reality of the situation I saw that, honestly, that ring spent more time spinning on the table in front of him, or alternately, rolling off the table and onto the floor, than on his finger. And I just saw how uncomfortable it made him. He really HATES wearing jewelry, and he complained that the air conditioning in the recording studio where he works made the ring so cold that his finger ached.

Now, I could've bitched and nagged and guilted my husband into just accepting his be-ringed fate, but I had realize that, even though that ring gave me a thrill, it's not at all worth his discomfort for one minute.

And what's the point of it really? 'It's symbol to show that he's devoted and faithful to me,' is what I came up with. But isn't it okay that the symbol just be that he freaking MARRIED ME!? I mean, what more do I need? This man stood in front of family, friends, and a few complete strangers, and exchanged vows with me — do I need more than THAT? And the answer was, obviously, no. There doesn't need to be a physical symbol when his vows alone and my trust in him are enough to show me (and everyone else?) that he is devoted and faithful to me.

So, no, he doesn't wear a ring, and I'm okay with it. But I'll keep wearing mine because I think it's purrrrty.

And for you LOTR nerds out there, you might get a kick out of the version of this post that my husband created late last night while I was sleeping, unawares… No, he doesn't wear "the precious."

  1. My fiance isn't going to have a ring, well neither of us are exchanging rings. We opted for wedding tattoos instead. For awhile we had matching promise rings before we got engaged, it didn't last long since he is cursed to lose every ring in his possession. He has a ring right now which has lasted a surprisingly long time for him, but the expense of wedding rings wasn't worth it to us when he is prone to losing them.

    9 agree
    • You know, he offered to get a ring tattooed on that finger, needles give me the heebie jeebies so i told him it was not necessary. But, man, I think that's SO romantic!

      7 agree
      • Weirdly my first reaction was thinking that a tattoo is too permenant, which I find kind of sad since marriage is supposed to be forever as well. Of course that's not always the case, but at least going into it I think that should be the plan.

        (Kind of ironic that some of the people against getting a tatoo were some of the same people nagging me to get married. A drawing is too permenant and what if I regret it, but I should hurry up and comit to spending my whole life with another person?)

        Anyway, I think the idea of wedding tattoos is great, and even better because you'd have to do something really impressive to loose it!

        15 agree
        • we are getting tattoos, we haven't decided about jewelry. i gave him a pin when i asked him, and neither of us ever wear rings. he won't wear the pin except on special occasions also, because he is terrified of losing it. i keep telling him i'll make him another (i made it for him in a silversmithing class), but he still doesn't want to lose it. the crazy thing is he says if i made another one, he would wear that one (like some people wear fake versions of diamonds they actually own), but he doesn't want to lose the original.

          but anyway, we've planned the tattoo long before deciding to get married(we've been together 10 years). and anytime people get buddy tattoos there is that 'what if it doesn't work out' question (maybe less if you're married) but i've always thought of it more as a tattoo for us and our time together, and not a promise we're making. if we broke up in a few years, the tattoo would still have meaning, because we've already had a life together.

          17 agree
          • My Fiance wanted to get a wedding ring tattoo but then he talked to his tattoo artist and he told him they always rub off after a little while and they don't look good anymore. I am not sure if this is true for everyone but I just wanted to comment this so you can check that for yourself and not be disappointed if it did rub off. Congrats! : )

            2 agree
          • I just came out with an idea, after reading this I was thinking of an alternative for a tatoo and two things came to my mind, one of them is having similar scars… I would definitively have them done by a doctor and ask how to get "the nicest scar".
            At first my husband agreed (we have a friend that is a plastic surgeon and we trust him) but when I reminded him about his promise, he said "we already have similar scars" I don't know what he meant, we don't share any scars in common… yet!

            Let me know what you think.

            3 agree
          • Any finger tattoo will rub off after a while, but getting touch ups and using oils/lotions/sun screen will all aid in the healing and maintenance of any tattoo : D

    • My fiance is a welder. It is super dangerous for him to wear a ring. He actually knows a couple of guys who have had their fingers burned down to the bone because of their wedding bands.
      We bought a cheap ring for us to use during the ceremony and I have to admit seeing a ring on him just makes my heart flutter! :) Since wearing the actual ring is so dangerous he decided to get my initials tattooed on his ring finger. We both have and love tattoos anyway so it's fitting for us.
      At first I was a little disappointed that he couldn't wear a ring, but half the people he works with were surprised when he asked for time off for the wedding because he talks about his "wife" all the time and they thought we were already married. If your husband truly loves you then he doesn't need a ring to show he is committed. :) Took me a little bit to figure that out but I am glad I did.

      12 agree
    • I was JUST talking to my SO about that. He thinks rings are too transitory and that we should get symbolic tattoos. I'm a little sad at the thought of not having an engagement ring but aside from that I love the idea.

      2 agree
  2. One factor I've never seen brought up in a wedding ring discussion is that, for a variety of medical reasons, not everyone has a ring finger (or any fingers) at the end of his or her left hand.

    8 agree
    • You know, while researching if, in fact, this "no ring" is really a big deal, I DID come across a story about a girl whose fiance is missing his left ring finger. So apparently, he's just going to wear the ring on the right hand instead.

      • I have seen a couple like this – the wife was missing her "ring finger" so they both wore their rings on the right hand. I thought it was very sweet. Personally I would want my spouse to wear his ring unless his job prevented it. I love the whole idea of it.

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        • Aw, that does sound sweet. I think the ring issue, like so many others, is all about what works for the individual.

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      • My father-in-law to be has worked for Otis elevator forever, and he's worked his way up from being a stock boy or whatever to being upper management. Back in the day, though, when he was doing serious factory things, he got his ring caught in something and since it wouldn't slide off, the ring got caught on his knuckle and pulled half of his finger out of his hand. They can't reattach if the joint is pulled apart, only if it's severed, so he opted to have the rest of the finger removed and he now wears his mangled gold 'ring' on his keychain as a reminder, I guess. Which works for them, since my mother in law to be is allergic to metal and doesn't wear one either :)

        2 agree
        • A friend of my parents had this happen – he's a farmer, and caught his ring on the top corner of his truck door as he was jumping out. He lost his entire ring finger. He got his ring back, but never wore it again, on any finger. He and his wife are still married, and have been for more than 40 years.

          4 agree
          • Gah I'm such a clutz now I'm rethinking all of my jewelery.

        • EEEK! I just read that and gasped so loud it woke up my dog. That sounds so painful. Perfectly valid reason to not actually wear a ring!

          3 agree
    • My fiance won't be able to wear a ring because his left hand was mangled in an accident. I'm an aspiring tattoo artist, and he love tattoos any way so he wants me to tattoo a wedding band on him.

      2 agree
  3. My guy might not even get one to not wear! The idea of wearing a ring for the rest of his life seems to be the one thing he's least excited about, even after the idea of an Alchemy Gothic ring came up. (And if you've not seen them those things are amazing.)

    He's still considering it but if he can't find one he likes we'll probably just skip the idea. I know he's mine anyway. 😀

    1 agrees
  4. My Dad always wears his wedding ring but my mom doesn't always. I don't think that makes her any less married or committed. Rings just aren't for everyone!

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    • I love my ring, but I am clumsy and bang it against things. So I try and remember to wear it at times, but it's off my finger about as much as it's on.

  5. I don't think it's a big deal if he doesn't wear a ring…if that's what works for both of you. I'm not sure how I would feel about it to be honest…since we haven't gotten married yet. But we did go order our wedding bands this weekend and watching him try on rings and seeing him with that piece of metal on "that" finger did give me a little flip in my stomach…but if he was adamant against it I'm sure I'd feel the same as you.

    2 agree
  6. I think that part of the reason that so many brides are manic about their husbands wearing their rings, is that it's a tangible symbol of their loyalty. What's the first thing (In movies TV etc) that a man does when he's about to practice infidelity, or at least wants to try it out for awhile? He takes his ring off. The ring is a symbol that they're linked to you. So you're brainwashed to think that if your husband doesn't want to wear his ring that he wants to be unfaithful. And that's why so many brides cling to it. The mental connection between "If he wears his ring he loves me and we'll be together forever. If he doesn't he's cheating on me/ashamed of me."

    My husband is a mechanic, so the ring is dangerous for him to wear at work. As much as I love the fact that he wears it, my emotional attachment to it isn't nearly as strong as his. He's forgotten it a few times at work and was a complete wreck. Now I have to ask him why it's so important to him, LOL.

    15 agree
    • Excellent point Ang. My brother-in-law can't wear a ring because he is in a similar line of work and it is really dangerous. So not worth risking injury!

      4 agree
    • What's so funny about the idea of a ring as tangible proof of fidelity is that we consider it a tether specifically because of images that you mentioned – philandering men in movies removing their wedding rings right before hooking up with someone who is NOT their wife. It's hilarious, though – what's further proof that a ring does nothing to prevent infidelity than the image of a manwhore removing his before cheating?

      But on a broader scale, aside from concerns of fidelity, there's the idea that a man is willing to put up with some discomfort in order to broadcast the fact that he is taken. Because for so many women, there's always this nagging sense that the entire marriage is HER idea, HER deal – so that she plans everything, and in the end, she feels like she is forcing her man to go through with it. If he wears a ring without complaint, it's a sign that he's willing to make a subtle public statement that he's on-board.

      A guy who doesn't want to wear one might have totally legitimate reasons for not wearing it, but if you are insecure, you can always see those reasons as more of an excuse.

      I personally don't like wearing rings, so I don't really care one way or the other if I end up with a set of rings if/when I get married. But my father has always worn his hand (and had a new one made when his fingers got too arthritic for him to comfortably wear the original wedding ring), and my dad is pretty much a pillar of a stable husband and parent – so I can see where some women (and men, for that matter) would crave this kind of thing from their husbands.

      15 agree
    • It's true, a ring doesn't mean commitment, his actions and brain do.

      2 agree
  7. my fiance picked out his ring and intends to wear have it sized, but will most likely wear it on his chain(AHAHAHA Tricksy Hobbitses) with his others. I'm down with that

    4 agree
  8. I think its more likely he will wear a ring (with his other 3 or 4!) and I won't. I might get one and put it on a necklace.

    1 agrees
  9. I appreciate the boiling blood! It makes me crazy when people make comments like this. My dad never wore a wedding ring – I didn't really realize men did until I was a teenager. :-) My parents celebrated their 44th anniversary last week and are the closest clouple I know. The ring is not a reflection of the feelings, although it can be a symbol for them for those who feel that way.
    My FH isn't interested in jewellery unless it comes with a big hand and a little hand. He loves watches. We are going to do a ring/watch exchange. I love my ring, and enjoy wearing it – I am giving it back to him to put on my hand again since I don't want a 2nd ring. The symbolism of the ring – the never ending circle can be mimicked by the right kind of watch – that is what we are doing.

    4 agree
    • Yeah, I like the idea of exchanging things that will actually get used or worn or displayed or what have you. I think a wedding watch is awesome!
      Oh and congrats to your parents for 44 years! that's inspiring.

      2 agree
      • Yes a watch works just as well!
        I got my fella an 'engagement watch' as I didn't see why I should get something nice to mark the occasion and he shouldn't. He's not into rings but he's going to try a wedding ring. I wouldn't be bothered if he didn't wear it though.

        1 agrees
        • This is a really good idea! As I mentioned above my guy doesn't like the idea of wearing a ring. I'm not sure he'd want a watch either but I'll defiantely suggest the idea of something other than a ring and maybe he/we will be able to find something he likes. Thanks!

          • with tattooed rings he couldnt take it off as in the movies….lol

            my FH wants a ring, but even if he didnt…I would try to convince him otherwise…not because i dont trust HIM, but more as a material warning to the swarms of single-man-grubbing women who live around my area "back off bitches ..hes taken"

            12 agree
        • Me too! I got my fiancé an 'engagement watch' for the same reason. I felt like he should have something, and since he didn't wear jewelery it was perfect. Since then we have traveled a lot in muslem countries and we have both worn "wedding" bands to make things easier. I thought he would take it off once he didn't "need" to wear it anymore, but he has grown used to it and wears it every day! But he does tend to loose things too, so we are getting some inexpensive rings just in case. 😉

          2 agree
          • My fiance can't wear any jewelry at work due to safety reasons so when we got engaged, I was trying to find something to give him because I, too, felt like he should have something. We talked about watches but the ones he's after are a little out of our current price range (But totally within reason for something for me to give him to wear instead of a wedding ring, once I've saved up). We shopped briefly for engagement sunglasses, but he was too afraid he'd break them or lose them. What did we finally decide on? An engagement xBox 360. You're thinking, "WHAT!?" but that's ok, it works for us. Sure one day it'll be replaced by the next cool game system, but maybe we'll upgrade (people upgrade their wedding sets all the time!) but for now it is something we can do together, we both love and a symbol of how much we love to be together, and I'll let him win. . . sometimes 😉

            5 agree
        • Ah! My man LOVES watches too, and (jokingly) asked for an engagement watch. I'm looking/ saving for one I like, but I think it's an awesome idea, and he'll be totally thrilled. And yea, why should one person in the relationship get something and the other doesn't!

    • My FH's dad lost his wedding ring in the Aegian Sea on their honeymoon and hasn't worn one since.

      My dad, on the other hand has not taken his off for a second since the moment they got married 22 years ago. He got 3rd degree burns on his left hand when he was in a fire, and when they were bandaging it, he slipped it loose, stuck his right and left fingertips together and slid it onto his right hand while his left hand healed.

      15 agree
      • Aw, Lena, that is such a sweet story. Thank you for sharing!

        3 agree
  10. My FH is so excited about ring shopping. He wants to wear his before the wedding because "he already feels married", except that he's a pilot which means they're not allowed to wear metal jewelry, and being in the militarym he'd get shit for being "whipped". Sigh.

    MEGAN! Where did you get the coral you used for your centerpieces? I want to do something similar, but can't find the coral for less than $60 each!

    1 agrees
    • Lena! I believe all the answers you seek re: the coral centerpieces can be found here. There's a link to where i got them at Z Gallerie and how we turned them orange. Good luck!

      1 agrees
    • My fiance wants to start wearing his band immediately, and is somewhat disappointed that I want to wait to wear mine until the ceremony in 6 months. I think I'm going to buy him an engagement ring to match his band, so he can wear that instead.

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    • Lena – suggest that your FH slip his ring onto his dogtags. That's what I do when I go fly, and it works really well. :)

      2 agree
  11. My husband forgets his ring sometimes (he forgets a lot of things sometimes, usually his keys), which I'm used to and is totally fine. However, when he goes out at night without me, I make sure he's wearing it so all the 20-something girls don't try to hit on him. It's not that I don't trust HIM, I don't trust those girls not to get big ideas. He's adorable, sweet, charismatic, and a musician, so he's a magnet for new "friends".

    3 agree
    • Haha. My husband, also a musician, just did a show recently where, strangely enough, afterwards a couple of his cute 20-something girl friends were giving him shit for NOT wearing a wedding ring! It was pretty cute.

      4 agree
  12. Thanks for posting this, Megan. It brought tears to my eyes. I have really been struggling with this for awhile. To me the ring represents fidelity and faithfulness. My dad always wears his ring. Before I met my FH, when I saw a man wearing a ring, it meant "he's taken". I think another reason I am hung up on the wedding ring is because he never wore it during his first marriage, so I stupidly freak out for some reason.

    I know it's silly. My FH does not want to wear one. He has allergies, and it will bother him and he never wears jewelry and feels weird wearing it. He also said that people may be unfaithful with or without a ring.

    He said that he would give it a shot–try to wear it and see if he gets used to it. He also said he will wear it on special occassions.

    You are right–he is marrying me, I am marrying him. We are professing this in front of our loved ones. That should be enough. A piece of metal on his finger doesn't change that.

    1 agrees
    • Erica! Thanks for commenting. I'm so glad the post helped you. I thought the same things as you before I got married and watched my poor husband struggle wear something just to please this silly notion that I had. It just all started to seem so silly. The jewelry isn't what makes a good marriage.

      1 agrees
    • I don't know much about my husband's first marriage, but I'm almost sure he didn't wore his back then, any way, there are plenty of new things he will experience with you and a ring won't make a big difference, believe me I've been through that and it gets all solved when I realize:

      He's gone through divorce (not nice), he's been hurt, he has a life to enjoy, and he is so great he could be with any other girl, now, he knows what he is doing, he knows what can go wrong… and still he picked me!!!

      giving ourselves second chances isn't so easy for humans, specially if it could hurt, he is giving himself a second opportunity with you, don't waste it thinking about the past because for sure he loves yo 10,000 times more.

      I've been told "second time has to be way better, otherwise you don't do it", I believe it.

      =)

      3 agree
    • Probably too late to comment on this but I just wanted my fiance to wear the ring because I'd get frustrated when I would spend 30 mins chatting up an interesting man and then he'd mention his wife.

      I just don't want him wasting those hawt single girls time. :) BUT REALLY – a ring does not make a marriage. My dad is super happy and doesn't wear a ring – he says women hit on him more when he wore the ring – I told him he was hotter 20 years ago when he wore it 😉

      Either way, if its super important to you, there are a lot of rings that are hypoallergenic. I think platinum, titanium, cobalt and tungsten to name a few….though I would check with your jeweler to be sure.

      6 agree
    • If the biggest issue for him is the metal, try coating the ring where it will contact skin with clear nail polish, or get a non-metal substance.

      1 agrees
  13. My dad and his wedding ring were always trouble. He can't wear it for work, as he's an industrial electrician, so he saved it for formal events (like weddings, funerals, etc), which has caused him to lose his ring four times; my mom did replace it each time until he smashed up his knuckle bad enough that his final wedding ring sits on top of his dresser with his spare change. I don't think my mother minds though, as he buys her craploads of shiny metal and jewels.

    1 agrees
  14. it isn't the jewelry that makes you married – it's the marriage.
    many cultures don't have rings but their marriages are just as real as those that do.
    I didn't wear my ring for years (and years) as I was afraid of losing the antique, family heirloom from his great-grandmother when washing after diaper changes or when at the gym – it's very tall and got scratched when I was lifting weights. it also didn't fit so well the three times I was pregnant with our wonderful boys, and now, after 25+ years, the ring doesn't fit but the marriage still does.

    4 agree
    • jx, do you know of any interesting traditions for other cultures? My FH has bad luck with new rings (He's got a few he wears all the time, but any new ones quickly disappear), and I'm concerned for him as well because he works outside.

      I've considered the tattoos (we're both inked already, so that's not an issue), and a friend's brother is a jeweller and wants to make our wedding jewelry if we have some.

      We're very interested in other cultures and love incorporating new things that we like, but there hasn't been much investigation into wedding traditions. I'm Pagan and he's non-aligned, though connected to the spiritual realm, so there's no specific traditions to follow.

      (Still trying to decide on whether we'll do a hand-binding.)

  15. My FH will be wearing a ring, but on his right hand, not his left. He's an engineer who's always smashing things up and didn't want a ring that would disintegrate on him, so we finally settled on Tungsten. And while he loved the weight of it and how it looked, he's never felt comfortable with rings on his left hand. He's a bassist and it interferes with his playing, plus would scratch up his base something fierce, so the right hand it is.

    I do like rings and what they represent, so I'm just happy he's wearing one at all. But if he couldn't for any reason, I'm sure we'd work around it somehow.

    • My husband's ring is tungsten, too. He's a chemist and spends all day in the lab, so he wanted something that would be tough to destroy. Only downside is we couldn't get it engraved- it'd void the warranty.

      He's also pretty old-fashioned when it comes to romance, and I think he'd be hurt/insulted if I told him he didn't have to wear it (or just say "Pfffft, I want to!" :).

      3 agree
  16. I have a friend who lost his ring finger when the ring latched onto a nail head as he was jumping over a fence. Needless to say, he no longer wears a ring on any finger.

    1 agrees
  17. My mother has a big hangup about men who don't wear wedding rings. I think this is, in part, because she's middle aged and single (and, therefore, uses that as a barometer), and also because it's a generational thing – i.e., no wedding ring means that the guy is LOOKING to cheat.

    Seeing as she's already doesn't care for my FH and is constantly looking for excuses to put him down, I asked him to please, please get a ring and wear it when we knew we would be seeing her. She'd never say anything to him, but I would never hear the end of it.

    FWIW, I know plenty of men who wear their wedding rings faithfully and are the slimiest cheaters around.

    3 agree
  18. My grandpa is a farmer and he although he has a wedding ring, he never wears it. Its way too dangerous and for him to put in on and then off all the time… he couldn't be bothered. My grandma told me that he wore it for their honey moon and then as soon as they got to their new home together [which was his family's farm, given to him as a wedding gift] he took it off and has never worn it again. My grandma only wears her when they go into town… she spends her day cooking, cleaning and knitting.

    They are the two most in love people I have ever seen!

    I wear an engagement ring and like Offbeat Megan's hubby, I spend more time playing with it then it does actually just sitting on my finger. FH really wants to have a ring [and he especially wants me to have one so that everyone knows I'm taken…]. I've been tossing around the idea of tattoo rings… we both have tattoos so it would be awesome!

    3 agree
    • You just have to be careful about the tattoos. I discussed the idea with my artist and he said that depending on your profession and hobbies it might not work. I am a hairstylist and apparently having my hands in water and chemicals all the time means it will wear out. My fiance is going to wear a wedding ring because he's indifferent to jewelry (doesn't like it…doesn't hate it) and the band was my grandfather's so he knows it means a lot to me.

  19. I took the tweet in a different way. It really is a question of why. Legitimate reason or because he doesn't want to appear tied down? Yes, I would have an issue with that but probably wouldn't be marrying that guy. I'm also confused why you bash the tweeter but you cared a little too right? You got butterflies and were excited for him to wear it. Honestly I would care if my FH didn't want to wear a ring BUT not to the point of forcing it on him and especially not if it interfered with his job. I do think it is a sign of outward committment which is not to say FH would cheat without it on. It's also part of our vows but again, I would be sad but would understand.

    5 agree
    • TZizzle, I did care when he stopped wearing it because I thought it was neat, but not for suspicious reasons as the RT suggests, hence my reaction.

  20. There are so many stupid, stupid people on wedding related sites (I love this one, obviously).

    I would like for C to wear his ring since I picked it out for him and all that but by all means, if it were uncomfortable or dangerous I would be the first person to tell him to take it off.

  21. My Dad didn't wear a wedding ring until 20 years into their marriage when he was able to. He was an electrician and couldnt wear it at work and so left it at home where it was stolen withing a month of their marriage. He wears it now but only because he is a jewelry whore. lol.

    2 agree
  22. My future husband won't be wearing a ring… he just does not do jewellery. And I have zero problems with this. I kinda feel like rings are for everyone else to see like "stay back, I'm taken"… He doesn't need to wear a ring for me (or anyone who knows us) to know about the huge way in which he is committed to our life together. I do have an engagement ring but won't be getting a wedding one. We are (like many others) opting for tats (yuss!) and hey, you can lose a ring down a sink/toilet/compost bin but a tattoo ain't going anywhere that easily!

  23. My husband doesn't wear his ring often, if he remembers he'll put it on when we're going out somewhere special. It bothered me when we first got married, but it's not like it's a magic ring that would prevent adultery. He would wear it day-to-day because he loves it (He picked out a fancy engraved one) but being a mechanic, it's too dangerous. If he was injured at work because of the ring, worker's compensation wouldn't cover it. I'd rather have a forgetful husband than a finger/hand-less one!

    3 agree
  24. I think symbols are really important. Would you have such a strong reaction to someone wearing a cross which means "I am Christian" or a yarmulke? I think most people who read OBB dress in a way to tell people something about themselves (I'm goth, I'm counter-culture, etc.) and wearing a wedding ring serves the same purpose.

    It says, "I am married, I'm part of a pair." I understand OF COURSE that NOT wearing rings doesn't mean you aren't a pair.

    But it IS really important to me that my husband wear a ring, and I wear mine. Because I want people to know that he and I are part of a bonded pair, it tells people something about how we feel about each other without us ever having to say it.

    I know OBB hates the idea that anyone has to do anything just because they are married but I think a symbol, between the two of you (even if it's a watch or a tattoo or a name change) is both beautiful and important.

    So yeah, I think "would you care if he didn't wear a ring" is a valid question for discussion and that if my husband didn't want to wear his, I'd want an explanation. Not a concession, necessarily, but an explanation at least.

    20 agree
    • Dude, symbols are great! I love the exchange of rings, watches, buttons, you name it, OBBs have exchanged it and worn it and I think that's awesome. And "would you care if he didn't wear a ring" is a totally valid question because there are many different schools of thought on this and I've enjoyed reading all the comments and stories.

      However, what isn't valid is to suggest there is something sinister going on if he doesn't wear a symbol, there-in lies my problem. This post was about the LACK of symbols and how people react to it. Would I react if a Christian *wasn't* wearing a cross? And would I believe that it made them any less Christian? Not at all. My point was that wearing or not wearing a symbol should be a personal choice and respected as such.

      4 agree
      • The thing is, that first tweet *didn't* suggest anything sinister going on if someone doesn't wear a wedding ring. It was a *question* – a valid question for discussion, as Samantha said.

        8 agree
        • the way we ask things often implies judgements. in this case the implication was that not wearing a wedding ring deviates from a norm in some way that might bother you, without acknowledging that rings are not ubiquitous. that blog would doubtfully ask "does it bother you that your eso wears their ring?" because the implications of that question would be considered themselves absurd.

  25. It is a fairly uncharitable and insulting assumption to decide that anyone who would feel uncomfortable about their husband not wearing a wedding ring is too stupid to question advertising.

    Maybe it's because the ring itself is just the last straw of a more major issue in the relationship.

    What if they had worn jewellery before to symbolise their commitment, had no practical reason not to wear a wedding ring, but still didn't wear it?

    What if they stopped wearing it without telling you?

    What if, even though it's just a stupid piece of jewellery, its symbolism matters to you and your husband knows that?

    After all, Ariel herself was concerned about Andreas's outfit not clashing with hers on their wedding day, even if he was not wearing his first choice of clothing. There's no practical or important reason for having a consistent theme between bride and groom. But I don't think anyone is arguing that because Ariel cared about it she's been brainwashed by the tired old cliché that is the WIC.

    As much as I love so much about the site and the OBT, this post is exactly the problem I have with the Offbeat concept: sometimes it seems more important to attack wedding traditions than to celebrate creative alternatives. Even worse, it's not just the advertisers who get attacked, but the women who follow any of the traditions of a western wedding – as poor, unenlightened folk who are not smart enough to identify when they're being marketed to.

    And when is it ever offbeat to judge other women?

    11 agree
    • Cinara, I was by no means attacking a wedding tradition. I myself wear a wedding ring. But I was defending the rights of people to either subscribe to traditions of not. Which, I believe IS the offbeat concept — do what feels right for you and don't judge others if what feels right to them isn't exactly your cup of tea.

      To assume that something isn't right if a man isn't wearing a ring is not okay. And neither is assuming something isn't right if a man IS wearing a ring. In an ideal world both of those things should be accepted without question is what that post was saying.

      2 agree
    • i think you really misunderstood this post. it was about not judging people for not wearing rings, and was at no point attacking people -for- wearing them or wanting their spouse to wear them.

  26. Of course a ring doesn't make a marriage, and of course there are plenty of legitimate reasons why someone may choose not to wear a ring. However, I'm really glad my partner appreciates the symbolism of his ring and chooses to wear it. So I guess I do care. Why is that a problem?

    5 agree
    • Katie, that's not a problem at all! I think you should care about your own husband. But I think the problem lies in someone ELSE cares enough about it to make generalizations about someone else's husband who doesn't appreciate the same symbolism.

      2 agree
    • I don't think it's a problem to care! Lol. It's great that th OP's husband and herself were able to work out a compromise–kinda what the whole marriage thing is about.

      Regardless, I personally would be disappointed if my future husband decides not to wear one or to in someway wear a "badge of honor," because at the end of the day it IS a symbol of your dedication. And don't get me wrong, symbols vary from couple to couple. For example, I dislike growing my hair out since it makes me hot and takes dedication to comb out, but I see the way it lights up his face when I wear it down and he gets to play with it, so I invest in ponytail holders and deal.

      1 agrees
  27. In my situation it's my husband that wears one and not me. I'm left handed and have never liked the feeling of a ring on the hand I write with. I do wear it when we are out someplace special. I do that for him (haha).

  28. My Dad hasn't worn his ring since the day after their wedding. Dad works construction and was worried about lose of fingers and that sort of thing. it's sitting in my Mom's jewelry box. I don't plan on wearing my ring after the honeymoon eather since I'm an massage therapist and would constantly be taking it off and putting it back on, if I remember to take it out of my pocket before it runs though the washing machine which judging from the amount of Kleenex that runs though it I'm not good at looking in pockets. I'm planing on getting a small heart tattooed on the inside of my left ring finger. It will be just for me and him since I'm sure most people will never notice it. I don't like the assumption that someone is up to no good if they don't wear their ring. there are many resounds why someone might not.

  29. My hubby and I both wear rings because we love the symbolism of it, and we think it's a beautiful tradition. HOWEVER, if one of us couldn't/didn't want to wear "the ring" that would be fine too. Commitment shouldn't come down to whether or not someone is wearing a ring. I've had severe edema for the last few months and have not been able to wear my rings….that doesn't make me any less committed or married! That's crazy. People get too wrapped up in the wedding ring debate. It really should be a personal choice for the couple.

    My hubby and I wanted to get tattoos done, but our artist refused to tattoo mine because my fingers are small, and she didn't want the ink to fade or bleed.

  30. My FH wears his ring now because he thinks it is awesome, but he takes it off all the time and fiddles with it. I've found it under the table, in the dryer, etc. When he looses it, I'm not buying him another one. :)

    1 agrees
  31. THANK YOU!!! I can't tell you how long I have been looking for support on this (my FH has no intention of wearing a ring) and even in more "offbeat" circles I still get wrinkled noses and questions about FH's real committment to the marriage. I'll admit I was bummed at first, too, because my dad has always worn his ring with pride…but I'm marrying a person who never does anything without full committment, so I quickly let it go. If the fact that he won't wear a ring makes other people uncomfortable, that's their problem!

  32. For me, it was very important that my fiance also wore a wedding ring. Neither of my parents wore a ring. They are both very pragmatic, unsentimental people and their marriage was a very civil lets-stay-together-for-the-kids-sake type of partnership, and I want my marriage to be nothing like that. The silly, romantic, sentimentality of us having these little fancy symbols on our fingers reminds me that our relationship is something I didn't see growing up. I am not saying that every couple who doesn't wear rings is like my parents, no worries! If he didn't want to wear a ring for any of the reasons mentioned above I am sure I would be ok with it… like you said there are other ways a guy can show that he is committed. I realize that it is basically just a trinket after all is said and done, I just appreciate the gesture and luckily my manthing likes wearing it. Traditions and customs that have a lot of meaning for one couple may be completely empty for another.I love how this site recognizes that and is never judgemental! Wahooo!

    3 agree
  33. I honestly hadn't given the ring "issue" much thought. My father is left handed and didn't wear a wedding ring for the first 20 years of my parents' marriage because it pinched when he wrote. When they renewed their vows, my dad went out of his way to find a comfy ring.

    I hadn't even thought of asking my fiance what he thought about wearing a ring. We've exchanged all kinds of jewelry over the years, so when we got engaged, he excitedly moved his Clauddagh to his left hand and started showing off his engagement ring.

  34. Neither of my parents wears one as they no longer fit, and they can't be bothered getting new ones that do (and they are not resizeable).

  35. Wow, maybe for the first time ever OBB and Etiquette Hell agree! I did a search for 'not wearing wedding ring' to get some other opinions and after a ton of stupid celebrity gossip stories found a thread on their forum with much the same comments as here – it's a personal choice/practical issue, everyone should decide for themselves what they want to do and it's not one elses buisness. :)
    (Although the celebrity stories seem to contradict that last part. Might just be a 'celebrity culture' thing, once you're famous apparently everything is everyone's buisness!)

  36. Funny that this is something my fiance and I were just discussing. I work on live 480 volt equipment. A ring can mean the difference between a severe shock and death at those voltages. To us, it's more important that I come home after work than wear a ring.

    Don't get me wrong, we are still exchanging rings and I am going to wear mine, just not every day at work.

    Paul

  37. My happily married father never had a wedding ring so I grew up thinking that was completely normal. He always said his commitment was 'much deeper than a symbol'. My husband had never worn a ring before our wedding day. So though he'd tried his ring on at the shop, we had picked one out a few sizes too big. It took 3 trips to the shop after the wedding to get one that fit (lovely gracious shop keepers). Imagine the shock when ladies at church learned that the ring he was now wearing was not the one 'blessed' in the ceremony! That had never even occured to me… Because really it's not about The Ring, its about your commitment, and if you enjoy some bling that's fine too ; )

    1 agrees
  38. I've been married for almost 19 years now, my hubby doesn't wear a ring. After replacing them a few times and they end up smashed beyond recognition(he's in construction), I just haven't bothered to get him a new one. When you see a beautiful platinum/gold band look like a piece of modern art and completely oval, then you know better than to spend hundreds on man jewelry again. It doesn't change anything between us, and it's probably safer for him not to have something that will catch on metal or wood(which has happened, I'd rather him have a finger than a band)

    1 agrees
  39. I love reading all these stories. My father and my uncle both work with their hands (commercial fishing and carpentry, respectively) and neither of them wore wedding rings, and I never thought anything of it. I know both my mom and my aunt haven't thought twice about it.

    That being said, when my partner recently mentioned that, with his allergies he might not want to wear a ring, I did feel a pang of sadness. But I totally support his decision either way! Most of all, I want him to be happy and comfortable.

    I'd love to figure out something else, as a symbol. He's definitely not a tattoo guy. Any other ideas, OBB?

    xoxo

    • Same here. My dad was a plumber and then a steel worker so has never worn one. He borrowed my pop's ring for the ceremony and gave it back before the reception! As such, I didn't even think my partner would until he said he wanted one. That threw me way more than if he had of said he wasn't going to wear one!

  40. I am planning on giving B a ring… but I don't at all expect him to wear it. He works on fire alarm panels and security systems so metal on his hands isn't the best idea plus his fingers are HUGE (ring size is a freakin' 14/15) and he has carpal tunnel so they swell up even further. He has a claddagh that he currently breaks our for special occasions but even then it isn't a "given".

    Likewise my dad consistantly smashes his wedding band and mom finally got tired of repairing it (30 years later) so he just doesn't wear one. And my mother has multiple engagement/wedding rings (all either from my father or family heirloms or even a few she's bought herself) and changes them out constantly based on her mood, what she's doing, and the company she's keeping (eg when she's working with the homeless veterans program her "usual" huge diamond mess seems a trifle inappropriate so she "downgrades".

    2 agree
  41. I'm sorry, but the ring means something to me. I feel that it's important that I wear it, and important that he does the same. (Barring, of course, dangerous jobs, etc.) But as far as things like "it's uncomfortable" – well, what if I think so too? Why would I have to wear a symbol of commitment and he can cop out of it? And I did once have a date with a man who turned out to be married, he "just didn't like wearing a ring." Oh, wasn't that convenient…I looked at his hand and saw it was bare, and since he hadn't mentioned a wife in any of our conversations (and HAD ASKED ME ON A DATE), I'd figured he was single, silly me. So to me, a lack of a ring means a philanderer – it's just my own personal experience.

    All this being said, it's really the bride and groom's choice. If one of you or none of you wear a ring, it's none of my business and I wouldn't make it such. It's your marriage, not mine. To all of those out there who are opting out of wearing rings, I give you nothing but good wishes. But should I ever marry again, I want a ring on both our fingers. (And a tattoo wouldn't be an option for my boyfriend, btw, although I'd do it!) I guess that's just how I feel on the matter.

    5 agree
    • of course you'd have the right not to wear the ring if you were uncomfortable!

      i'm surprised there are any 'he should wear the ring' comments. offbeat indeed. i mean, i understand people are offbeat in different ways, but to judge anyone for not wearing a ring for -any- reason at all is f'ed.

      i have never ever noticed whether a man was wearing a wedding ring and i wouldn't think about it either way. i know people are married when they tell me they are married. that's it. why would i go by anything else -knowing- that some people don't wear rings?

      and what about people who are nonmonogamous? should they wear rings to warn you or should they not wear rings so people don't assume they are unavailable? the answer of course is who cares.

      4 agree
  42. I love the idea of wedding tattoos. After the initial terrible pain of tatooing your finger, having something so beautiful and unique would be an awesome milestone in your relationship, and testament to your faith in the future of the marriage too — a tattoo is a much more permamnent symbol than a ring.

  43. Here is some perspective:
    My grandparents have been married for 69 years(!) and do not wear wedding rings. They couldn't afford them at the time. They are both 93 years old, and the cutest couple you have ever seen. (Yes, I'm bragging a little, but they are just SO cute). When my mom goes out with them in public, strangers will literally stop and say "Awww…." Him wearing a derby hat, her wearing pearls and clutching her handbag. Even if they are just going to Wal-Mart.

    Like another poster said above, it's BEING FAITHFUL that counts in a marriage, NOT, "wearing a ring/not wearing a ring." Just ask Tiger Woods. Just ask Jon Gosselin. Just ask Jesse James.

    Indeed, "being married" or "wearing a ring" does NOT make you a good person. (Frankenstein was married, and he wasn't a good person…lol). It's that, small-minded people need ways to "quantify" things which cannot be easily quantified. Material things are an easy way to "judge" ppl, but are not accurate. HEZ WEARING A RING. Yeah, so what?

    So @OffBeat Megan, if you start to feel bad, just think of my cute little grandparents! :) And given that your husband wrote that Hilarious post? He is Definitely a keeper. :)

    2 agree
    • To this post: I can understand being upset someone wouldn't wear their ring. Some men do cheat, married or not and that can be a reasonable concern for a woman (my mother was cheated on by both her husbands), but that's not even necessarily behind the desire for your man to wear a wedding ring.

      For some it's the "this is mine factor", a possessiveness not necessarily negative in nature because also gives of itself (or at least it should). For some it's a show of solidarity, not necessarily the ring itself, but anything you regularly wear or carry to remind you of your commitment and (most importantly) your love for one another – tattoos, hemp necklaces, lighters, converse, sunglasses – like with the engagement "ring" it could be anything you agree on.
      I'm not saying an object is even required, but unless feelings or potential job hazards are communicated to your intended, they will most likely feel upset that you are not wearing the symbol they have given to show their love for you.

      I think you may be misunderstanding the issue at hand. A wedding ring is not really a WIC object. While the materialistic views of an engagement ring are almost universal, I've hardly heard of anyone ogling the solid band on a woman's (or man's) finger. And wedding rings existed long before the WIC was ever thought of, in the forms of malleable metals, whittled wood and even hand braided grasses. These rings were given as treasures of love and affection to provide a tangible reminder of that love.

      3 agree
      • Sort of. The real escalation in wedding bands for men starts in WWII/post War period. So part of the general expansion of consumer culture. Before that, only the woman getting a wedding band was far more common.

  44. Judging by the tons of comments it looks like you are in good company! We made our wedding rings with silver "clay". His barely fits & mine collapsed in the flames into a gorgeous pendant. So he wears his only sometimes (along with much comedic bravado "love hurts, babe") and I wear mine on a chain. These rings are so perfectly us, DIY & wacky. Maybe one day we will recast them in gold, maybe one day we won't. It isn't a problem either way because our love never comes off!

    @Kaloof & @Hmm, your grandparents make my heart warm! My favorite moment ever was when my 80 yr old grandpa pinched my 76 yr old grandmother's behind when he though the kids weren't watching. I can't hardly wait til I can lean over to my elderly hubby, swat him on the arm, and say, "TURN up YER hearing aid." Ah, love for the ages.

    • Side note but your story reminded me: One time my grandpa and grandma were arguing about something so my grandpa asked her "Do you have your hearing aid in?" She said "Yes!" and then he asked "Do you have it turned on?" the reply:

      "NO!"

      They've been together like that for over 50 years. 😛

      2 agree
  45. Honestly, I gotta say, I'm surprised at how many people DON'T wear rings and for so many different reasons. I'm really enjoying reading everyone's individual stories… from faithful wonderful fathers never wearing his ring, to elderly couples married for 69 years who couldn't afford them in the first place, to wives not wearing them and husbands so excited to wear theirs that they want engagement rings. It's all so interesting. My husband is definitely in good company and I have been sharing all these stories with him.

    I think my favorite comment so far has been jx's who said "and now, after 25+ years, the ring doesn't fit but the marriage still does." That totally summed up what I was hoping to communicate.

    2 agree
  46. My husband wore his ring on our wedding day, and nearly lost it twice, becuase he couldn't stop fiddling with it. Two years on, it still sits in a box in the drawer, and we're still happily married. No biggie.

  47. Hubby wears more rings than me!

    I refuse to wear my engagement ring which was very heavy (el cheapo silver).

    He loves his "promise" ring and his wedding ring. Loves to show them off really. One is tungsten carbide with carbon fibre (wedding), the other titanium.

    I don't wear my ring half the time (although I love it) and we always take it off at home. So I'm with you Meagan, all the way!

  48. The best question is why you, who are always on about not being rude or assuming the worst about people, would assume the supposed twat who thought it was important to know WHY a husband wouldn't wear a ring was being accusatory. Why is a good question. It's what you spent not just your reply but your whole post here explaining. There are a lot of valid reasons, and she asked why.

    1 agrees
    • The accusatory tone of the tweet was confirmed once I received a DM apologizing and saying that they hadn't thought about it like that and I had "changed their mind." So in this case the tweet was absolutely meant to be assuming the worst.

      1 agrees
  49. The exchange of rings and the wearing of wedding rings is a relatively modern concept and one that does actually serve a current social function in western society. Even if the individual does not choose to participate by wearing one, the social construct still remains.

    I adore seeing my husband wearing his wedding ring, the one that he designed and that I had made for him. I love the feel of it on his finger as I hold his hand in mine. However, when he is far away from me, he will not be able to wear it. He is in the military in a practical hands on role, so he does not wear his wedding ring whilst 'at work'. Nor would anyone expect him to for safety reasons.

    During our handfasting ceremony, we spilled our own blood to seal our vows. The small, faint scar I carry on my thumb and my husband's matching scar on his thumb, will remain with us forevermore, long after our rings no longer fit our gnarled arthritic hands in old age.

    1 agrees
    • WOW! I had never heard of sealing vows with blood before. And as someone who faints at the site of blood (and gets woozy at just the thought) I actually think that is really cool. And even the whole scar thing made me go "aw." :)

      • For that very reason (queasiness), we did warn our guests that if they didn't like the sight of blood, that they should just look away and listen to our vows.

        The spilling of blood was symbolic, to signify the sacrifice that we'd both be willing to make for each other and our marriage and to seal our vows. As if the words were not enough.

        Without going into alot of detail, my groom cut his finger/thumb with a scalpel and then bled onto a piece of bread (from a loaf that I'd made), before offering it to me. I accepted the offering and his vows and then ate the blood soaked bread. I repeated the same actions & similar words for him etc.

        I was nervous and cut a little too deep and bled a little too much, but love is like that. Deeper than you imagine and what you give, enriches & sustains you both.

        We then exchanged rings after a ring blessing – which brings this back to the topic of wearing rings. It's symbolic, but then, so are our actions that we live and breathe every day. The wearing of a ring is not the beginning nor the end.

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