Offbeat Bride | Fear mongering & you'll seeeee

Last month, Meg over at A Practical Wedding wrote a great post about the stories that we tell each other about life transitions. It seems as though, during wedding planning (and, as I'm learning, childbearing — and as I suspect most big life transitions) we tell each other a lot of scary stories.

I mean, of course people want to share their experiences with each other. But all too often this storytelling slips into fear mongering. It's sort of a pre-emptive commiseration — an anticipatory sing-song of Oh, you'll seeeee…. It's our way of telling each other, "I had this experience, and I'm assuming my experience is universal and you'll have the exact same one. And mine was like this, so yours will be too — and then we can roll our eyes and bond over how awful it was together." We all love a common enemy, and all too often in pursuit of this shared experience, we project our challenges onto others.

Oh, you'll seeeee… people say once you announce your engagement…
"It's going to be so high drama and hard and you're going to be forced to do all these things you don't want to." And maybe it will be hard and high drama — but it doesn't have to be. In chatting with Meg about her post, she pointed out that if you chose to side step the drama ("Actually we're planning to skip place settings completely and let people sit where they, so I'm not worried at all") people then seem aghast. "But, you can't do that," they say. "You can't just skip place settings!" I think what goes unsaid is You HAVE to worry! It's what we're going to bond over, because bonding over hardship is awesome!

Certainly I experienced some of this in my own wedding planning — friends who told me, "Just accept it: you WILL be a bridezilla at some point." And I think I had exactly one moment, when our 10 minute ceremony walk-through got interrupted by some guests arriving early. I bugged out for a minute and then calmed back down. Oh wait! There was one other, when I wanted to get everyone out on the front lawn for toasts during the Golden Hour. That's why we're holding champagne bottles instead of glasses in the photos. NO TIME TO POUR DRINKS!

But a cumulative 5 minutes of freaking out was hardly the inevitable bridezilla prediction I'd gotten, and in fact now I've spent five years trying to get people to STOP FREAKING OUT ABOUT THEIR WEDDINGS. Recognize the challenges and meet them front on, but with compassion and intention and minimized drama. Stop telling stories about how awful it all is — it doesn't help anyone. Don't white wash the challenges, but stop projecting that the challenges you experienced will going to be everyone else's challenges.

The wedding fear mongering is just one of the stories we tell. As Meg points out in her post, the expectations of marriage after the wedding are often heavily weighted. "Marriage is a lot of hard work," people confide with furrowed brows.

"You'll never have sex again," they wink.

"You'll stop hanging out with your single friends," they sigh.

"My stupid hubs!" they laugh. "YOU know how husbands are. Stupid, stupid husbands."

They whisper about cheating and boredom and bed death. And certainly these things can happen if you fall asleep on your life and just start going through the motions. But if you pay attention and go into with a lot of intent and questioning your own assumptions about why you're supposed to do anything … it just doesn't have to be that way.

I'm learning this about another phase with the fear mongering around pregnancy, childbearing, and babies. I've never heard more sing-songy You'll seeeeee!s than I have when talking to people about becoming a mother. I've witnessed the other end of the spectrum too — people chided when they opt NOT to have children, told "Oh, you'll change your mind about having kids. You'll seeeee…"

Certainly I've seen it in other parts of my life — my career, my home, my education, etc etc etc. You'll seeeeeee, people have always told me. And maybe because I'm a brat and want to prove them wrong, or maybe just because I live my life differently, or maybe just because I've been blessed and lucky … I've found myself NOT seeing.

My husband being an irritating ball and chain that takes "work"? I didn't seeeeee. Ignoring my dog because I had a baby? No, I don't seeeee. Spending a lifetime locked in a meaningless job? No, I don't seeeee. I don't want to be naive, but when it comes to having to accept other people's visions as what I seeeeee … I don't want to seeeeee.

It seem that in our effort to find shared experiences, we turn to each other and tell awful stories about how hard it all is. And you know what? Sometimes it IS hard. Sometimes the wedding plans fall apart and relationships fall apart and it feels like our life is falling apart.

But rather than tell the horror stories, why not share the lessons? Learn as much as you can and share the positivity of what you learned, rather than the shared grumping about didn't work.

Snarking and bitching feels awesome for a while — I totally get it. Four years ago, my job involved writing a celebrity fashion blog called "Carpet Burn" that was all about insulting red carpet attire. But snarking just doesn't really get you anywhere. So that outfit's ugly. So that's stupid. So that's not quite your taste or your values or your nature. Who cares? Time spent bitching could be time making yourself smarter and stronger and more awesome.

So, here's to each of us vowing that once we've gone through one of life's big, rocky transitions (whether it be wedding, graduation, marriage, career shift, lifestyle earthquakes of all sorts) we'll turn to those around us and tell the stories of what we learned and how we grew. Here's hoping we'll offer each other encouragement and support instead of fear and snark.

Read more about: expectations, fear, manifestos, married-life

Comments (112)

On January 14th, 2010 at 7:34 AM
Pippa said

Thank you! What a great article. I'm lucky enough not to have too many family or friends that have the typical "you'll seeee" attitude. And like you, I'm a rebel to society's norms, so I don't tend to go with what's expected of me. And I've been lucky and blessed with a fabulous man who thinks the same way….so we're going to get married, and I don't expect anything to change except our already incredible bond to grow stronger. We'll face the Baby We'll Seee's another time!

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On January 14th, 2010 at 9:57 AM
Jen said

so awesome to have a positive voice love you work!

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On January 14th, 2010 at 10:01 AM
Jen said

would also love an edit button on the comments … and loving 'your' work

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- On January 14th, 2010 at 2:40 PM
  OffbeatAriel said
  
  Actually there IS an edit button! If you log into IntenseDebate (our commenting system) you'll have the option to edit your comments after posting.
  
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On January 14th, 2010 at 11:25 AM
Brigitta said

Ariel, you big giant head full of insight – I love it! Positive attitude and natural wisdom are a very rare approach to things imho, but fuel for a happy, healthy life!

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On January 14th, 2010 at 11:33 AM
jacquie said

i swear, the next person, complete stranger or closest friend, who tells me "you ARE going to change your mind" about not wanting kids i will belt with the nearest object. why do people feel the need to project their values onto other people? i'm not childless, barren, or sad. i'm childFREE and happy to be such! and who the hell is anyone else to tell me how to live my life!?

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On January 14th, 2010 at 4:08 AM
Cat said

First off, because I just about fell off my chair: Holy crap thats me, and thats my wife in the background!

Now that I've regained some composure; SUCH an excellent post. The 'bridezilla' cracks more than double when both people getting married are brides, sometimes it felt like certain people were actually enjoying waiting for us to crack and turn on each other. And we may not have had to deal with the 'stupid husband' jokes, but the husbands LOVED the 'nagging wife x2' warnings.

Three months on from the wedding we are LOVING proving them wrong and plan to continue it. Our whole approach to the wedding and our marriage is that it should be fun. The universe provides enough drama (redundancy a couple of months before the most expensive party we'll ever throw proved that), we don't need to create or encourage it in any of the areas we can control.

I've missed this kind of post on OBB, though understandable given the baby thing! Keep them coming!

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On January 14th, 2010 at 12:27 PM
Cath said

I love this so much! Sometimes I feel so alone because it seems like I just don't experience life like an average Jane. Now I know others feel the same way!

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On January 14th, 2010 at 1:37 PM
R C said

Thanks for this post. Awesome and encouraging! I did get some "you'll see" comments myself pre-wedding. 2 years later and the fundamentals of our relationship are still the same. We are still the same people in the same relationship, just married.

I'm tired of the horror stories and negative assumptions that spread around about life, about relationships/marriage/men, about traveling, about freelancing, about pregnancy and children. I try to surround myself with positive people but those naysayers are persistent!

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On January 14th, 2010 at 1:45 PM
Kim said

Best. Post. Ever.

Thank you thank you thank you. This post could not come at a better time. Thank you.

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On January 14th, 2010 at 6:05 AM
Sarah said

Three cheers for this post!

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On January 14th, 2010 at 2:52 PM
Pink Heli said

What an excellent post. I'm sending this to every woman I know.

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On January 14th, 2010 at 2:56 PM
carly said

i have to say that i was lucky…i didn't have a lot of this when planning my wedding, except from strangers and near-strangers. and it taught me not to share with people who didn't need to know. maybe people saw me as being aloof because of that. not my problem. my wedding was wonderful. the only glitch was the fact that we were having a wine ceremony, made such a big deal of going wine tasting together to pick the right ones, and then never thought to bring a corkscrew. and it turned out to be more funny than anything…my stepdad ran down to the corner store and grabbed one, crisis averted. my sister is an OBB, planning her wedding now (i would have been had i known of this site before i got married). we discuss her plans a lot, and i have a lot of online friends planning weddings as well. of course i share with them what frustrated me. but i also point out the differences between my wedding and theirs (no two weddings are alike, so why should the trials and tribulations be the same?), and if they're having issues, i try to be HELPFUL rather than exacerbating the problem by trying to outdo them on it. what a novel concept, lol.

i AM, however, getting a lot of unsolicited "you'll seee"s from other moms now that we're expecting. my favorite: "you say that your personal happiness and your relationship with your husband come first NOW, but once you have that baby, you'll live for nothing else. you'll see." um, i don't think so. maybe i've never done this before, but i have my priorities and values, and they haven't been changed by anything yet. why would they change now because of a baby, when they were made with a baby in the future in mind? they only change if i change them myself, and i have absolutely no intention of doing so. it's like they're all asking what i plan to do, just so they can shoot my plans down and shatter my ideals with, well, fear-mongering. there's no other word for it. and i'm getting tired of it.

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On January 14th, 2010 at 3:55 PM
rebeccalynn75 said

I was blessed with 3 textbook pregnancies. When my friends ans I talk about their pregnancies, I tell them a normal story-no crazy drama, "yea I couldn't eat meat when I was carrying my boys, but killed bacon cheeseburgers with my girl"- and move on to how they are feeling, what they want and hope for out of the experience. I had one "friend" that ranted for days about how I would blow up and keep the extra 50lbs (like she did), have complications in delivery (like she did), and it really just went downhill from there. I vowed (11 yrs ago) to NOT be that chick. It isn't helpful to anyone, especially a first time mother, or any mother for that matter. Thank you for pointing this out, so we can stop doing this to one another:)

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On January 14th, 2010 at 3:59 PM
Nicole said

Best.Post.Ever. I could NOT agree more with everything in here. I was so suprised by people telling me "you'll seeeeee"….especially the ones I LEAST expected. Thankfully, my FH and I share the same mindset that our wedding is supposed to be and a good time and not a dog and pony show for other people.

Thank you for putting into words what so many people are feeling!!!

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On January 14th, 2010 at 4:00 PM
agirl said

I just wanted to say that this is a brilliantly well written post, and so very true.

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On January 14th, 2010 at 4:06 PM
Jessica said

I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!!!!! Let's prove them all wrong & stop perpetuating the snark!

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On January 14th, 2010 at 4:23 PM
Bobby said

It was great to read this- I've one friend in particular who is massively fond of the "you'll seeeeeee" thing, and told me about three years ago, when I first met my fiance, that "you'll seeeeeee, you won't be this loved-up in a year's time". If anything, we're worse now.

Now it's a case of "you'll seeeee when you move in together, you'll barely talk to each other". It just feels like she's recalling her own experiences, really, and it's starting to grate a little.

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On January 14th, 2010 at 4:25 PM
Frenzy said

Huh, I'm definitely a "you'll seeeeee" offender! Whoops. I think for me, it's largely a defensive reaction. I'm a big second-guesser, and if someone questions some aspect of my planning, I immediately start going into internal chaos. "What if this person is right? What if we spent too much on the venue! What if this isn't the best caterer. What if this and that?!" This loop takes a nano-second to go through my head, and it takes another nano-second to be like, "This person hasn't done the research and soul searching I have. They don't know what most caterers charge around here. They don't know that finding a gown for under X amount may mean more time in scouring thrift stores, or more costs in alterations than they are willing to spend…" and that's when my mouth starts with the "You'll seeeee."
I should knock that off, huh?

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On January 14th, 2010 at 4:31 PM
Emily Ryan said

"Ignoring my dog because I had a baby? No, I don't seeeee."<——–THANK YOU for slipping this sentence right in the middle of this amazing and insightful post. Dumb as it might sound, this is one of the biggest anxieties rolling around in my brain right now, and you are literally the ONLY person I've heard refute this popular "you'll seeeeeee". I SO needed to hear that. xoxo

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- On January 15th, 2010 at 3:48 AM
  Erin said
  
  Hey hon,
  
  A close friend of mine just had a baby and they are still taking great care of their dog. In their case, lots of family came to "help" right away and asking people to take the dog for long walks made everyone happy. Once the baby was a few weeks old, they had no troubles bundling up and going outside for a family walk. Because you obviously are aware of the issue (and care), you will prioritize this, also. You'll be great!
  
  Reply to this comment
On January 14th, 2010 at 4:47 PM
Brooke said

I couldn't agree more! Fantastic post.

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On January 14th, 2010 at 5:16 PM
Lorina Cruikshank Fauber said

Word!

"The first year of marriage is the hardest. You'll seeeeeee….." Uh… no. It was a breeze. So was years 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8. The marriage part is easy, because we have the same goals, values and ideals. We're a team working together. It's the rest of the world that's not cooperating!

I love poorly timed "you'll seeeeeeeees." Like the "You won't be able to eat donuts and stay slim once you hit 30. You'll seeeeee!" I was 34 at the time. Or "My biological clock started ticking when I hit 28. You'll seeeeee." I was 37.

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On January 14th, 2010 at 5:35 PM
Jennifer said

After over seven years of marriage, my husband and I still hold hands in public and kiss each other goodnight, so we blew that "you'll seee" right outta the water. As for the "you'll seeee"s regarding our affection for one another if we ever decide to have kids, I can't imagine a relationship with a strong 10+ year foundation crumbling to the ground because of somebody that small. I always thought love was non-transferable, but I guess I'll seeee.

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On January 14th, 2010 at 5:44 PM
Jess said

This is fantastic…..thank you for writing this. I feel the exact same way about marriage. I feel like all the portrayals of men as stupid incapable and not contributing just don't apply to us and I resent the idea that marriage is the end of living.

I also resent the coworker who told me we have a 50/50 chance. Um…I'm sorry…but no. That is a horrible thing to say. Turns out he would not describe his marriage as "happy"…so i guess that's where that comes from.

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On January 14th, 2010 at 6:11 PM
emmyjane said

When I was 19 and needed my wisdom teeth removed, my oral surgeon told me not to announce my upcoming surgery. He said it would lead to many many bad wisdom teeth surgeries. He said, "those things don't happen to my patients. You will be fine." I believed him and he was right. I now believe that my wedding and marriage will be the same: successful! Thanks for this post. Love the comments too!

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- On January 14th, 2010 at 6:12 PM
  emmyjane said
  
  i meant bad wisdom teeth *stories*. oops
  
  Reply to this comment
On January 14th, 2010 at 6:18 PM
@dootsiebug said

It might sound harsh, but I think that people want to hear other people say "I'm mediocre and unhappy, too, so let's go get drunk and pretend that we can't take control of our own lives because letting other people make our decisions is just so much more efficient."

Whether it's your wedding, your relationship with your husband, your baby, your job or just your hair, everyone wants to believe that being grumpy, irritable, rushed and not at all pleased with the way that things turned out is what's normal. Maybe that's EXACTLY what "normal" is, and maybe that's why I've been working so hard to avoid it!

If I could sum this post up in one sentence, it would be this: People, take charge. Whether it's the daily grind or a behemoth wedding, take it by the proverbial balls and get what you want without sacrificing yourself or your loved ones on the pyre of your expectations. Want great things, but don't be surprised when what you get is great, but very different from what you pictured.

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On January 14th, 2010 at 10:58 AM
Tiffani said

That is fantastically put! Thanks for posting. I totally agree.

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On January 14th, 2010 at 7:15 PM
FFem said

Thank you, Ariel. I wish I could explain this to people without them telling me then "okay, Bridezilla!"

And the bit about "questioning your own assumptions about why you're supposed to do anything' I really wish I could explain to my FH.

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On January 14th, 2010 at 7:17 PM
Michele said

Mwah!

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On January 14th, 2010 at 7:57 PM
Julia-Gulia said

I must admit I'm guilty of this. Two of my friends got engaged near our wedding so I was really far along with the planning where they had just gotten started. It was never the "oh you'll never have sex again" or "you have to do this" stuff but rather explaing the ridiculousness of the WIC and letting them know that there are alternatives and giving them pointers for dealing with their inlaws (I knew they already had issues with them before getting engaged). I was trying to give pointers on how to avoid the ripoff that is the bridal shop and other such wonderful things that I realized what I was doing and have stopped chucking in my 2 cents unless its being asked for.

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On January 14th, 2010 at 8:19 PM
VanessaJ said

Ariel,

I agree 100% I would hate to live in the box of this is what must come next and then this…Once you are engaged they ask,,when is the wedding,,,then married…when is the baby…and the house and the,,,,

Even before I got engaged I vowed not to get stressed over it. I had a dear friend who was stressed for a year straight. Then gone in a flash the day at her wedding. That's not me. It is a conscious choice to live in line with life whether it be hard or easy we deal with it. Even if planning a wedding or having a baby..or whatever is "hard" we will deal with it. Anticipating gloom and doom doesn't help the situation when it actually arises.

When people ask about wedding planning I tell them it is actually really easy. I am not stressed or worried that things not getting done or working out.

Our life is what we make of it. I am marrying a friend, partner, lover and more. He won't ever be my ball and chain…no eye rolling either! I hate that !!! Then that gets projected into the children too!

Thanks again!!!

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On January 14th, 2010 at 11:16 PM
kc said

This was really well thought out and put into words so many of the things I've been thinking and feeling lately. Thank you. Also:

"Ignoring my dog because I had a baby? No, I don't seeeee."

People keep telling me this one and it p*sses me off!

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On January 15th, 2010 at 2:13 AM
Sara said

I told my best friend who is getting married this upcoming year (a year and a week after mine lol) that if I gave her too much advice or was just plain too annoying about wedding talk to hit me.

One of the huge things that drove me nuts were people constantly giving me advice, or doing the "you'll seeee" thing. So I just told my bestie that it is best to get a photographer as early as possible, cuz many of them book up, even on a non-conventional wedding day.

Other than that, I have tried my best to keep my big mouth shut!

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On January 15th, 2010 at 2:16 AM
Kim said

Awesome! Thank you!

I think my FH gets even more "you'll seeeee" than I do! For instance, my FH has built a really fine intentional community with roommates. I too love communal living, and have been doing it my whole adult life before I met him. But a lot of friends are "you'll see"-ing him by assuming that the moment I move in, I will turn into House-zilla and want to kick out all the roommates! WTF! I will show this article to him and he will laugh.

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On January 15th, 2010 at 5:09 PM
Dixie said

Once again, I am thanking my lucky stars that I have sane parents and friends.

(Confession: I'm not engaged. Not even close. But still) My parents admit their relationship changed when they got married. It got better. My mother admits that she felt emotionally A-bombed for the first, oh, ten years of parenthood, but never makes a big deal out of it and always tells us how she knew she would love her kids, but didn't realize how much she would like her kids, as people, which is way cool.

I'm constantly irritated that there are so few normal, middle-ground marriages in the spotlight. Young girls, especially, are either told that marriage is when the prince sweeps you up and magically solves every problem you will ever face, or that you'll spend the rest of your life with a belching, farting, husband who makes snide comments about your weight, moocher kids, and an overbearing MIL.

I guess bitching about it is easier than doing something about it? I don't know. The people I know who complain the most are the ones who seem to be better at complaining than at acting on it.

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On January 15th, 2010 at 5:29 PM
Laura said

Once again, Ariel, I scream "YES!!!" in your general direction! Thanks so much for putting the truth out there and doing it soooo well!

My response when people decide to share their negative forewarnings is to look them straight in the face and say "Are you trying to talk me out of (fill in the blank: living together, marriage, having kids). To which they always reply "oh…well….nooooo, it's just that…" And that's the point where I cut them off with "Then stop with the stories. Thanks."

We're in Phase 3 now, having passed living together and getting married, we 're now in the process of adopting a beautiful baby girl, which is a very trying yet joyous experience. So why more than one friend would say "Say goodbye to your husband" is beyond me but, as you can see from what I wrote, I put an end to it pretty quickly!

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On January 15th, 2010 at 5:39 PM
Rachael said

Thanks for writing this! I hate it when people do this! The fear mongering has happened more to my faience than it has to me. Men keep telling him how he will never have sex again and I will change. I just don't think that's true! I think that people should stick to the old addage that if you don't have something nice to say then don't say anything at all. I don't want to hear your negativity about my wedding! We have a great relationship, and we will continue to have a great relationship after we are married. If anything changes it will only get better. We are going to beat the expectations, and we will not get divorced! As long as you stay open with eachother and are conscious of eachother's needs, and talk about everything (no matter what!) I think you will be just fine.

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On January 15th, 2010 at 7:05 PM
Crystal said

So happy to read this! Thank you so much for addressing this issue. It's definately something that bothers me. When people do that "You'll seeee" thing, it projects so much negativity. I try my best to just trust my own instinct and take things like this with a grain of salt.

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On January 15th, 2010 at 7:17 PM
Meghan Burkett said

This is so good! I'm not married yet, but we are definitely experiencing the "oh, you'll see" Both my fiance and I are a rather offbeat couple, we try very hard to make each other happy and keep things interesting, in the bedroom and out of it. We have no intentions to change that pattern just because I will share his last name.
I'm in the process of pursuing a psychology major, and the biggest thing that I get out of most of my classes is that we like to look at the negative side of things. I didn't like my Abnormal Psych class because it's all about what can go wrong, not about how to fix it. I've found a new perspective on things since then. Oneof the things that I think is the most important is that people have the ability to control what they think about for a very large part, how they look at the world. Why must I go through that oh, you'll seeeeee thing when it's so much my choice to make things as they are. You will not lose your sex life if you don't choose to, you will not be unhappy with your children if you don't feel like it. You may have to prioritize, but since when is that a bad thing? One must choose what is the most important in their life and build from there.
After all, what is the defining thing that makes us different from apes and all other creatures of the world?
It's our ability to make choices for ourselves. So go ahead and plan your wedding and be happy about it, don't feel the need to stress, it's supposed to be a wonderful day. Share your triumphs, and spend a few hours looking at the brighter side of life, where I spend most of my time. It's lovely over here!

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On January 15th, 2010 at 8:38 PM
Jojo said

This is a really great post, married friends and had been telling me for years that it takes months and months even years to plan a wedding. My partner & I got engaged in September and were planning on getting married 1 year later, people still told us that was going to be hard to plan. Unfortunately we found out 2 weeks ago that my partners mother's terminally ill and a week later we decided to get married asap. The wedding's in 5 weeks giving us 6 weeks to plan and so far it's all going fine. If there's one thing I've learnt so far it's that there's no point freaking out!

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- On January 15th, 2010 at 10:07 PM
  OffbeatAriel said
  
  Jojo, I'm so sorry to hear about your partner's mother. You might find some inspiration from this link: Reply to this comment
On January 15th, 2010 at 3:05 PM
Beth said

I LOVE this post. I'm not yet engaged, waiting on the soon to be fiance to graduate college in May and get settled into his career. But I've heard tons of "you'll seee…." and I think that growing up we very between two extremes: Disney tells us it'll be perfect. Too often our parents and other married people tell us it blows, and there's not much in between to say "sometimes it'll be really good, and sometimes it'll be really bad, but two people devoted to each other can make it work." I'm just going to cackle when people try to tell me how awful life will be as I start "settling" down.

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On January 17th, 2010 at 6:56 PM
Tricia said

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

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On January 18th, 2010 at 1:33 AM
ammy said

Excellent! The best advice I ever got when I was pregnant was "ignore all advice". However well intentioned, it's rarely helpful.

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On January 20th, 2010 at 3:45 PM
Rebecca said

Late to the party, but WOW are you spot on! I just wanted to say I have begun totally turning this around now that I am married. I am like, "You'll see… none of the crap matters and you'll have a blast!" or "You'll see, it's the same as being engaged/together, just a little bit more permanent feeling." I have friends who wanted a huge, big, white wedding, or just had no idea that there was an alternative, who, after seeing our wedding, refuse to do that. It is so exciting being able to be love-mongering, or whatever you want to call it : )

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- On January 22nd, 2010 at 9:11 PM
  OffbeatAriel said
  
  LOVE-MONGERING! I love that.
  
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On January 25th, 2010 at 6:09 PM
Anna said

I dig so much that there were at least two people who admitted that they used the dreaded "you'll see" themselves. It demonstrates so perfectly that a good portion of what people say to you is about them – not you at all. "You'll see" can come from a place of resentment, fear or even worry for the person it is directed at, so treat those who let it slip with gentleness and try not to fight snark with snark!

I loved this post – it made me feel better not just about wedding plans but about all of the life decisions I have made and am trying to make. Thanks so much Ariel!

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On January 26th, 2010 at 5:10 PM
gaelgirl said

i actually had a "friend" get upset when her you'll seees didn't actually happen. like her telling me how much i should expect to spend on a wedding, that i'd have a freak out, that my hair would look bad if i did it my way, etc etc then, once none of that panned out, it was well, if you'd had REAL wedding …

i totally agree w/ the previous comment. when people tell you how you will feel, what they're telling you is how THEY FEEL. misery loves company. if everyone else in the world feels the same as they do, then maybe they don't have a problem, they don't have to change, there's nothing wrong … lalalalala

personally, if something in my life was causing a great deal of stress, drama, & heartache, i'd HOPE i'd think to change it. & maybe that's what we should do, encourage people to grab the wheel.

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On January 27th, 2010 at 5:06 PM
lauren ivie said

I had to put your blog on my blog to remind myself of the comments to come.. I am about 18months out from my wedding and the number of "you'll sees" I have already gotten, and the hype for the wedding planning—ahhhh! our experience will be ours and we love that about this stage of our lives. Thank you for your words, truly well said!
www.bohemianbridel4.blogspot.com

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On February 13th, 2010 at 4:18 PM
mcc1134 said

This is really great! Thank you so much for writing it. I'm going to share it with my friends.

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On March 2nd, 2010 at 9:07 AM
Laura said

Yes!! This has already happened with my future inlaws…one of them assumes the other will make my day miserable…and when I assure them that NO ONE will ruin my wedding day, they can't believe it…wouldn't I just naturally freak out if the shade of blue in the flowers doesn't match the shade of blue of the vases? No!

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