Comments on: The pursuit of authenticity vs. the pursuit of attention

By: Andrea M

Andrea M — Sat, 05 May 2012 16:18:23 +0000

I don't think I've ever strived for authenticity or pursued eyeballs. I've certainly made attempts at being normal, sometimes society requires that, but I'm just naturally weird and a little more sincere than is strictly necessary. I've noticed it a lot lately because when I tell people I live what I refer to as an early 80's lifestyle, they usually giggle and move along which is fine. I have dealt with people though who go "oh, me too!" which gets me all excited then it turns out that they only have a passing and ironic flirtation with the era and I then feel the need to punch them for being stupid and polluting something that doesn't know the concept of irony with their retro ironic giggles. It's usually hipsters who are like this which just makes me hate them all the more, but I digress.

By: HeathenSwan

HeathenSwan — Thu, 03 May 2012 23:11:30 +0000

We've done some attention-grabbing things, but they were authentically for us. Our human wedipede save the dates (STDs, lol) are one example of that. We're both devious little shits who like to mess with people. The Wedipede was something that felt real to us. We knew we'd get a few chuckles. But honestly, the most important part of that project was the massive amount of fun we had together when we created them. We laughed like crazy and it made for a wonderful memory. (Of course, when my mom called me and was wheezing with laughter, I was excited because I love hearing her laugh). So it was sort of an attention whore move, with authentic roots, if that makes sense.

I think the best thing to do is to brainstorm the offbeat ideas. Then, sit on them for a week or so. If they still feel right, or you just don't give a crap what people think (but not in the "This is totally going to piss so-and-so off" way), then it can still be an authentic and from the heart thing… even if it is a completely oddball thing to do

By: Caroline

Caroline — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 06:22:00 +0000

I have been writing and re-writing my post for 15 minutes now. I've decided to just post this:

To me, relentlessly pursuing authenticity is seeking attention. While my FH and I are privately very sappy and lovey-dovey with each other, I know that my whole family and all my friends would be very uncomfortable hearing us pour over each other in our vows. And you know what? I would be uncomfortable, too. For me, our wedding is a party celebrating what we've known for a long time. I don't need to reveal my innermost feelings to a group of 100 people; I reveal them to my FH all the time, and I always shall. At the wedding, we are planning to celebrate our guests as much as ourselves, so we do care if they will like the food, or the favours or the games, etc. It's not all about US, as in he and I; it's about US, as in everyone who has made us who we are. Isn't that, after all, why you invite guests in the first place?

By: Sabrina

Sabrina — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 06:38:11 +0000

I can relate to this. I would have been happy with no event, just a trip to the JP's office. Friends and family were aghast at this sentiment when I mentioned it well before my fiance proposed. I realized, by the time he let slip the Big Question, that a Wedding (capital W) is something my fiance kind of yearns for, even if he wouldn't admit to it as a romantic yearning–not just a formality for him but meaningful! (Aww…)
As my search for authenticity begins, I am grappling with the fact that what NEEDS to happen is this attention focused on us. Well, as the bride, on ME. I have to figure out how I'm comfortable PRESENTING myself and our relationship to the COMMUNITY. So of course what they think is important–if it wasn't, why a public declaration of our love and commitment at all?

By: The Stik

The Stik — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 12:20:35 +0000

When I read this, my first thought was actually "Duh?" I'm actually bored by the exterior detail work and have started thinking about the vows even though the wedding's over a year away. When I read articles that suggest waiting to plan the vows and ceremony until about three months before the wedding, I facepalm because it seems to miss the point of the wedding. The reception gets the lion's share of attention because of the planning involved, but I'm just approaching it as a party (which I have experience planning). The ceremony, though? That's where I'm hoping to devote the bulk of my energy. Then again, maybe I'm offbeat in the sense that I'm not afraid to go out on that soul searching limb and bare that in front of my friends and family. *shrug*

By: Karen

Karen — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 08:57:19 +0000

Can't thank you enough for this post, not to mention the several other gems of wisdom lurking throughout your site. We got married a few months ago in our living room and postponed the celebration with family and friends until a month from now for the sake of preserving authenticity and removing some of the stress. Recently, I've been drowning in party planning details, trying to conjure up unique ways to ensure that everyone has a good time, but so much that I actually forgot the reason we're having this party to begin with. This mindset has completely taken over — I have nightmares that people will be bored at our celebration, and that just isn't me.

I do care if people have a good time, but ya know something? We'll have food, lots of drinks, music — and US — I think we're covered.

By: Laney

Laney — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 04:04:51 +0000

Thanks for this. I've been grappling with this concept a good bit. When I was first engaged, I intended to sing to my partner at our reception–my gift to him. When I started looking for ideas for songs, I got some pretty nasty comments about attention-seeking and how inappropriate it would be. But in the end… it's what I do. It makes me happy and it makes my partner happy so why the hell shouldn't I be able to do it?

By: Rach

Rach — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 02:23:02 +0000

Hi Kate,
My fiance & I are only children too, and I'm also an only grandchild. Yet, my hubby-to-be has a large family so we too are planning a larger wedding than I'd prefer. I think it'll all work out

By: Jane

Jane — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 20:45:37 +0000

Thanks i think i needed to hear that…

By: Kate

Kate — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 02:10:38 +0000

I wish I'd seen this sight and this post sooner…6 days to go!…but but it is what it is and I don't have to worry about what happens. In the end, I'm marrying a wonderful man and that is what truly matters.
Thanks for all the advice!!!! Love this sight!