I am planning on having an informal family-only wedding at my dad's church. I'm considering doing a potluck wedding but was wondering if that was tacky to ask our guest to dish something up for everyone to share in.
My fiancee is in Afghanistan and we'll only know a month in advance when we can set a date for the wedding. This makes catering (already expensive) even more of a challenge. If I where to do a potluck, how would I word it on an invitation? I run the risk of people not bringing anything!
I've read articles online and it seems most people think potlucks are tacky — even my own sister thinks it's too tacky. -Sylvia
Ok, first thing's first: Yes, a potluck wedding is tacky. Your entire wedding is tacky! So was mine. "Tacky" is a subjective word that can be applied to absolutely anything and everything, from a $500 wedding all the way to a $50,000 wedding. It's all tacky, so let that concern go.
I've featured several potluck weddings on Offbeat Bride — I especially love Kirsten's story, where she explains:
We invited our friends and family to "bring what makes them who they are" to share. We had no idea what our wedding would look like — we were not disappointed. A beautiful and delicious homemade wedding cake just APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE! Our friends sang, read stories, played music, put on improv performances, made up carnival games, and told each other's families waaaaay too much about the new in laws!
So clearly, a potluck wedding can work beautifully and be an amazing community event that celebrates two families coming together and sharing food, stories, music, and whatever else people chose to bring. I love the idea.
But the issue isn't "is a potluck wedding tacky?" and more "Are you and your fiance's families comfortable enough with the idea to participate fully?" Only you two know your families well enough to know if this is the case. Here are a few questions for you and your fiance to ask yourselves:
- Did you grow up with family & community potlucks?
- Do your family members have their signature hot dishes and potato salads and special pies that they love to trot out for community events?
- Are they foodies who like to cook and bake and share with each other … or do they mostly eat out?
- Will you guests be traveling far, and will they have access to a kitchen to cook the day before your wedding? [thanks to OBB commenter Maggie for bringing up this point.]
The answers to these questions will be much more valuable to you in deciding whether or not to do a potluck reception than anything I (or anyone else online) could decree about whether or not the idea is tacky.
In terms of invitations, you could try something like: "After our ceremony, we will be celebrating the union of our families by hosting a potluck. Rather than a gift, please bring your favorite signature dish to share." (Note the "rather than a gift" — that's key!)
If you decide a potluck isn't the way to go for your family, I'd suggest hosting a cake & punch reception instead. This goes off the best if you have an early afternoon wedding — people simply don't expect to be fed a full meal at a 2pm reception. This is also easy to message on your invitations … after listing your ceremony information, just note, "Cake and beverages to follow." (Here are more wording ideas.) For people who believe potlucks are tacky, cake & punch is usually seen as the "appropriate" low-budget alternative. If you just don't think your family is going to get into the idea of a potluck, cake & punch may a good option.
Mostly, remember this: your wedding is about celebrating the commitment you're making to your partner. With your fiance in Afghanistan, this hones the focus even more tightly: this isn't about having a big fancy brouhaha — it's about saying "We're so glad to be alive, so glad to be in love, and so glad you could all be here to share this with us." That's what's important. The rest is just hotdishes and cake.
[Potluck photo by Josh Bousel, used in accordance with Creative Commons licensing.]
Comments on "Is a potluck wedding tacky?"
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Jocelyn
June 9th, 2009 · 6:05 AM · #
My close friend had a potluck wedding. In the invitation they added a card that started with "The rumors are true! It's a potluck!" The RSVP card had a space to put what you were bringing on it (if you decided to bring anything). It was a wonderful spread with lots of delicious food.
A side note- having just gotten married last year, you will be surprised at how much people want to do stuff for you and your wedding – a potluck is a great way to include everyone.
Maggie
June 9th, 2009 · 6:19 AM · #
I have to say that it also depends if you have a lot of friends and family who will be traveling (say, more than 30 minutes to an hour) to your wedding. Our friends and families live all over the place and it would not have been practical to ask them to bring a dish to our wedding.
Ariel
June 9th, 2009 · 6:20 AM · #
Maggie, what a great point re: people coming from afar! I'm going to update my answer to include that.
Nikki
June 9th, 2009 · 6:27 AM · #
I think a potluck wedding is a great idea, and a fantastic way to get everyone involved! However, if you are uncomfortable with the idea, check with the various boards of your father's church. There's often a group that will make food for various functions at the church, and the cost will most likely be MUCH less than formal catering. My father's church has a "Men Who Cook" group that does GREAT food!
LeAnna
June 9th, 2009 · 6:57 AM · #
We're going to have a potluck wedding–it was actually my fiancee's mum's idea >:) But mum & I are going to cook a "base" of foods (ham and salads and such) and then hopefully our guests will just relax and have fun and bring something delicious to share. That way no one needs to bring anything big or feel a burden, but can hopefully just relax and enjoy the community spirit we're hoping to have at our reception (think: giant family dinner). But I'm friends with a lot of foodies…
Marya
June 9th, 2009 · 7:06 AM · #
Personally I LOVE the idea of a potluck wedding. I wish I knew someone who was having one. I think the idea of making a wedding a community event is an amazing way to bring families and friends together. I wish I had an in-law family that would go for it!
Kate
June 9th, 2009 · 7:18 AM · #
Seconding #2 Maggie about the travel. I would have loved to go the potluck route, because (a) I am a cheapskate, and (b) there are a LOT of amazing cooks and bakers on both sides of the family, but we're getting married 420 miles north of his family and 430 miles south of mine. Not practical to have anyone bring anything.
Traci
June 9th, 2009 · 7:56 AM · #
I think it's really important to do that gift vs. food dish trade-off. We recently photographed a pot-luck wedding where guests were asked to bring a dish as well as a gift AND a 20 minute dollar dance had been scheduled. That does come across as greedy, no matter how much you thank everyone in the toasts.
The other thing to watch with a potluck is how many guests will be present. I think if you have more than 50 guests, you should stick with cake and punch. The food is cold by the time the 150th guest makes it through (and therefore you could end up giving your guests food poisoning vs if caterers were running the show and keeping everything hot) and when you have so many guests, your last guests get the short end of the stick on the food front–with all of the "choice" dishes being emptied first.
CnC
June 9th, 2009 · 8:23 AM · #
Good tips on how you can guide whether having a potluck is feasible.
While I would have loved to have paid for a potluck wedding, we have at least 25 out of towners and a fair number of non-cooks.
How about a picnic/luncheon wedding? Sandwiches and antipasto plates can't be that expensive to cater and would be fun and fitting for summer!
Wide Lawns
June 9th, 2009 · 9:01 AM · #
I love potluck weddings. I've been to several and the food is almost always better than fancy catered meals that end up tasting like airplane food. Potluck weddings aren't tacky. Spending a bunch of money that you don't have is.
Shoshie
June 9th, 2009 · 9:03 AM · #
This is probably not a consideration for Sylvia, but for any offbeat Jewish or Muslim brides, dietary restrictions should probably also be taken into account. We were thinking about doing a potluck, but decided not to in part because our friends all follow different levels of keeping kosher.
Heather
June 9th, 2009 · 9:10 AM · #
Ditto to Maggie and Kate. I'm hoping to have something similar to what LeAnna suggested – a bigass family dinner, but I know that since my family is nearly all from the East Coast and my groom's family is from Spain, and we're having the wedding in Ontario… well, logistics will factor in.
(Though I do have my heart set on a bunch of lobsters being imported… mmmmm Nova Scotia Lobster. Gotta check when they're in season.)
Anyway, I agree that what it really comes down to is how the people involved will feel about it. Potlachs only work if everyone believes in it. If they do, there's nothing as heartwarming and full of community as sharing food. But if they don't, it's just a big headache.
West Wind
June 9th, 2009 · 9:19 AM · #
If you decide against the potluck route, try your local grocery store deli. Even 24 hour notice is enough for most stores for orders of dollar sandwiches and salads, and the staff can sometimes even rent out warmers/dishware for free.
Hibryd
June 9th, 2009 · 9:33 AM · #
The first rule of a budget wedding is… don't apologize for your budget wedding. Catering is expensive and a potluck can be a wonderful alternative. (That's exactly what my mom did for her reception, back when sensible weddings were more acceptable.) Besides, everyone knows you're on a tight time table and will likely be under a lot of stress with your new husband leaving – so make sure the wedding doesn't add to it.
But, if asking everyone to bring a dish becomes impractical, there are several alternatives:
1) Skip the food and do Ariel's suggestion of a punch and cake reception.
2) Costco/Sam's Club for picnic-type ingredients, then have guests assemble their own sandwiches, salads, etc.
3) BBQ, if you have access to a few grills and grill masters.
4) Get a cheaper eatery (sandwich place, Mexican joint) to do the catering, rather than a capital-C Catering company. Think "lunch" places rather than "dinner" places.
5) Pizza, because who doesn't like pizza?
courtney
June 9th, 2009 · 9:59 AM · #
@cNc We're keeping our costs down by doing just what you suggested…having an outdoor luncheon. The caterers happen to be my friends, but it certainly is reducing their costs because they're making lighter foods and people will probably eat a little less than if it was a dinner.
My best friend's wedding was a potluck and it was really great. She asked specific people to bring dishes so that out-of-towners and people she didn't know as well wouldn't be put out. She provided the meat and beverages and it worked out really well. I had a great time and it was really stress free. Everyone changed into casual clothes for it as well, so it was just really a nice back yard party.
Maggie
June 9th, 2009 · 10:04 AM · #
I'm not a fan of potlucks in general, because I don't trust other people's food choices. I tend to get a lot of grocery store deli and veggie platters.
We saved money at our wedding by having it very late evening so guests could get dinner before hand and only offering appetizers and desserts. I could also see doing it mid-afternoon or mid-morning and only having drinks and cake.
Rubyrooster
June 9th, 2009 · 10:06 AM · #
Potluck weddings are simply…amazing.
People WANT to help out and I find that often what people bring/make is just as delicious as something you'd get from expensive catering. The rsvp card idea with what your bringing is an excellent way to know who is bringing what and is also a great way to thank them for their "famous corn and bean salad" that they brought. A suggestion on the rsvp card is to ask the attendee to label on the top of their food what it is.
Obviously if people are coming from far away this makes it hard for them to bring a heated dish…why not a cold dish? or a pie? or cookies??
One wedding I helped out with gathered all the pot luck items and put out the food in white serving dishes..added real white dishes and linens along with real silverware..You would have never known it was all a potluck! Another good suggestion is to premake labels with what the dish is, (you'll know this by the rsvp card, asking the person who brought it what it is, and the person who sets the food out in the pre-determined dish with the right label. Sounds complicated but it will save alot of money AND time AND look/taste amazing.
Corley
June 9th, 2009 · 10:49 AM · #
Why not have a pot luck? When my grandmother tells stories about her wedding her happiest tales are about how her friends and family came together for her. They all brought a dish, and one neighbor supplied all of the wedding and reception flowers from her garden. I think this is the best type of wedding, everyone you know bringing something to symbolize their support of your union.
Rose
June 9th, 2009 · 11:00 AM · #
[This post was deleted.]
Cathy
June 9th, 2009 · 11:05 AM · #
Woah, I have to disagree with Rose both about OBB and about potluck weddings. In my opinion, Ariel isn't just a cheerleader for "anything offbeat," I recall a number of posts from her in which she said "this isn't how I would do it" or "you might want to consider…" If someone wrote to her about the wedding Rose described…I think she might have some constructive criticism (although possibly done not in the public forum of the blog).
As far as potluck, I think the other comments make clear that (unless your guests are jerks) they're not going to leave talking about "how tacky you are." I _don't_ think that potluck says "we can't be bothered," I think it says, "we want our friends/family to participate and our friends/family make great food and we don't have a lot of time or money to plan ahead of time with."
Emily O
June 9th, 2009 · 11:10 AM · #
I think that there are two types of potluck weddings – in the first you do not have a caterer and instead have all homemade foods – like cake by grandma and salad by aunt jane – but all the organizing is done in the background in one on one conversations, if you say to your family 'I think it would be nice to have us all bring our special dishes' and they all jump in with what they'd like to make then this is pretty easy to manage. In this case even though the food is potluck style the wedding is still being hosted by the bride and groom, just with a lot of help from family/friends.
The second kind is where you state in the invitations that it's a potluck and ask every guest to bring something. I have a problem with this in that if you are going to ask someone to do you a favor an invitation is really not the place to do it. Also another name for traditional potlucks is 'a no-host party' and I feel that weddings being what they are they should definitely have a host be it the bride and groom, the brides parents, or others.
Thea
June 9th, 2009 · 11:11 AM · #
I really have to disagreed with much that Rose (a troll on OBB?) said, but I'll focus on the potluck aspect. It's simple, if anyone would think that a potluck, a sharing of food and community, is tacky, it's time to re-evaluate their place on your guest list. There are valid reasons to chose other food choices, but potlucks can be loving expressions of friends and family.
Alison K
June 9th, 2009 · 11:17 AM · #
We had our wedding at a bowling alley. All that was served was pizza and soda, and a little veggie tray. (Tacky!) If people wanted alcohol, they had to pay for it themselves. (Tacky!) When my fiance and I got engaged, that was our original idea. Get everyone together for a BBQ/Potluck party in the park. I don't know about you, but nearly every party I've ever been to has been a potluck. Why should a wedding be any different?
I really like Jocelyn's way of announcing it. "The rumors are true! It's a potluck!"
A wedding is just a party. As an unwritten rule, all parties are tacky. Make your wedding your own kind of tacky. It'll be one of the best days ever, no matter what.
Charming
June 9th, 2009 · 11:25 AM · #
A potluck was my mom's first idea, but I wasn't up to it. We are having all aspects of our celebration in a park, so no power, no sinks, etc. Plus, FH and I are vegan/vegetarian, and I wanted the food to reflect our life style. In the end, we are having a cater company do boxed lunches for an earlier in the day event. In one month, I'll ket you know how it went
alison
June 9th, 2009 · 11:29 AM · #
I think its an awesome idea… IF you can pull it off.
Plus, you have a great excuse
Jen
June 9th, 2009 · 11:43 AM · #
I like the potluck idea, and in the interest of family coming together, you could have blank recipe cards on the table so people could trade recipes (or maybe email addresses to trade recipes later on) if they want. It might be a good conversation starter, and jumping off point for future get togethers. Most wedding I have been to have involved me chatting mostly with my own "side", so I think that would be a great way to get your family members making friends with your partner's family members.
Hillary
June 9th, 2009 · 11:56 AM · #
We considered doing a potluck, but since it was kind of a destination wedding (with an industrial size kitchen), we went ahead and planned the menu, bought the food, and requested help in preparing the food. Most people pitched in.
A suggestion may be to provide a main course, and have everyone bring side dishes. A friend from Alaska went home at some point before her wedding and caught a salmon to serve. Everything else was potluck.
Alicia
June 9th, 2009 · 12:00 PM · #
Okay, I don't have much to add over any of the other great comments but this: You know what rocks? Food made with love.
And I have a feeling that's what a wedding reception with a community potluck would be filled with.
spiderbaby
June 9th, 2009 · 12:18 PM · #
I think its a wonderful idea but I think you should definitely make it an *option* for your guests. I hate to cook and am terrible at it. The idea of having to think of a dish, actually make it without it turning out awful and then have a bunch of people eat it is very stressful. I would much rather just buy a gift. I think the gift *or* dish option is a good call.
Delena
June 9th, 2009 · 12:23 PM · #
I think potlucks for a wedding is a great idea! I spent 10 grand on my first wedding and completely regretted it as hardly anyone who rsvp'd actually showed!
(it should have been a sign as the marriage ended a couple years later…)
This time around I want something simple and more me and my partner…
This might be something different to try.
beatgrl
June 9th, 2009 · 12:35 PM · #
At one friend's potluck wedding I attended, there didn't end up being enough for everyone to eat. Just to be safe, I would suggest doing what my other friend's mom did at her potluck wedding – provide plenty of filling backup food like loaves of good bread to compliment all the great dishes people brought. Other members of the wedding party made extra dishes (including a huge turkey!) to fill in for folks who traveled and couldn't cook. It was a night to remember.
Hibryd
June 9th, 2009 · 12:39 PM · #
spiderbaby – More than once I've been asked to bring to party/event/etc. a type of food which I am NO good at. In those cases I feel zero guilt about stopping by the store and picking up something made by professionals. It's still made with love… mainly my love of not subjecting people to my poor cooking skills.
Kathleen
June 9th, 2009 · 12:43 PM · #
We had the food catered at our wedding last year for practical reasons, BUT we did ask our friends and family to bring cakes as an alternate gift option. This ended up being one of the favorite things people still talk about from our wedding.
Erin
June 9th, 2009 · 12:49 PM · #
I think a potluck is a fantastic idea. All the points brought up in this article and the comments section are encouraging too.
In fact, Crate & Barrel's "Real Simple Weddings" publication showcased a potluck wedding last summer. I consider this publication to be on the traditional "Martha Stewart" side of weddings (not necessarily a bad thing), so to me, that's a sign that this is becoming a more acceptable approach to wedding catering. It's very intimate and communal if anything.
In this case, the bride "asked guests to bring dishes according to their last names: A to E brought breads; F to M, salads, and so on." The food at this wedding looked great and I imagine you can get a pretty balanced spread this way.
Megan
June 9th, 2009 · 12:51 PM · #
I think the idea of a potluck is wonderful, it really brings families together and there will probably be recipe sharing. I would love to do this for our wedding but most people are traveling from a couple states away, its not practical to ask them to make something in their hotel rooms! My small side of the family does live in the area so we are making our own dessert table with baked goods and a cupcake tree, my mom and aunt are super excited about this idea, the rest of my family automatically wanted to pitch in on the dessert table!
Ariel
June 9th, 2009 · 1:49 PM · #
Ooh, Megan I love the idea of recipe sharing — you could even ask people to bring the recipe for the dish they made, and instead of having a standard wedding guestbook, you could create a wedding guest recipe book! Aww. I love the idea.
rosie
June 9th, 2009 · 1:54 PM · #
My future mother in law had a smashing pot luck wedding. I've heard lore that at her wedding someone brought homemade tacos that were so tasty people didn't bother with plates-they just sticky with taco-they were so good. She seemed to really really really want the same thing for me, but local friends are all quite busy – and most of our guests are driving from 1-6 hours away! So, consider your guests. Are they driving or flying? That may be a no go.
renny
June 9th, 2009 · 2:21 PM · #
my boy and i are doing a potluck reception. we have a couple of friends who have offered to make the main dishes and wedding cake. then we were going to ask people to RSVP with what they would be bringing as we've been trying to figure out how to make sure everyone doesn't bring the same kind of thing. i love the idea of the dishes according to last name. that way we don't really need to have people RSVP with what they plan to bring. i think we may end up using that.
i also really like the idea of the recipe sharing.
Monika
June 9th, 2009 · 2:39 PM · #
So I WILL be having a potluck wedding in September! We are providing cake, cupcakes, beer wine, hot chicken/veggies, falafel/hummus and a few other dishes. So my theory is I have way too many friends who are vegan, vegetarian, lacto-intolerant, gluten-allergic, kosher..you get the picture. Plus of our 150 guests, 80 percent of them are foodies. There would be no way to please all of them and I refuse to pay 40 bucks a head or more for a decent vegan/vegetarian friendly caterer in SF. On my wed-site I am creating a page specifically for the pot-luck, with things we would like to have and a place for people to say what they are bringing. I figured if they could bring food that would feed 8 people we would be covered. Luckily Hakone Gardens, has a small kitchen with fridges, so I am not worried about food getting cold, bad etc. What better way to include your friends and make your wedding about being a part of a tribe and not the bride and groom show. I'll let you know how it goes.
Meg
June 9th, 2009 · 3:28 PM · #
Another aspect of travel to think about is food safety. What kind of dishes are you asking people to bring? What is the weather going to be like? How long will said dishes be in the car and/or un-refrigerated? I went to a potluck wedding where some dishes were say, mayonnaise-y or fishy, and had clearly been in the sun for a long time pre-dinner. I didn't touch those dishes, and I was more than a little worried about someone getting food poisoning. There are a million ways around this – provide a main dish, ask people to bring salads/ deserts, ask people who live nearby to bring meat dishes, etc. But it's something to think about.
Go food safety!
PS Yes. Also, having been there, it's very frustrating if you just flew in to have to stop by the supermarket and figure out… um…. What can I buy and bring to the wedding? Ack! If you are having people fly in, I'd suggest exempting them from potluck duties (they can contribute other ways.)
Carla
June 9th, 2009 · 3:36 PM · #
Ok, so, get this. My mother was SO CONCERNED about the tackiness of a pot-luck wedding that, when I told her I planned to have one, she immediately offered to pay for fancy catering herself instead. It was ridiculous, but still… score!
Megan
June 9th, 2009 · 4:47 PM · #
I don't trust potlucks, because I don't trust other people's hygeine. I know my family well enough to know that they're not too concerned with handwashing or keeping pets out of the kitchen when they're cooking. But I like the ideas of cake & punch and light deli lunch receptions.
Jess
June 9th, 2009 · 5:25 PM · #
Do you have some people who like to grill?
Re: keeping food hot for over 50 guests, why not have a BBQ? Hire a friend who's good with a grill to continuously serve up hamburgers and hotdogs. Super cheap AND familiar to everyone.
My co-worker is doing a potluck like that at her house. She's getting married and providing the meat and booze, and everyone else is bringing their favorite dish. It's not "traditional" but it IS fun.
Like the family reunion you WANT to go to!
Laura
June 9th, 2009 · 5:39 PM · #
Your friends will be thrilled you're getting married, and most people are happy to help out. We had a "check box" list of things on the RSVP – one line: able to attend and bringing a side dish, one line: able to attend and bringing a pie, one line: for able to attend, oneline: for not able to attend That way if someone wanted to come but couldn't bring something, they didn't have to!
Tabby
June 9th, 2009 · 9:00 PM · #
I would LOVE to go to a potluck wedding. I've been to several recently ranging from just dessert, to cheap sandwiches and cake, to a buffet in which the groom (my Uncle/favorite chef) taught the caterers how to make his dish. But when you have food brought by the people you love, what could be better? Of course consider where guests are coming from.
If a caterer is the only feasible option look to favorite cheap eats. I was recently at a party catered by Qdoba, which was a huge hit!
sirens
June 10th, 2009 · 3:36 AM · #
I think it is an absolutly awesome idea, if i was one of your guests i would think it was the coolest most original idea. And i would definatly bring more than one dish
Chris S.
June 10th, 2009 · 6:58 AM · #
Oh, I wish this had been posted a few months ago!
Our potluck was killed by the fact that the side of the family which potlucks was coming in 2 hours away… but there is so much good advice on low cost catering here (so now we are self-catering)… Thank you ladies & gents (and Ariel! 
)
Stephy
June 10th, 2009 · 9:35 AM · #
My FH's cousin had a potluck wedding. It would have been okay if not for the fact that
-It was in Maine
-Nearly all of her family (except her mom and step dad) had to travel from out of state
Not only did she not take this into consideration, she got upset when some people didn't show up with food (due to driving 10+ hours just to get there) and threw a fit.
My wedding will be catered since I'm not going to do this to my mother. I'm getting married where she lives and she, my dad and my sisters are the only people in that area. I'd rather they enjoy the day than worry about dishes and how much people like whatever they prepared.
Laura
June 10th, 2009 · 10:46 AM · #
Not only do I think potluck weddings are not tacky, I think that they are amazing. They are a great way for families to come together and share their heritage and history with each other.
allison
June 10th, 2009 · 10:57 AM · #
We are semi-potlucking it for our wedding! The ceremony and reception will be held in his grandmother's yard so we'll ask her to make her famous fried chicken. My Nana and Papa will bring their German Potato Salad and the day before the wedding my dad and I will bake pies! The groom and I will make fried green beans and a green salad and drop biscuits. I am excited to share all of my favorite foods with the people I love and have a lovely time with them.
It's not tacky if it represents you and is full of love!!
Jess
June 10th, 2009 · 12:30 PM · #
Actually, as a reception gift my cousin (and her family) baked individual mini-apple pies. Pretty cheap AND something people would actually use. Plus, you can make it a day or two ahead of time and not worry about it the day of.
cupcakepharaoh
June 10th, 2009 · 4:15 PM · #
I just got married in May and we had a potluck wedding. We didn't put that in the invitation (which was a postcard) but it was on the website. We didn't ask everyone to bring a dish (no out of towners) just people that we thought would like to do so. they either volunteered or didn't. we asked through email what they would like/or be able to bring. We also ordered entrees from a restaurant (so that even if NO ONE brought anything, there would still be something to eat)and cupcakes for our cake.
the result was AMAZING!!! there was so so much delicious food! and there was something for EVERYONE. someone brought PB&J sandwiches for the kids, all sorts of salads and pasta's and casseroles and soups and on and on. it was SO fantastic. honestly there was TOO much food! and i think everyone loved it. i don't think anyone thought it was tacky at all (and if they did, they sure didn't say anything to me!).
I think potlucks are rad. I'm so glad that is the way we went with our wedding. Good luck!
Marissa
June 10th, 2009 · 5:03 PM · #
Random lore:
In old-timey Kentucky, each guest would bring a thin molasses cake to the wedding as a present to the bride and groom. These cakes would be stacked on top of each other as each guest arrived, and so the "finished" cake was a true representation of the bride and groom's entire family and social network in the area.
This might not be as feasible today, but I think it really gives a sense of what's important in a wedding–and how potluck meals can be a larger symbol for community for a couple. It's also a good reminder that the people who are at your wedding will be those that love you no matter what.
Mary
June 11th, 2009 · 4:54 PM · #
I think a potluck wedding is a really great idea! I found with my wedding that all of my relatives, even the ones I don't get to see so often, and also all of my bridal party were eager and happy to pitch in. Which makes me love them to bits. My MOH is actually getting married in July and doing a "base" barbecue with people making sides to bring. Honestly, the people at your wedding are going to be people who love you both, and who want you to be happy. My guess is they'll be delighted to bring a pasta salad.
I do think it would be clever to get some sort of count of who is bringing what, though, either through RSVPs or the different names bring different dishes idea. And providing a main "meat" course could help make sure the meal is all filled out. I sure wouldn't worry about tacky, though!
Joanna
June 12th, 2009 · 9:29 AM · #
I'm having a potluck wedding next August and I'm so excited. A lot of our friends either work in food or are big geeks about food (or both) and the little potlucks we have throughout the year are always really fun and delicious (and sometimes, just a touch competitive). Of course, no one is required to cook– it's not like we're going to turn away guests who don't have a dish– and I'm not expecting out-of-towners to show up holding Baked Alaskas or anything. We're also leaving space on the RSVPS for people to write in what they're bringing– that way we can fill in any gaps in the menu. Our venue is a camp and we have access to a big commercial kitchen– so there's plenty of fridge and oven space and anyone feeling ambitious can do their cooking on-site, even. And if anyone is finicky about eating food other people prepared, they can just BYODinner. I think if you are someone that needs everything to be just so and can't cope with the unplanned, a potluck might be more stress than fun. We're pretty roll-with-the-punches type folks, and for us, potlucks are just a whole lot of fun.
Sylvia
June 12th, 2009 · 8:54 PM · #
Thanks for all the suggestion girls
the ideas really do help me out. It's hard to ask my Fiance sometimes, because I can only talk to him when he has time to call, sometimes that is up to weeks at a time! and for Shoshie, funny you should mention kosher, my Marine IS Jewish! We probably won't be doing the ceremony traditionally though….Thanks again ladies!!!!
FoxInDocs
June 17th, 2009 · 9:09 AM · #
now why didn't i think of this before i booked the stupid restraunt… oh well… restraunts are nice too…….
Maiaoya
June 20th, 2009 · 5:48 PM · #
We had a potluck wedding, mostly because the alternative was to not invite about 3/4 of the guests! We decided that it was more important to us to have everyone there than to feed them all an expensive meal. So we had the potluck in the park (and everyone brought beautiful food!) and then we supplied some trays of Vietnamese sandwiches and vegetarian fresh rolls (cheap and tasty). This way we didn't have to worry about not having enough food if the out of towners couldn't bring something. We also had a cake so we requested that people bring something to share and mentioned that dessert would be provided (we didn't want to end up with lots of pies and cookies and stuff). We supplied rented champagne glasses and compostable plates, cups, and silverware (compostable plastic gets better and cheaper all the time and some places will ship it to you).
Miss Tish
July 2nd, 2009 · 4:16 AM · #
This is an EXCELLENT thread!!! I love how everyone pitches in for a wedding!
I love the idea of coordinating the containers and labeling the food. And I definitely love the idea of a rounded out meal – I have been to an all dessert wedding but it was much too sweet for me (and the other guests I was chatting with) – by the end of it we were soooo hopped up on sugar and NOT in a good way….
I wanted a cheeseburger as soon as I left! ha ha 
I wish I knew how many people you were having at your wedding. We catered a party from a supermarket (Safeway) and it was $350 and we had enough food for about 75 people. They don't need a lot of time to prepare and I was very impressed with how the food turned out. We got chicken trays (strips, wings, & dip), sandwich trays, a veggie tray and a fruit/cheese tray. You could easily add fillers like rolls, crackers, and caesar salad – plus cake of course! Just some random suggestions – I think all of America is on a budget!
Best wishes for your special day and thank your fiance for his service to our country!
Miss Tish
July 2nd, 2009 · 4:21 AM · #
What an excellent point – potluck parties have built in portion controls! Love that!
Miss Tish
July 2nd, 2009 · 4:23 AM · #
Sooooo cool!!!!! That's a GREAT idea and if someone wanted to take that project on then it could be a sweet gift to the new couple!
Miss Tish
July 2nd, 2009 · 4:38 AM · #
This is PERFECT! Who doesn't love a barbecue??? Another option could be marinated chicken or kabobs – I actually make kabobs with pre-made meatballs and veggies and EVERYONE loves them!!!! It's fun and casual and you know the men will love it too!
suzy
August 21st, 2009 · 11:29 PM · #
im doing potluck for our wedding,ive bought soda and punch will make like a sandwhich platter with ham and cheese and turkey and cheese and maybe some pb&j,then a tray with dill & sweet pickles and maybe some olives,then a tray with maybe onion,tomato slices and maybe slices of extra cheese.and maybe veggie tray.then i was going to ask local guest to help with potluck which most of them suggested to do anyway.but my wedding will be cosidered way up there on tacky charts.ive bought invitations,some decoration,and all plates and silverware from dollar and 99 cent store.place we rented you have to pay for wedding side(gazebo) and or reception side sepeate or together so we save 250 by renting reception side and doing it in grass on that side.my dress is white on top and black on bottom(like church dress) hes wearing black slacks,white long sleeve shirt my dads(rip) black leather vest and a sude black hat that has lil harley emblems on it that was his brothers(rip)then his dads(rip).oh and did i mention its on halloween ,guest can dress up,wedding party can change after pics are taken.also i bought theses things from peerpetual kid there heas that go on ketchup and mustard bottles .one looks like throwing up and other looks like snot coming out of nose,lol
EasyBreezyBrideToBe
August 26th, 2009 · 10:25 AM · #
I was just about to email invitations to family and a few close friends for our wedding which is being held at a family summer residence and thought I should google wedding potlucks to see what others thought about the concept. We are planning on a potluck dinner, voluntary of course and of course considered as their gift to us. We are not doing a potluck because of budget but because of all the weddings we have gone to that were catered and the food was less than acceptable and a lot of money was spent on it….not pretty. I have also watched several of those wedding planner shows…OMG….can't believe people put themselves through so much stress…spending thousands they can't afford!!! That money could be best spent on a down payment for a house or education for their children. Seriously…people gather to help celebrate your love for each other…a potluck is a fabulous idea and takes a lot of stress away from the bride and groom…for whatever reason they choose to do it. Millions of dollars are spent annually on weddings and couples are getting ripped off big time. What is a wedding really about….sharing your commitment and love with family and close friends. Planning a potluck wedding is not tacky if presented in the proper way. I say go for it…the food is always good!!!
Cassandra
September 20th, 2009 · 12:55 AM · #
Where can you have a potluck wedding? My fiance is an alien and because of his visa I'll only have a month or two notice before our wedding. I expect it will be cold, windy and raining on the day of my event (San Diego winter). We'll have no more than 50 guests. Many venues require you to have a licensed caterer, and 50 people is too many for an in-home celebration. Suggestions?
Katie
October 13th, 2009 · 7:53 PM · #
My parents got married for about $200 back in 1979. Their invitation was handwritten in sharpie then photocopied and read "bring a covered dish and an instrument, potluck and jam session to follow the ceremony". My mom says their friends STILL talk about how much fun they had at the wedding.
I think a potluck is a find idea, especially (as Ariel mentioned) if your family likes to cook and share meals.
Mareeyah
October 28th, 2009 · 11:52 AM · #
I've actually experienced donating a dish to a potluck wedding… I didn't find it tacky nor was I offended by it. The background story? There was this couple who have lived together for a few years, because they were so poor and couldn't afford to celebrate a wedding at all. But they were reactivated by the church and been encouraged to get married to make things right, so they worked out the legal requirements, but still couldn't afford a reception. Friends wanted to make their wedding feel like a really special occasion, so we agreed to contribute a dish each. There were just 25 guests, but it was fun and memorable and there was even lots of leftover foods afterward.
Angie Martin
October 28th, 2009 · 8:22 PM · #
I had an absolutely no frills wedding reception in a bar. I really wanted to do a potluck, and it sounds like in your situation, it's the best option. Either that, or go to a restaurant. I know too many brides who serve cake & punch made by a catering company because that's all they can afford. I had people coming from miles away who were going to need to eat. In the end, my mother in law caught a whiff of the potluck idea and shot it down. I conceded, but only because she agreed to pay for the catering as a present to us. Otherwise, it would have been potluck!