So first, how about some more cold hard facts from the 2010 reader survey?
- Y'all are social media geeks! 40% of you have a blog and 40% of you use twitter. 20% of you use our Facebook fan page to follow Offbeat Bride updates, and 20% of you use RSS.
- You're mostly urban, with two thirds of you identifying as living in a large or small city.
- Y'all are faithful: 50% of you said there were no other wedding websites you read as frequently as Offbeat Bride. Aww. That made me feel all warm and snuggly inside
- Working with indie businesses is important to almost 70% of you, which is AWESOME — although don't lie, girls: I know a ton of you buy your dresses at that chain that rhymes with Cravid's Fidal.
- Some of y'all have long engagements planned:
My very favorite question on the survey was "Do you identify with any offbeat subcultures?" With my illustrious undergraduate degree in Sociology, I make no secret of the fact that Offbeat Bride is in part a way for me to have a steady stream of subcultural stimulation. Metalhead! LARPer! Fanfic author! Lolita! Rollerderby girl! Rivethead! Straight edge! I am NONE of these things, but am obsessed with all of them.
I encouraged y'all to check as many cultural identity boxes as you felt applied, and here's how Offbeat Bride readers identify:
Unsurprisingly to me (but perhaps shocking to y'all) 50% of you identify as "Offbeat LITE," which I defined as "a little quirky, but not really into any subcultures." OBB LITEs, I love you, and here's why: I love that y'all are getting so much inspiration from the freakier side of wedding planning. There are lots of people who find folks "weirder" than them intimidating, and I really appreciate how many offbeat bride readers are able to say "Huh — a cosplay wedding isn't really MY thing, but I still read Offbeat Bride." The world needs more tolerant awesomes like y'all!
In terms of subcultures, the most popular were DIY/Crafts, Geek, Retro, Gamer (yay nerds!), Hippie, Punk, Rockabilly, Fantasy, Goth, and Steampunk. But predictably, a huge chunk of you opted to write in your own desciptors and lordy ladies, that was AWESOME!
Let's go down the offbeat alphabet, shall we? We've got academics and artists, bohemians and burlesque dancers, comic book fans and circus freaks, drama queens and eco-nuts, lots of feminists and a few fandom folks, glam and gothic lolitas, hardcore and homesteaders, indies and jugglers, kink/BDSM and librarians, nerds and pagans, queers and rockers, sci-fi fans and surfers, theater geeks and tree huggers, vegans, vikings, and lots of vintage. WHEW! Lots of you also said things like "I'm just me," which is awesome. I'm all for eschewing labels. But oh man. The sociologist/demographer in me LOVES LABELS. I love all of you freaks, and look forward to learning more about your corners of culture through your beautiful weddings.
The final question I asked y'all was what Offbeat site we should think about launching next. In a landslide victory, y'all said OFFBEAT HOME. This is interesting to me, because it means basically following theknot's template of wedding planning, homemaking, and babies. I love all three of these things, and am totally stoked about the idea of Offbeat Home and indeed am already scheming about it…but.
BUT! I can't deny that the feminine trinity of wedding, home, family feels uncomfortably traditional. I mean, I guess that's what Offbeat is all about: women find their ways through life transitions that are heavy with expectations and traditions. But I feel a little weird about the idea of a trio of Offbeat sites dedicated to the stereotypical path that young women have been force fed for centuries: get married, make a home, and start a family. Sure, I encourage y'all to do it in your own ways … but having a trio of website dedicated to those topics feels like an odd encouragement for women to keep doing the same things we've always been encouraged to do.
Maybe there's nothing wrong with that, but I can't deny it makes me a little uncomfortable to follow the knot/nest/bump template. I'm still scheming how awesome Offbeat Home would be, but I wanted to get my concerns off my chest…
Anyhoo, I could go on and on and on about the feedback we got from y'all … but this post is already too long. Mostly, thanks to each of you who took the time to share your opinions with me. It means so much to me that the website means so much to all of you.
About Ariel Meadow Stallings
Author of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides, Ariel acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives, loves, and dorks out hard in Seattle, WA.
Ashley said
I don't think there's anything wrong with following the knot/nest/bump template as long as we're encouraged to do each one in our own way. And isn't that the whole point of Offbeat? Love ya.
Cheapbubbly said
OB Homes is a great idea and I don't think it completes this woman template of doom. Homes are the one thing we have in common be it your Aunt's basement or an RV. We all need a nest, bride/bump or not. I must also note that "norm" culture seems to lack any home life at all, so I see it as offbeat to somehow return to nesting and to enjoy creating your own home rather than just tearing a page from a magazine and hiring someone to put it together for you. That's how the cookie cutter wedding happened.
asheneyed said
I agree offbeat home seems a little stereotypical, but so do weddings, and having kids, if you think about it…but we are rocking it our own way! My actual concern is…or rather, preferences about…I don't want to concentrate on the material. I love gushing over decorations and making a home and diet and ecolife choices and that sort of thing…but what about people who don't have a home? What about eternal travelers, circus people, roadtrippers, people who live in RVs…people who live outdoors? I agree with the fear that making it be too narrow might be putting us in a box. Also…I voted for "Offbeat Wife" or something equivalent but not gender specific like "Offbeat Life" or "Offbeat Marriage"…because in the end, we could have a "home" section or "lifestyle" section in there..but it could also focus on things that are so important after the offbeatwedding..like building a lasting marriage, keeping love kindled, adventures do to with your significant other, ways to build respect and honor in your life together, romantic things to do, advice, etc. While I love the idea of squeeing about my material possessions and doing DIY home stuff just as much as the next person…I love (ala a Practical Wedding) when people focus on the importance being the love and commitment and the soul of it all. A healthy mix of both would be best!
channamasala said
I didn't choose Offbeat Home either, because like Offbeat Mama, I know I won't read it (we are not homeowners and won't become such things for some time, and have no plans to have kids). That's actually why I chose Offbeat Business – because following my career in an offbeat way is my other big focus outside of marriage and hobbies. Offbeat Lifestyle would fit, too, because it could encompass relationships, hobbies, home AND work.
OffbeatAriel said
One question: why does "Home" imply that people must OWN the place where they live? In thinking about Offbeat Home, I could care less about whether the spaces are owned by the people that live in them. As someone who moved more than 10 times in 10 years, I would have lost my mind if I'd put off settling into my space until I could afford to buy my own home.
Am I misunderstanding?
Catherine said
What about an Offbeat-Existence? Anyone who reads your blog does that. It could cover anything from relationships, travel, homes, food, hobbies, etc. Its what we are, what we do and most importantly HOW we do it. It wouldn't feel super nesty and it shouldn't because birds don't just stay at home
OffbeatAriel said
The challenge with something like Offbeat Life or Offbeat Existence is that it's just too huge!
katryn said
One of the things I love about this site is that people of many lifestyles and income levels are represented, and I would love to see that in a home blog. So many of the decor/design blogs focus on products that are totally out of reach for most people. It would be great to have a home blog that, like this one, focuses on real people making their worlds beautiful and individualized regardless of what's 'stylish' or how much they spent.
Plus, as a single, childless person, I would feel less like a weirdo hanging out there!
Masha said
Without something like Offbeat Home, where will we showcase our B-movie zombie shadowboxes?
Alex said
Noway, Ariel, don't EVEN think you're following an imposed stereotype. Some offbeat folks get married – that's where you started, some said folks also have chitlins – that was your next move, but to LIVE somewhere – EVERY offbeat and non-offbeat person LIVES somewhere! THAT, Ariel, is the most universal and essential of your trinity, I think. The Nest presents one side, more or less one aesthetic, goth's houses, earth homes, and everything in between go by the wayside in an effort to appeal to the masses and not, God forbid, scare anyone. Ariel, I am ALL for Offbeat Home – homes are just as intimate and fascinating (if not more so…) than weddings. Weddings are an exciting, lovely blip in *some* folks' lives, but homes… we ALL go home – be it a tudor or a trailer or a found-materials study in self-sufficiency, we all take shelter somewhere. Ariel, heed our pleas, do Offbeat Home, please, give us a break from builder's beige fanaticism, from the same ol' themes of traditional-OR-modern-OR-*gasp* eclectic. Viva los weirdo homes!
@dootsiebug said
Here's the thing: while I'd find Offbeat Career or Offbeat Downhill Skiing intriguing, it wouldn't necessarily resonate with me. But having a home and making decisions related to the home? That's all of us. And the nature of the gender politics involved is precisely why I think a site like Offbeat Home is necessary. I can't help but roll my eyes at some of the "homemaking" advice I get from other venues because it feels like they're trying to tidy up a home that isn't even untidy, trying to wash dishes that aren't even dirty or pay a mortgage that they're only keeping around because Daddy doesn't want to pay it off yet. Helloooo… I need to know how to grout some tile, knock out walls and get rid of tub funk, y'all.
Marielle said
It's really interesting how discomfort with the idea of becoming this trifecta of sites occurs now, with the potential for Offbeat Home as a third site. What I mean is, the idea of conforming to the wedding "standard" did nothing to stop Offbeat Bride from being created – in fact, the urge to rebel and create an alternative to stale, entrenched wedding traditions must have been the main catalyst. Same with Offbeat Mama. Why should Offbeat Home suddenly signify some sort of nail in the coffin?
You didn't just decide to not get married because it's so much a part of a largely expected female trajectory. Likewise, you did not let the fact that the majority of newlyweds go on to have babies stop you from later having your own child. You did these things, but in your own special way! So I say, don't hesitate to keep on creating these alternative hives; it is no more or less conformist to create Offbeat Home now than it was to create Offbeat Bride then.
I think the majority of people gravitate toward similar things; fundamentally, we all enjoy being loved and being surrounded by an environment that comforts us. Obviously, this doesn't make us unique. The uniqueness comes in the details, in the specifics. In *what* exactly it is that makes us happiest. It's Steampunk versus Rockabilly versus Punk versus Offbeat Lite versus The Nest.
So I really do not believe that Offbeat Home, a site about making a happy, comfy home reflective of different offbeat families' unique personalities, would be or even imply something "uncomfortably traditional." Because nothing else you have created comes even close to that phrase.
Lisa said
Offbeat home would be my DREAM, hell even if you dont make it im already living it
I see your concern for following the trio of traditional 'womens' things, but my take on it is that home is for everyone, whatever gender…and even if you dont get married or spawn your own race, every woman and man will at some point have to create a home, by yourself or otherwise. I think an Offbeat home is IDEAL
Long live offbeat babes/boys!!!
Jennifer said
First of all, I have to say that I would welcome Offbeat Home, Offbeat Travel, Offbeat Financial Planning, Offbeat Lawn Care, or any other Offbeat offshoot you can dream up. I probably fall well within one standard deviation of "mainstream", and I love the myriad inspirations for outside the box thinking, planning and dreaming.
As for my own equalist (feminist?) spin, the only thing I find unsettling about your fear about selling the "a woman's place is in the home" bs is that it belies that you (intentionally) target your sites at women. While the it certainly seems that your fan following (of which I proud to count myself) is majority female, there is a big difference between writing blogs for women about domestic topics and writing blogs about domestic topics that women happen to frequent. My fiance will never be enough of a planner to peruse OBB blogs, he never hesitates to jump into to photo spreads of wedding porn. I long struggled with the fear that weddings and family were somehow retrograde for an enlightened and empowered woman, but it seems better for everyone (men, women and everyone in between) that we allow and encourage everyone to be excited about planning a wedding with that special person, raising a family or building a home. Perhaps the most effective way to be simultaneously feminist and start an Offbeat Home website is also to launch an Offbeat Dad or Offbeat Groom site as well? Or better yet- just keep everything gender neutral with Offbeat Wedding or Offbeat Parent?
mary lou said
I'm from a farm that has been engaged since October, and getting married in September (11 month engagement). Here lately I've been getting more ideas from OBB than knot, but I usually only read the local boards on knot cuz the rest of the girls are rude to me. (I'm apparently a TERRIBLE person because it is traditional in my area to have a dollar dance and am trying to compromise with my FH by having something that involves a dollar but he won't have to do any dancing to earn it.) I do NOT like the store that rhymes with "Cravid's Fidal." I don't know what indie businesses are. I'm a OBB lite, geek, DIY, and gamer. My FH isn't really any of those, but he still loves me anyways.
I want the wedding to be traditional in some ways because we are very traditional people, but I also want it to be very "us" by doing some more unique things. I am a heterosexual, non-feminist (I just want respect like everybody else), non-eco-friendly (I know, I'm a terrible person because I don't think there's enough evidence about global warming- that's what some people at school would tell me. lol), college student, that unleashes her crazy/weird/unique side every chance she gets! 
I LOVE this site because this is the only place I've found that has unique ideas. I have gotten several wonderful ideas from real weddings that I have typed up for safe keeping. Several I have already turned into my own idea by tweeking it, and I am VERY excited to implement them that our wedding. In the end, I hope to have some wonderful photos to share with you all.
I mean no insults to anyone. I am simply trying to respond as I would've if I could have taken the survey myself.
Samantha said
You know, I was just thinking: I f'ing love this website and it will be kind of sad when it no longer applies to me. I'll still enjoy reading about all the offbeat weddings, but it won't have the same significance as it does now, while I'm planning mine. So, an "OffbeatHome"-type site would be fantastic, especially as so many of us are DIYers and I can just imagine all the delicious examples and instructions for band shirt quilts and B-movie zombie shadowboxes (I *lurve* that idea!) and vintagey kitchen appliances and and and…
In conclusion, I can has? plz?
Ariel said
In a word: YES.
Madeira said
I think that everyone should be encouraged to find a mate (or mates) and make a home regardless of sex, and to start a family (though not necessarily one that involves having babies or even kids) but establishing a home base, with loving people around is important in establishing a stable comfortable existence, and that's true for men, women and the rest of us.
Jessica_Iowa said
What is under that 1% next to Burner? For real that has bothered me for ages!
Ariel said
Raver
RetroAnna said
Marriage/Domesticity and children may look like the Knot, but for a kinkster like me, the question is not where to put the 52" TV, but how to make room for it in the dungeon…How you doin?
Meg said
I love the idea of Offbeat Homes – just echoing the above comments….Everybody has to live someplace. Home is where the heart is – Maybe profile some nomads or boat people….just to prove a point.
I do like the idea of Offbeat Jobs… I say jobs because everybody talks to me about having a career, being a businesswoman and I look around and the people with jobs seem happier. In other words, people have jobs that fulfill them and pay them but don't dominate their life, don't create a 10 year plan…just a thought…It can be like Dirty Jobs but Creative Jobs – jobs that inspire the person doing them.