Leslie & Von's last-minute, long-distance, LEGAL, butch-femme and friends wedding

The Offbeat Bride: Leslie, Computer Science Instructor (and OBT member)

Her Offbeat Partner: Von, Senior Bailiff

Location & date of wedding: the back garden at Noe's Nest Bed and Breakfast in San Francisco, CA — August 9, 2008

What made our wedding offbeat: LEGALLY marrying the Latin butch of my dreams, before California voted in PropHATE. Being surrounded and helped by many friends, most who we knew only from online and had not met in person before we arrived. Going from, "Hey, they're letting me go to LinuxWorld in San Francisco!" to… "Let's make it a vacation!" to… "Oh hey, let's get married" in less than a week, to married in less than a month.

Serving a regular bakery cake with a cake topper that we'd had as a joke for years, plus munchies and wine from Trader Joe's. Asking everyone there to vow to protect our marriage, as part our wedding ceremony. Being middle-aged grandparents who are helping to raise our two granddaughters, ages; almost three (who lives with us almost full time) and thirteen (who lives with us on weekends).

Oh, and I wore a red dress. *grin*

Our biggest challenge: In the immediate sense, while planning and carrying off the wedding, it was simply an issue of time, money and distance. We were on a tight budget, had a month to plan, and were getting married on the other side of the continent. Fortunately, with some amazing help from some seriously delightful and loving off-beat people, we were able to carry it off.

It was and still is emotionally challenging that while we felt surrounded by so much loving support, no one from our families and only one of our long-term friends were able to attend. We are especially sad that we were not able to have our granddaughters there.

Of course the most infuriating challenge is this screwed up country's laws that not only make our marriage not recognized in most states, (now even perhaps including the state where we were married) but in Delaware where we live, our being married is actually a CRIMINAL offense! Yes, as Delaware residents, we could be arrested, fined or even jailed for having dared gone out of state to get married then returned home to live as a married couple. I can't fathom that anyone could justify such a law, and yet this is where we live.

My favorite moment: First, of course, was just the realization that at least in some small way, we were now legally married — something I never thought would be possible in my lifetime. Yes they're trying to yank it back but we have momentum. My head just exploded with "OH MY GOD WE'RE REALLY MARRIED!!!!"

But another really big thing was that people went so far out of their way to be there for us. People who we hadn't met in person, or who I'd only met relatively briefly came out of the woodwork to help –
A celebratory brunch for me and my "Rebel Mama" friends when I arrived, hosted by someone I'd never met in person; an impromptu bachelorette party to help me buy makeup; a friend's husband offering to officiate; people helping to pick us up, pick food up, haul us around. A dear friend flying out at the spur of the moment to be there. All of these people, most of them straight, joyfully and firmly shouting "WE DO!" when asked, as part of our ceremony, if they promised to honor and support our commitment to each other, and to fight for our right for our marriage to be universally recognized and respected.

We were surrounded by love. That's not really a favorite moment, but it was a favorite experience.

My advice for other offbeat brides: I'd spent a lot of time planning for two different wedding dates that ended up being postponed for one reason or another, and honestly I think that by having so little time and budget, we were able to quickly pare it down to the essentials and see what is REALLY important. It wasn't about my having a perfect dress or my flabby arms or the wedding music I always dreamed of (even if my dreams were all offbeat). It's about love. Just toss it together with some of the key things that reflect who you really are, and forget fretting the details.

Care to share a few vendor/shopping links?:

• Dress – Donna Ricco.
• Groom's pants – Lands End
• Venue – Noe's Nest Bed and Breakfast.
• Cake – some little traditional bakery in the Mission district whose name I've forgotten but I found it on Yelp.
• Other food and wine – Trader Joe's.

Enough talk — show me the LEGAL WEDDING porn!: