Marrying your BFF, losing interest in weddings, and book tours

Photo by Modern Image Studios, as submitted to the Offbeat Bride pool

i hear a lot "i married my best friend". are there anyone out there that don't marry their best friend? i love my boyfriend, but he's not my best friend. -Amy Michelle

I'm totally with you on your sentiment — I love Andreas, but I also love my lady friends and I love not having all my eggs in one relationship basket. But I think what people are getting at with the "marrying my best friend" statement is a response to the whole "ball 'n' chain" spousal animosity thing where people roll their eyes at their partners, talk shit about them behind their backs, etc. If your partner feels like a ball 'n' chain, then UR DOING IT WRONG! So yes, while I'm glad I have BFFs other than my husband, I'm also glad I genuinely admire him as a person. Or, as the NYTimes says:

Being married to someone you respect for being somehow better than you keeps affection alive. That this impressive person chooses you year after year makes you more pleased with yourself, fueling the kind of mutual self-esteem that can get you through decades.

Do you think that as time goes on, your interest in Offbeat brides will dwindle and you interest in Offbeat mamas will grow now that you're a mama yourself? -Ruby

Ruby, who can ever know for sure … but I don't think so. Weddings and mothering are very different beasts — while they're both about making a deep loving commitment, on many levels weddings will always be more glamourous. Let's face it: even offbeat mothering doesn't often revolve around gorgeous gowns, catered meals, and flower arrangements. Kid clothes are cute, but until Wai Ching moves into the children's market, I don't see myself getting my glitz fix from Offbeat Mama. And this bitch LOVES her glitz fix.

How young was the youngest bride you have come across? What do you think about the latest "trend" of young marriages? -Hannah

I don't ask people's ages when we feature them on Offbeat Bride, so I'm really not sure. Certainly, I haven't seen anyone younger than early 20s. As for a younger bride trend — really? All the statistics I've seen keep showing the age getting higher and higher.

As for what I think about it — well, I fell in love with my now-husband at age 22, but didn't marry him until I was 29. Why the wait? Our logic went something like this: we knew deep in our souls that we were in it for the long haul, and so why rush? We both knew it was solid and didn't feel like we needed to prove it to anyone. I knew at 22 that he was the guy I was going to marry and have a family with, but for me at least I didn't feel much of a rush to get there. Your values may vary, obviously. And that's cool. I'm all for young brides — I think the bigger issue is more how long you've been with your partner rather than how old you are.

Tell us a *little* about new mom-dom pleeeaaaaasssseeee. You know, without violating the wee one's privacy, natch? -Meg

New mom-dom is awesome, thanks to a baby with a super mellow temperament (I'm better rested now than I was in my third trimester!), having family in town, and a partner with a flexible work schedule. I was prepared for the baby's arrival to feel like a bomb dropping — it seemed like all I heard about was how we'd never sleep again, never see a movie in the theaters again, barely have time to shower, etc etc etc. Well, I'm here to say we sleep 8 hours a night (granted, over the course of 10 hours), we went to see a movie yesterday (thanks to my dad for babysitting), and I shower daily.

I'm also learning a lot about my own issues around privacy. While my wedding was an open book (literally!) I'm super protective about how much of my son goes on the internet. I wrote about this on Offbeat Mama recently.

Ariel, are you planning any book tours? -SarahElizabeth

I did a book tour when my book released in early 2007, hitting events in Seattle, San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York, and Vancouver BC.

It was fun, but here's a little secret: in this day and age of publishing, most book tours are funded by the author. In 2007, I paid for all my travel out of pocket and organized most of the readings myself. It wasn't especially glamorous: I slept on friend's couches and had a couple readings where less than 10 people showed up — 9 of them being friends who wanted to support me. I even had one reading where no one showed up. That felt awesome.

Granted, things are different for Offbeat Bride three years later, on the eve of my book being re-released in February of 2010. Thanks to the website, there are more people who are interested in the book. Then again, the economy is doing even worse and now there's an Offbeat Newborn involved — both of which would make it much rougher for me to organize/fund a tour out of pocket.

If you feel inspired, you can email my publisher's PR rep and put in your request for an event in your area. Maybe if they hear from enough people, they'll consider organizing a mini-tour.