Should I shave my armpits for my wedding day?
Fashion Advice
By
on September 30, 2009
80 Responses
I'm having a dilemma about armpit hair. I haven't shaved my hairies in YEARS, and I really don't want to, but I'm feeling totally out on my own here! Have you got any advice or photos for brides considering rocking the pit hair on their wedding day? -Kit
This is a deeply personal (and dare I say political!) decision, so while I can't give you a cut 'n' dry answer I can provide a few questions from a few different angles can help you make the decision for yourself…
The political angle: Why do you choose not to shave?
If it's an issue of body hair politics and feminism, then you should absolutely stick to what you've been doing. There's enough pressure and identity crisis involved with wedding planning without feeling like you're compromising the values that are important to you.
The existential angle: What makes you feel like you should shave?
Would it be for your guests, or for you? For how you'd feel the day of, or how you'd feel looking at photos years from now?
The fashion angle: What aesthetic are you going for with your wedding?
If you're organizing, for example, a pagan handfasting where you'll be wearing a soft muslin dress and holding wildflowers, you may not need to even think about your pits! If you're organizing a posh bed & breakfast event with a formal gown and heels, then you might encounter a bit more of a stylistic disconnect — although again: if you choose not to shave for political reasons, then the visual contradiction could be a powerful one!
The compromising angle: What about trimming or bleaching?
If you don't want to shave but do want to tidy things up, you could trim or even bleach. Again, depends on your reasons for not wanting to shave in the first place.
Ultimately, my goal with advice is always to help brides make decisions that allow them to be authentic to themselves. If your stance on armpit depilation is part of your politics and/or identity, then I say rock it on your wedding day!
If, for whatever reason, you do decide to go bare, I would suggest you skip shaving and wax instead. I come from a family of furry women (seriously: my mom's legs are hairier than my dad's!) and after years of resentful razor burn and stubble, I've been much happier since I became a lazy waxer. (Lazy because see, you HAVE to let you hair grow out between waxings. It's this awesome thing where you can feel completely fine about toggling between totally smooth high maintenance fancy pants and a complete wookie.) Yes, it stings, but the joy of waxing is that after the wedding you'll have no razor burn and hair that grows in waaaay softer.
Now, as for pictures? I'm afraid I don't have any. OBBs, any of y'all got any to share? Post a link in the comments…
About Ariel Meadow Stallings
Author of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides, Ariel acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives, loves, and dorks out hard in Seattle, WA.
Melanie said
i just feel I should point out that not all Pagans abstain from shaving. I'd venture to say that at least half to a majority of us do shave. I have nothing against people who don't, but there seems to be this stereotype that if you're Pagan it means you don't shave your pits. To each their own, obviously, but I just don't want it to be assumed that Paganism and not shaving are linked. Thanks!
OffbeatAriel said
As the daughter of a Pagan, ain't no disrespect intended. I was just offering one generalized example — as with all generalizations, they won't apply to everyone.
Sully83 said
Yeah, I know exactly what you mean! Ive been to a few Pagan Pride Days where walking along I get caught by the stench of un-deodorized, un-kempt pits… and omg was it rough!!! I myself am Pagan… more specifically of the Druid/Wiccan/Orisha tradition, but I choose to shave my arm pits and legs when they need as well as use deodorant!
powers said
I'm one of the unhairiest people I know, I know hairier newborn babies. It's a very rare occassion when I do de-hair myself. Had a dress fitting last week, and was TOLD "I hope you're going to remember to shave before the wedding" by my own mother. I haven't decided wether I will or not out of principal. Prior to this telling off, I would have shaved if I remembered and if I had a chance and if there were any razors within arms reach when I remembered. Now she's gone and made it all political again! Obviously because my own very hairy mother (it's my father who's the hairless freak) is jealous of my hairlessness. Of course, now my decision is also motivated by needing to provide a hairy wedding photo…
hmmm... said
As Ariel is always good to point out, it's important to be authentic to yourself. That could mean doing the same thing you have (not) done for years because it's comfortable or because you want to make a powerful statement. It could also mean that you are in the mood to do something different for a special occasion, and just need to find the right approach to something unfamiliar. Whatever you decide, I think it's important to point out that while political significance might influence your decision to go au naturel on a daily basis, it can but does not have to be the only factor in what you decide to do for your wedding. Similarly, your views shouldn't be determined (or doubted) simply by the way you wear your body.
Liz C said
You can wax your pits??? I am of the wookie tribe – even when I shave I have an impressive bluebeard. I am definitely going to investigate the waxing!
I think bleaching would be an elegant compromise, depending on the personal politics involved.
Gina said
It's easier to have someone else do it for you. It's really tough to hold the skin taught and pull the strip at the same time.
Kris said
Liz, darling… I want to warn you of the pros and cons to waxing. The pros are obvious. But if you do shave them on a regular basis, make sure you take an anti inflammatory about an hour before your appointment. And bring a leather wallet or watchband to bite down on, because the first time HURTS LIKE HELL!!! lol
If you wax on a regular basis, it doesn't hurt nearly as much, but have you ever noticed that when you shave your hair it seems to grow in thicker? That's because it does…
One (technically two) more pro(s): After waxing, the hair grows in finer, there fore hurting less on the next wax. And as an added bonus, when the hair is ripped out by the root, it can sometimes cause damage to the follicle, causing that hair not to grow back at all. Which is why, after years of waxing my unibrow, I am proud to say I finally have two(!) and if I let them grow in to their beautiful bush whacker (or "natural") state, you can actually see a bald line where my waxed brows normally would be. lol
Meli said
I agree with the bleaching being more elegant! only…if I didn't shave I'd dye mine blueafter bleaching and rock blue armpit hair!
cuz you know something old, something new. something borrowed and something BLUE!
cicatricella said
muahahahahahhah! I am totally tempted to do this for my wdg this summer! (actually the whole post kind of tempted me to grow out my pits nice & long for the wdg so I can have hairy-armpit-bride photos for Ariel!)
Moonkai said
LOL I am so glad you mentioned blue armpit hair dye. I was actually thinking of something like hot pink (My pits are rather sparse and scraggly, but it would be awesome to have bushy hot pink pits
rowen said
i'm a long-time fan of waxing over shaving since razors make my skin throw a FIT. another thing to note is that if you're not used to waxing, your skin might be a bit red and angry for a day or so afterwards. a bit of gentle lotion or Vaseline on while you're sleeping can help but just to be safe i'd get it done several days before if you're going to. you've usually got a good week before it starts to grow back anyway. also, ask around for a good waxer. i went to several high-end places that i HATED every min of before i found my current beloved girl through a friend of a friend. she rents a beautiful room in the back of a horrible little barber shop and is down to earth, fast, really really good, and less then half the price! it pays to look into the little hole-in-the-wall places
CMW said
Yes, you can wax your armpits. However, if you have been shaving than as Kris pointed out, your first waxing will be painful. Exfoliating before the appointment can help also, olive oil afterward will not only soothe the skin but remove any left over wax on the skin.
The key is choosing a skilled person. Just because a spa offers waxing does not mean that the practitioners really knows what they are doing. Ask people for references.
I have been waxing for years (armpits, full leg and bikini), the hair grows back much finer, softer and after a while stops growing in at all.
Ariel said
"…after a while stops growing in at all."
How I wish this were the case. I've been waxing for 12 years, and have not found this to be true.
Katharine said
I just want to comment to support any gals (and boys, too!) out there who would rather not do de-hair-ification for their weddings, but are facing pressure to do so. I'm not just a hairy legs-and-armpits girl, I'd bearded, too! I do shave and wax my face, but even that feels like somehow betraying what my body just does on its own. My own reasons for not shaving have largely to do with wanting to undermine a media-defined idea of beauty, and my wedding is going to be a chance to say "Yes! girls with beards and mustaches can be beautiful and happy and find partners who love them and think they are beautiful!"
I wish brides would stop worrying about their attendants hairiness (or unhairiness)! Your attendants are supposed to be your nearest and dearest – friends and siblings! – clearly you love them because of who they are, not because of their armpits! It's a sad thing to lose a friend over. If you're in this situation as a bridesmaid, suggest things like a dress with sleeves, spiffy tights or knee socks.
XylophoneGender said
Such beautiful words! I'm the video curator for genderfork & thought you might like some solidarity:
http://genderfork.com/?p=2034
and
http://genderfork.com/?p=4142
Rock on!
As someone who was once convinced by a bride (my sister) to dehair for her wedding (legs, pits, chin & all- it was heart-breaking), I can assure you I'll never be swayed like that again.
Katie said
I say rock that arm pit hair if it's important to you! The point about identifying WHY you feel you should shave is very important. If it's something you're considering because YOU might want it then I think it's worth the contemplation. If you are worried about your how your wedding guests will feel about it then I say keep em' fuzzy! This is, after all, a day for you and your partner to uniquely celebrate your relationship. If your friends and family know you at all then your fuzzy pits should come as no surprise. Personally I went 4 years without shaving before finally a roll in a musical required me to do so. Since then I'll shave when I'm going to be wearing a fancy dress or something but generally keep things shaggy. The people who matter understand this about me and the people who don't… well they wouldn't be at my wedding anyway
Enjoy your day whatever you decide to do!
HurricaneDeck said
I know that you should stay true to yourself, BUT – do your guests all know that you're all natural? After reading this post, I kept thinking about Julia Roberts walking the red carpet and waving, and everyone went nuts over her unshaven pits. That is all anyone could talk about – not her radiant smile, her dress, her hair – it was all about her pits for at least a few weeks!
So, I think I would also keep in mind – is this the kind of crowd where all they will remember about your wedding is that you didn't shave?
Whatever you do, I am sure you will rock the dress!
rjane said
EXACTLY. do you WANT to make a statement (people WILL notice) or NOT? if you DON'T want anyone to notice, shave. if you WANT to keep up your street cred, keep it hairy!
Katebird said
Meh- It's just armpit hair, I seriously doubt you'll look back at pictures of your bare pits and wish that they had been hairy, plus it will always grow back! People are a lot less likely to notice your shaved arm pits over hairy ones anyway.
Lulu said
I'm much more likely to wish they'd been hairy than to leave them alone and wish they'd been shaved
I figure even if this is something I change my mind on, some day, I'll look back at hairy-pit pics and think "oh man I was a hilarious hippy wannabe". Good times, good times.
Sarah said
Your rad answer is why I come to this blog. Kindred spirits, yeehaw.
gina said
I think Ariel gave great advice. I couldn't have said it better. My only advice is if you do rock the hairy pits, make sure you wear clear deodorant. That would just add to the stares if you have white bits under the pits.
@ashleymhill said
Not to be glib on the topic, but if white is the theme of the day… (I'm completely kidding, but could not help myself.)
Sara B said
I'm a lazy shaver, letting it grow and shaving when the impulse strikes, and I say you gotta do what feels right for your wedding day.
That in mind, if you do decide to shave and you haven't in a while, you might want to trim one day and then shave a few days later, allowing yourself a sometime to revel in the look of mid-length pits/(change your mind) and also to not have too much razor clogging when you shave/anxiety as you shave.
-I've waxed my lower legs before, easy as pie, but I've never done my armpits, do you do them yourself, or do you get them done?
Sarah Duerling said
As a lazy shaver and waxer, I recommend getting waxed by someone else (even if you just buy the home kit and get a friend to help you). I've done it myself, and it was a bit difficult. I've had some bad experiences with waxing anything that wasn't my legs myself.
rowen said
really? i find it not so hard to do my own pits but nearly impossible to do my own legs properly, my boobs get in the way of pulling at the right angle, lol. if you decide to do it yourself you'll have much less hassle if you use a bit of powder beforehand and get a sugaring kit. they work just like wax but are water soluble so you don't spend half your life scrubbing at sticky wax bits with an oil soaked rag.
OffbeatAriel said
Oh absolutely have SOMEONE ELSE do them. Waxing yourself takes a lot of practice.
CMW said
I wax my armpits myself but it does take practice. the wax must be very warm but not hot and applied lightly. If applied too thick, ripping it off will be painful. If you have never waxed, getting it done by someone else will be the best thing.
Olive oil is the best thing to remove any left over wax and it is good for your skin.
SingColleen said
Ditto on everyone's supportive comments. Do what will make you feel the most comfortable that day (and maybe in the future?)
If you decide to go bare, and you decide to wax: buy some witch hazel at the drugstore and use it for a few days afterward. It is a mild astringent and will keep the moisture and oil from clogging your follicles while it grows out again. Makes for a much more pleasant experience overall.
Nikki said
Like Sara B, I'm a lazy shaver. The only time I shave is when I'm going to wear something that will show my hairy pits or legs – and if it's not that long, I might not do it then! If you choose to shave, consider getting clippers, like the ones advertised to trim beards and moustaches. It'll chop the hair down so that it's not noticeable, but there's less chance of ingrown hairs or nicks. I'm African-American, and as curly / kinky / coily as my hair is, that's a DEFINITE concern!
Gemma said
To me, it's all about grooming. I know it's not the rad answer (AND PLEASE DON'T ALL QUEUE UP TO HAVE A GO AT ME!) but I remove body hair for the same reasons I wash my hair and cut my nails. It's not out of gender pressure, anti-feminism, fashion or the like – it's about feeling groomed and clean. If we say that leaving our pit hair to grow and be as nature intended, then nature intended us to have long hair and smell of natural body odour. But I also know this is a personal choice and as a fellow woman, feminist and someone who believes in being true to ones self – it's your call and anyone who is a true person would not judge you for it either way. I just wanted to proffer an alternative view that is pro-removal without it meaning sacrificing personal female strength and principles.
OffbeatAriel said
For me personally, I'm totally with you, Gemma. My feminist husband doesn't even recognize when I've waxed my legs (and in fact has told me many times not to bother) so it's certainly not something I do for him. Like you, I enjoy the process of grooming and like the way my waxed skin feels afterwards.
That said, it really is a deeply personal decision — and of course fraught with layers of social pressure. That's part of why my goal with this advice was to ask Kit questions about her reasoning, so that hopefully she could find an answer for herself that felt good.
Lulu said
"then nature intended us to have long hair and smell of natural body odour."
Well, yeah, "natural" is generally "nature-intended".
But aside from that, I actually notice body odour much more on freshly shaven armpits. Part of the purpose of armpit hair is to move that odour-causing bacteria away from the skin, away from the warmth, so it doesn't breed and do its thing quite so fast. And as long as you wash, there's not going to be any more bacteria or dirt on someone unshaved than on someone shaved.
Gemma said
Yes, Lulu, I see what you are saying – but that particular comment was really in context to the earlier comments suggesting bleaching and clear deodorant on long pit hair. If you're 'all natural' then sure thing!
Mieko said
How about just a dress with sleeves?
OffbeatAriel said
Or a shrug! Both are decent compromises.
Shoshie said
I shave for the same reason Gemma shaves. I like the process of grooming, especially before a special occasion. Showering, washing my hair, putting on lotion, and even, yes, shaving my pits, legs, (andface) was a nice ritual before the chaos of the next day. It also gave me an excuse to get away from everyone for a while.
Sarah said
Another compromise would to be to wear a cute jacket or shawl for some or all of the wedding day.
@dandyLionevents said
That's exactly what I was going to suggest! To me, it's more of an issue of privacy- you can wear your hair however you choose! There is a variety of boleros and shawls out there- or, if you can't find one, knit your own!
best,
lindsey
Brittany101 said
Hmm, out of curiosity, how long should you grow out your pit hair before waxing? I'm a little OCD about body hair (I pluck my eyebrows pretty constantly and shave everything below the neck), but waxing sounds like it might be a more preferable option…
Beti said
Estheticians need about 1/4 inch of hair to do the deed.
Siren said
I'm with most replies…do what you feel is right. I bet most guests won't notice you haven't shaved your pits. As for pictures, how many pics and poses have you ever seen display the pits. Really. I think your good to go, honey.
Beti said
If you do decide to wax, I'd recommend doing it about five days before your wedding. Your first time will leave you kinda sore. This will allow time for your skin to calm down but not time for the hair to start regrowing. If you have time and are inclined, you might even have it done a couple of times before since hair grows at different rates. That way you can get a couple of crops of hair yanked.
And I'd really recommend having it done professionally first. I've done my own (everything below the neck) for a several years but only after a few years of having a pro do it.
Rachel said
Ha! I wish I'd read this before I got my legs waxed before my wedding.
I had it done the day before, because I waffled about whether or not I should get it done at all and, once I decided, that was when they could fit me in.
I hate shaving my legs because I have really sensitive skin. I gave up on shaving after a few years early on in college and my now-husband doesn't care at all. I decided that fuzzy ankles were a little too casual for the wedding and I didn't feel like bleeding/itching/getting ingrown hairs, so waxing it was.
Ravenous said
I'm a lazy shaver too – I frequently forget my legs for months, and my pits when I remember. I'm pretty sure I did the pits before the wedding (if there was a razor in the shower, I probably did), but I know I didn't get the time/space to myself to do my legs… so I didn't. *shrug*
Nobody saw them. I didn't care.
I remember years ago my ex gf got handfasted in a beautiful corset and long skirt – and didn't shave her pits. There was always something about those photos that I found incredibly earthy and sexy.
Claire said
I think you should do what is right for you. I'm all about being the best 'me' I can on the day, not an unrecognisable version of me. For me this means keeping my hair curly (not straightening it) and having natural make up.
So if you are someone who doesn't shave I say keep being you. I think of all days your wedding day is the day you want to be the 'most you' you can be and if that means not shaving your armpits then don't!
They are plenty of woman you have married with armpit hair, and even if you were the only one, thats ok too, because there is only one you and that is who your future husband/wife/lifepartner is choosing.
Dixie said
I shave pits religiously to help keep my clothes cleaner (hot, humid, climate), but I'm less obsessive about legs (once a week, if I remember). I wouldn't do anything differently for a wedding.
The idea of having pits WAXED makes me cringe. Doesn't that hurt a WHOLE LOT?
spiderbaby said
i think it hurts less than having your lip waxed. hehe. it sounds awful but it really isn't bad at all.
CMW said
I totally agree. Waxing really does not hurt, it stings momentarily. Unless you have previously been shaving, then the first time will hurt because the hair is thicker to rip out or if the person waxing you is inexperienced.
Hattie said
One thing to bear in mind is that your day is, at the heart of it, entirely about you and your significant other. Weddings do involve compromise and some couples really alter things to make other people happy, but the mantra on OBB (and one that I wholeheartedly agree with) seems to be that your wedding is YOURS and no-one else's.
What have you comprimised on so far? Is shaving within the same sort of realm of significance as other things you've changed/got rid of, or does it matter more to you? Do you love having hairy armpits? Does your partner love them? If so, keep the hair and sod everyone else's opinion on the matter.
amerwitch said
the impressive i got from reading the offbeat book is that for your wedding one should try to go an extra step in their grooming practice, as in you don’t wear nail polish, get a manicure. that being said, try shaving them and see if you like it and want to do for the wedding, if not, let it all hang out.