Should I shave my armpits for my wedding day?
Posted by Ariel · Advice

i just feel I should point out that not all Pagans abstain from shaving. I'd venture to say that at least half to a majority of us do shave. I have nothing against people who don't, but there seems to be this stereotype that if you're Pagan it means you don't shave your pits. To each their own, obviously, but I just don't want it to be assumed that Paganism and not shaving are linked. Thanks!

I'm one of the unhairiest people I know, I know hairier newborn babies. It's a very rare occassion when I do de-hair myself. Had a dress fitting last week, and was TOLD "I hope you're going to remember to shave before the wedding" by my own mother. I haven't decided wether I will or not out of principal. Prior to this telling off, I would have shaved if I remembered and if I had a chance and if there were any razors within arms reach when I remembered. Now she's gone and made it all political again! Obviously because my own very hairy mother (it's my father who's the hairless freak) is jealous of my hairlessness. Of course, now my decision is also motivated by needing to provide a hairy wedding photo…

You can wax your pits??? I am of the wookie tribe – even when I shave I have an impressive bluebeard. I am definitely going to investigate the waxing!

I think bleaching would be an elegant compromise, depending on the personal politics involved.

I say rock that arm pit hair if it's important to you! The point about identifying WHY you feel you should shave is very important. If it's something you're considering because YOU might want it then I think it's worth the contemplation. If you are worried about your how your wedding guests will feel about it then I say keep em' fuzzy! This is, after all, a day for you and your partner to uniquely celebrate your relationship. If your friends and family know you at all then your fuzzy pits should come as no surprise. Personally I went 4 years without shaving before finally a roll in a musical required me to do so. Since then I'll shave when I'm going to be wearing a fancy dress or something but generally keep things shaggy. The people who matter understand this about me and the people who don't… well they wouldn't be at my wedding anyway

Enjoy your day whatever you decide to do!

I know that you should stay true to yourself, BUT – do your guests all know that you're all natural? After reading this post, I kept thinking about Julia Roberts walking the red carpet and waving, and everyone went nuts over her unshaven pits. That is all anyone could talk about – not her radiant smile, her dress, her hair – it was all about her pits for at least a few weeks!

So, I think I would also keep in mind – is this the kind of crowd where all they will remember about your wedding is that you didn't shave?

Whatever you do, I am sure you will rock the dress!

Your rad answer is why I come to this blog. Kindred spirits, yeehaw.

I'm a lazy shaver, letting it grow and shaving when the impulse strikes, and I say you gotta do what feels right for your wedding day.
That in mind, if you do decide to shave and you haven't in a while, you might want to trim one day and then shave a few days later, allowing yourself a sometime to revel in the look of mid-length pits/(change your mind) and also to not have too much razor clogging when you shave/anxiety as you shave.

-I've waxed my lower legs before, easy as pie, but I've never done my armpits, do you do them yourself, or do you get them done?

Like Sara B, I'm a lazy shaver. The only time I shave is when I'm going to wear something that will show my hairy pits or legs – and if it's not that long, I might not do it then! If you choose to shave, consider getting clippers, like the ones advertised to trim beards and moustaches. It'll chop the hair down so that it's not noticeable, but there's less chance of ingrown hairs or nicks. I'm African-American, and as curly / kinky / coily as my hair is, that's a DEFINITE concern!

Oh absolutely have SOMEONE ELSE do them. Waxing yourself takes a lot of practice.

For me personally, I'm totally with you, Gemma. My feminist husband doesn't even recognize when I've waxed my legs (and in fact has told me many times not to bother) so it's certainly not something I do for him. Like you, I enjoy the process of grooming and like the way my waxed skin feels afterwards.

That said, it really is a deeply personal decision — and of course fraught with layers of social pressure. That's part of why my goal with this advice was to ask Kit questions about her reasoning, so that hopefully she could find an answer for herself that felt good.

Or a shrug! Both are decent compromises.

Another compromise would to be to wear a cute jacket or shawl for some or all of the wedding day.

I'm with most replies…do what you feel is right. I bet most guests won't notice you haven't shaved your pits. As for pictures, how many pics and poses have you ever seen display the pits. Really. I think your good to go, honey.

I'm much more likely to wish they'd been hairy than to leave them alone and wish they'd been shaved I figure even if this is something I change my mind on, some day, I'll look back at hairy-pit pics and think "oh man I was a hilarious hippy wannabe". Good times, good times.

If you do decide to wax, I'd recommend doing it about five days before your wedding. Your first time will leave you kinda sore. This will allow time for your skin to calm down but not time for the hair to start regrowing. If you have time and are inclined, you might even have it done a couple of times before since hair grows at different rates. That way you can get a couple of crops of hair yanked.

And I'd really recommend having it done professionally first. I've done my own (everything below the neck) for a several years but only after a few years of having a pro do it.

I'm a lazy shaver too – I frequently forget my legs for months, and my pits when I remember. I'm pretty sure I did the pits before the wedding (if there was a razor in the shower, I probably did), but I know I didn't get the time/space to myself to do my legs… so I didn't. *shrug*

Nobody saw them. I didn't care.

I remember years ago my ex gf got handfasted in a beautiful corset and long skirt – and didn't shave her pits. There was always something about those photos that I found incredibly earthy and sexy.

I shave pits religiously to help keep my clothes cleaner (hot, humid, climate), but I'm less obsessive about legs (once a week, if I remember). I wouldn't do anything differently for a wedding.

The idea of having pits WAXED makes me cringe. Doesn't that hurt a WHOLE LOT?

the impressive i got from reading the offbeat book is that for your wedding one should try to go an extra step in their grooming practice, as in you don’t wear nail polish, get a manicure. that being said, try shaving them and see if you like it and want to do for the wedding, if not, let it all hang out.

I started a thread on this topic in the spring because I was surprised that OBB hadn't addressed it yet! (We think so highly of you to assume). I decided not to shave my armpits. I don't think anyone noticed, but I was glad I stayed true to myself. One of the "outtakes" from the wedding shows my armpit hair. I'll have to upload it soon.

Not to be glib on the topic, but if white is the theme of the day… (I'm completely kidding, but could not help myself.)

I usually wax my underarms and I chose waxing over shaving hands down.

Benefits of waxing: results last longer, hair grows in softer AND thinner, hurts less and less the more you get it done, and only really hurts the first time or if you shave in between waxing sessions.

I don't understand the bleaching thing. Is blond hair somehow better than dark hair? I just think that sounds much more extreme than shaving for many reasons.

I ended up with shaved pits for the wedding… except I didn't shave to feel comfortable at the wedding, I started shaving about a month earlier in the summer when I started wearing tanktops! My general habit is that when I start spending more time wondering if people are noticing my hair than I would on shaving, it's time to shave. So I ended up with shaved pits for the wedding, but kind of not on purpose.

That's exactly what I was going to suggest! To me, it's more of an issue of privacy- you can wear your hair however you choose! There is a variety of boleros and shawls out there- or, if you can't find one, knit your own!
best,
lindsey

Ariel! I'm getting married this saturday and actually have been having the same dilemma for months. My dress is strapless and I feel like a lot of attention is on the shoulder, chest, neck area which includes the armpits. I also had not shaven in years, but finally, last night actually, came to the decision that I'd do it just for this one time. I'm still trying to figure out whether I did it for my guests (particularly family…), or myself, but right now I am just feeling weird having smooth armpits. The texture reminds me of a rubber chicken. Sorry if that was tmi.

Anyway, my message to you, whatever decision you make, is that it's your decision, and if you decide to shave this once, don't feel as though you have compromised your feminism. And the great thing is, it'll grow back!

That said, this is probably the only event I would ever shave for. I was almost once not allowed to perform in a dance concert because I refused to shave…but that's another story.

One last note- not shaving my legs although they'll be bare in my reception dress. For some reason that feels different.

Such beautiful words! I'm the video curator for genderfork & thought you might like some solidarity:
http://genderfork.com/?p=2034
and
http://genderfork.com/?p=4142
Rock on!
As someone who was once convinced by a bride (my sister) to dehair for her wedding (legs, pits, chin & all- it was heart-breaking), I can assure you I'll never be swayed like that again.

Liz, darling… I want to warn you of the pros and cons to waxing. The pros are obvious. But if you do shave them on a regular basis, make sure you take an anti inflammatory about an hour before your appointment. And bring a leather wallet or watchband to bite down on, because the first time HURTS LIKE HELL!!! lol
If you wax on a regular basis, it doesn't hurt nearly as much, but have you ever noticed that when you shave your hair it seems to grow in thicker? That's because it does…
One (technically two) more pro(s): After waxing, the hair grows in finer, there fore hurting less on the next wax. And as an added bonus, when the hair is ripped out by the root, it can sometimes cause damage to the follicle, causing that hair not to grow back at all. Which is why, after years of waxing my unibrow, I am proud to say I finally have two(!) and if I let them grow in to their beautiful bush whacker (or "natural") state, you can actually see a bald line where my waxed brows normally would be. lol

wow, i wax mine and wouldn't say it hurts any more than getting my brows waxed. i suppose its relative though. i'm also an esty

I agree with the bleaching being more elegant! only…if I didn't shave I'd dye mine blueafter bleaching and rock blue armpit hair!
cuz you know something old, something new. something borrowed and something BLUE!

Our officiant (the friend who fixed us up) is au naturel, but bravely offered to shave her pits for our wedding since her fabulous red dress was sleeveless. I said no way, and she rocked the hairy pits look on our day.

On the other hand, I have a large tattoo on my upper arm, and I chose to cover it for my wedding. For me, it was an issue of style disconnect. I love my tattoo, and I'm not ashamed at all that I have it, but, for me, it clashed with the whole wood nymph vibe I was goin' for.

So I guess I would say, don't shave 'em to make someone else happy, but by the same token, don't NOT shave 'em just because you fear it means selling out to The Man. If hairy pits clash with your image of yourself as a bride… well, you have the whole rest of your life to keep it hairy.

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean! Ive been to a few Pagan Pride Days where walking along I get caught by the stench of un-deodorized, un-kempt pits… and omg was it rough!!! I myself am Pagan… more specifically of the Druid/Wiccan/Orisha tradition, but I choose to shave my arm pits and legs when they need as well as use deodorant!