The other side of the veil: one bridal shop employee shares her perspective
Fashion Advice, Philosophizing
Guestpost by
on March 18, 2010
51
Thanks to OBB reader Danielle for sending us this great piece of writing from the perspective of the people that help us find our dream dresses…
Photo courtesy of Romana Klee.
One of the things I love about Ariel's vision for Offbeat Bride is her effort to make it a "snark-free" zone. I love all the positive energy, all the everyone is accepted vibe. Well, everyone but one person, I've noticed. There is one person its okay to snark about, one person who is simply contemptible. Don't know who I'm talking about?
Why, it's that lady in the bridal salon! You know, that symbol of everything that's wrong with the whole wedding industrial complex. The one who, it seems, does nothing but make brides feel bad the moment they step in the door. That horrible person who tries to sell you an overpriced white frou-frou dress when all you wanted was a simple dress in your price range. They're evil, evil people right?
The only problem I have with that is that I used to be sales person in bridal salon.
For four summers during my college years, I worked the busy season (May - August) at a bridal and formal dress salon. It was one of my favorite jobs…
For four summers during my college years, I worked the busy season (May - August) at a bridal and formal dress salon. It was one of my favorite jobs — helping women find that perfect dress. I really hope that I wasn't evil, that I sent women home in tears. At least that's not how I remember it. I remember arranging to add black lace accents to a dress for a lovely Goth bride. There was the medieval bride who I helped pour through catalogs to find the perfect dress, tracked down a sample at another salon so she could try it on, and made sure to offer to go 10% less whatever their lowest price was. There was the tattooed biker bride who wanted a simple dress with a low back to show off her awesome ink. And how can I forget the bride who wanted a red dress for whom I gleefully pulled out the prom/formal catalogs to help her find the perfect one.
Oh, and did mention that this was back in the late 90's? Pre-Offbeat Bride, pre-Indie Bride, back when the wedding industrial complex was at its height. I've watched things change. Back then The Knot was about how to make your wedding just like everyone else, with its lists of must haves. While, still traditionally oriented, it's focus has shifted to more about how to make your wedding your own. It even has an "offbeat" option as a label for your wedding.
I have the feeling that we hear about the evil ones and the horror stories because those are the ones that are interesting, the ones that let us feel righteous anger at the wedding industrial complex.
But I'm just one person, right? I must be the exception to the rule. But then how do you explain that really sweet girl I worked with when I bought my wedding dress at another salon since the one I worked at had closed? Or the great lady who helped my new sister in-law only a few months ago? I have the feeling that we hear about the evil ones and the horror stories because those are the ones that are interesting, the ones that let us feel righteous anger at the wedding industrial complex. It's hard to hate a nebulous industry, the sales person gives us a face to hate. There are lots of other vendors out there who do similar things: photographers who do nothing but canned poses, halls that overcharge for rubbery chicken, or florists who make you pick from a set catalog. But let's face it, the dress has become the symbol of the wedding. And even though like every other vendor, most bridal stores also do business in other areas (I have some great prom dress stories too). But for some reason, we overlook that and they become the symbol for everything wrong with the wedding industrial complex.
And while its true that most salons get their dresses from major manufacturers, keep in mind that most salons are local, mom and pop operations. Like any local service, you're going to get a lot of variation. But, by and large, I believe that you'll get a much more personal experience with a local store than you would with a big chain or an internet seller. You should get a sales person whose knowledgeable about formal wear. Someone who know that "Brand X" runs small in the bust or that there is a dress similar to that $5000 dress you love that is only $500. A good bridal sales person should be asking you tons of questions to help you find what you want, the first of which should be "What's your budget?" They'll pull out the size chart for the dress, show you your measurements, and help you figure out where you fit.
Don't write off all bridal stores, just because you think they are all evil.
Are there bad eggs out there? Of course. But you've never had bad service at restaurant? Never had to deal with an irate sales person at another store? If bridal store (or any other business) is treating you badly then vote with your dollar. Go somewhere else. Either the store will learn and adjust their practices or they'll go out of business. But don't write off all bridal stores, just because you think they are all evil. After all, they are run by real people who, like the rest of us, are trying to make a living. And yes, you may get the evil bridal harpy who will try to force her vision of bridal on you. But I hope you'll get me, the person whose going to bend over backwards to help you get what you want while working in your budget.
Danielle is a proud contributor to Offbeat Bride.
Kristen said
Well said! I worked in retail for many years, and I really enjoy hearing these types of narratives. A good sales person should be concerned about what their customer wants, about making them happy. And it can be really fulfilling work, when you're able to make it meaningful like this. Thank you for writing it!
Gina said
In the past 6 months I've dealt with 3 different bridal salons (one for my friends bridal dress, another for her bridesmaids dresses, and the last one was for my dress and my bridesmaids dresses). I didn't have one bad experience with any of them!
Colleen said
Thank you for differentiating mom n pop operations vs. chain stores . . . I do think there is a big difference in customer service/personal attention from a David's Bridal vs. a local shop. I would recommend visiting a local salon first (and if you're not satisfied, then off to DB or the internet). . .
Nathalie said
I never felt like people here hated on the salesladies at bridal shops. All the women I've dealt with at shops have been nice. I think the voice that's not heard here is the one from the editors of bridal magazines, owners of million dollar corporations, and "wedding elitists" I'll call them. They're the traditional voice that says you must have favors or you're an inconsiderate jerk-wad.
If the bridal shop salesladies feel that they have been misrepresented or dissed, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope we can keep you in mind next time, because you do us a very important service (as do florists and bakers). Thank goodness for these experts who help brides through piles of options to find just the right "one." Thank you for your help, and I hope we remember to say thank-you even when we don't buy anything.
Whitney said
It's nice to read about your experiences in the late 90's. I had appointments with three women in bridal salons this winter. One was simply overwhelmed, the second was difficult to understand, and the third was absolutely wonderful and I bought from her. The third shop made it all very fun and worth it.
Whitneymae said
The difference between a mom-n-pop shop and the dreaded David's Bridal is really amazing. My FMIL got married a few years ago and I was one of her bridesmaids. She went to David's Bridal and to say I was offended at the way the store was run and the kind of customer service we received is an understatement. The girl who was booked with us was also booked with two other parties. It's not her fault, but it made the service horrible. It was a nightmare.
BUT I shopped for my dress and my bridesmaids' dresses at a locally owned place and my consultant was amazingly sweet and incredibly supportive of my short dress dreams. She even brought me some sparkly red shoes and a red sash from a bridesmaid gown to try on with the dress I eventually ended up buy after I mentioned I wanted something unique. She was amazing and so much fun! There are some good bridal shop ladies out there to be sure and I definitely found one. Mad props to Donna at Fantastic Finds in Lansing, MI! XD
Mar-mar said
I really wish you'd posted this about 4-5 months ago, before I swore off setting foot in a bridal salon. It's too late for me to give these folks a chance, but I'll keep it in mind as more of my friends tie the knot. I'd been to a few salons with sisters and friends in the past. Not all negative, but in every single case she ended up overspending on the dress. I couldn't risk that, so I hired an Etsy dressmaker. I hope it'll come out well, but there are a lot of unknowns. Every choice comes with a tradeoff. For my comfort level, I just wasn't willing to play the game of making nice and haggling with a salon clerk –however kind and well-intentioned she might be– while standing in my undies.
Denise said
I think this is a really great piece. Just today I was poking around a wedding forum thread whose title read, “most outrageous price quotes you’ve seen for your wedding.†Lots of horror stories in there, like florists charging up to $10k for silk flowers and not real ones, or photographers that charge $8k without even wanting to discuss a different deal to meet the couples’ budget. But really it seems that it all comes down to the couple in the end. Are you ok with spending that much? Because you don’t have to. Do you want to work with those vendors that make you feel stressed out on a day that should be joyous and happy? Then don’t work with them. Go somewhere else. I’m in the midst of planning a wedding and although I do stress out a little about it, I just remind myself that this is OUR wedding. It will be MY dress, and we are doing it all with OUR money. Like the article said, vote with your money. Bad salespeople will exist anywhere and everywhere you go but don’t let it sour you on the experience. This should be a happy time! ïŠ
Samantha said
I would just like to say that I went in to David's Bridal with a price point in mind just to try things on and had a WONDERFUL experience where I ended up buying a dress I loved that cost less than $300. The woman who helped me was kind, open and responsive and GREAT at bringing me stuff I wouldn't have tried on that looked really good on me.
There are good salespeople and bad, just as with anything. So people saying "this piece is just because this was a Mom and Pop place" are still missing the point.
Jess said
I think in indie wedding blog land a lot of times it's easy to feel the burn if you choose something even remotely traditional like visiting a bridal salon….and I agree that everyone's experience is different and there are some GREAT bridal salons. I went to many and tried on MANY dresses. At one salon I was "helped" by a frustrated saleswoman when I told her I am not a princess and didn't want a big poofy princess dress, but rather just wanted something AWESOME. She pulled a few dresses and then ultimately threw her hands up and rudely said she had nothing else to show me. I wrote a strongly worded email to her supervisor and bought my dress at a bridal salon that embraced my personality and had fun with the challenge of finding me my AWESOME dress.
colleen said
When I found out that there was a reality television show filmed at Kleinfeld Bridal in Manhattan I almost refused to go to my appointment. Reality television is probably the #1 reason why i don't own a television, so I kind of freaked out.
However, I can not be thankful enough that my mom convinced me to go. Our consultant Debbie was awesome. It was obvious that she instantly understood what I was all about (I had photos of a short, cute vintage dress and my finance's grey and purple pinstripe suit). Deb brought out one dress. And the rest is history! I was emotionally prepared for such a completely different experience which made it all that much sweeter that the first dress was The Dress.
Good luck everyone!
Michelle said
I think that maybe where evil bridal salon might be related to the major chain bridal stores like David's Bridal. I have been in there and because I was not a size 2 of course I was looked down upon which I found disheartening because I still think I'm beautiful at a size 12. It could also be a geographical thing too?
Veet said
True Story:
I don't enjoy shopping in general and was completely overwhelmed by the idea of wedding dress shopping. However, armed with my best friend, I went to Portland (OR) to look at a few boutiques. I randomly stopped in at Lena Medoyeff while waiting for my first appointment somewhere nearby and had THE BEST shopping experience OF MY LIFE. The woman who helped me was straight forward but not pushy and knew me better than I knew myself. I walked out of the first place I looked with the perfect dress all thanks to the WONDERFUL people there.
Carrie said
Everyone at my shop was super nice with my unusual requests, (apparently I was their first bride-to-be that had a list of countries that were under review for child labor practices), and they had a ton of stuff that actually fit me! I think that any place can get a bad name for customer service, but hopefully they just close down to make room for the better places to move in!
Noella said
I had a great experience in David's Bridal, from the first appointment when I tried on 8 dresses to the final fitting of my amazing dress, (amazing price), when I pranced around the store for 20 minutes in my dress playing with veils. I am heavily tattooed, certainly not a size two and the girls were really awesome. I had a blast
Ariel (but not that one) said
So much of the bridal store experience hinges on the salespeople you get. I suspect a lot of the negativity results from a high-stakes (big expensive item! That you expect to be Perfect!) purchase made in what is many people's first experience with real hands-on personal sales. And therefore the impression that that person makes is going to stick…
I've had good and bad experiences at David's, and awful and amazing and in-between experiences at local shops. (Including, in one case, the same shop; the owner was a *dream* when it came to finding things with a personal style and fit and budget the first time, with a friend, but was so thrown by my "anything but white" that I wound up getting presented with dresses that were the complete opposite of anything I'd ever want to wear or any style I'd asked for. In white. Because she "knew I didn't really want *that*.". Thank goodness she had a more openminded salesperson to help.) It isn't even chain vs local, although I suspect the locals are *slightly* more prone to going out of business if they suck. My worst local shopping offenders are still around, though.
It's definitely nice to hear the alternate experience. Most vendors really aren't evil. Even the most traditional and WIC-y of them.
Uggh said
How I wish I had gotten a salesperson like this when I recently went shopping for my dress. Maybe if I had been a young bride, or a thin bride, or a bride who came into the store with an entourage, it would have been different. But for me (a street size 10-12, middle-aged second-time bride), I might as well not have bothered making that appointment and telling the saleswoman what I was interested in looking at because nobody — and I do mean nobody — had any interest in helping me. Knowing I was coming, they had not bothered to pull together a single dress that fit within the criteria I had mentioned. They didn't have a single dress in a size that I could actually fit into, nor did they care. There was no one around willing to help me get in or out of the dresses. They did not pull out the catalogs to help me pick out something that way, either. Nothing.
Honestly, I was really surprised at how unpleasant it was. My first time buying a wedding dress way back in the early '90s was perfectly pleasant. In fact, I had such a nice time that I recommended that salon to a friend of mine who married a couple of years later. My friend was heavy and had an artificial leg, and reported that she was badly mistreated by the same people who had been so nice to me.
While I would like to say "rah! rah!," the fact is that I completely understand the hating that goes on in the OBT when it comes to traditional bridal salons — mom & pop salons or chain stores — especially for those of us who have quirks, whether those quirks be body issues or style issues.
Kyra said
I think the thing to keep in mind and what Danielle was trying to say is that some people are lovely and kind and some people are horrible and judgemental and most people are somewhere in between. And its the same with shop assistants. They're just people. I find I get the same sort of variation even when I'm shopping in normal clothes stores. There are the ones where they hire the prettiest girls regardless of if they have common sense or manners or the ones where the owners are in the shop every day, passionate about their products and ready to tell anyone who will listen.
Its just a matter of finding a bridal shop in the latter category and supporting them.
NoLaceInThisPlace said
I only went into 2 bridal salons before I found THE DRESS at David's Bridal.
The first place I looked was Alfred Angleo, and the service was HORRIBLE!
The poor saleslady we had was booked with 2 other clients the same time as my booking, so getting in and out of dresses was pretty much my job. Also, I'm a very petite person(5 feet tall and just over 100lbs) and everything she brought me was HUGE! I kept telling her I wanted to see things in my size, but she kept bringing me dresses I ended up swimming in, insisting she could "pin them." I'm sorry, but no amount of pinning can make a size 10 dress fit someone who's just over 100lbs.
It was so disappointing, and I ended up leaving feeling like I was some freakish midget who'd never find a dress.
Next, I went into David's and the experience was the complete opposite! The saleslady was only booked with me, so could focus on what I wanted and help me in and out of things. She was very attentive to the kinds of dresses I liked and what I didn't, but also had me try on some things I likely wouldn't have otherwise. She made me look and feel beautiful and helped me find The Dress, which ended up being one of the ones I hadn't thought I'd like when she first showed it to me.
Mary B. said
Excellent post. My mother and I had originally planned to sew the dress ourselves, but after realizing that we would have to do a major overhaul on the pattern we let go of the idea. I don't live in the city where the wedding is being held, and I was home for a whirlwind week of wedding planning. We found an independent salon that advertised consignment dresses, and the owner said my entire family could drop by at any time we liked. The woman was FABULOUS. We talked price, we talked style, we talked Atlantic Canada (it's true what they say about Newfoundlanders, this woman proved they are the nicest people around!). She didn't mind my sisters pulling dresses left and right, she made coffee for my parents, and she was able to bring my family together for a moment I never expected to happen: stepping out of the dressing room in MY dress. It gets better: a sale was going to begin the following week, in order to clear out older stock. After we explained our situation, she let us have the dress at the sale price, and discounted the bolero jacket we all adored. She offered her advice on where to go for alterations, and made me promise I would return with wedding photos. We hadn't intended to buy a wedding dress that day, just browse around to see what we liked, but that salesperson made all the difference in the world. Trust your instinct and shop at stores where the staff clearly love what they do, and good at what they do.
apf said
Bridal salons can be really hard for women who aren't a size 6, even if the saleswomen are kind! I think it's because they try to pick average sizes to keep costs down while making the most customers happy.
Michelle got treated poorly because she's not a size 2 — but let me tell you, being petite is hard too for the same reason. I'm a slender woman, and not a single store that I've visited has had a dress remotely near my size! I guess they don't think it's worth it to stock 0s and 2s, just like they don't think it's worth it to stock larger-than-"average" sizes. I'm kind of frustrated by it.
Kristina said
I have to say that I had a horrible time finding my wedding dress. I'm a plus sized girl and normally proud of myself. I'm always trying to lose weight and be healthy, but let's face it, I'm no size 2. Going into the bridal store (which offered plus sized dresses) I already had a few printouts of dresses I was excited about looking at. Dresses that were in my size (according to the website). Being shy I stayed away from the bridal sales associate because I'm not one for all the crazy hype or the princess frilly idea. Suffice it to say within fifteen minutes the bridal sales woman told me that I couldn't fit into the dress that I wanted and told me that they had other dresses "that would better suit my needs". Needless to say with all the stress about the wedding already draining my energy I ended up crying in between rows of dresses that I apparently would never fit in. My aunt, outraged, hunted down the sales woman and made her apologize, but I have to admit it broke my heart to be treated like that when it should have been a happy experience. I can't say that this is how all bridal consultants work, but I have to say that I'm still upset about that day. I ended up buying a dress there because I fell in love with a dress that I had to hunt down myself. I think that consultants need to be a little more understanding. I know that "Average" sizes are more economical for shops to carry, but there are a lot of us that fit the extremes. I think that everyone deserves to have the wedding of their dreams regardless of their waistband.
Julia-Gulia said
I agree with this article to an extent. I had a really horrible experience with my bridal shop but it's different from what you'd expect. I found my dream dress and it was very reasonably priced. The consultants were very understanding and nice. I am also a plus sized girl and I found that they kept several sample sizes larger than a 6 on premises. My dress arrived with plenty of time to spare and I couldn't have been more excited. Then I saw a news report that told me my shop had closed without warning.
I ran down to the store to find many brides and moms absolutely distraught. It was discovered that the owner had claimed bankruptcy without telling her employees and ran with all the dresses. She was going to attempt to sell them back to the companies. My dress was completely paid for and was just awaiting alterations, which I was stupid and prepaid for a major one (i.e. lace-up back). I was terrified because it was 2 months before the wedding and there was no way to get another dress in time. Unfortunately there were others in much dire need (i.e. wedding the next day).
Despite this horrible experience I am absolutely thankful to the consultant who rescued mine and several other people's dresses from the store before this woman got away with them. I cannot thank her enough for her selflessness and dedication to her customers. She lost her job that day as abruptly as all of the customers found out that the shop had closed. I hope that she has found a better job somewhere else because she certainly deserves it.
All dress shops are not the same and mine was certainly an extreme case. I guess there's a lesson to be learned from my experience. I had some funny feelings from the shop when they wouldn't let me schedule my alterations. If you have a bad experience or something seems fishy obviously do not use that shop. If they can't work with you then find somewhere that will but don't give up. I found a wonderful little bridal shop the next week who did my alterations. I now go to them for all my alterations for bridesmaids dresses, pants, etc.
Kate said
Something like this happened in my hometown, in NY. The shop randomly closed and a lot of women lost their money and dresses, but some were able to get their dresses. I'm glad you were able to get yours!
And, in defense of the perpetually awful DB, the local store a few towns over offered a pretty good discount to brides who needed last-minute dresses thanks to that horrible horrible woman.
Lena said
I'm glad to hear this, but I must say, I am guilty
FH and I got engaged one week before Thanksgiving…the biggest holiday we celebrate with the extended family…the LOUD side of the family. All 12 women arranged for a DB appointment before I even got into town because they wanted to play dress up…and I threw a TANTRUM! I had heard all of these horrid things about bridal stores (especially chains) and was NOT going to be a part of it, I was going to an independent designer and nothing could change my mind!
Well, I lost that fight (the women in my large Southern family aren't to be argued with), and I went, and i twirled, and I tried on almost 20 dresses. I had a great time and the salesgirl was wonderful. I did end up going with an indie designer from Etsy, but that was because she was more in my budget.
Whew, that was a long story to say simply that I shouldn't have judged based on the horror stories. I guess bridal salons aren't that bad after all
Emily said
Well said! I went to a bridal salon when I was first looking for dresses. While I didn't love all the giant princessy gowns they had, I LOVED the woman who helped me. After trying on 3 giant dresses, I showed her a picture of something I would be interested in, and she took me over to the bridesmaid/prom side of the store. She left me in the hands of the lady who ran that side, but came back to check on me as I bounced out of the dressing room in a short purple flapper-looking dress. Though I didn't end up purchasing my dress they, both of those ladies were just lovely to me, and I had a great experience.