Comments on: How do you have a wedding ceremony without a Bible?

By: Juniper

Juniper — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 05:55:52 +0000

I sort of agree with you. My wedding will be completely devoid of references to the supernatural because my fiancée and I are physicalists. I would regard anything less as disrespectful toward us and toward the believers of the supernatural beliefs that we were faking.

My parents will not be attending my wedding because, to them, a non-religious wedding is not a "real" wedding. I hope that my siblings will be attending, but I'm not sure yet. Fortunately, this is a relatively minor price to pay for integrity, and they will still be part of our lives before and after the wedding. That is not the case for everyone.

My sister hears what my parents say when I'm not around and, consequently, she has decided to never reveal to them that she is also not religious. As a young single mother, she needs their support in a visceral way that I do not. She may someday have a religious wedding ceremony, and I trust that she has very good reasons for that. I agree that there are many very bad reasons for a non-religious person to have a religious ceremony, and I also give props to anyone who refuses to participate in an untruth, but I really don't feel that you or I are in a place to judge whether someone else's "convenience" is worth faking a religious ceremony.

By: Rev. Sarah

Rev. Sarah — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 20:29:53 +0000

Agreed, that it is a great point not to just smile and nod your way through something because that is what others expect!!

I'm an ordained Christian minister and have married a few folks who I know aren't practicing Christians and have basically said, "You're making these promises, don't fake any part of it" so we've reworked things to respect where the bride and groom are at in their faith walk or lack-thereo-of. That said, I am a Christian minister so if I work with a couple who want a totally secular ceremony I just refer them out to a judge (we have 2 in our congregation).

By: Aroush

Aroush — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 20:59:31 +0000

We also had concerns regarding how our Catholic / Christian families would view our secular ceremony. As my husband and I would describe ourselves as spritual, but not necessarily religious, we found a few ways to keep the "spririt" of a religious ceremony, while maintaining our own sensibilities.
First of all, we asked my hunsband's very religious mother to give us a blessing, which was incorporated into the ceremony right before our vows. In that way, if God / Jesus was invoked it was clear that this was HER intent, and not ours, but it also allowed her to witness our marriage in a way that was meaningful to her.
Second, a few days before the wedding, we had asked our wedding party to write well-wishes / words of wisdom / cherished memories on card stock we provided. During the ceremony, they placed these cards into a box we now have on our mantlepiece. We had the cardstock available at the wedding also, so that anyone could submit a card. Again, it gave deeply religious folk an outlet for their blessings (plus – they are SO much fun to read through time and time agin!).
Lastly, we incorporated natural and traditional ancestral elements to the ceremony by, among other things, having a Celtic handfasting ceremony.
The rest – the readings and music were purely our own choice and were read by two couples we admire and aspire to be in the future! Thinking about this makes me want to do it all over again!!

By: Kdubs

Kdubs — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 18:01:33 +0000

Just to clarify, some UUs consider themselves Christian, and many UU ministers are happy to incorporate Christian elements in their ceremonies. But I wholeheartedly agree that UU churches/ministers are a great resources for building an individualized ceremony.

By: Magnum

Magnum — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 17:58:33 +0000

I'm stressing out over this big time. My family is religious and my parents hit the roof when I mentioned that I was looking for an officiant. They actually take offense to us not wanting a minister. I've tried talking to them about it, explaining how I see it as being disrespectful to practicing Christians as well as starting our marriage under a lie. I really can't stand the thought of it. My fiance's family is "culturally Catholic," but not practicing. He understands where I'm coming from, but thinks I need to be more flexible about my parents' beliefs. It's not like I'm out to destroy them or anything, I'm just extremely uncomfortable getting married by a minister when neither one of us truly believes! I don't know what to do. I feel like it's a no-win situation. Either go with the flow, make my parents happy, and be uncomfortable with my own ceremony, or do what I want and alienate them.

By: ginny

ginny — Sun, 19 Dec 2010 19:27:40 +0000

This is my ceremony (completely non-religious):
Processional: I Will by the Beatles for bridesmaids, I Wanna Grow Old With You by Adam Sandler for bride)

Greeting: Officiant:
Thank you for coming together to support Ginny and Adam as they move into the next step of their lives together. They come here together of their own free will, to make their marriage lawful and sincere.
Ginny and Adam will exchange rings as a physical symbol of the vows they are making to one another.
As the ceremony procedes, will the families of Ginny and Adam please warm these rings by passing them down the row. As you hold them in your hands, pause for a moment, and make your wishes for the couple and for their future together before you pass them on to the next person. These rings will not only be a gift from one to another but will be given with the love, support and wisdom of their family and friends.

(Officiant pass the rings in the dish to Sylvia, then to Ashley, who will take them to 1st family memberâ€¦ have last family member know to bring the ring to groomsman, or have groomsman waiting at end of row to collect the ring)

Officiant:
Weâ€™re all seeking that special person who is right for us, but if youâ€™ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect thereâ€™s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. It isnâ€™t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems â€“ the ones that make you truly who you are â€“ that youâ€™re ready to find a life-long mate. Youâ€™re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person â€“ someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, â€œThis is the problem I want to have.â€
Ginny and Adam, if you are certain that you have found the right wrong person, please speak your vows to one another.

Adam:
Ginny, I promise to be there when you need me. I promise to support you, comfort you, and encourage you. I promise to be patient with you and to put the spoons right-side-up in the dishwasher. I love you now, and promise to love you, forever and always.

Ginny:
Adam, I promise to be there when you need me. I promise to support you, comfort you, and encourage you. I promise to be patient with you and to make you coffee just the way you like it. I love you now, and promise to love you, forever and always.

Officiant: To comply with the laws of the State of Alabama, will Ginny and Adam and their witnesses please step forward to sign the license of their marriage. (all sign)

Adam, please take the ring and place it on Ginnyâ€™s finger as a symbol of your love and promises to her.
Ginny, please take the ring and place it on Adamâ€™s finger as a symbol of your love and promises to him.

I now pronounce you husband and wife. Please, kiss each other! (After kiss) Please welcome, Mr and Mrs Velazquez!

Recessional: A Pedir Su Mano by Juan Luis Guerra

By: d

Tue, 14 Dec 2010 14:44:03 +0000

i do not mind either ceremony, really. There are many different types of religions and religious ceremonies other than Christian that I have to sit and listen to. I have been to Hindu weddings, Christian weddings, Muslim weddings, and they were all heavily religious. I just have respect and understand completely where they are coming from!!!! I do hope guests I invite to my wedding will do the same.

By: Mallory

Mallory — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 03:29:55 +0000

I had no idea what to do either, but I got lucky and a pair of secular/pagan friends got married this last fall. They had different music, different readings, different unity ceremonies, it was so cool! The vows opened with "You cannot own me…" I was over the moon. Neatest ceremony I have ever been to.
So I have employed this friend for her wise ceremony advice. She's so awesome to help me.

By: Bond

Bond — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 15:15:36 +0000

One thing that I discovered that we are doing to be inclusive of everyone is a stone blessing — we will have stones for each person in attendance and our officiant will ask everyone to silently say a blessing over their stone for my fiance and i. the stones will be collected so we can keep them in a vase in our home. This is a really diplomatic way to be super-inclusive of everyone! We both come from super-religious families who are gritting their teeth at the idea that we're having a secular service, and they all breathed a sigh of relief when they found out that they would, after all, be allowed to celebrate our marriage in their own way without causing us any grief.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:12:56 +0000

I whole heartedly agree. This is your day, why include something that means nothing to you or your intended spouse when there are so many ways to incorporate ideas that do mean something to you.