A Fat Bride Survival Guide
Posted by Ariel · Offbeat blog

Here here, if anyone dared to even hint that I had to alter myself just to be getting married they weren't getting any of my money.

High five, sister!!

I love this! I lucked out and found an amazing bridal shop on my first try. My mother was the one who mentioned losing weight and the owner of the shop quickly said, "We can take dresses in up to four sizes. We can only let them out one." It's ridiculous that brides of any size should have to be subjected to scrutiny about how they choose to look on such a joyous occasion!

I had the same kind of problem when I went to davidsbridal….. they were so afraid to ask me what size gown am I looking for and I told them they looked at me. I bet they were thinking are you sure your that size ?? I looked at my daughter and she was like mom lets just get out of here. So I just tried on my dream dress but needless to say the sales lady wasnt really very helpful so I left the store with out my dream dress. I know so many stores have such attitude of how people should look when they are shopping or how to act. I hope I made sense in what I was saying here. Turns out I found a great dream dress online on ebay so luckly I lucked out on a good deal on a designer gown for much less.

Love it, love it, love it!!! I would so be instantly gone if some skinny vendor took it upon herself to comment on my weight. Yay for Natalie!

A friend of mine told me years ago when she got married that she was buying a dress that fit her, not the other way around. I stand by that. I am exactly what I am, and that is exactly what he wants to marry. Our friends love us just like we are, our family loves us just like we are. I see no reason to present them with anything else on our wedding day.

Thank you thank you thank you!!! There's nothing quite like standing around in your underwear in front of a complete stranger (or even your mother for that matter) and have to be squeezed into dresses meant for the "average" size woman when you ARE the average sized woman (5'4", 155lbs, size 14-16). Even though I'm generally pretty selfconfident having one sales woman remind me repeatedly that "nothing's going to fit you in here honey" while then commenting on how "much smaller" I looked in certain dresses totally distroyed me for a couple of days. Even my very weight concious mother was offended by her. Needless to say I didn't get my dress there. The wedding industry sure is a weird one. I stated from day one to all my family and friends that my weight was the last thing I was going to focus on during the wedding planning process and would not tolerate any further conversation on the matter. It's such a sad thing I had to say it but it stopped that train before it left the gate.

Lastly I'd like to add that this advise applies to fat grooms as well. I am the proud fat wife of a fat husband who also heard some negitivity about his size before the wedding. I feel most of the time people are so much more accepting of fat men but boy did he get some questions about his weight loss plans. It's important to remember that the boys want to and deserve to look just as good as the girls, as well as feel just as awesome about themselves.

it is an excellent blog, which reminds me of comments made during my wedding preparations – "i have 2 dresses in your size – see what you think of them"(regardless of course as to whether i would like them..) – "of course these dresses are available in 'plus sizes'", "childbearing figure" was a new one on me….

We argued with a stupid woman in a chain dress store after she insulted my friends figure and only allowed her to try on dresses she thought would suit her…. not her style at all of course!

Whatever happened to buying a dress which worked with your body, rather than the other way around?? And why doesn't the industry view it in the same way? Stopping the wildly varying (15-30% ?) excess charges for 'plus sizes' would be a good start – give over – they're making enough profit already!

• phew* rant over….

What's funny is I went to David's Bridal for my dress and they were VERY professional. I ordered the dress in my current size and they never mentioned my weight or anything. I'm not obese but im not perfect either. I was suprised at how professional they were.

I, too, had a bad experience at a bridal shop. I'm a 12-14, but all the sample sizes were 10 max, and even though the saleswoman was pretty professional I felt incredibly self-conscious trying to squeeze into dresses that were simply not right for my body. I ended up buying a very simple white dress off the rack at Bloomingdales instead that was actually my size as well as my style, and I feel like a million bucks in it. It's worth looking outside of traditional bridal shops sometimes, because you never know where you might find your dream dress.

Seeing all the beautiful brides on Offbeat Bride in all their diversity has been really important for me in becoming much more accepting of my body and believing that there might be a man who will find me attractive – I've been a bridesmaid a couple of times in the last few years and surrounded by 'normal' bridal magazines which only show slender 'real' brides, to the point where I subconsciously started believing than only women who looked like that fall in love and get married. Which of course, is objectively ridiculous. So thank you for sharing your wedding – and I only wish your dressmaker was still in business for if and when I get married (I live in Brisbane.)

"If anything, a good time to start a workout plan would be AFTER the wedding when you have more time to relax and settle in with your new spouse"

Totally agreed, Anne! I think I've mentioned this before, but Andreas and I both got in better shape in the years AFTER our wedding, not because we had some SPECIAL DAY!!! to strive for, but because we wanted to commit to our ongoing shared health and happiness.

I understand wanting to lose weight or be in better physical shape, and I think if a wedding helps you actualize that, that's a good thing.

However,
1) The goal should be better overall health, not trying to fit into a dress 5 sizes smaller.
2) exercising should make you feel better about your body.
3) when considering weight loss, you shouldn't plan to lose a large amount of weight in a small amount of time.
4) The exercise should help you de-stress from wedding planning, rather than becoming an issue itself.

As to being overweight or obese: the health issues shouldn't be overlooked. If your doctor is concerned with your weight, you should be too. But I think it's more important for people to be fit and health- conscious than to try and stuff themselves in a dress.

This is such a great posting and I feel less alone! I'm newly engaged and am plus-sized. Thanks for such cool words!