The other side of the veil: one bridal shop employee shares her perspective
Fashion Advice, Philosophizing
Guestpost by
on March 18, 2010
51
Thanks to OBB reader Danielle for sending us this great piece of writing from the perspective of the people that help us find our dream dresses…
Photo courtesy of Romana Klee.
One of the things I love about Ariel's vision for Offbeat Bride is her effort to make it a "snark-free" zone. I love all the positive energy, all the everyone is accepted vibe. Well, everyone but one person, I've noticed. There is one person its okay to snark about, one person who is simply contemptible. Don't know who I'm talking about?
Why, it's that lady in the bridal salon! You know, that symbol of everything that's wrong with the whole wedding industrial complex. The one who, it seems, does nothing but make brides feel bad the moment they step in the door. That horrible person who tries to sell you an overpriced white frou-frou dress when all you wanted was a simple dress in your price range. They're evil, evil people right?
The only problem I have with that is that I used to be sales person in bridal salon.
For four summers during my college years, I worked the busy season (May - August) at a bridal and formal dress salon. It was one of my favorite jobs…
For four summers during my college years, I worked the busy season (May - August) at a bridal and formal dress salon. It was one of my favorite jobs — helping women find that perfect dress. I really hope that I wasn't evil, that I sent women home in tears. At least that's not how I remember it. I remember arranging to add black lace accents to a dress for a lovely Goth bride. There was the medieval bride who I helped pour through catalogs to find the perfect dress, tracked down a sample at another salon so she could try it on, and made sure to offer to go 10% less whatever their lowest price was. There was the tattooed biker bride who wanted a simple dress with a low back to show off her awesome ink. And how can I forget the bride who wanted a red dress for whom I gleefully pulled out the prom/formal catalogs to help her find the perfect one.
Oh, and did mention that this was back in the late 90's? Pre-Offbeat Bride, pre-Indie Bride, back when the wedding industrial complex was at its height. I've watched things change. Back then The Knot was about how to make your wedding just like everyone else, with its lists of must haves. While, still traditionally oriented, it's focus has shifted to more about how to make your wedding your own. It even has an "offbeat" option as a label for your wedding.
I have the feeling that we hear about the evil ones and the horror stories because those are the ones that are interesting, the ones that let us feel righteous anger at the wedding industrial complex.
But I'm just one person, right? I must be the exception to the rule. But then how do you explain that really sweet girl I worked with when I bought my wedding dress at another salon since the one I worked at had closed? Or the great lady who helped my new sister in-law only a few months ago? I have the feeling that we hear about the evil ones and the horror stories because those are the ones that are interesting, the ones that let us feel righteous anger at the wedding industrial complex. It's hard to hate a nebulous industry, the sales person gives us a face to hate. There are lots of other vendors out there who do similar things: photographers who do nothing but canned poses, halls that overcharge for rubbery chicken, or florists who make you pick from a set catalog. But let's face it, the dress has become the symbol of the wedding. And even though like every other vendor, most bridal stores also do business in other areas (I have some great prom dress stories too). But for some reason, we overlook that and they become the symbol for everything wrong with the wedding industrial complex.
And while its true that most salons get their dresses from major manufacturers, keep in mind that most salons are local, mom and pop operations. Like any local service, you're going to get a lot of variation. But, by and large, I believe that you'll get a much more personal experience with a local store than you would with a big chain or an internet seller. You should get a sales person whose knowledgeable about formal wear. Someone who know that "Brand X" runs small in the bust or that there is a dress similar to that $5000 dress you love that is only $500. A good bridal sales person should be asking you tons of questions to help you find what you want, the first of which should be "What's your budget?" They'll pull out the size chart for the dress, show you your measurements, and help you figure out where you fit.
Don't write off all bridal stores, just because you think they are all evil.
Are there bad eggs out there? Of course. But you've never had bad service at restaurant? Never had to deal with an irate sales person at another store? If bridal store (or any other business) is treating you badly then vote with your dollar. Go somewhere else. Either the store will learn and adjust their practices or they'll go out of business. But don't write off all bridal stores, just because you think they are all evil. After all, they are run by real people who, like the rest of us, are trying to make a living. And yes, you may get the evil bridal harpy who will try to force her vision of bridal on you. But I hope you'll get me, the person whose going to bend over backwards to help you get what you want while working in your budget.
Danielle is a proud contributor to Offbeat Bride.
Lily said
Way too go Sister! I love the differences in opinions, and I love going against the generalizations.
Cat said
I agree with the last of "vote with your dollar" with a twist. Ask to speak with a manager before you leave. Once you get face-to-face with a manager, tell her that you are taking your business elsewhere because Saleslady X made a rude comment about your tattoo/weight/baby bump/large bust/pierced lip, whatever. Not only will the store not get your business, Saleslady X will likely get chewed out by her boss. That is sticking it to them in a way that not buying there can.
Linda said
hell yeah, woman! i hope i get a "you" when i go!!!
Lia said
I wished I could just say "Amen to that" but…
"Someone who know that “Brand X†runs small in the bust or that there is a dress similar to that $5000 dress you love that is only $500. A good bridal sales person should be asking you tons of questions to help you find what you want, the first of which should be “What’s your budget?†They’ll pull out the size chart for the dress, show you your measurements, and help you figure out where you fit."
WHERE are these people? I've never met such a saleswoman, nor have I heard of anyone having a good experience in a bridal shop (and I'm talking local). Is it possible that there are very few of them out there? Is it possible that my chances of getting a nice saleslady are much, much smaller than getting good service at a restaurant? I don't question their existence, I think the post makes some valid points, but sadly, I have the feeling that the kind of service described remains an exception to the rule. And this still makes me sad. Personally, my experiences at bridal stores have been horrible beyond measure (and I was looking for a white dress and I have a 90-60-90 body!), so much that I reverted to having my dress tailor-made, which costs more, but at least I feel good when I go there.
And of course we tend to stress over the bridal salon more than over the venue or the flower people. We get naked in front of these vendors. We show them our faults, we come make-up-less, we want to speak about our ideas and of course we want to hear that we are (or at least that it is possible to make us) pretty. If then the person is being inadequate, it is bound to hurt much more than if you are forced to choose flowers from a catalogue.
Lisa said
I went to three different bridal salons and had positive experiences there, largely due to the service I received. Great employees do exist, and I find that it really helps to be friendly and engaged yourself. The nicer you are to people, the nicer they will be to you. I know that sometimes you do just have a bad experience, but it does help to go into a salon with an open mind and avoid going on the defensive. The employees are just people too.
KathyRo said
Great post. Thanks for reminding us that "evil empires" are populated with real people.
annie said
First of all, I have to say that what I have mostly encountered is that brides tend to be a bit of a different breed. Normal, rational women go a little crazy when planning their weddings, and what they are looking for in customer service changes when they are looking for their wedding dress. I've discovered that some get really upset if they are not treated like princesses or if everyone else is ignored because *they* are in the store. We all have to keep in mind that *every* woman in the store is looking for a great experience and are planning a very special day/experience.
Having said that, when it comes to experiences in stores, I would say that it has almost nothing to do with the salon, and almost everything to do with the salesperson.
When I first started looking, I went to David's Bridal, because I had almost no idea of what I was looking for, and I wanted to get a good idea of what was out there and what styles would look good on me, and I knew that David's had a wide selection of a lot of different styles.
I went on a week day, during the day, because of my work schedule. I was one of only a few people in the store, and I got a consultant that was WONDERFUL! She listened to what I wanted (no poofy frou-frou princess dresses), and pulled a lot of different styles off the rack that she suggested that I try, even ones that I saw on the rack and thought "meh" about. She was patient, kind, and funny. She got *me*, and helped me figure out what I was looking for for my wedding.
Turns out, this was the best thing for me, as I discovered that what I was looking for was not what I was thinking about originally.
Afterwards, I tried a couple of different places, looking for "the dress." I stopped at a few mom and pop places, and in at least one of those places was completely turned off by the attitude of the sales person. (Especially since I went in with another bride who, because of her age and size was completely dismissed by the salesperson. It seemed that she only wanted to deal with me, and not the other bride. I was particularly angry at a comment made to me about, "and over there in the corner are the plus sizes, size 12 and up…but i don't think you'll have a problem with that…" again, I firmly believe that every bride deserves to be treated with respect…treat us all equally, no matter what our ages/bodies may be)
I ended up finding "the dress" at an alfred angelo store (which is an interesting mix of mom and pop and chain). There, they had a wide selection of dresses in all different sizes, with sales people who, while not completely personal, were patient and kind and helpful about finding what I was looking for. (I went into this store with my bride-friend, who was treated the exact same way).
I say again, it's not about the particular store or mom and pop vs. chain, but about the *people* that you encounter there. If you don't like a salesperson, don't write off bridal stores all together, just keep looking until you find the experience and the dress that you are looking for!
Jen said
Just being a bridesmaid, i have witnessed the good (small shop) and bad (David's). My experience at David's was awful because i have 38DD's, so I couldn't fit in any of the dresses, so the woman helping us told me not to worry, and she knew how I felt because SHE was just the fat girl in HER friend's wedding. Well, gee thanks. Needless to say I will never shop there again if I can help it. And I'm using it as motivation to be the HOT girl in the wedding!
Allison said
I only went to one store, as I was fairly sure that I was going to have a friend who is a professional seamstress/textile artist make a dress for me, but I did want to see what was out there. This was a local independent store and the owner (whom I knew slightly) is always there. She and the sales staff were very helpful and kind, but there was no getting around the fact that they had a limited choice of size 14 dresses. The three I tried on were nice, but not me at all. So I decided to have my friend make the dress for me, and that's been working out well.
However, when it came to get a dress for my best woman, we went back to the same store and found a great dress for her right away. Again, the staff were very pleasant. I'm glad that we were able to support a local store for some of the wedding attire; it's just too bad that, as others have said, going local and independent can also mean much less selection when it comes to sizes.
(And thanks, Mary B., for the shout-out to Newfoundlanders! I am one, and the friend who's making the dress is back there, too!)
Kim said
Another great DB experience here. I'm making my dress, so my best friend and I went in to get an idea of how different styles fit. The saleswoman was incredibly helpful even though it was pretty obvious there was no chance I was buying anything that day. She never pressured me to buy and brought out dresses in every cut and fabric they had. It really does depend on who helps you, and just because it's a chain doesn't mean the people who work there won't be great.
Elizabeth said
This was amazing! I'm a former bridal manager and am trying to open up a shop of my own. I was always one of those "good understanding consultants". And my shop will reflect that. I love to help brides searching through the "ordinary" to find the "extraordinary" that waits for them when they realize that being off beat is way more fun than the cookie cutter wedding. And I'm glad there are others out there doing the same.
Heather said
This was my biggest gripe with OBB (the problem is much worse on OBT and the mods don't do anything about it, one reason why I left). Thanks for addressing it!
Ariel said
While we do our best to keep the OBT proactive and positive, ultimately my mods can't catch every single misstep. We encourage OBT members to contact us when they see something that they think doesn't fit with the code of conduct — I wish you'd let us know!
Sydney said
Well done.. This one's an interesting one..
Keep it up…
Fate said
Well I've had some ok experiences, the last 2 stores I've visited were helpful despite being busy, and although one was completely incapable of catering to my "no white, ivory, champagne or gold" demands, the lady did her best to suggest ways I could make the dress more alternative. Another could have any dress I wanted re-made in black, also helpful.. all too expensive though.
On the other hand, I've had one VERY BAD experience where I did leave the store crying and feeling like shit.
It took me a long time to go into another store after that, and I'm pleased to say, they're now out of business. Supposedly they CATERED to alternative brides so I was very shocked by the treatment I received at that one.
Rebecca said
I don't work in this industry but I think the most important thing to making the whole process of searching for a dress go smoothly is MAKE AN APPOINTMENT! People who walk in and expect to be waited on and get a dressing room are what make sales people stressed and crabby. Each shop can only handle so many people and there is a limited amount of dressing room space. Before you blame the poor sales person take a look at the flack she is getting from pushy people who have just waltzed in off the street and are demanding her service. Don't be rude! Always make an appointment!
Stevie said
I have to say, my experience of wedding dress sales people was wholly new. As someone who had never really taken her clothes off in front of anyone but her Mum and fiance, it was hard to have a crazy lady running in and out with underskirts, trims, bigger sizes, smaller sizes. Meanwhile my boobies are blowing in the wind waiting for the next thing to try on! But I was never rude, and really nor were they, I was just bemused. That said, I have just yesterday picked up my specially made dress ready for the big day in 3 weeks time. My dressfitters and the sales staff could not have made the experience any better!
Tobi said
My dress shopping experience ran from the terrible (completely ignoring me-the only customer in the store) to the hilarious (screaming "she's out, she's out" when I came out of the changeroom. But I had great help at one store, and the salesperson brought me a bridesmaid's dress to try on even though it was a small fraction of the price of the other dresses. I ended up ordering it in a champagne color, which was what I'd been looking for, and it was perfect!
Danielle L said
Hi all! I'm really happy for those that have had good experiences and sorry for those of you who didn't. I just wanted to clarify a few things.
First, I'm not against all the great alternatives that are out there now. I do a lot of ren faire/steampunk/faerie events and know the value of a great custom garment. But I also know that you can into problems with the seamstress making your dress just as you could with bridal shop. I have heard countless horror stories of misinterpation, shoddy work, and running off with people's money. It's a business and like all businesses, there's the good, the bad, and the ugly.
As for sizing, I will admit that the way the sizing works for bridal gowns is eff'd up. Basically, every manufacturer has their own size chart and varies so widely that when I worked in the shop depending on the dress I fell somewhere between a size 10 and an 18. Suffice to say, most of my training was spent teaching me how to figure out what size to order.
However, a good shop should have a variety of sizes and should NEVER tell you that they can't get a dress in your size. Ideally, they should have the basic cuts of dresses in every size range. No, it's not economically to have every dress in every size. But let's say you like dress A. We have dress A, but not in any size that would fit you. I should have a dress that's a similiar cut (say a-line) in your size so you can get a general idea how the dress will look on you. Then we measure you and order dress A in your size. Sorry, if a store isn't doing this then they are idiots and don't bother with them.
Rita said
In my experience, the problems I had at bridal shops were not that the staff was evil – in every case (6 stores), the salespeople were attentive, knowledgeable, and as helpful as they could be.
The problem was that they didn't *get* it. I didn't want white, I didn't want floofy, I didn't want strapless. I didn't *want* to look like a princess. And the clerks just could not understand that.
They tried to be helpful (i.e. "well we can sew straps on it"), but I think so often the bridal shop vision of "bride" doesn't match up with we offbeat brides' vision of "bride." And that's where the problem comes in – not that bridal shops are evil, but they just don't get it.
Ashley said
I had an amazing experience at Dimitri Design here in Greenville, Jasmine knew just by looking at me which cut and style would flatter my shape! And to boot she picked out the BEST style for me, it's got a great vintage look, not made by a big box manufacturer and doesn't make me feel like a pretty pretty princess. And as if that wasn't enough she made me the BEST headpiece from these great feather fascinaters and a birdcage veil.
I do have to say though I went to Davids Bridal and had the worst service ever. And it wasn't a one time thing either. I went there about 3 times (spoke to different people) and they were all the same.
I suggest going to your local shop first! They seemed to care more about what I wanted and gave me the all time and attention I needed.
Mallory said
I'm glad I read this. So far I have only gone to one dress shop, because they were so helpful when my sister went looking for a prom dress. I loved my consultant and how accommodating and honest she was. I would like to go to another shop nearby to see if they have samples that fit better (it's very hard to know if you like the cut of a dress when their samples are all size 16 and you're a 4 on a bloated day), but would love to go back to them. That kind of good service makes me think "Yeah, weddings are stressful, but it's going to be okay, and you'll be happy in the end."
Now if I could only choose between the 3 dresses I loved.
Esther said
Amen! Great article. I have to say I've had the fortune of having happened upon a wedding shop when out with my sister. I really am not a fan of shopping and find the whole getting a dress thing a tad overwhelming so this is the only wedding shop I've been to (in Kingston-upon-Thames).When I explained I'd be riding a bike as my wedding transport, the assistant didn't bat an eyelid but suggested a gorgeous bridesmaid dress that was blue but could be ordered in ivory (for a tiny tiny fraction of the bridal dresses in the shop) that was shorter and perfect for a bike. She even dug out a picture of another bride who had gone with that dress in ivory so I could get a better idea. So absolutely agree – in my experience, have nothing but good things to say.
Ssafs said
I think part of what makes an experiance good or bad at a salon of any sort (example, I recently went to a formalwear joint for a dress for my brothers wedding, wasnt part of the party itself, but still am his sister ya know?) is a few points:
A. how busy are they when you get there? If they are really busy when you get there, then perhaps going elsewhere and comeing back at a later time would work better. (I personally believe in the walk-in approach. If I cant walk into a place and find service then I usualy am out of there. It does depend a bit on the place, some appointment only places are still good, but I like being able to view how things are going in there when I arrive, instead of getting the 'good' stuff because they are expecting me.)
B. How much experiance does your consultant have? A person who has just started to work for a salon of any type doesn't have the experiance and ability of one who has been working there longer. They dont read people the same way, and thier interpretations are not the same. If you have issues with your consultant, perhaps ask for another consultant. Particularly if it looks at all like yours might be new, or if they've mentioned being new. If they are not working for you then try another.
C. The bigger chains have issues because they ARE well known. More people go in there than you would see at a mom and pop store. Therefore they are busier and the busier a place is, the faster they want to get customers in and out the door so that other customers are not stuck waiting. Benefit? You get a larger selection there … usualy. Benefit to the mom and pop store? Less busy so you get more time devoted to you.
I dropped in randomly on a bridal store in Sydney MT. It was pretty much empty cept for the two ladies who were working there. Wonderful service even though I was just browsing while waiting for a ride. Was looking at getting married but knew that I was not going to be getting a dress any time soon. Since they were NOT busy, I got double the service and a very friendly close atmosphear. If they had been busy though then the experiance would have been quite different.
Sometimes its not the people that make things evil, its the situation. Newness, busyness, and many other things factor into the experiance.
Above all, if a store doesn't work for you. Leave. If someone wont listen, ask for another person, if for whatever reason you can not get another person, leave. You know in your hearts what you want, what you envision yourself to be in on that very special day of your life, and only you know that. Dont let anyone tell ya diff. (Do at least listen to advice though. Example. If you watch my fair wedding with david tutera, there are a few times when he seems like an ass, but he actually makes his bride even happier with what he does (and one of the things he usualy does is change the dress. why? because a lot of times the brides just are not truely happy with what they have. One was using a borrowed dress from someone she knew that wasnt her style, didnt fit right ect. Another found one she loved but didnt fit right (too small). he managed to find them both dresses that left them stuning,feeling beautiful, and happy. He'd suggest that this part or that part did this (example boobs bulging out the top fo the dress) and then suggest changing a cut or something to make them fit better. lil things like that, listen to. Nothing says you have to actually USE the advice, but nothing hurts by listenin:)
errr just posted it and saw how long it was :S sorri!
Wendy said
I only ended up going to one shop when I was buying my dress. It was a local salon just down the road from where I live, and the woman who helped me was lovely. She was extremely helpful, and I ended up with a dress I completely love that I paid less for than I expected.