Gaia & Parker's Buddhist Pagan Geodesic Hippie Handfasting
Posted by Offbeat Intern · Real offbeat weddings

The Offbeat Bride: Gaia, Solar Energy Designer

Her Offbeat Partner: Parker, Gourmet vegetarian chef

Location & date of wedding: Under our geodesic dome at our home in rural Michigan — April 20, 2009

What made our wedding offbeat: Our ceremony was about equality and expressing our unique personalities. She's a buddhist, he's a pagan, so we chose very egalitarian vows representing both traditions.

We took all the typical sexist language out of the ceremony, questioned the origin of every tradition and sought out ideas and symbology from many cultures.

Parker wore a kilt to celebrate his celtic heritage. His Mom gave him away. We used astrology to choose the date, which ended up falling on a Monday. We did away with rings, instead making willow bracelets the day of the ceremony. Gaia took a completely new FIRST and last name instead of taking Parker's name. We had our kids stand up for us and all in the wedding party picked their own costumes. The only fashion requirement was fun and funky. We let the bachelor/ette party guests choose the music for the reception, with hilarious results.

The whole shebang was DIY: from the geodesic dome to the bouquet, photography, cake, even the pulpit — everything was done by ourselves or friends and family. Total cost: well under $2k, including the 30' dome! The biggest expense was the food, catered by the groom. In fact, Parker made the majority of the wedding plans and final preparations as I was out of town until the previous day.

We tried to be über eco-friendly, with a completely vegetarian buffet and even making our loved ones use our homemade composting toilets! Now that's some offbeat shit! (Sorry, can't help it…)

Our biggest challenge: Our biggest challenge was the typical star-crossed lovers' dilemma — some people didn't approve, of one thing or another. To address this, we left out any reference like "speak now or forever hold your pee" and instead played Billy Joel's "My Life" immediately following the ceremony. It was subtle, but made the point. "…I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life…Don't get me wrong / you can speak your mind / but not on my time." Some people wondered aloud what kind of wedding song it was (a reference to "Bosom Buddies"?!) I don't know if it was tactful, but it got the message across in a humorous, lighthearted way.

During the handfasting itself the Right Excellent Reverend's proclamation that "only a couple can administer the sacrament of marriage to each other, and only a couple can sanctify it" helped make it clear that no one need give us permission, not the state, any church, or even family — that our vows were said in our hearts well ahead of time, before all the hoopla, and irrespective of our differing beliefs. It was clear well before that moment, though, that this was our own event, and we owned the moment fully.

Our second biggest problem, that we probably share with a lot of other couples was lack of money. We just made a game out of how cheap of cheap bastards we could possibly be. It changed the problem from imagined tragedy to a fun challenge!

My favorite moment: Our words were very carefully chosen, but even we laughed during the ceremony when we said, "I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night, and the eyes into which I smile in the morning," instead of some puke-a-ruke reference to fidelity. It's probably best that our grandparents couldn't attend as there were several references in the ceremony to making love (and often), which elicited a few chuckles. Then we followed it up with White Stripes' "Conquest".

Who can pick just one favorite moment? Here are a few more: The bachelor party crashing the bachelorette party and then leaving just before midnight to avoid the bad luck of the groom seeing the bride on the wedding day. Our friend telling us, "You guys are so sexy, I could do you both!" The bouquet showing up a half hour before the main event and taking my breath away. I absolutely loved the group handfasting and the feeling that our wedding was a communal event. Being sewn into my dress so that Parker had to cut it off of me at the end of the night!

My advice for other offbeat brides: Question every tradition and symbol. What does this represent to you personally as well as historically, symbolically or spiritually? If a tradition bothers you or doesn't speak to your innermost desires, throw it out or change it to be meaningful.

Don’t just do something because it’s wacky and offbeat, do it because it represents who you really are, or your deepest beliefs about life and love.

Don't blow your money on an elaborate wedding, save it for a kick-ass honeymoon instead. A meaningful wedding can be had on a shoestring with a little help from your friends. The most important part isn't the window dressing, it's the commitment you're making, so make that part matter most and reflect your most authentic selves. In other words, put more than a little thought into the words that you say to each other and the promises that you make. Many people told us afterward that the ceremony was quite beautiful and meaningful, even if it was a harebrained hippie scheme.

And never, ever apologize for or compromise being who you truly are. Celebrate it instead! And laugh — a lot! (It will make you sexier in the wedding photos.)

Care to share a few vendor/shopping links?:

• We made the dome, ourselves with a little guidance from www.desertdomes.com, but for those less ambitious (and with a bigger budget) who would still like one, we recommend Pacific Domes. We didn’t have time to make a proper cover, so a friend put some tarps over it when it started to rain.
• The drop-dead gorgeous bouquet was made by the groom’s good friend Holly Kajowski.
• Shoes by Birkenstock.
• To make your own composting toilet, check out the plans in The Humanure Handbook, or you can buy The Lovable Loo on the same site.

Enough talk — show me the wedding porn!

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