A Fat Bride Survival Guide
Fashion Advice
By
on August 19, 2009
40
A plus-size bride featured on OBB a while back has written a great blog post full of tips titled A Fat Bride Survival Guide:
There would be no end of helpful clicks and tuts on hand to whip me into shape (I maintain that rectangular with bumps is a shape, dammit) for my reveal, wait, wedding day. My hairdresser at the time barely let her congratulations fly past her lips before she’d cornered me and asked how much weight I was losing. She lost the job. Bridal stores have ALL KINDS of euphemisms for asking about your weight loss plans. My favourite was the ever so polite “Now, are we planning on losing or gaining any weight for the big day?” Not to mention the hushed murmurings of “big girl”, “solid build”, “flattering” and “voluptuous”. You know what? I walked out of all of those places. I wanted a bunch of supportive people helping me look even more fancy on my wedding day, not a wake of frowny-faced vultures picking over the fat girl.
About Ariel Meadow Stallings
Author of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides, Ariel acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives, loves, and dorks out hard in Seattle, WA.
Sabrina said
Here here, if anyone dared to even hint that I had to alter myself just to be getting married they weren't getting any of my money.
mmcsip said
This is such a great posting and I feel less alone! I'm newly engaged and am plus-sized. Thanks for such cool words!
Carolyn Brown said
Agreed. You should never have to alter for the altar.
Ty said
This is an awesome post. Thanks for sharing.
ShoelaceGirl said
High five, sister!!
Danielle said
As a former sales girl in a bridal salon, they should NEVER ask you how much weight you plan on losing, no matter your size. A good shop will insist on order a gown in the size you are now. If you loose weight it can always be taken in, but if you don't loose weight it can be a nightmare to let it out. In fact I had several brides (oddly enough never anyone above size 10), who wanted me to order them dresses 1-3 sizes smaller because they inisisted they were going to loose weight. I refused for the reason above.
Holly said
I love this! I lucked out and found an amazing bridal shop on my first try. My mother was the one who mentioned losing weight and the owner of the shop quickly said, "We can take dresses in up to four sizes. We can only let them out one." It's ridiculous that brides of any size should have to be subjected to scrutiny about how they choose to look on such a joyous occasion!
Angela The Second said
Wonderfully inspiring post, and might I say, that woman looks ravishing in her wedding photo.
cynzia said
I had the same kind of problem when I went to davidsbridal….. they were so afraid to ask me what size gown am I looking for and I told them they looked at me. I bet they were thinking are you sure your that size ?? I looked at my daughter and she was like mom lets just get out of here. So I just tried on my dream dress but needless to say the sales lady wasnt really very helpful so I left the store with out my dream dress. I know so many stores have such attitude of how people should look when they are shopping or how to act. I hope I made sense in what I was saying here. Turns out I found a great dream dress online on ebay so luckly I lucked out on a good deal on a designer gown for much less.
KES said
At first I was thinking, "tons of women modify their body in some way for weddings – diets, exercise, or even [yikes] implants – what's the big deal about a sales clerk asking about your plans, if she does it tactfully?" but then I was reminded by the other comments that you really can't let a dress out, but you can always take it in. Consider me edumacated
Jen said
Love it, love it, love it!!! I would so be instantly gone if some skinny vendor took it upon herself to comment on my weight. Yay for Natalie!
melanie said
that whole article is made of win. i'm quite bony, but i find the pervading theme of "your body is no one else's business" to be so on point for anyone. right on.
amelia said
A friend of mine told me years ago when she got married that she was buying a dress that fit her, not the other way around. I stand by that. I am exactly what I am, and that is exactly what he wants to marry. Our friends love us just like we are, our family loves us just like we are. I see no reason to present them with anything else on our wedding day.
Beti said
Good for you, Natalie! Re: #7: I agree that there are styles that flatter certain body types (I, example, look terrible in a high-necked top. V-neck? Fab!) But "suitable"? Feh! It's how you feel in the garment that really shows through in the end.
Brianna said
Thank you thank you thank you!!! There's nothing quite like standing around in your underwear in front of a complete stranger (or even your mother for that matter) and have to be squeezed into dresses meant for the "average" size woman when you ARE the average sized woman (5'4", 155lbs, size 14-16). Even though I'm generally pretty selfconfident having one sales woman remind me repeatedly that "nothing's going to fit you in here honey" while then commenting on how "much smaller" I looked in certain dresses totally distroyed me for a couple of days. Even my very weight concious mother was offended by her. Needless to say I didn't get my dress there. The wedding industry sure is a weird one. I stated from day one to all my family and friends that my weight was the last thing I was going to focus on during the wedding planning process and would not tolerate any further conversation on the matter. It's such a sad thing I had to say it but it stopped that train before it left the gate.
Brianna said
Thank you thank you thank you!!! There's nothing quite like standing around in your underwear in front of a complete stranger (or even your mother for that matter) and have to be squeezed into dresses meant for the "average" size woman when you ARE the average sized woman (5'4", 155lbs, size 14-16). Even though I'm generally pretty selfconfident having one sales woman remind me repeatedly that "nothing's going to fit you in here honey" while then commenting on how "much smaller" I looked in certain dresses totally distroyed me for a couple of days. Even my very weight concious mother was offended by her. Needless to say I didn't get my dress there. The wedding industry sure is a weird one. I stated from day one to all my family and friends that my weight was the last thing I was going to focus on during the wedding planning process and would not tolerate any further conversation on the matter. It's such a sad thing I had to say it but it stopped that train before it left the gate.
Brianna said
Lastly I'd like to add that this advise applies to fat grooms as well. I am the proud fat wife of a fat husband who also heard some negitivity about his size before the wedding. I feel most of the time people are so much more accepting of fat men but boy did he get some questions about his weight loss plans. It's important to remember that the boys want to and deserve to look just as good as the girls, as well as feel just as awesome about themselves.
Brianna said
Lastly I'd like to add that this advise applies to fat grooms as well. I am the proud fat wife of a fat husband who also heard some negitivity about his size before the wedding. I feel most of the time people are so much more accepting of fat men but boy did he get some questions about his weight loss plans. It's important to remember that the boys want to and deserve to look just as good as the girls, as well as feel just as awesome about themselves.
Chloe Brownlee-Chapman said
it is an excellent blog, which reminds me of comments made during my wedding preparations – "i have 2 dresses in your size – see what you think of them"(regardless of course as to whether i would like them..) – "of course these dresses are available in 'plus sizes'", "childbearing figure" was a new one on me….
We argued with a stupid woman in a chain dress store after she insulted my friends figure and only allowed her to try on dresses she thought would suit her…. not her style at all of course!
Whatever happened to buying a dress which worked with your body, rather than the other way around?? And why doesn't the industry view it in the same way? Stopping the wildly varying (15-30% ?) excess charges for 'plus sizes' would be a good start – give over – they're making enough profit already!
*phew* rant over….
Kristen said
You're a rock star Natalie! Congratulations!!
Lauren said
What's funny is I went to David's Bridal for my dress and they were VERY professional. I ordered the dress in my current size and they never mentioned my weight or anything. I'm not obese but im not perfect either. I was suprised at how professional they were.
Ssafs said
It always depends on the people working at the place as opposd to the place itself. Around here we have a lot of very mmm well lets just put it not so nice kids? working at most of the stores so its like being in highschool when you go to get a dress … or anything else for that matter.
Chris S said
I think that blog is good not just for brides who love their bodies, but anyone who does.
Antonia said
I, too, had a bad experience at a bridal shop. I'm a 12-14, but all the sample sizes were 10 max, and even though the saleswoman was pretty professional I felt incredibly self-conscious trying to squeeze into dresses that were simply not right for my body. I ended up buying a very simple white dress off the rack at Bloomingdales instead that was actually my size as well as my style, and I feel like a million bucks in it. It's worth looking outside of traditional bridal shops sometimes, because you never know where you might find your dream dress.
misty said
im with you on this one, i couldnt find anything that i really ft like i rocked in, but 2 weeks before my wedding i walked into a Rosses and found this georgous white dress. t fit great and only cost me 22$! wedding dresses certianly dont have to come from bridal shops. (thank god lol) freakin love this blog
chibride said
I had a shockingly good experience at David's Bridal too. There was definitely some squeezing into things, but she pulled a lot of different dresses for me to try on…all of which could be ordered in my size. In the end, I went to a different location & bought my dress off the rack. I loved it & it was reasonably priced to boot.
I must confess I was too chicken to go into any other bridal salon…because I already knew nothing would fit me. I hated feeling like that.
On a side note, it was difficult to find that many pictures of plus sized brides in gowns (kudos to offbeat bride for always having a nice selection of photos to peruse & david's bridal showed most of its plus size gowns on women).
I knew from the start that I wasn't going to starve myself to fit into a dress. Wedding day shmedding day…I was going to be chubby happy self. However, if I could take a pill to be 2 inches taller…I'd do it in a heart beat
Alocin said
Seeing all the beautiful brides on Offbeat Bride in all their diversity has been really important for me in becoming much more accepting of my body and believing that there might be a man who will find me attractive – I've been a bridesmaid a couple of times in the last few years and surrounded by 'normal' bridal magazines which only show slender 'real' brides, to the point where I subconsciously started believing than only women who looked like that fall in love and get married. Which of course, is objectively ridiculous. So thank you for sharing your wedding – and I only wish your dressmaker was still in business for if and when I get married (I live in Brisbane.)
Anne said
It's totally offensive on so many levels. I'm a runner and just got engaged and it's astonishing to me to read all these mainstream bridal plans/websites/books that say things like, "6 months before the wedding: start your workout plan!" I already try to work out and keep fit, why would I start and end just for a wedding? I don't plan to change the amount of time I spend running or working out at all.
It seems like a terribly unhealthy idea to base a fitness plan or diet around a wedding (and solely around the motivation of losing weight!!) – you could increase your risk of injury by starting too fast, or pushing yourself to hard, or make yourself sick crash dieting. A workout plan should start and begin at a much slower pace and because of the motivations the person has (health, stress relief), not from any outside ideals of what a bride "should" look like. If anything, a good time to start a workout plan would be AFTER the wedding when you have more time to relax and settle in with your new spouse : D
OffbeatAriel said
"If anything, a good time to start a workout plan would be AFTER the wedding when you have more time to relax and settle in with your new spouse"
Totally agreed, Anne! I think I've mentioned this before, but Andreas and I both got in better shape in the years AFTER our wedding, not because we had some SPECIAL DAY!!! to strive for, but because we wanted to commit to our ongoing shared health and happiness.
mmcsip said
So inspiring! Glad you walked out and fired those jerks. Thank you for sharing this.