The Offbeat reading list
Stuff we love
By
on June 08, 2009
27
I've been meaning to put together a reading list of OBB-approved books for ages, and last weekend I finally got off my butt to make it happen.
I'm featuring books that Offbeat Bride readers love and have reviewed on the OBT ... there are a few that absolutely didn't make the cut because readers consistently didn't like them (*cough*Anti-Bride*cough*) but if there's a book you think I missed on the list, leave a comment here with your review and I'll try to get it added!
About Ariel Meadow Stallings
Author of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides, Ariel acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives, loves, and dorks out hard in Seattle, WA.
Ellen said
The Green Bride Guide was a great read for me as I was planning my wedding. Great tips (for ANY budget) on how to have a ecologically conscious wedding.
Emily Takes Photos said
I really enjoyed reading Priceless Weddings for under $5,000 by Kathleen Kennedy. It's been a while, but the main thing I remember is the underlying theme of having family and friends pitch in to keep costs down and make for an altogether more memorable/enjoyable experience. She also wrote of specific examples of different weddings, all very different from each other.
Cassie said
LOL I love the sly Anti-Bride Guide mention. That book was HORRIBLE. As I like to say, it's like this book was written by your conservative, traditional family member who wants to trick you into thinking it will help you plan an offbeat wedding…but really, it's completely full of WIC crap.
The Rebecca Meade/Selling of the American Wedding is MUST for any bride with offbeat tendencies, so I'm glad that was on there. I also liked "A Walk Down the Aisle: Notes on a Modern Wedding," which wasn't a how-to book, but it raised some good issues about weddings and marriage.
Hilary said
Anti-Bride WAS, indeed, horrible. Bleah, I don't need a shiny pink book to tell me how important it is that I wear a veil. The only problem with this list is that I don't have time to go out and buy/read all of them!
Hibryd said
I really liked "I Do But I Don't" – not exactly a how-to-guide but it covered the Wedding Industrial Complex and even some of the thornier issues of marriage and proposal in a world where feminism and tradition collide.
Karen said
The Anti-Bride Guide was meh (I agree with the fact that it was full of WIC crap), but I used the Anti-Bride Wedding Planner and really liked it. It was big enough to fit in a purse, kept all my paperwork together, and had places for everything (which warmed my little over-organized heart).
I also loved getting comments from vendors about it.
Rachel said
I haven't read Anti-bride, but it got really good reviews on Amazon… Anyone got any links to less positive reviews? I'm curious now!
Alicia said
So this is kind of a traditional suggestion, but I had 2 copies of this book given to me because people thought it was so helpful, and thus far, it actually is. It's called "The Wedding Book: The Big Book for Your Big Day" by Mindy Weiss and Lisbeth Levine.
It caters to high-end (I mean, for goodness sake, I think Heidi Klum is quoted on the cover if I remember correctly) but it has some great directives for people who haven't the foggiest idea of how a wedding works (me). It's been helpful in the "why do I need to do this?" (answer: I don't unless I want to) department by explaining the reason behind the tradition. It also has great checklists and timelines for both extended and short engagements and has useful empty pages reserved for budgeting and vendor info.
It has a lot of frou-frou and stuff my anemic budget would tremble in the sight of, but it is really quite a helpful tool.
Meg said
The Anti-Bride made me want to stab myself in the eye. Not that I bought it, I just laughed/got very sad over it in the bookstore. It was tragically awful. THANK YOU for including Miss Manners. I don't agree with her on lots of stuff, but do agree with her spirit and wit, always.
These are both a bit specific, but so is handfasting, so I think they deserve a mention: The New Jewish Wedding, Anita Diamant (Feminist, fabby, best egalitarian queer friendly Jewish wedding book on the market), and Celebrating Interfaith Marriages, Rabbi Devon A. Lerner (note: this is on Jewish/Christian ceremony's, but is super helpful and well done.)
It depresses me how FEW really great wedding books there are out there, and how many awful ones.
Meg said
Ok, I'm going to kindly disagree with Alicia. I think "The Wedding Book: The Big Book for Your Big Day" is possibly the most damaging book on weddings I've ever seen. It pretends to tell you what you need to know, but you don't need to know that stuff. Stick with Ariel and Miss Manners. Between them, you'll get all your questions answered.
Karen said
One of my b-maids got me "Tied in Knots: Funny Stories from the Wedding Day" as a gift. It's a bunch of essays written by brides, friends, and family about odd/funny things that happened at weddings. It was one of the two wedding books that stayed on my nightstand (the other being OBB, of course), and I credit it with quite a few moments of laughter and a reminder not to take everything so seriously.
Jmuirhead said
Hm, I have never picked up "Anti-Bride," but I do remember the little cartoon woman and bright pink-and-orange cover and thought it looked as counter-cultural as that awful cooking book "Skinny B*tch".
Looking at an excerpt: since when did DIY projects become "special?" It never occurred to me NOT to make much of the details for my wedding. Maybe I am just out of the loop (or too poor to know better… or I just don't pretend not to be).
And "do you not care about etiquette?" as a criteria for being "out-of-the-box?" I'm sorry, I have some different ideas for my wedding but having 'tude about them is definitely not a source of pride.
Derek said
Im going to make a suggestion and just hear me out. "The Knot Guide to Wedding Vows and Traditions: Readings, Rituals, Music, Dances, and Toasts"
Now I know your all saying "THE KNOT IS NOT OFFBEAT", and in in every other case i agree with you. However this book is all about unique wedding ceremony traditions from both popular and obscure cultures and religons. For a couple like us who is spiritual but not outwardly religous it has been a huge help in crafting a unique and funky ceremony that is unlike anything I think my family has seen before.
Hibryd said
Hey, I've got no problem with "The Knot". A good "traditional wedding" guide is better than a bad "offbeat wedding" guide. I think most brides can figure out what we want and don't want but we still need to start somewhere! I had no clear idea what a wedding entailed – I'd been to a handful of them but I honestly didn't remember all the details or what order everything happened in. Oddly, the "Real Simple" bookazine guide was a lot of help; even if I ignored two thirds of their "to-do" items, at least I knew I wasn't forgetting anything!
Alicia said
Meg-
I totally see how you could think that and I'm glad you said something because I really don't think I emphasized enough: that book is all about the WIC WIC WIC WIC WIC.
But I really did find the check lists, open spaces for notes and explanations behind traditions to be really helpful…as in helped me realize what's a waste of money to me and what would make our wedding meaningful.
And for someone who really knows *nothing* about weddings (I've only ever been to 2 that I wasn't too young to remember) it was helpful just to have a jumping off point to create what works for our wedding.
But yes, Meg you are definitely correct in your assertion. That book is all about WIC and can certainly make the most important part of the wedding seem trivial while insisting every couple have at least a down payment on a house for a wedding budget. I just felt its useful pages outweighed the crap.
Jmuirhead said
"But I honestly didn't remember all the details or what order everything happened in."
I think you hit the nail on the head! That's the whole point, I believe, of sites and books like this. No one really remembers anyway except what spoke to them — so do it however you feel is right!
Also… could someone explain to me what WIC is? I'm missing out on that acronym.
Alicia said
Wedding Industrial Complex. The acronym that makes me sing "money money money mooooney…MAAAH NAAAAAY!" every time I type it.
BetterBombshell said
Honestly, "One Perfect Day" disappointed me. I expected to really identify with the book and to enjoy Rebecca Meade calling out the wedding industry for all the things I've come to despise about it. Instead her snobbery overshadowed everything.
It was less "Everyone's obsessed with a 'Perfect Wedding' that has been fabricated by the WIC" and more "Can you believe what these hicks and hillbillies and uncool people think counts as a perfect wedding?"
Sara said
I would suggest "Instant Weddings: From "Will You?" to "I Do!" in Four Months or Less" by Jennifer L Shawne. I found it before I found anything OBB-related so I can't guarantee it was non-WIC, but I remember it was very much about doing what is important to you as a couple. Amazon has it's first sentence here:YOU and your fiance are the ones who have to live with this wedding, so you should be the ones to decide what details are necessary, superfluous, wonderful, overpriced, or just plain silly.
Sharla said
I really liked The Meaning of Wife. It was very thoughtful & presented some interesting facts & info, yet wasn't pedantic or trying to push any agenda.
http://www.amazon.com/Meaning-…amp;sr=8-1
Alison K said
Bridal Bargains! Yes! I haven't really read any of the other books listed, but i will have to check them out (even though my wedding has already come and gone).
Mary B. said
I'm seconding The Meaning of Wife as a good read for anyone who struggles with the term. It has a balanced tone, not too academic, but not too pop culture oriented.
Erin said
I can't remember if I added a review in the bookworms group or not, but we found Weddings from the Heart to be really helpful in crafting our ceremony. It had a list of the traditional elements of a ceremony (processional, invocation, address) and what order they happen in, and that helped us break things down. It also had examples of 4 different ceremonies, broken down into those elements so that you could see how they go into play, and a large section of readings and vows.
We did our ceremony from scratch and it gave us a really good starting point.
Rodrigues said
I'll have to pick up a couple of the ones about wedding culture… we're done with the wedding but the process is still pretty fascinating. I never finished "Altared" but the couple of essays I read were pretty thoughtful and enjoyable.
Lara said
One I recommend for grooms is "The Engaged Groom: You're Getting Married. Read this Book." It treats dudes like active participants that aren't idiots.