Why you're not supposed to like everything you see on Offbeat Bride
Reader Mail
By
on November 17, 2009
48 Responses
I'm sorry, but some of the stuff on Offbeat Bride is just too weird. Some of the wedding shoes? Ugly. Some of the real offbeat weddings? Kinda tacky. I love Offbeat Bride, but sometimes I just don't get you guys. -Anonymous.
We all like different things. AND THAT'S FUCKING AWESOME! Photo courtesy of lovedart. as submitted to the Offbeat Bride photo pool.
This website isn't about dictating one vision of taste or aesthetics upon my readers. Sure, we feature wedding trends when we start to notice Offbeat Brides getting obsessed with a particular vision. But part of why I continue to run Offbeat Bride is because it's an excuse to get exposed to a whole big wide range of cultures and styles and people and design outside my daily experience.
If everything on Offbeat Bride was just a reflection of my personal tastes, we'd never see any rockabillies or goths or steampunks or church weddings. OBB would be all West Coast neo-tribal forest weddings like these ones. (Love 'em — but yawn!)
If Offbeat Bride was all about Megan's personal preferences, it'd be all beach weddings, star wars couples, and gamer geeks.
So I say: bring on the "too weird"! Bring on the ugly-to-some-people! Bring on the kinda-tacky-to-some-people! Because our tastes are all different, and when some bride halfway across the globe dares to share her vision with the world and I get exposed to something new and beautiful and amazing and magical ... we all win.
About Ariel Meadow Stallings
Author of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides, Ariel acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives, loves, and dorks out hard in Seattle, WA.
@awesomebrandi said
Damn skippy! That's what I try and tell people about offbeat-ness. It can be ANYTHING. It's really about showing your personality and doing what you like. Who cares what others think? Keep on rocking Ariel!
Katie said
personally, i've never seen a wedding on obb that i don't like. why? because every bride says, "it's just what i wanted." and that's exactly what a wedding should be. it may not be my personal taste, it may not make me say, "OMG! i want that for my OWN wedding." but if it's what the couple wanted, dreamed of, and were ultimately H-A-P-P-Y with, then i love it. i love it for the personal touches and love that went into dreaming it up. i love every obb wedding featured on this site because, while you do see certain trends (trends that i often love, too), none of them are cookie cutter weddings.
Evita said
This x 1,000,000
lavenderraiyne said
This is how I feel exactly! I do get some damn good inspiration, but seeing a couple so happy with their big day is what I love about OBB.
Anna said
Katie you are singing my song – I've actually never seen a wedding on this site that I didn't love. They all make me happy. I have my own issues though – people like "anonymous" are head scratchers to me – but I dig that the world is so varied that there are people who manage to present in ways that even I can't 'get'.
Kristina said
Wow, what a generous, good-natured, and optimistic response to a mean-spirited, pointless, and obnoxious email. Who died and made "Anonymous" the Royal Arbiter of Taste? This is why Ariel is my hero — she can take something like that email and make it a "teaching moment" for diversity of tastes and inclusion. I'm with the commenters above. I love all the weddings here, because they show people at their best — personal, different, and totally happy and in love. You get beauty from the smiles on the blissful, fun-loving couples here that can't always be found in so-called "perfection."
Rachel said
This is an important teaching moment – so glad we have Ariel to post this! Ariel's post also makes me think about the OBT's policy of being supportive, which I think some people have criticized as being "wrong" because it means we can only say that we like each other's wedding things and ideas. I don't think that's what being supportive is at all – you can not like someone's wedding thing for yourself but still be supportive that they have found what they like for them! You can even offer constructive criticism and still be supportive! You just can't be a jerk and unhelpful and say someone's stuff is "tacky" or "ugly," because that is both un-supportive and useless!
hinakuu said
Totally agreed, I don't share everyone's personal tastes, but what I do appreciate is that they're getting the wedding of their dreams and a wonderful beginning to a new life with their partner. That's what makes me smile when I see new wedding photos. And that's why I come back, even though I already have my own wedding vision worked out.
Melli said
She "doesn't get" us, guys! Oh well. I get us! Yay happy weddings!!
Sarah TX said
Katie is sooo right. I don't think I've ever seen a wedding on OB that didn't feature a radiantly happy couple, and that's what makes a kick-ass wedding.
Kismetcrow said
I love Ariel's statement on the original "You're wedding is not a contest!" She said, "ALL WEDDINGS ARE TACKY."
So true.
Renee said
I've got to tell you, Ariel – you handled that so much more tactfully than I would have (for me, it would have turned into a rant about breaking traditions, and society dictating what's "normal" that would have only come off as pretentious by the end). I am so impressed. Seriously, this website keeps me so grounded, whenever I get wound up by people who tell me what's "acceptable" and what's "not." I can't wait until my woobie pops the question so I can become a member
amerwitch said
without OBB i would have never gotten to know about steam punk or see how rockabilly can be done in so many ways. with all the weddings posted, there are things that i would like to have and some things i don’t want to have.
and i know when my wedding gets posted there will be many people thinking the same thing.
when i found this site, i found salvation! all i had found in the world of “non-tradition” wedding was a white dress with a colored sash. THIS is the place to see how many million ways one can turn a wedding out!
coco said
& that is what makes this website so great. there is something for everyone on this blog. no matter how "offbeat," ugly, or tacky something may seem offbeat bride welcomes it, which is what makes it so great. no one should ever feel out of place or "too weird."
Nelle said
Until I found Offbeat bride, I had NO interest in having a wedding. I just wanted to run to the courthouse with my life partner and not tell anyone. The idea of planning a wedding used to make me break out into a cold sweat.
But OBB has shown me that weddings don't have to be the nightmare train wrecks I've imagined and that a beautiful wedding can be achieved on a very small budget. But MOST importantly, OBB has shown me that a wedding can be nothing else but a beautiful declaration and celebration of love, shared with family and friends. Now THAT is something I am definitely interested in. For some strange reason, I never thought of it that way before.
offbeat_shrie said
Right on A! Way to clear up some misconceptions about the awesomeness of OBB.
Melanie said
AMEN! Diversity is a beautiful thing.
Cassie said
Did someone actually take the time to write in and ask you this question, or did you pull it from a comment on a post somewhere? This isn't the first time I've seen a "question" like this before on OBT, and frankly I don't get it. It's inherently rude. Plus, I don't understand why it's even being asked….isn't it obvious this site is here to celebrate our own unique weddings that are authentic to us, so by definition they will be very different and likely not to everyone's taste?
Sorry, I guess I'm cranky today, I just don't get it. Questions like this remind me of the snotty guest at the wedding who turns her nose up at the whole thing because it's not WIC-friendly…and that is exactly what this site is not about!
Chrissie said
I don't understand either – why do people assume that, just because something is not to their taste, they get to dictate what we see, or what we like?
Some things that I see here and on OBT aren't to my specific taste, but I still think they're awesome and love that the bride and groom have found something that is so them that they want to share it with the rest of us.
Anonymous is an individual – just like everybody else!
spot said
OBB is like Punk Music. Just stick with me for a second…I love punk music and the whole point of following punk is that you do whatever you want. For a while punks dressed in dickies and that was 'punk' but when you get to the bottom of it, I can go to my favorite punk show in jeans and a t shirt (no dickies) and still be punk because, frankly, punk is whatever you want and not caring what everyone else thinks of you.
That's OBB to me.
Ashley said
well said!
laura said
Anonymous has totally missed the point of offbeat bride! srsly!
this is how i explain OBB to people–yes you might look at a featured wedding and go "what the…." but who the hell cares—you'll ALWAYS see the groom and bride beaming. that's all that matters
christine said
Hear, hear! The point of obb is to give a voice to the niche, to the folks making different choices that suit themselves because they're throwing their own wedding, not the wedding dictated by tradition. I don't look at "traditional" weddings and agree with all their choices (matching jcrew bridesmaid dresses? eegads! Canon in D, again?) so why would I do that with the offbeat ones?
Jen Cywinski said
Well said, Ariel! Now if only our families and friends would get it.
Meg said
Well said, Ariel!
That's why I love OBB so much… it celebrates how different people are and how that diversity extends to the way we celebrate/mark an important event in our lives. How boring if we thought we had to toe the line of someone else's tastes, or if we all strove to have identical weddings… it'd be just like… oh, yeah, the rest of the WIC that tells us certain things are aren't "done."
Which is why I enjoy every wedding on OBB, even if I don't personally care for the decor or cake or whatever – what I love is the thought and heart each person puts into their wedding, and how the celebrations always seem to be filled with such joy, whether that's a courthouse elopement or a bride in an uber-traditional white ballgown and veil. For me, what seems to be missing from so many "traditional" wedding websites is authenticity.
rebeccalynn75 said
I agree. One of my fave sayings is "there's an ass for every seat." I don't dig it all, but I am certain folks look at some of the things I want to do for my wedding and wonder if I've recently survived some major head trauma. I like that the site shows people doing what makes them happy, what makes that couple themselves, not what -insert whatever or whomever here-expects them to do. I've opted for an ivory dress (gasp! ) and will have my kids in the wedding, because it makes me happy, and makes my family (all 8 of us) happy:) I love that I see things that make other couples happy on their day.
Jessica Rose said
I feel sorry for Anonymous. They obviously don't understand the point of Offbeat Bride.
Toni said
Thanks to OBB I have realise that my wedding ideas are actually ok and that no wedding should be the same as everyone else's as we are all different.
I work in a printers and I meet alot of brides who are rail-roaded by their family and friends into picking stationery thay dont really like, so I tell the bride to be about this website and it amazing how many of them come back to me and say how great everything is on here. Currently I have a bride with a medieval theme wedding who has asked me for wedding stationery ideas – which is great as I am so fed up with doing chocolate and cream or claret and cream wedding stationery.
Without the input from Anonymous we wouldn't have had this debate and I think we have all raised some valid points.
I love Off Beat Bride and I thank Ariel for here wonderfully unique website.
Abi said
Imagine how boring the world would be if we all liked the same things.
LeAnna said
Awesome response! I have often been pleasantly surprised by the inspiration I've found from weddings or other features on here that didn't immediately strike me as something I'd be into. If it wasn't for this site I don't think we'd have half the ideas we do for our wedding, not to mention how lovely it is seeing all the different ways people choose to express themselves and their love.