No, he doesn't wear a ring

No he doesnt wear a ring

I follow a few popular wedding-related Twitter accounts — I chalk it up to a market research kind of thing. Most of the time I just ignore the tweets as 98% of them are pure WIC fluff. "Flowers worthy of escorting you down the aisle." "Have you ever thought of wearing a red wedding dress!?" "The time between your engagement and your wedding is an ideal time to begin a regular beauty and fitness regimen." "Make sure to buy more things! You need more things! Things that are shiny!" And then this tweet caught my eye:

"Do U Care if UR Husband (or Future Husband) Doesn't wear a Wedding Ring?"

I read it and immediately wanted to tweet back — Why the hell would I care!? Why the hell would anyone care!? What business is it of yours!? And so on. But I thought, naw, totally not worth my time. And then it got worse as I read this response:

Even better question. RT @blueskyshine: @BrideTide More important question: WHY wouldn't he want to?

Ooooh, my blood was boiling after reading that ignorant twat tweet. To question someone's love and basic morality based on the fact that they don't want to wear a piece a of jewelry just seemed beyond insulting to me.

So I just had to respond in the piddly 140 characters at my disposal:

@BrideTide Why not? Bc he has a job where wearing jewelry is dangerous. Bc he hates wearing jewelry. Bc he doesn't need 1 to show he's committed [cont.] Mine doesn't wear a wedding ring and I couldn't care less. He gave it a go at first and he just never got used to it. S'okay by me

And it is okay by me! I'll be honest that at first I was bummed… I think wedding rings on a dude (especially your own dude) are sexy! Every time I saw that flash of metal on his finger I gave me a thrill — it's all sexy "grown up" of him.

But when I stepped back and looked at the reality of the situation I saw that, honestly, that ring spent more time spinning on the table in front of him, or alternately, rolling off the table and onto the floor, than on his finger. And I just saw how uncomfortable it made him. He really HATES wearing jewelry, and he complained that the air conditioning in the recording studio where he works made the ring so cold that his finger ached.

Now, I could've bitched and nagged and guilted my husband into just accepting his be-ringed fate, but I had realize that, even though that ring gave me a thrill, it's not at all worth his discomfort for one minute.

And what's the point of it really? 'It's symbol to show that he's devoted and faithful to me,' is what I came up with. But isn't it okay that the symbol just be that he freaking MARRIED ME!? I mean, what more do I need? This man stood in front of family, friends, and a few complete strangers, and exchanged vows with me — do I need more than THAT? And the answer was, obviously, no. There doesn't need to be a physical symbol when his vows alone and my trust in him are enough to show me (and everyone else?) that he is devoted and faithful to me.

So, no, he doesn't wear a ring, and I'm okay with it. But I'll keep wearing mine because I think it's purrrrty.

And for you LOTR nerds out there, you might get a kick out of the version of this post that my husband created late last night while I was sleeping, unawares… No, he doesn't wear "the precious."

  1. My fiance isn't going to have a ring, well neither of us are exchanging rings. We opted for wedding tattoos instead. For awhile we had matching promise rings before we got engaged, it didn't last long since he is cursed to lose every ring in his possession. He has a ring right now which has lasted a surprisingly long time for him, but the expense of wedding rings wasn't worth it to us when he is prone to losing them.

    9 agree
    • You know, he offered to get a ring tattooed on that finger, needles give me the heebie jeebies so i told him it was not necessary. But, man, I think that's SO romantic!

      7 agree
      • Weirdly my first reaction was thinking that a tattoo is too permenant, which I find kind of sad since marriage is supposed to be forever as well. Of course that's not always the case, but at least going into it I think that should be the plan.

        (Kind of ironic that some of the people against getting a tatoo were some of the same people nagging me to get married. A drawing is too permenant and what if I regret it, but I should hurry up and comit to spending my whole life with another person?)

        Anyway, I think the idea of wedding tattoos is great, and even better because you'd have to do something really impressive to loose it!

        14 agree
        • we are getting tattoos, we haven't decided about jewelry. i gave him a pin when i asked him, and neither of us ever wear rings. he won't wear the pin except on special occasions also, because he is terrified of losing it. i keep telling him i'll make him another (i made it for him in a silversmithing class), but he still doesn't want to lose it. the crazy thing is he says if i made another one, he would wear that one (like some people wear fake versions of diamonds they actually own), but he doesn't want to lose the original.

          but anyway, we've planned the tattoo long before deciding to get married(we've been together 10 years). and anytime people get buddy tattoos there is that 'what if it doesn't work out' question (maybe less if you're married) but i've always thought of it more as a tattoo for us and our time together, and not a promise we're making. if we broke up in a few years, the tattoo would still have meaning, because we've already had a life together.

          17 agree
          • My Fiance wanted to get a wedding ring tattoo but then he talked to his tattoo artist and he told him they always rub off after a little while and they don't look good anymore. I am not sure if this is true for everyone but I just wanted to comment this so you can check that for yourself and not be disappointed if it did rub off. Congrats! : )

            2 agree
          • I just came out with an idea, after reading this I was thinking of an alternative for a tatoo and two things came to my mind, one of them is having similar scars… I would definitively have them done by a doctor and ask how to get "the nicest scar".
            At first my husband agreed (we have a friend that is a plastic surgeon and we trust him) but when I reminded him about his promise, he said "we already have similar scars" I don't know what he meant, we don't share any scars in common… yet!

            Let me know what you think.

            3 agree
          • Any finger tattoo will rub off after a while, but getting touch ups and using oils/lotions/sun screen will all aid in the healing and maintenance of any tattoo : D

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    • My fiance is a welder. It is super dangerous for him to wear a ring. He actually knows a couple of guys who have had their fingers burned down to the bone because of their wedding bands.
      We bought a cheap ring for us to use during the ceremony and I have to admit seeing a ring on him just makes my heart flutter! :) Since wearing the actual ring is so dangerous he decided to get my initials tattooed on his ring finger. We both have and love tattoos anyway so it's fitting for us.
      At first I was a little disappointed that he couldn't wear a ring, but half the people he works with were surprised when he asked for time off for the wedding because he talks about his "wife" all the time and they thought we were already married. If your husband truly loves you then he doesn't need a ring to show he is committed. :) Took me a little bit to figure that out but I am glad I did.

      12 agree
    • I was JUST talking to my SO about that. He thinks rings are too transitory and that we should get symbolic tattoos. I'm a little sad at the thought of not having an engagement ring but aside from that I love the idea.

      1 agrees
  2. One factor I've never seen brought up in a wedding ring discussion is that, for a variety of medical reasons, not everyone has a ring finger (or any fingers) at the end of his or her left hand.

    8 agree
    • You know, while researching if, in fact, this "no ring" is really a big deal, I DID come across a story about a girl whose fiance is missing his left ring finger. So apparently, he's just going to wear the ring on the right hand instead.

      0 agree
      • I have seen a couple like this – the wife was missing her "ring finger" so they both wore their rings on the right hand. I thought it was very sweet. Personally I would want my spouse to wear his ring unless his job prevented it. I love the whole idea of it.

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        • Aw, that does sound sweet. I think the ring issue, like so many others, is all about what works for the individual.

          5 agree
      • My father-in-law to be has worked for Otis elevator forever, and he's worked his way up from being a stock boy or whatever to being upper management. Back in the day, though, when he was doing serious factory things, he got his ring caught in something and since it wouldn't slide off, the ring got caught on his knuckle and pulled half of his finger out of his hand. They can't reattach if the joint is pulled apart, only if it's severed, so he opted to have the rest of the finger removed and he now wears his mangled gold 'ring' on his keychain as a reminder, I guess. Which works for them, since my mother in law to be is allergic to metal and doesn't wear one either :)

        2 agree
        • A friend of my parents had this happen – he's a farmer, and caught his ring on the top corner of his truck door as he was jumping out. He lost his entire ring finger. He got his ring back, but never wore it again, on any finger. He and his wife are still married, and have been for more than 40 years.

          4 agree
          • Gah I'm such a clutz now I'm rethinking all of my jewelery.

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        • EEEK! I just read that and gasped so loud it woke up my dog. That sounds so painful. Perfectly valid reason to not actually wear a ring!

          3 agree
    • My fiance won't be able to wear a ring because his left hand was mangled in an accident. I'm an aspiring tattoo artist, and he love tattoos any way so he wants me to tattoo a wedding band on him.

      2 agree
  3. My guy might not even get one to not wear! The idea of wearing a ring for the rest of his life seems to be the one thing he's least excited about, even after the idea of an Alchemy Gothic ring came up. (And if you've not seen them those things are amazing.)

    He's still considering it but if he can't find one he likes we'll probably just skip the idea. I know he's mine anyway. :D

    1 agrees
  4. My Dad always wears his wedding ring but my mom doesn't always. I don't think that makes her any less married or committed. Rings just aren't for everyone!

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    • I love my ring, but I am clumsy and bang it against things. So I try and remember to wear it at times, but it's off my finger about as much as it's on.

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  5. I don't think it's a big deal if he doesn't wear a ring…if that's what works for both of you. I'm not sure how I would feel about it to be honest…since we haven't gotten married yet. But we did go order our wedding bands this weekend and watching him try on rings and seeing him with that piece of metal on "that" finger did give me a little flip in my stomach…but if he was adamant against it I'm sure I'd feel the same as you.

    2 agree
  6. I think that part of the reason that so many brides are manic about their husbands wearing their rings, is that it's a tangible symbol of their loyalty. What's the first thing (In movies TV etc) that a man does when he's about to practice infidelity, or at least wants to try it out for awhile? He takes his ring off. The ring is a symbol that they're linked to you. So you're brainwashed to think that if your husband doesn't want to wear his ring that he wants to be unfaithful. And that's why so many brides cling to it. The mental connection between "If he wears his ring he loves me and we'll be together forever. If he doesn't he's cheating on me/ashamed of me."

    My husband is a mechanic, so the ring is dangerous for him to wear at work. As much as I love the fact that he wears it, my emotional attachment to it isn't nearly as strong as his. He's forgotten it a few times at work and was a complete wreck. Now I have to ask him why it's so important to him, LOL.

    14 agree
    • Excellent point Ang. My brother-in-law can't wear a ring because he is in a similar line of work and it is really dangerous. So not worth risking injury!

      4 agree
    • What's so funny about the idea of a ring as tangible proof of fidelity is that we consider it a tether specifically because of images that you mentioned – philandering men in movies removing their wedding rings right before hooking up with someone who is NOT their wife. It's hilarious, though – what's further proof that a ring does nothing to prevent infidelity than the image of a manwhore removing his before cheating?

      But on a broader scale, aside from concerns of fidelity, there's the idea that a man is willing to put up with some discomfort in order to broadcast the fact that he is taken. Because for so many women, there's always this nagging sense that the entire marriage is HER idea, HER deal – so that she plans everything, and in the end, she feels like she is forcing her man to go through with it. If he wears a ring without complaint, it's a sign that he's willing to make a subtle public statement that he's on-board.

      A guy who doesn't want to wear one might have totally legitimate reasons for not wearing it, but if you are insecure, you can always see those reasons as more of an excuse.

      I personally don't like wearing rings, so I don't really care one way or the other if I end up with a set of rings if/when I get married. But my father has always worn his hand (and had a new one made when his fingers got too arthritic for him to comfortably wear the original wedding ring), and my dad is pretty much a pillar of a stable husband and parent – so I can see where some women (and men, for that matter) would crave this kind of thing from their husbands.

      15 agree
    • It's true, a ring doesn't mean commitment, his actions and brain do.

      2 agree
  7. my fiance picked out his ring and intends to wear have it sized, but will most likely wear it on his chain(AHAHAHA Tricksy Hobbitses) with his others. I'm down with that

    4 agree
  8. I think its more likely he will wear a ring (with his other 3 or 4!) and I won't. I might get one and put it on a necklace.

    1 agrees
  9. I appreciate the boiling blood! It makes me crazy when people make comments like this. My dad never wore a wedding ring – I didn't really realize men did until I was a teenager. :-) My parents celebrated their 44th anniversary last week and are the closest clouple I know. The ring is not a reflection of the feelings, although it can be a symbol for them for those who feel that way.
    My FH isn't interested in jewellery unless it comes with a big hand and a little hand. He loves watches. We are going to do a ring/watch exchange. I love my ring, and enjoy wearing it – I am giving it back to him to put on my hand again since I don't want a 2nd ring. The symbolism of the ring – the never ending circle can be mimicked by the right kind of watch – that is what we are doing.

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    • Yeah, I like the idea of exchanging things that will actually get used or worn or displayed or what have you. I think a wedding watch is awesome!
      Oh and congrats to your parents for 44 years! that's inspiring.

      2 agree
      • Yes a watch works just as well!
        I got my fella an 'engagement watch' as I didn't see why I should get something nice to mark the occasion and he shouldn't. He's not into rings but he's going to try a wedding ring. I wouldn't be bothered if he didn't wear it though.

        1 agrees
        • This is a really good idea! As I mentioned above my guy doesn't like the idea of wearing a ring. I'm not sure he'd want a watch either but I'll defiantely suggest the idea of something other than a ring and maybe he/we will be able to find something he likes. Thanks!

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          • with tattooed rings he couldnt take it off as in the movies….lol

            my FH wants a ring, but even if he didnt…I would try to convince him otherwise…not because i dont trust HIM, but more as a material warning to the swarms of single-man-grubbing women who live around my area "back off bitches ..hes taken"

            11 agree
        • Me too! I got my fiancé an 'engagement watch' for the same reason. I felt like he should have something, and since he didn't wear jewelery it was perfect. Since then we have traveled a lot in muslem countries and we have both worn "wedding" bands to make things easier. I thought he would take it off once he didn't "need" to wear it anymore, but he has grown used to it and wears it every day! But he does tend to loose things too, so we are getting some inexpensive rings just in case. ;)

          2 agree
          • My fiance can't wear any jewelry at work due to safety reasons so when we got engaged, I was trying to find something to give him because I, too, felt like he should have something. We talked about watches but the ones he's after are a little out of our current price range (But totally within reason for something for me to give him to wear instead of a wedding ring, once I've saved up). We shopped briefly for engagement sunglasses, but he was too afraid he'd break them or lose them. What did we finally decide on? An engagement xBox 360. You're thinking, "WHAT!?" but that's ok, it works for us. Sure one day it'll be replaced by the next cool game system, but maybe we'll upgrade (people upgrade their wedding sets all the time!) but for now it is something we can do together, we both love and a symbol of how much we love to be together, and I'll let him win. . . sometimes ;)

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        • Ah! My man LOVES watches too, and (jokingly) asked for an engagement watch. I'm looking/ saving for one I like, but I think it's an awesome idea, and he'll be totally thrilled. And yea, why should one person in the relationship get something and the other doesn't!

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    • My FH's dad lost his wedding ring in the Aegian Sea on their honeymoon and hasn't worn one since.

      My dad, on the other hand has not taken his off for a second since the moment they got married 22 years ago. He got 3rd degree burns on his left hand when he was in a fire, and when they were bandaging it, he slipped it loose, stuck his right and left fingertips together and slid it onto his right hand while his left hand healed.

      15 agree
      • Aw, Lena, that is such a sweet story. Thank you for sharing!

        3 agree
  10. My FH is so excited about ring shopping. He wants to wear his before the wedding because "he already feels married", except that he's a pilot which means they're not allowed to wear metal jewelry, and being in the militarym he'd get shit for being "whipped". Sigh.

    MEGAN! Where did you get the coral you used for your centerpieces? I want to do something similar, but can't find the coral for less than $60 each!

    1 agrees
    • Lena! I believe all the answers you seek re: the coral centerpieces can be found here. There's a link to where i got them at Z Gallerie and how we turned them orange. Good luck!

      1 agrees
    • My fiance wants to start wearing his band immediately, and is somewhat disappointed that I want to wait to wear mine until the ceremony in 6 months. I think I'm going to buy him an engagement ring to match his band, so he can wear that instead.

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    • Lena – suggest that your FH slip his ring onto his dogtags. That's what I do when I go fly, and it works really well. :)

      2 agree
  11. My husband forgets his ring sometimes (he forgets a lot of things sometimes, usually his keys), which I'm used to and is totally fine. However, when he goes out at night without me, I make sure he's wearing it so all the 20-something girls don't try to hit on him. It's not that I don't trust HIM, I don't trust those girls not to get big ideas. He's adorable, sweet, charismatic, and a musician, so he's a magnet for new "friends".

    2 agree
    • Haha. My husband, also a musician, just did a show recently where, strangely enough, afterwards a couple of his cute 20-something girl friends were giving him shit for NOT wearing a wedding ring! It was pretty cute.

      4 agree
  12. Thanks for posting this, Megan. It brought tears to my eyes. I have really been struggling with this for awhile. To me the ring represents fidelity and faithfulness. My dad always wears his ring. Before I met my FH, when I saw a man wearing a ring, it meant "he's taken". I think another reason I am hung up on the wedding ring is because he never wore it during his first marriage, so I stupidly freak out for some reason.

    I know it's silly. My FH does not want to wear one. He has allergies, and it will bother him and he never wears jewelry and feels weird wearing it. He also said that people may be unfaithful with or without a ring.

    He said that he would give it a shot–try to wear it and see if he gets used to it. He also said he will wear it on special occassions.

    You are right–he is marrying me, I am marrying him. We are professing this in front of our loved ones. That should be enough. A piece of metal on his finger doesn't change that.

    1 agrees
    • Erica! Thanks for commenting. I'm so glad the post helped you. I thought the same things as you before I got married and watched my poor husband struggle wear something just to please this silly notion that I had. It just all started to seem so silly. The jewelry isn't what makes a good marriage.

      1 agrees
    • I don't know much about my husband's first marriage, but I'm almost sure he didn't wore his back then, any way, there are plenty of new things he will experience with you and a ring won't make a big difference, believe me I've been through that and it gets all solved when I realize:

      He's gone through divorce (not nice), he's been hurt, he has a life to enjoy, and he is so great he could be with any other girl, now, he knows what he is doing, he knows what can go wrong… and still he picked me!!!

      giving ourselves second chances isn't so easy for humans, specially if it could hurt, he is giving himself a second opportunity with you, don't waste it thinking about the past because for sure he loves yo 10,000 times more.

      I've been told "second time has to be way better, otherwise you don't do it", I believe it.

      =)

      3 agree
    • Probably too late to comment on this but I just wanted my fiance to wear the ring because I'd get frustrated when I would spend 30 mins chatting up an interesting man and then he'd mention his wife.

      I just don't want him wasting those hawt single girls time. :) BUT REALLY – a ring does not make a marriage. My dad is super happy and doesn't wear a ring – he says women hit on him more when he wore the ring – I told him he was hotter 20 years ago when he wore it ;)

      Either way, if its super important to you, there are a lot of rings that are hypoallergenic. I think platinum, titanium, cobalt and tungsten to name a few….though I would check with your jeweler to be sure.

      5 agree
    • If the biggest issue for him is the metal, try coating the ring where it will contact skin with clear nail polish, or get a non-metal substance.

      0 agree
  13. My dad and his wedding ring were always trouble. He can't wear it for work, as he's an industrial electrician, so he saved it for formal events (like weddings, funerals, etc), which has caused him to lose his ring four times; my mom did replace it each time until he smashed up his knuckle bad enough that his final wedding ring sits on top of his dresser with his spare change. I don't think my mother minds though, as he buys her craploads of shiny metal and jewels.

    1 agrees
  14. it isn't the jewelry that makes you married – it's the marriage.
    many cultures don't have rings but their marriages are just as real as those that do.
    I didn't wear my ring for years (and years) as I was afraid of losing the antique, family heirloom from his great-grandmother when washing after diaper changes or when at the gym – it's very tall and got scratched when I was lifting weights. it also didn't fit so well the three times I was pregnant with our wonderful boys, and now, after 25+ years, the ring doesn't fit but the marriage still does.

    4 agree
    • jx, do you know of any interesting traditions for other cultures? My FH has bad luck with new rings (He's got a few he wears all the time, but any new ones quickly disappear), and I'm concerned for him as well because he works outside.

      I've considered the tattoos (we're both inked already, so that's not an issue), and a friend's brother is a jeweller and wants to make our wedding jewelry if we have some.

      We're very interested in other cultures and love incorporating new things that we like, but there hasn't been much investigation into wedding traditions. I'm Pagan and he's non-aligned, though connected to the spiritual realm, so there's no specific traditions to follow.

      (Still trying to decide on whether we'll do a hand-binding.)

      0 agree
  15. My FH will be wearing a ring, but on his right hand, not his left. He's an engineer who's always smashing things up and didn't want a ring that would disintegrate on him, so we finally settled on Tungsten. And while he loved the weight of it and how it looked, he's never felt comfortable with rings on his left hand. He's a bassist and it interferes with his playing, plus would scratch up his base something fierce, so the right hand it is.

    I do like rings and what they represent, so I'm just happy he's wearing one at all. But if he couldn't for any reason, I'm sure we'd work around it somehow.

    0 agree
    • My husband's ring is tungsten, too. He's a chemist and spends all day in the lab, so he wanted something that would be tough to destroy. Only downside is we couldn't get it engraved- it'd void the warranty.

      He's also pretty old-fashioned when it comes to romance, and I think he'd be hurt/insulted if I told him he didn't have to wear it (or just say "Pfffft, I want to!" :).

      3 agree
  16. I have a friend who lost his ring finger when the ring latched onto a nail head as he was jumping over a fence. Needless to say, he no longer wears a ring on any finger.

    1 agrees
  17. My mother has a big hangup about men who don't wear wedding rings. I think this is, in part, because she's middle aged and single (and, therefore, uses that as a barometer), and also because it's a generational thing – i.e., no wedding ring means that the guy is LOOKING to cheat.

    Seeing as she's already doesn't care for my FH and is constantly looking for excuses to put him down, I asked him to please, please get a ring and wear it when we knew we would be seeing her. She'd never say anything to him, but I would never hear the end of it.

    FWIW, I know plenty of men who wear their wedding rings faithfully and are the slimiest cheaters around.

    3 agree
  18. My grandpa is a farmer and he although he has a wedding ring, he never wears it. Its way too dangerous and for him to put in on and then off all the time… he couldn't be bothered. My grandma told me that he wore it for their honey moon and then as soon as they got to their new home together [which was his family's farm, given to him as a wedding gift] he took it off and has never worn it again. My grandma only wears her when they go into town… she spends her day cooking, cleaning and knitting.

    They are the two most in love people I have ever seen!

    I wear an engagement ring and like Offbeat Megan's hubby, I spend more time playing with it then it does actually just sitting on my finger. FH really wants to have a ring [and he especially wants me to have one so that everyone knows I'm taken…]. I've been tossing around the idea of tattoo rings… we both have tattoos so it would be awesome!

    3 agree
    • You just have to be careful about the tattoos. I discussed the idea with my artist and he said that depending on your profession and hobbies it might not work. I am a hairstylist and apparently having my hands in water and chemicals all the time means it will wear out. My fiance is going to wear a wedding ring because he's indifferent to jewelry (doesn't like it…doesn't hate it) and the band was my grandfather's so he knows it means a lot to me.

      0 agree
  19. I took the tweet in a different way. It really is a question of why. Legitimate reason or because he doesn't want to appear tied down? Yes, I would have an issue with that but probably wouldn't be marrying that guy. I'm also confused why you bash the tweeter but you cared a little too right? You got butterflies and were excited for him to wear it. Honestly I would care if my FH didn't want to wear a ring BUT not to the point of forcing it on him and especially not if it interfered with his job. I do think it is a sign of outward committment which is not to say FH would cheat without it on. It's also part of our vows but again, I would be sad but would understand.

    4 agree
    • TZizzle, I did care when he stopped wearing it because I thought it was neat, but not for suspicious reasons as the RT suggests, hence my reaction.

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  20. There are so many stupid, stupid people on wedding related sites (I love this one, obviously).

    I would like for C to wear his ring since I picked it out for him and all that but by all means, if it were uncomfortable or dangerous I would be the first person to tell him to take it off.

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  21. My Dad didn't wear a wedding ring until 20 years into their marriage when he was able to. He was an electrician and couldnt wear it at work and so left it at home where it was stolen withing a month of their marriage. He wears it now but only because he is a jewelry whore. lol.

    2 agree
  22. My future husband won't be wearing a ring… he just does not do jewellery. And I have zero problems with this. I kinda feel like rings are for everyone else to see like "stay back, I'm taken"… He doesn't need to wear a ring for me (or anyone who knows us) to know about the huge way in which he is committed to our life together. I do have an engagement ring but won't be getting a wedding one. We are (like many others) opting for tats (yuss!) and hey, you can lose a ring down a sink/toilet/compost bin but a tattoo ain't going anywhere that easily!

    0 agree
  23. My husband doesn't wear his ring often, if he remembers he'll put it on when we're going out somewhere special. It bothered me when we first got married, but it's not like it's a magic ring that would prevent adultery. He would wear it day-to-day because he loves it (He picked out a fancy engraved one) but being a mechanic, it's too dangerous. If he was injured at work because of the ring, worker's compensation wouldn't cover it. I'd rather have a forgetful husband than a finger/hand-less one!

    3 agree
  24. I think symbols are really important. Would you have such a strong reaction to someone wearing a cross which means "I am Christian" or a yarmulke? I think most people who read OBB dress in a way to tell people something about themselves (I'm goth, I'm counter-culture, etc.) and wearing a wedding ring serves the same purpose.

    It says, "I am married, I'm part of a pair." I understand OF COURSE that NOT wearing rings doesn't mean you aren't a pair.

    But it IS really important to me that my husband wear a ring, and I wear mine. Because I want people to know that he and I are part of a bonded pair, it tells people something about how we feel about each other without us ever having to say it.

    I know OBB hates the idea that anyone has to do anything just because they are married but I think a symbol, between the two of you (even if it's a watch or a tattoo or a name change) is both beautiful and important.

    So yeah, I think "would you care if he didn't wear a ring" is a valid question for discussion and that if my husband didn't want to wear his, I'd want an explanation. Not a concession, necessarily, but an explanation at least.

    19 agree
    • Dude, symbols are great! I love the exchange of rings, watches, buttons, you name it, OBBs have exchanged it and worn it and I think that's awesome. And "would you care if he didn't wear a ring" is a totally valid question because there are many different schools of thought on this and I've enjoyed reading all the comments and stories.

      However, what isn't valid is to suggest there is something sinister going on if he doesn't wear a symbol, there-in lies my problem. This post was about the LACK of symbols and how people react to it. Would I react if a Christian *wasn't* wearing a cross? And would I believe that it made them any less Christian? Not at all. My point was that wearing or not wearing a symbol should be a personal choice and respected as such.

      4 agree
      • The thing is, that first tweet *didn't* suggest anything sinister going on if someone doesn't wear a wedding ring. It was a *question* – a valid question for discussion, as Samantha said.

        8 agree
        • the way we ask things often implies judgements. in this case the implication was that not wearing a wedding ring deviates from a norm in some way that might bother you, without acknowledging that rings are not ubiquitous. that blog would doubtfully ask "does it bother you that your eso wears their ring?" because the implications of that question would be considered themselves absurd.

          0 agree
  25. It is a fairly uncharitable and insulting assumption to decide that anyone who would feel uncomfortable about their husband not wearing a wedding ring is too stupid to question advertising.

    Maybe it's because the ring itself is just the last straw of a more major issue in the relationship.

    What if they had worn jewellery before to symbolise their commitment, had no practical reason not to wear a wedding ring, but still didn't wear it?

    What if they stopped wearing it without telling you?

    What if, even though it's just a stupid piece of jewellery, its symbolism matters to you and your husband knows that?

    After all, Ariel herself was concerned about Andreas's outfit not clashing with hers on their wedding day, even if he was not wearing his first choice of clothing. There's no practical or important reason for having a consistent theme between bride and groom. But I don't think anyone is arguing that because Ariel cared about it she's been brainwashed by the tired old cliché that is the WIC.

    As much as I love so much about the site and the OBT, this post is exactly the problem I have with the Offbeat concept: sometimes it seems more important to attack wedding traditions than to celebrate creative alternatives. Even worse, it's not just the advertisers who get attacked, but the women who follow any of the traditions of a western wedding – as poor, unenlightened folk who are not smart enough to identify when they're being marketed to.

    And when is it ever offbeat to judge other women?

    10 agree
    • Cinara, I was by no means attacking a wedding tradition. I myself wear a wedding ring. But I was defending the rights of people to either subscribe to traditions of not. Which, I believe IS the offbeat concept — do what feels right for you and don't judge others if what feels right to them isn't exactly your cup of tea.

      To assume that something isn't right if a man isn't wearing a ring is not okay. And neither is assuming something isn't right if a man IS wearing a ring. In an ideal world both of those things should be accepted without question is what that post was saying.

      2 agree
    • i think you really misunderstood this post. it was about not judging people for not wearing rings, and was at no point attacking people -for- wearing them or wanting their spouse to wear them.

      0 agree
  26. Of course a ring doesn't make a marriage, and of course there are plenty of legitimate reasons why someone may choose not to wear a ring. However, I'm really glad my partner appreciates the symbolism of his ring and chooses to wear it. So I guess I do care. Why is that a problem?

    4 agree
    • Katie, that's not a problem at all! I think you should care about your own husband. But I think the problem lies in someone ELSE cares enough about it to make generalizations about someone else's husband who doesn't appreciate the same symbolism.

      2 agree
    • I don't think it's a problem to care! Lol. It's great that th OP's husband and herself were able to work out a compromise–kinda what the whole marriage thing is about.

      Regardless, I personally would be disappointed if my future husband decides not to wear one or to in someway wear a "badge of honor," because at the end of the day it IS a symbol of your dedication. And don't get me wrong, symbols vary from couple to couple. For example, I dislike growing my hair out since it makes me hot and takes dedication to comb out, but I see the way it lights up his face when I wear it down and he gets to play with it, so I invest in ponytail holders and deal.

      1 agrees
  27. In my situation it's my husband that wears one and not me. I'm left handed and have never liked the feeling of a ring on the hand I write with. I do wear it when we are out someplace special. I do that for him (haha).

    0 agree
  28. My Dad hasn't worn his ring since the day after their wedding. Dad works construction and was worried about lose of fingers and that sort of thing. it's sitting in my Mom's jewelry box. I don't plan on wearing my ring after the honeymoon eather since I'm an massage therapist and would constantly be taking it off and putting it back on, if I remember to take it out of my pocket before it runs though the washing machine which judging from the amount of Kleenex that runs though it I'm not good at looking in pockets. I'm planing on getting a small heart tattooed on the inside of my left ring finger. It will be just for me and him since I'm sure most people will never notice it. I don't like the assumption that someone is up to no good if they don't wear their ring. there are many resounds why someone might not.

    0 agree
  29. My hubby and I both wear rings because we love the symbolism of it, and we think it's a beautiful tradition. HOWEVER, if one of us couldn't/didn't want to wear "the ring" that would be fine too. Commitment shouldn't come down to whether or not someone is wearing a ring. I've had severe edema for the last few months and have not been able to wear my rings….that doesn't make me any less committed or married! That's crazy. People get too wrapped up in the wedding ring debate. It really should be a personal choice for the couple.

    My hubby and I wanted to get tattoos done, but our artist refused to tattoo mine because my fingers are small, and she didn't want the ink to fade or bleed.

    0 agree
  30. My FH wears his ring now because he thinks it is awesome, but he takes it off all the time and fiddles with it. I've found it under the table, in the dryer, etc. When he looses it, I'm not buying him another one. :)

    1 agrees
  31. THANK YOU!!! I can't tell you how long I have been looking for support on this (my FH has no intention of wearing a ring) and even in more "offbeat" circles I still get wrinkled noses and questions about FH's real committment to the marriage. I'll admit I was bummed at first, too, because my dad has always worn his ring with pride…but I'm marrying a person who never does anything without full committment, so I quickly let it go. If the fact that he won't wear a ring makes other people uncomfortable, that's their problem!

    0 agree
  32. For me, it was very important that my fiance also wore a wedding ring. Neither of my parents wore a ring. They are both very pragmatic, unsentimental people and their marriage was a very civil lets-stay-together-for-the-kids-sake type of partnership, and I want my marriage to be nothing like that. The silly, romantic, sentimentality of us having these little fancy symbols on our fingers reminds me that our relationship is something I didn't see growing up. I am not saying that every couple who doesn't wear rings is like my parents, no worries! If he didn't want to wear a ring for any of the reasons mentioned above I am sure I would be ok with it… like you said there are other ways a guy can show that he is committed. I realize that it is basically just a trinket after all is said and done, I just appreciate the gesture and luckily my manthing likes wearing it. Traditions and customs that have a lot of meaning for one couple may be completely empty for another.I love how this site recognizes that and is never judgemental! Wahooo!

    3 agree
  33. I honestly hadn't given the ring "issue" much thought. My father is left handed and didn't wear a wedding ring for the first 20 years of my parents' marriage because it pinched when he wrote. When they renewed their vows, my dad went out of his way to find a comfy ring.

    I hadn't even thought of asking my fiance what he thought about wearing a ring. We've exchanged all kinds of jewelry over the years, so when we got engaged, he excitedly moved his Clauddagh to his left hand and started showing off his engagement ring.

    0 agree
  34. Neither of my parents wears one as they no longer fit, and they can't be bothered getting new ones that do (and they are not resizeable).

    0 agree
  35. Wow, maybe for the first time ever OBB and Etiquette Hell agree! I did a search for 'not wearing wedding ring' to get some other opinions and after a ton of stupid celebrity gossip stories found a thread on their forum with much the same comments as here – it's a personal choice/practical issue, everyone should decide for themselves what they want to do and it's not one elses buisness. :)
    (Although the celebrity stories seem to contradict that last part. Might just be a 'celebrity culture' thing, once you're famous apparently everything is everyone's buisness!)

    0 agree
  36. Funny that this is something my fiance and I were just discussing. I work on live 480 volt equipment. A ring can mean the difference between a severe shock and death at those voltages. To us, it's more important that I come home after work than wear a ring.

    Don't get me wrong, we are still exchanging rings and I am going to wear mine, just not every day at work.

    Paul

    0 agree
  37. My happily married father never had a wedding ring so I grew up thinking that was completely normal. He always said his commitment was 'much deeper than a symbol'. My husband had never worn a ring before our wedding day. So though he'd tried his ring on at the shop, we had picked one out a few sizes too big. It took 3 trips to the shop after the wedding to get one that fit (lovely gracious shop keepers). Imagine the shock when ladies at church learned that the ring he was now wearing was not the one 'blessed' in the ceremony! That had never even occured to me… Because really it's not about The Ring, its about your commitment, and if you enjoy some bling that's fine too ; )

    1 agrees
  38. I've been married for almost 19 years now, my hubby doesn't wear a ring. After replacing them a few times and they end up smashed beyond recognition(he's in construction), I just haven't bothered to get him a new one. When you see a beautiful platinum/gold band look like a piece of modern art and completely oval, then you know better than to spend hundreds on man jewelry again. It doesn't change anything between us, and it's probably safer for him not to have something that will catch on metal or wood(which has happened, I'd rather him have a finger than a band)

    1 agrees
  39. I love reading all these stories. My father and my uncle both work with their hands (commercial fishing and carpentry, respectively) and neither of them wore wedding rings, and I never thought anything of it. I know both my mom and my aunt haven't thought twice about it.

    That being said, when my partner recently mentioned that, with his allergies he might not want to wear a ring, I did feel a pang of sadness. But I totally support his decision either way! Most of all, I want him to be happy and comfortable.

    I'd love to figure out something else, as a symbol. He's definitely not a tattoo guy. Any other ideas, OBB?

    xoxo

    0 agree
    • Same here. My dad was a plumber and then a steel worker so has never worn one. He borrowed my pop's ring for the ceremony and gave it back before the reception! As such, I didn't even think my partner would until he said he wanted one. That threw me way more than if he had of said he wasn't going to wear one!

      0 agree
  40. I am planning on giving B a ring… but I don't at all expect him to wear it. He works on fire alarm panels and security systems so metal on his hands isn't the best idea plus his fingers are HUGE (ring size is a freakin' 14/15) and he has carpal tunnel so they swell up even further. He has a claddagh that he currently breaks our for special occasions but even then it isn't a "given".

    Likewise my dad consistantly smashes his wedding band and mom finally got tired of repairing it (30 years later) so he just doesn't wear one. And my mother has multiple engagement/wedding rings (all either from my father or family heirloms or even a few she's bought herself) and changes them out constantly based on her mood, what she's doing, and the company she's keeping (eg when she's working with the homeless veterans program her "usual" huge diamond mess seems a trifle inappropriate so she "downgrades".

    2 agree
  41. I'm sorry, but the ring means something to me. I feel that it's important that I wear it, and important that he does the same. (Barring, of course, dangerous jobs, etc.) But as far as things like "it's uncomfortable" – well, what if I think so too? Why would I have to wear a symbol of commitment and he can cop out of it? And I did once have a date with a man who turned out to be married, he "just didn't like wearing a ring." Oh, wasn't that convenient…I looked at his hand and saw it was bare, and since he hadn't mentioned a wife in any of our conversations (and HAD ASKED ME ON A DATE), I'd figured he was single, silly me. So to me, a lack of a ring means a philanderer – it's just my own personal experience.

    All this being said, it's really the bride and groom's choice. If one of you or none of you wear a ring, it's none of my business and I wouldn't make it such. It's your marriage, not mine. To all of those out there who are opting out of wearing rings, I give you nothing but good wishes. But should I ever marry again, I want a ring on both our fingers. (And a tattoo wouldn't be an option for my boyfriend, btw, although I'd do it!) I guess that's just how I feel on the matter.

    5 agree
    • of course you'd have the right not to wear the ring if you were uncomfortable!

      i'm surprised there are any 'he should wear the ring' comments. offbeat indeed. i mean, i understand people are offbeat in different ways, but to judge anyone for not wearing a ring for -any- reason at all is f'ed.

      i have never ever noticed whether a man was wearing a wedding ring and i wouldn't think about it either way. i know people are married when they tell me they are married. that's it. why would i go by anything else -knowing- that some people don't wear rings?

      and what about people who are nonmonogamous? should they wear rings to warn you or should they not wear rings so people don't assume they are unavailable? the answer of course is who cares.

      4 agree
  42. I love the idea of wedding tattoos. After the initial terrible pain of tatooing your finger, having something so beautiful and unique would be an awesome milestone in your relationship, and testament to your faith in the future of the marriage too — a tattoo is a much more permamnent symbol than a ring.

    0 agree
  43. Here is some perspective:
    My grandparents have been married for 69 years(!) and do not wear wedding rings. They couldn't afford them at the time. They are both 93 years old, and the cutest couple you have ever seen. (Yes, I'm bragging a little, but they are just SO cute). When my mom goes out with them in public, strangers will literally stop and say "Awww…." Him wearing a derby hat, her wearing pearls and clutching her handbag. Even if they are just going to Wal-Mart.

    Like another poster said above, it's BEING FAITHFUL that counts in a marriage, NOT, "wearing a ring/not wearing a ring." Just ask Tiger Woods. Just ask Jon Gosselin. Just ask Jesse James.

    Indeed, "being married" or "wearing a ring" does NOT make you a good person. (Frankenstein was married, and he wasn't a good person…lol). It's that, small-minded people need ways to "quantify" things which cannot be easily quantified. Material things are an easy way to "judge" ppl, but are not accurate. HEZ WEARING A RING. Yeah, so what?

    So @OffBeat Megan, if you start to feel bad, just think of my cute little grandparents! :) And given that your husband wrote that Hilarious post? He is Definitely a keeper. :)

    2 agree
    • To this post: I can understand being upset someone wouldn't wear their ring. Some men do cheat, married or not and that can be a reasonable concern for a woman (my mother was cheated on by both her husbands), but that's not even necessarily behind the desire for your man to wear a wedding ring.

      For some it's the "this is mine factor", a possessiveness not necessarily negative in nature because also gives of itself (or at least it should). For some it's a show of solidarity, not necessarily the ring itself, but anything you regularly wear or carry to remind you of your commitment and (most importantly) your love for one another – tattoos, hemp necklaces, lighters, converse, sunglasses – like with the engagement "ring" it could be anything you agree on.
      I'm not saying an object is even required, but unless feelings or potential job hazards are communicated to your intended, they will most likely feel upset that you are not wearing the symbol they have given to show their love for you.

      I think you may be misunderstanding the issue at hand. A wedding ring is not really a WIC object. While the materialistic views of an engagement ring are almost universal, I've hardly heard of anyone ogling the solid band on a woman's (or man's) finger. And wedding rings existed long before the WIC was ever thought of, in the forms of malleable metals, whittled wood and even hand braided grasses. These rings were given as treasures of love and affection to provide a tangible reminder of that love.

      3 agree
      • Sort of. The real escalation in wedding bands for men starts in WWII/post War period. So part of the general expansion of consumer culture. Before that, only the woman getting a wedding band was far more common.

        0 agree
  44. Judging by the tons of comments it looks like you are in good company! We made our wedding rings with silver "clay". His barely fits & mine collapsed in the flames into a gorgeous pendant. So he wears his only sometimes (along with much comedic bravado "love hurts, babe") and I wear mine on a chain. These rings are so perfectly us, DIY & wacky. Maybe one day we will recast them in gold, maybe one day we won't. It isn't a problem either way because our love never comes off!

    @Kaloof & @Hmm, your grandparents make my heart warm! My favorite moment ever was when my 80 yr old grandpa pinched my 76 yr old grandmother's behind when he though the kids weren't watching. I can't hardly wait til I can lean over to my elderly hubby, swat him on the arm, and say, "TURN up YER hearing aid." Ah, love for the ages.

    0 agree
    • Side note but your story reminded me: One time my grandpa and grandma were arguing about something so my grandpa asked her "Do you have your hearing aid in?" She said "Yes!" and then he asked "Do you have it turned on?" the reply:

      "NO!"

      They've been together like that for over 50 years. :P

      2 agree
  45. Honestly, I gotta say, I'm surprised at how many people DON'T wear rings and for so many different reasons. I'm really enjoying reading everyone's individual stories… from faithful wonderful fathers never wearing his ring, to elderly couples married for 69 years who couldn't afford them in the first place, to wives not wearing them and husbands so excited to wear theirs that they want engagement rings. It's all so interesting. My husband is definitely in good company and I have been sharing all these stories with him.

    I think my favorite comment so far has been jx's who said "and now, after 25+ years, the ring doesn't fit but the marriage still does." That totally summed up what I was hoping to communicate.

    2 agree
  46. My husband wore his ring on our wedding day, and nearly lost it twice, becuase he couldn't stop fiddling with it. Two years on, it still sits in a box in the drawer, and we're still happily married. No biggie.

    0 agree
  47. Hubby wears more rings than me!

    I refuse to wear my engagement ring which was very heavy (el cheapo silver).

    He loves his "promise" ring and his wedding ring. Loves to show them off really. One is tungsten carbide with carbon fibre (wedding), the other titanium.

    I don't wear my ring half the time (although I love it) and we always take it off at home. So I'm with you Meagan, all the way!

    0 agree
  48. The best question is why you, who are always on about not being rude or assuming the worst about people, would assume the supposed twat who thought it was important to know WHY a husband wouldn't wear a ring was being accusatory. Why is a good question. It's what you spent not just your reply but your whole post here explaining. There are a lot of valid reasons, and she asked why.

    1 agrees
    • The accusatory tone of the tweet was confirmed once I received a DM apologizing and saying that they hadn't thought about it like that and I had "changed their mind." So in this case the tweet was absolutely meant to be assuming the worst.

      1 agrees
  49. The exchange of rings and the wearing of wedding rings is a relatively modern concept and one that does actually serve a current social function in western society. Even if the individual does not choose to participate by wearing one, the social construct still remains.

    I adore seeing my husband wearing his wedding ring, the one that he designed and that I had made for him. I love the feel of it on his finger as I hold his hand in mine. However, when he is far away from me, he will not be able to wear it. He is in the military in a practical hands on role, so he does not wear his wedding ring whilst 'at work'. Nor would anyone expect him to for safety reasons.

    During our handfasting ceremony, we spilled our own blood to seal our vows. The small, faint scar I carry on my thumb and my husband's matching scar on his thumb, will remain with us forevermore, long after our rings no longer fit our gnarled arthritic hands in old age.

    1 agrees
    • WOW! I had never heard of sealing vows with blood before. And as someone who faints at the site of blood (and gets woozy at just the thought) I actually think that is really cool. And even the whole scar thing made me go "aw." :)

      0 agree
      • For that very reason (queasiness), we did warn our guests that if they didn't like the sight of blood, that they should just look away and listen to our vows.

        The spilling of blood was symbolic, to signify the sacrifice that we'd both be willing to make for each other and our marriage and to seal our vows. As if the words were not enough.

        Without going into alot of detail, my groom cut his finger/thumb with a scalpel and then bled onto a piece of bread (from a loaf that I'd made), before offering it to me. I accepted the offering and his vows and then ate the blood soaked bread. I repeated the same actions & similar words for him etc.

        I was nervous and cut a little too deep and bled a little too much, but love is like that. Deeper than you imagine and what you give, enriches & sustains you both.

        We then exchanged rings after a ring blessing – which brings this back to the topic of wearing rings. It's symbolic, but then, so are our actions that we live and breathe every day. The wearing of a ring is not the beginning nor the end.

        0 agree
  50. My dad is a construction worker who drives a cement truck and deals with concrete all day, making his hands completely caked with cement and other muck. He has never worn a ring (I'm not even sure if he has one) and I grew up not realizing that any husbands did. I think it's perfectly fine if either the groom or the bride aren't interested in wearing rings. It didn't affect my parents' marriage or how anyone (including me) saw it, so why should anyone care?

    0 agree
  51. I've got to say, I'm a bit surprised at the angry response to the tweet. I realize that some people prefer not to wear a ring, and that's fine if both partners are comfortable with it. But I would be very upset if my fiancé did not want to wear a ring. When my father stopped wearing his, it was a big sign, a sign that he did not want other people perceiving him as married. In a society in which such a small piece of jewelry means SO MUCH, to me and to many others, it is still very important. I don't see anything wrong with wanting your partner to wear a ring.

    4 agree
    • Has anybody said there is anything wrong with wanting your partner to wear a ring?

      1 agrees
  52. my dad never wore his wedding ring when I was growing up. They discovered a few days after the wedding that he has allergic to gold (so happy I didn't inherit that allergy) his finger had swelled up and they had to have the ring cut off. He kept it in a box.

    as for me and my sweetie we are getting both tattoos and rings. The tattoo's are gonna be of toad and toadette.

    0 agree
  53. I completely understand this opinion and I am glad to see there are so many in agreement!

    I don't value symbolism and rings are not inherently meaningful symbols to me anyway. I don't wear one, but my husband does choose to. I just don't agree that a ring represents my relationship so it is not a tradition I chose to honor when I married my husband!

    0 agree
  54. My husband said up-front he didn't want a ring, he didn't like jewellery, and he wouldn't wear one if he had one. It didn't bother me at all – I'm not a jewellery sorta girl myself, with the exception of sleepers in my ears, so I certainly wasn't going to criticise.

    I asked him to humour me and at least buy a ring, just to exchange for the wedding ceremony, and maaaaybe wear it on special occasions. We picked a ring he likes (titanium), and much to both of our surprises, he actually wears it every day!

    0 agree
  55. My Daddy doesn't wear a ring, he has one that hangs out in my Mom's jewelry box but he doesn't like wearing it, so he doesn't. If someone didn't tell me that it was different, as a kid, I wouldn't have even known that it was a societal obligation to wear a ring… I'm OK with it :-)

    0 agree
  56. I think like many other decisions in a relationship, it's a personal choice about whether or not to wear rings.

    Yes, we have rings, but for a while thought about tattoos (we just couldn't find anything we both wanted). So my husband made our rings out of silver coins.

    For me, I'd prefer not having to explain to people who make unthinking comments when one of us is not wearing a ring.

    I'm fine with my husband not wearing his ring for whatever reason; we're still married whether he's wearing it or not.

    1 agrees
  57. I gave my husband his wedding band for christmas a month after we got engaged and he wore it the 10 months we were planning our wedding everyday because he loved it. Some people thought it was weird that he was wearing his ring early. Who cares? Of course, a month after we got married, he lost his ring, and so now he doesn't have one. Haha. Kind of funny how that worked out!

    0 agree
  58. You know, I don't think I ever remember a time when my dad wore his wedding ring. In fact, I grew up with the odd notion that "boys don't wear wedding rings!" (I was a quite, fey sort of child who tended to develop really weird notions about the world without bothering to confirm them with adults).

    When I was older, I asked about it. Turns out that my mom once smashed her left hand in the car door and her wedding ring had to be sawed off when she got to the emergency room. She was really bummed about it, so my dad gave her his wedding ring to wear until her ring got fixed. It took something like 10 years :)

    1 agrees
  59. Respectively, I completely disagree. I can understand if your husband doesn’t wear it at his job (for manual labor) but shouldn’t it go right back on afterward? I don’t think your “blood would be boiling” if it didn’t bother you at all that he didn’t wear it, defense mechanism much?

    No, wearing a wedding ring does not define your relationship & to each their own but from an outside perspective…most people who see men who don’t wear rings & know they are married automatically think there is serious trouble in paradise and some girls are ruthless and can be very forward in getting what they want. I think wearing a ring is a sign of respect to your wife. “Wearing a ring bothers me” Oh please guy…get over it. You will get used to is fairly quick.

    I asked my husband what he though about this & he said, “Maybe it’s an ego thing, there’s really no reason not too.”

    I’m sure you & your husband have a good relationship & the no the ring does not define you guys but if it’s just an external thing & has nothing to do with where your heart is at, shouldn’t it be easier to wear?

    2 agree
    • Well, let's turn this around. I was instructed not to wear my ring when I'm washing dishes (as the setting can come loose), when I'm at certain sites for my job (that require all workers to remove rings and jewelry due to concerns about injury to crew and equipment), when I'm taking a shower (it could slip off), Etc. Etc. Etc.

      Sometimes (OK, a lot of the time) I plum forget to put them back on. They're the only jewelry I typically wear and even 18 months after the wedding they're just not something I think about. Does that make me a horrible wife? Does that mean I'm thinking about cheating? If you see me walking down the street, and my husband has a ring and I don't, will you assume that I am his mistress or something?

      I don't let the judgemental attitude of others dictate my own behavior. If you want to know about my personal life, ask! Don't make assumptions based on my sartorial choices for that day! Much less on whether or not I had a hectic morning and just forgot!

      2 agree
      • "“Wearing a ring bothers me” Oh please guy…get over it."

        – I wouldn't ever tell my husband to 'get over it' if he felt strongly about something. If you're insecure about your husband not wearing a ring that is something you should deal with instead of projecting it on to him. I would be incredibly insulted if my husband told me to 'get over it' and wear a ring if I didn't want to and felt strongly about it.

        0 agree
    • blood boils when people judge you for not wearing a ring.

      "most people who see men who don’t wear rings & know they are married automatically think there is serious trouble in paradise and some girls are ruthless and can be very forward in getting what they want. I think wearing a ring is a sign of respect to your wife."

      really? so when you see a married man without a wedding ring you judge him and his relationship to his wife?

      0 agree
    • I said in my reply to the original post that I don't expect my FH to wear a ring but am happy that he wants to, but my view on it is basically this:

      Is it possible people will assume there's "trouble" if the man isn't wearing a ring? Sure. But I don't give a crap what other people think. I know there's not trouble and that's all that matters. And I know FH will be 100% faithful to me and has all the respect in the world to me. If he had NOT wanted a ring and I said it was important, he would wear one. But personally, what other people think about whether he wears a ring is the last thing on my mind. If women make moves on him because he's not wearing his ring, it doesn't bug me, because I KNOW he will say "I'm married." There is nothing any other woman could say or do to make him break his vow, and knowing that is far more important to me than whether or not he wears a piece of jewelry. I think if you want your man to wear a ring, that's just fine — to each her own — but I also think if the sole reason for wanting it is that strangers might judge the marriage, it's your (I mean the universal "your" here, not you specifically) insecurity that's the real issue. Who cares what other people think if you know the marriage is good?

      Side tangent on that topic: My dad has never worn a wedding ring consistently. He also has single female friends(who also are friends with mom). He doesn't go out with other women, but if he sees a friend in the store, he might give her a hug. One time, my mom had been gone out of town for work or something and a friend of my dad's came by and said, "Rumor has it you guys are splitting up. I just separated from my wife and I need a roommie. Interested?" My parents were in NO way separating and we can only assume the rumor came from dad's lack of a ring, but my parents thought it was hilarious. The idea that anyone who has ever met them would believe that rumor was just ludicrous. That's how I feel about my relationship. Anyone who knows us knows the relationship is solid, so I don't care what strangers think.

      I agree that if the man's ring is important to the woman, trying to wear one is a sign of respect, but I think it's silly to automatically assume a man who isn't wearing one is disrespectful or unfaithful or that there's trouble in the marriage.

      0 agree
  60. My dad didn't wear a ring for the first 35 years of his marriage. He was a trucker and knew a few guys who'd lost fingers from wearing rings and getting them caught. He has a nice one now that he wears for special occasions, but that doesn't mean he didn't love my mother for those first 35 years, just that he has the opportunity to wear one now.

    0 agree
  61. Right on! My finance and I talked about just doing the ring thing for the ceremony and since neither of us wears rings anymore, just nix them after. Maybe we'll put them in a display case on the shelf with all of our trinkets and collections :)

    0 agree
  62. I totally agree that men OR women should not be forced to wear wedding rings. However, I can relate to Nathalie's previous post. I noticed that my uncle stopped wearing his wedding ring a few years before he decided to leave my aunt, when things were going downhill (they raised me). So deciding not to wear it can also have other meanings, from the anecdotal evidence seen here. Also, I am not sure if someone already brought this up, but a wedding ring is also a form of communication, and not necessarily a symbol. It is an artifact, that screams, "Unavailable." If your partner decides not to wear a ring, won't people assume they are not married, and feel free to flirt with them? Should it not be a big deal that other people are constantly flirting with your partner? Or am I just too jealous? Haha.

    2 agree
    • If your partner decides not to wear a ring, won't people assume they are not married, and feel free to flirt with them? Should it not be a big deal that other people are constantly flirting with your partner? Or am I just too jealous? Haha.

      I think the MAIN message it carries (in Western society), is 'not available to marry anyone else'.

      1 agrees
  63. 1) If a married man wants to cheat he will cheat regardless of whether he wears his wedding ring or not.

    2) If you want to know if someone is married or not maybe you should ask them? I personally don't run around looking at people's hands to see if they're married or not. I generally find out whether they are or not by talking to them. Strange concept I know.

    1 agrees
    • umm…i know a lot of single women who DO check for a ring before they approach a man…ring on..they move on…no ring…they are like fricking lionesses going in for the kill.
      hmm….maybe I am too jealous too…i know i dont want every stray single woman smiling and giggling and batting thier eyes at my man.

      3 agree
  64. something else to consider, for people who are hung up on rings meaning 'unavailable' to other people: i've been unavailable for 10 years without a ring. are you available until you have a ring on your finger?

    1 agrees
  65. My boyfriend and I simply decided to forgo rings because neither of us care much for them. Instead, he proposed to me with a Hawaiian tribal necklace. It meant more to me than any ring ever could have because it symbolizes me becoming a part of his Hawaiian family. Instead of a ring exchange we're going to use matching tribal necklaces.

    0 agree
    • Oh that is WONDERFUL! I'd love to see what the necklaces look like. the ONLY piece of jewelry that Aaron ever wore was his hei matau given to him by a very dear Hawaiian friend of ours during a ceremony. He wore it for years until the cord broke and he became afraid to lose it.

      0 agree
      • Megan, I just went through the whole shark ceremony set. So amazing. I read a bit on your blog before, when your honeymoon was posted here, I think.
        I love Hawai'i and the culture and learning about the shark ceremony was so interesting.
        Sad that your husband was hurt but so much amazing stuff in the aftermath! Cheers to you both.

        0 agree
        • Oh Ali, thank you! That's sweet. Yes, it was a HUGE lesson that out of really horrible strokes of luck amazing things can happen. The shark ceremony was one of the most amazing things that we've ever experienced.

          0 agree
  66. My FH is the one enamored of all things shiny. I have an aluminum locking necklace I wear, that distinctly states "hands off". I'm just perfectly in love with it. When we talked about rings he went on a..Rampage in a cute way. "I wanna get you a big ole red diamond made out of my hair!! and I'll get a black diamond ring for me! and that way we always have our wedding colors!" I pretty much vetoed that idea when i saw the ring he wants to get me is like, $20,000 or something retarded like that. I did however point out a Red Spinal ring (a $900 ring. Had to compromise on the price. I still think its WAY expensive) I rather liked. I just still have a problem with doing that whole "bling" thing. I honestly think I should have a manicure all the time wearing a pretty ring or it doesn't do it justice on my short nailed unkempt waitress hands lol. But he is so enthused by it I couldn't say no.

    0 agree
  67. In many if not most of the Jewish sects, married men don't wear wedding rings.

    0 agree
    • That's true, there's the cultural aspect. My boss is from India, and while he wears rings I don't think there's one that's really a "wedding ring." Or maybe it's on a different finger. But there's not a solid band that, according to Western culture, identifies him as married.

      0 agree
      • Indian men do not wear wedding rings, unless they're angl0-Indians or getting married in a Church. But most South-Indian families of brides we know of give a token of the engagement like an expensive gold chain or ring to the groom. Sometimes the groom or his family opt for some other gift like a car or a bike.

        The concept of wedding ring is recent Western import like Malls & pubs.

        0 agree
  68. ARGH! I almost freaked out trying to find where to add my two cents on this bullshit topic.

    My fiance will NOT be wearing a ring for two reasons – he HATES jewelry of any sort and his job is too dangerous to wear a ring. Do I really need him to prove his love and commitment to me by potentially having part of his hand ripped off at work?

    To add to that, my bro & sis-in-law, married by the way for 15 years, have NEVER worn rings. They are the purest definition of offbeat (I'm so fuming, I know my spelling is horrific!) and could give a rat's ass what people think about rings or no rings.

    Personally, I like sparkly things – that's the ONLY reason I have a ring. And, the jeweler was a total a-hole because he clearly pointed out that "that isn't an engagement ring". Well, if it's on my ring finger, it's a fucking engagement ring!

    Okay, thanks for the vent – getting off the soapbox now…..

    0 agree
  69. My dad never wore a ring because he's a farmer and the job presents some occupational hazards detrimental to wearing a ring. My fiance is a construction worker. I told him I'd rather him have 10 fingers than wear a ring and get it caught on something!

    0 agree
  70. What if it is reversed? What if the chick is the one not wearing the ring? I know we are supposed to eat, sleep, and breather a big sparkley rock, but my engagement ring is antique, made up of three Jade bars and a) I'm afraid to lose it and b)it gets in my way at work and c) I work with stones that could damage it so I rarely wear it. Does that mean that it means any less? Nope. Does it mean that I love my guy any less? Nope. It's just a ring. It's a symbol. What's in our hearts is what matters.

    0 agree
  71. Just checked out this wedding book from 1956 from my college library. It says that
    "Whether or not the groom has one (a ring) is entirely a question of personal taste."
    Just putting that out there.

    2 agree
    • Interesting. You know, I was shooting a wedding this weekend and the rabbi mentioned that it wasn't until recent times that men wore rings. It made me smile.

      2 agree
  72. I too did not see anything offensive in the first tweets – a little back-n-forth that clearly didn't look to "dangers in the workplace" or "missing fingers" when considering the issue. Come on. I get p.c., but then I also get "touchy" – striking a balance is important. USUALLY when rings are discussed, it is in the context of wearing an item which is universally understood to symbolize an individual is married, and thus no longer available. Sure, sure, there's the romance and the all that symbology, and yeah, it's lovely to look at, but mostly it just tells that creepy bar fly or overzealous receptionist that they'll likely get nowhere fast by flirting with you.

    Now, of course, people can be faithful or not whilst wearing a ring or not….blah blah blah etc, but I think, barring physical dangers or problems, the Tweeter that asked the second question was probably asking something more along the lines of "why wouldn't your spouse want others to know he's taken?". It's stupid, yeah, but I don't think it has anything to do with missing fingers, danger, or painful air conditioning. Hmmm…..I don't know. Of course, I'm no stickler – I suppose I was just surprised by your taken aback-edness. People don't really self-edit much on Twitter, but that one was particularly mild.

    0 agree
  73. I think there's way too much hubbub about the rings. For example: My fiance felt he had a right to wear an engagement ring as well, and so we both put on a ring when I accepted his proposal of marriage.

    You would not BELIEVE the comments. People thought it was "weird", unethical, tantamount to LYING, and some even claimed it was effeminate. WTF?

    Symbols can be powerful, but only with the power you give them.

    1 agrees
  74. My partner isn't a big fan of rings, so for the longest time I figured he'd wear it on a necklace (we've both been wearing each other's wedding ring on a necklace as engagement jewelry). It's not a big deal for me. He's marrying me, he's putting up with me going completely crazy planning this thing, it's pretty clear that he loves me.

    0 agree
  75. There is some logic with not wearing a wedding ring. Most constructors wont wear them as you instinctively remove your hand from under something thats about to crush it, litterally striping the flesh from the bone. This includes architects, mechanics, manufactures well the list goes on really. Some of us don't really wont to lose our fingers, in something that would normally be a near miss.

    0 agree
  76. I am nowhere near even considering marriage, but I have found myself drawn into the thought process of what I would want. For years I was turned off to the idea of ever getting married, for the sole reason that I can't stand puffy white dresses, and bouquets, and makeup, and RINGS!!! I loathe wearing rings; I despise them with a fiery passion. I just don't like wearing them, and I never even considered that I could be married without them. My parents are very "traditional" and "conservative" when it comes to "marriage", so I never knew any different.

    Thanks to Offbeat Bride, I have realized that I can do whatever I want at my hypothetical future wedding, and my hypothetical future partner and I can do whatever we decide to, without being bound to the "traditional" mores of our present-day culture. At this point, I will be strutting by myself down the red carpet-lined aisle in pants, a corset, and 8" platform wedge heels, with blue hair, multiple piercings, and a top hat veil. (Hey, just throwing that out there!) And I will NOT be wearing a ring if I can help it, it being a personal decision that I am allowed to make.

    1 agrees
  77. This post made me laugh. I've seen girls get REALLY upset by their husband not wearing their ring at all times (work, sports, etc)
    My husband doesn't wear his ring at all. It's uncomfortable and dangerous at work. I rarely wear mine either since I'm a massage therapist.

    1 agrees
  78. We are getting married in about a year and we have already had this discussion about my *future* husband not wearing his ring. He doesn't wear a watch, or even a necklace. The first time the conversation came up, I have to admit I was a little devastated. But, take a step back. What is a round piece of metal versus every day that you get to grow old together. For those of you who want him to wear something every day what is the difference between a ring, and a shoelace laced through this shoe?

    0 agree
    • "what is the difference between a ring, and a shoelace laced through this shoe? "

      a ring is a symbol of emotional attachment/marriage/unavailability"… a shoelace is not s symbol but a functional mechanism used to keep the shoe on the foot of the wearer, therefor preventing physical pain and potential injury to the owner of the foot in question.

      two very different things :P above statement is meant as a funny and nothing else.

      my FH and I are going to have rings….he will likely lose his often and soon after the wedding…he loses everything…from keys to wallets to remotes, lighters, clothes…you name it…he has no damn idea where it went.

      I do think it should be up to each individual couple if they want to wear a ring..or a necklaces or noting at all or something entirely different. Its really no ones business but you and your partners.

      3 agree
      • and i cant spell and now realize there is a spellcheck…sorry

        0 agree
  79. My partner hates wearing jewelry, so he rarely wears his, which is so fine with me. His ring is set aside and on reserve – he wears it "upon request." He never says no when I ask and I don't abuse the privilege. Every once in awhile, it's nice to see him put it on for special occasions. I can still get that warm-fuzzy feeling.

    0 agree
  80. My brother doesn't wear his wedding ring on his finger (he has it on a chain around his neck though) because of his job. His mother-in-law freaked out at first, but she eventually got over it. I never understood the mom-in-law freak out. When you marry someone–it seems as though you are accepting them for who they are. And if they don't wear jewelry, then they don't. I personally don't think they need to change who they are to go along with tradition.

    3 agree
  81. Neither of my parents ever wore a ring. They were married during WWII, metal was in short supply, neither had any money… after the war, my father worked in jobs where a ring would have been dangerous. Rings weren't important to my mother.

    1 agrees
  82. I wouldn't have a problem if when I get married my husband decided not to wear a ring. Technically a guy wearing a ring to symbolize he is married is something new to the last century. I'm not sure when it started but I think it was around the 30s or 40s. With my boyfriend right now he would be into wearing a ring if we get married (he's even considered getting a Claddagh ring to show he's in a relationship!) think that's sweet but honestly if he were to decide not to I would not be offended. Marriage does not depend on a piece of jewelry. :P

    1 agrees
  83. I wouldn't mind if my future husband didn't wear his ring… it would be a little hypocritical of me after all, as I probably won't wear mine! I have these long knobbly fingers that change size with the weather, so the ring would need to fit my finger in summer, when my hands swell, and also be large enough to get over my finger joints. In winter once the ring is on, it stays on but rattles around, it would likely be too big to stay on any way after being fitted for my summer fingers.

    In the end, it's just a piece of metal.

    0 agree
  84. Just about a month ago, my husband and I were out with his immediate family. My mother in law ignores us for the first forty minutes and then when the food comes, I'm a lefty, she says, "You don't wear your wedding ring?" in a tone that suggested I might be sneaking around.

    I just smiled and told her I forgot it after my shower, but I don't normally wear it. I love my ring, but I don't need it all the time, especially not when my husband is sitting right there.

    1 agrees
  85. I think I might have my fiance read this! He's been a little… uneasy, maybe? whatever it is, the ring discussions of late have been more about trying to reconcile the fact that, in his line of work, the ring maybe ISN'T so safe and the typical alternatives (putting it on a chain and the like) aren't any safer. This will be his second marriage, and he's already had a bad experience once with putting it on a chain; he thought he lost the ring and spent hours panicking about it. I don't really know if reading this will help him feel any better, but at worst, it won't make him feel any worse!

    1 agrees
  86. I was just reading an article about "How to Choose a Man's Wedding Ring" and came across this offensive comment which portrays every woman as one who NEEDS a BIG, SHINY, SPARKLY, EXPENSIVE wedding set.

    The quote: "So, what decisions need to be made? Well the first is this. Will he wear a ring? That's probably the hardest decision in the process.

    For a woman there's no decision. She's engaged, she wants the ring. For her she needs an engagement ring as well as a wedding ring, and an expensive engagement ring at that. But for a man it's not so straightforward.

    I can immediately think of three contradictory situations that prove that statement wrong:

    A couple of my friends are getting married this month and the groom has an engagement ring as well as the bride.

    Another friend has ONE ring, a diamond engagement/wedding ring.

    Myself. I don't want an engagement ring to cost more than a few hundred dollars.

    Article here: http://www.weddingvendors.com/planning/articles/man-wedding-ring/)

    1 agrees
    • This comment is from a website called Wedding Vendors? Well then, there's no need to get upset about it – it's very simple.

      It's simply a marketing campaign for a jeweller or someone who supports that industry – 'wedding vendors' kinda gives it away.

      DeBeers did the same thing in establishing diamonds as the MUST have stone for enaggement rings. It was a marketing campaign that was very successful and over time, it started a tradition.

      They've also done very well in promoting the right hand ring trend as well. I especially love their tagline….The left hand says 'we' the right hand says 'me' etc

      Brilliant I say, but easy to see where its coming from and why.

      0 agree
  87. We're the opposite- My husband wears a wedding ring, I do not. I hate rings, I always have. Sometimes people give us crap about it, or try to make it seem like I'm making some great feminist statement at the sake of my husband. I just tell them that it has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that I hate things on my hands, and that my husband is secure enough with me to know that my commitment isn't tied into a piece of metal.

    3 agree
  88. My husband does not wear his wedding ring. He works on power lines and it is incredibly dangerous to wear jewelry while doing this. It does not bother me in the least that he does not wear his ring. It sits on the ring holder in our bathroom and when I walk by or wash my hands or brush my teeth I see it and smile. He loves me no matter what and I know. However I am the opposite you would only be able to get my ring off my cold, dead, finger~ I love, love, love my wedding set

    0 agree
  89. This selfsame thing happened to my father (a contractor) when I was a kid; he was installing a garage door opener and got caught, almost losing a finger. After that, he no longer wore his ring (after he got it back from repairs!), and it was never and issue in my family at all. My sister's fiance will not probably wear his either as he's an electrician, for the same reason.

    0 agree
  90. My FH and I have already discussed the fact that he will not be wearing his ring to work. For both safety reasons and because he is afraid he will ruin his ring. I also work where wearing my engagement ring is a hazard so will not wear it to work. The wedding band may be a different story. We have both decided, however that we will put them on when we get home. I am totally good with that. I would way rather have him go ringless, than fingerless.

    0 agree
  91. I was frustrated for a while cuz my husband didn't wear his ring, I don't like rings and when he gave me the engagement one I thought it was too much for me, but I wore it every day with pride. (this caused my fiance to be mad at me because the ring wasn't shiny any more)

    Then we got the wedding rings and they were sooooo expensive, I at the ceremony I told him I hoped he would wear it every day and he prommissed to do so.

    That lasted for about a week, and he stopped using it. I got really mad of been the only one with the ring, because for me they only mean something if we both wear them, it doesn't show "union" if only one is wearing it, so whatever, we could have save that money and go somewhere nicer or have an extra day at our honneymoon.

    So I don't care if he doesn't want to wear it but there was a big deal around those things, we had to make a special part at the wedding just to exchange rings, I got gnasty things around my fingers for wearing them and playing drums, and he is sad because mine never shine… We could have avoided all this if only he had been honest and said "you know what, I think I'll never wear it"

    But thanks for posting, it has taken some frustration away, currently I wear the ring if I want and the way I want, I wear mostly the engagement one, because I think this one means more to me…

    I do think he looks sexy with it and I wish he would use it for a special dinner or in our aniversary (if he wants).

    0 agree
    • wow, that -is- frustrating.

      we haven't decided yet, but i hadn't thought of the getting in the way of playing instruments factor (we both play guitars and neither of us wear rings generally). maybe we should stick with pins (i gave him an engagement pin).

      0 agree
      • I liked having the ring, but I don't see a ring as showing love (I know it does) but i see it more like "sharing something in public" and obviously we aren't going to dress alike every day, so rings sound good, but for me anything that we see as a representation of our love, works even better than the rings we do have and never wear.

        0 agree
  92. I just found this website. I'm kind of in love with it. Just so you know. :)

    Anyway, my husband doesn't wear a wedding ring and it bothers EVERYONE but me for some reason. I wear mine (most of the time anyway) because it's lovely.

    I figure we are committed to each other and we both know it…why do we care what anyone else thinks?

    0 agree
  93. My guy doesn't wear any kind of jewelry and watches aren't his thing. I think I'm going to buy him some engagement khakis….

    0 agree
    • Wow, I originally laughed a bit when i read that but honestly: go for it! Sounds like a pretty practical, considerate (and definitely unique in a good way) idea. :)

      0 agree
  94. This post has been fascinating to me. I wear a wooden ring (when I remember), and my husband wears a silver ring (when he remembers). My husband is awesome and because of that he gets hit on a lot. Even when I'm with him, even when–gasp–he's wearing his wedding band. I think it's silly to believe a ring deters people from hitting on other people. Also, the ring as indicator doesn't work because as we've seen in this post many people (both male and female) can't wear them, and many people choose alternate styles. I can't tell you how many people have looked at my ring and told me it isn't a wedding band because it's made of wood.

    0 agree
    • Hell, I've been hit on by men who were wearing rings on their left hand. So not only does it not stop the person with the ring from being hit on, it doesn't always stop the person himself from doing the flirting.

      0 agree
  95. my man didnt want to wear a ring either he said it was too uncomfortable. however one day i got him to try on a comfort fit ring and he loves it. i was always fine with him not wanting one but i never thought it would be sexy to me hehe

    0 agree
  96. I kinda hoped my husband-to-be would wear a ring, but I was also practical enough that if he didn't think he'd wear it, that I didn't want to spend the money! I knew he loved me, and that a ring was just symbolic and not really necessary (though I liked the idea of him wearing one, I wasn't hugely set on it either). The ring he was looking at was a fairly plain band with layers of different colored gold – looked sort of like wood-grain. But it was around $700, an OK amount to spend if he'd wear it for the rest of his life, but WAYYY too much if he wouldn't (and he wasn't sure he could – he's never been able to wear a watch). So I told him my position, and let him decide what he wanted to do. He decided that he thought it would work out, and we got it. He's worn it every day since (had no trouble getting used to it, actually) and that was 13 years ago.

    0 agree
  97. 7 years married. No he does not wear his ring, b/c he lost the 1st 1 on our honeymoon in vegas. not on tables, jewlery is foreign to him, he forgot and left it. losing the money was harder for me, since i paid for it. but being a former sailor and hearing about the scary details of electricity blowing up his finger, it no longer bother me. he's wanted to be w/ me since 7th grade and been after me till we made it offical, i know he won't destroy everything we've made. i trust him (he has a 2nd he wears here and there), i don't care for the cause mention above.

    0 agree
  98. I wear my engagement ring about two days a week, sometimes less. Many of you seemed to talk about how your significant other can't wear his ring at work, but in this situation, I'm the one who can't wear my ring at work. I have been installing commercial HVAC for five years now. I can't wear a ring. Sometimes I feel bad. Like I should wear it. But then, I think about the fact that I don't care if random people i meet know I'm engaged. I care that Gary and I have chosen to spend our lives together. However, I feel for all the women who can't wear their ring (for whatever reason) because I always get the feeling that people find it offensive or disrespectful that I am not constantly trying to show off my ring or advertise our engagement.

    I mean, it seems like a fairly common issue, men wearing a ring vs. not wearing a ring, but what about those on the other side of that equation? People tell me I should tattoo my ring on. I wear my ring on a chain at work. No one sees it. but I constantly can feel it, and it reminds me of Gary throughout the day. Does it really matter that no one else knows that?

    So I guess, what about women who cannot or choose not to wear a wedding ring? do we all ask the men-folk how they feel about it?
    How would we respond to their opinions?

    I like that Gary gave me a ring – but does it matter that I barely ever wear it? it is still important to me as a symbol, but do I need everyone else to see that symbolic gesture for it to have the same meaning? I mean, yes, maybe you wear a ring because you find it beautiful, but what if you aren't the ring-wearing type? or you can't wear it because of work or medical or physical reasons? do you still want the ring?

    1 agrees
    • You know, since writing this post I actually stopped wearing my ring too. I stopped wearing it for a few months because it was starting to irritate me. And NO ONE even noticed. I expected someone to ask, or give me crap like people give my husband crap, but I got nothing! And then after a few months I started wearing a totally different ring because the irritation was gone and I felt like mixing it up. And now, if I feel like wearing a ring, I rotate through several different rings that I've collected over the years. And still… no one has said anything. And my husband? He doesn't really care either way for all the same reasons stated in the post.

      So, I guess I'm saying… I don't know about other women and their partners, but it my case it was/is a total non-issue. Of course, we'd already established that wedding rings weren't really super duper important to us in the first place, so my experience is probably not the norm.

      2 agree
  99. I guess I'm in the same boat, my experience is probably not the norm either. I'm just curious because even after dudes at work, friends, and family found out about the wedding, no one ever questions me for not wearing my ring. However, many of the guys I work with either constantly wear their rings even though it could injure them or endure harassment from other guys for not wearing it.

    Not that there is anything wrong with women's rings being flashy or unflashy, it always stands out to me that most men's rings are very plain. Since Gary works with people and clients a lot, I like to tell him that I'm going to get him a ring full of rubies.

    1 agrees

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