We think of our ceremony date as our "real" wedding date (and it's right in the middle of our significant occasions – we had our sand ceremony a week or so before our vows), but when asked on official forms, we use the other date.

So, we're looking into a self-uniting ceremony, but as we're eloping, we're worried that *not* having two witnesses will make our union not so legal. However, you had your witnesses sign at a later date, and – it was legal? If they signed on a date other than the day you exchanged vows, was your wedding date listed as when they signed?

I'd appreciate any information or advice. I don't know anyone else who self-officiated and we want to do this marriage thing right – both legally and for us.

Some counties don't offer the licenses, others will question you about your faith, and still others don't care. A couple in Allegheny County was questioned about their faith and denied the license; they challenged this in court and the judge granted a restraining order against the court clerk's office that basically prohibited them from denying the couple the license. The state Supreme Court hasn't actually ruled on the matter, but the legal arguments are all in your favor should you be denied the license and decide to challenge the clerk's office.

However, we found it easier to just get our license from a county that will grant them no questions asked. Montgomery and Philadelphia counties are two of those. A Pennsylvania license is good for use in any county, but just to cover our bases anyway, we had ours signed in a friendly county as well. (From what I understand, Bucks County, where Peace Valley Park is, will question people about their faith.)

We're looking in to having a self-uniting marriage in Pennsylvania but are finding a lot of people not willing to say it is "valid" if we aren't Quakers. Can you advise on your experience? Thanks so much!

Molly

We're planning on getting a self-uniting license within the next week or two.

Ideally, we'd just like to have my mom and his mom sign it, send it back, and be done with it. We're planning on "renewing" (which would actually be doing them for the first time) our vows next summer and having a reception of sorts. We're not even planning on exchanging rings until then.

We just can't afford to do anything else right now, and his work schedule and our family schedules just don't permit a quickie JoP wedding (both of our mothers would kill us and fight over the baby if we get married and not have them and immediate family there).

So I just wanted to know about the vows, rings, and such – are they necessary?