Comments on: Why do longtime partners split after getting married? http://offbeatbride.com/2009/04/why-do-longtime-partners-split-after-getting-married Taffeta-Free Alternatives for Independent Brides Sat, 20 Mar 2010 01:30:21 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: misty http://offbeatbride.com/2009/04/why-do-longtime-partners-split-after-getting-married/comment-page-2#comment-60052 misty Thu, 11 Feb 2010 14:50:30 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=2079#comment-60052 I love this post and I have something to add if I may. My FH has muscular dystrophy and cant do things like go to work evey day, take less than 2 hours getting up into his wheel chair or reach out his arms to hold me. But the things that he can do are amazing, he can set up mu computer when i manage to screw it up, take care of my mothers computer, demand that we take time to talk when things get strained between us and make me feel like a princess. In the daily grind that we all go through i think alot of the little things get lost and we forget why we fell in love with that person in the first place. keeping in mind to love and respect the other persons abilities and wonderfullness can help even in the most trying of times. Sometimes all it takes is communicating to the other person that despite the problems you are going through as a couple you still see what is amazing about your spouse. ok, thats all lol. sorry it got a little long winded I love this post and I have something to add if I may. My FH has muscular dystrophy and cant do things like go to work evey day, take less than 2 hours getting up into his wheel chair or reach out his arms to hold me. But the things that he can do are amazing, he can set up mu computer when i manage to screw it up, take care of my mothers computer, demand that we take time to talk when things get strained between us and make me feel like a princess. In the daily grind that we all go through i think alot of the little things get lost and we forget why we fell in love with that person in the first place.
keeping in mind to love and respect the other persons abilities and wonderfullness can help even in the most trying of times. Sometimes all it takes is communicating to the other person that despite the problems you are going through as a couple you still see what is amazing about your spouse. ok, thats all lol. sorry it got a little long winded
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]]> By: Becca http://offbeatbride.com/2009/04/why-do-longtime-partners-split-after-getting-married/comment-page-2#comment-59520 Becca Thu, 04 Feb 2010 07:36:36 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=2079#comment-59520 I think many couples end up having a lack of true communication, it's because being completely honest can be scary. My Fiance and I live a few states away from each other and in a way it's been a really good thing for us. We talk, really really talk. There is no way to avoid talking as in conventional dating where you can fill that void with dinner, movies, snuggles, and sexy time. We know so much about one another because talking is how we stay close when 1,053 miles separate us. Remember that communication despite being scary is crucial and you have to be brave and bring up the uncomfortable topics because if you don't they'll still be there in the morning. I think many couples end up having a lack of true communication, it's because being completely honest can be scary. My Fiance and I live a few states away from each other and in a way it's been a really good thing for us. We talk, really really talk. There is no way to avoid talking as in conventional dating where you can fill that void with dinner, movies, snuggles, and sexy time. We know so much about one another because talking is how we stay close when 1,053 miles separate us. Remember that communication despite being scary is crucial and you have to be brave and bring up the uncomfortable topics because if you don't they'll still be there in the morning.
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]]> By: Shrug http://offbeatbride.com/2009/04/why-do-longtime-partners-split-after-getting-married/comment-page-2#comment-58884 Shrug Fri, 29 Jan 2010 14:10:52 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=2079#comment-58884 This is actually a question I've been trying to work out since I was a young girl. My stepfather and my mother were together from the age I was about 2 to around 8 or 9(?). We lived together the whole time as a 'family', and then they decided to get married. They even included my stepsister and I in the ceremony in which we all 'married' together. I was in bliss because I worshiped my dad, so when nearly exactly a year later they broke up it shattered my world. In small ways I think I'm still a little off-kilter about it. As I've tried to work it out all these years I've always came to the same conclusion (once I stopped blaming myself) that they were trying to slap a bandaid on a failing relationship. They were both headed on separate paths in life and I suspect this was where they hit the juncture. To be clear, when I say I'm still a little off-kilter, I simply mean that I maybe will never learn to 'trust' a relationship, no matter how long it runs, because I saw up close and personal how two people who were seemingly crazy in love one day, divorced the next. I believe 'they' believed they should be married. I don't think it was a conscious step to 'save the relationship', but an honest unconscious last grab for what they had shared for so long. I see where my mom is today - how she lives her life - and how my dad did before he died and I know they did the right thing in splitting up. People grow, and sadly enough, not always in the same direction. This is actually a question I've been trying to work out since I was a young girl. My stepfather and my mother were together from the age I was about 2 to around 8 or 9(?). We lived together the whole time as a 'family', and then they decided to get married. They even included my stepsister and I in the ceremony in which we all 'married' together. I was in bliss because I worshiped my dad, so when nearly exactly a year later they broke up it shattered my world. In small ways I think I'm still a little off-kilter about it. As I've tried to work it out all these years I've always came to the same conclusion (once I stopped blaming myself) that they were trying to slap a bandaid on a failing relationship. They were both headed on separate paths in life and I suspect this was where they hit the juncture.

To be clear, when I say I'm still a little off-kilter, I simply mean that I maybe will never learn to 'trust' a relationship, no matter how long it runs, because I saw up close and personal how two people who were seemingly crazy in love one day, divorced the next. I believe 'they' believed they should be married. I don't think it was a conscious step to 'save the relationship', but an honest unconscious last grab for what they had shared for so long.

I see where my mom is today – how she lives her life – and how my dad did before he died and I know they did the right thing in splitting up. People grow, and sadly enough, not always in the same direction.

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]]> By: Glenda http://offbeatbride.com/2009/04/why-do-longtime-partners-split-after-getting-married/comment-page-1#comment-52129 Glenda Mon, 05 Oct 2009 23:41:01 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=2079#comment-52129 "never make promises for later that you wouldn't keep now." AMEN, sister! "never make promises for later that you wouldn't keep now."
AMEN, sister!
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]]> By: Shenitha http://offbeatbride.com/2009/04/why-do-longtime-partners-split-after-getting-married/comment-page-2#comment-51849 Shenitha Tue, 29 Sep 2009 13:35:58 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=2079#comment-51849 I'm getting marry in June 2010. My parnter is a great guy. He has 4 kids they are grown. I also has three kids they are also grown. But I love this man very much. Me and him talk, we listen to he other, we both love TV, we talk on the phone just say we love each other,we both love yard work, also we have great sex. We have know n each other for a long time. We both want someone to respect us,listen,love me for me, still continue to have great sex,And sometime just to say Hi.You good point on relationship. Thank you for good thing to read. I'm getting marry in June 2010. My parnter is a great guy. He has 4 kids they are grown. I also has three kids they are also grown. But I love this man very much. Me and him talk, we listen to he other, we both love TV, we talk on the phone just say we love each other,we both love yard work, also we have great sex. We have know n each other for a long time. We both want someone to respect us,listen,love me for me, still continue to have great sex,And sometime just to say Hi.You good point on relationship. Thank you for good thing to read.
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]]> By: katie http://offbeatbride.com/2009/04/why-do-longtime-partners-split-after-getting-married/comment-page-2#comment-50740 katie Sat, 22 Aug 2009 22:34:12 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=2079#comment-50740 this is a major reason why i'm not getting married. the relationship is good the way it is. don't want to rock the boat for a piece of paper. this is a major reason why i'm not getting married. the relationship is good the way it is. don't want to rock the boat for a piece of paper.
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]]> By: Mia http://offbeatbride.com/2009/04/why-do-longtime-partners-split-after-getting-married/comment-page-2#comment-49662 Mia Mon, 10 Aug 2009 00:38:12 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=2079#comment-49662 Usually, those are "bandaid marriages". That's why they divorce after a year. They tried everything. Usually, those are "bandaid marriages". That's why they divorce after a year. They tried everything.
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]]> By: OffbeatAriel http://offbeatbride.com/2009/04/why-do-longtime-partners-split-after-getting-married/comment-page-2#comment-47676 OffbeatAriel Thu, 16 Jul 2009 06:09:38 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=2079#comment-47676 "Ariel, if you have doubts about getting married because of everyone else's break up stories you will never be happy. You are the only one who knows in your heart that this person you love is the only person you want to be with and you trust and believe they feel the same." Orla, I'm totally confused by your comment -- I got married five years ago and am happy as a clam. Doubts about getting married? Whaaaa? "Ariel, if you have doubts about getting married because of everyone else's break up stories you will never be happy. You are the only one who knows in your heart that this person you love is the only person you want to be with and you trust and believe they feel the same."

Orla, I'm totally confused by your comment — I got married five years ago and am happy as a clam. Doubts about getting married? Whaaaa?

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]]> By: Orla http://offbeatbride.com/2009/04/why-do-longtime-partners-split-after-getting-married/comment-page-2#comment-47674 Orla Wed, 15 Jul 2009 22:54:28 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=2079#comment-47674 Couples who have been together for 6 years and break up - my theroy is More than likely these couples were together for a few years not living together and then bought a place and realised completely different things about each other. Living together and sharing finances is a big issue in many break ups. If couples get married thinking this is the next step we have been together for this many years and this is the reason for getting married - don't!!!! When i was single i spent every penny i earned plus money i didn't have to spend and went on holidays every year. I met my boyfriend and we connected straight away. We were so different i spent - he was cautious with money. I changed my ways because i knew he made sense and we were able to buy our own place and now save for the wedding. You have to realise that you both can't be right all of the time and compromise is the biggest relasionship saver. Ariel, if you have doubts about getting married because of everyone else's break up stories you will never be happy. You are the only one who knows in your heart that this person you love is the only person you want to be with and you trust and believe they feel the same. You will also find couples who have been in the situation of broke up and found love of life, more than likely are couples who met very young and changed their ideas of what the wanted or one or the other had no real previous relasionships and fell into habit with each other. The best advice i can give to anyone reading this is 1. Money how both of you treat this . Remember don't think if your partner is being tight it is a controlling thing, it might not be, just ensuring for your future. I thought this at first but i realised he really did have our best interests. 2. Compremise - it is okay to give in to each other. You are both different. 3. Allow each other space to do your own things from time to time. You are both individual and deserve that right. You will be better together also. This shows trust , faith and respect between you, Hope i have helped somewhat. preacing over and time to head to bed. 4. Most importantly know how to have fun together and be happy in each other company Best of luck to all and don't loose faith. Marriage is and will be hard work if you don't work at it and don't forget each other no matter what is going on in your life at the time. Discuss your feelings no matter how stupid they seem. Couples who have been together for 6 years and break up – my theroy is More than likely these couples were together for a few years not living together and then bought a place and realised completely different things about each other. Living together and sharing finances is a big issue in many break ups.
If couples get married thinking this is the next step we have been together for this many years and this is the reason for getting married – don't!!!!
When i was single i spent every penny i earned plus money i didn't have to spend and went on holidays every year. I met my boyfriend and we connected straight away. We were so different i spent – he was cautious with money. I changed my ways because i knew he made sense and we were able to buy our own place and now save for the wedding. You have to realise that you both can't be right all of the time and compromise is the biggest relasionship saver.
Ariel, if you have doubts about getting married because of everyone else's break up stories you will never be happy. You are the only one who knows in your heart that this person you love is the only person you want to be with and you trust and believe they feel the same.
You will also find couples who have been in the situation of broke up and found love of life, more than likely are couples who met very young and changed their ideas of what the wanted or one or the other had no real previous relasionships and fell into habit with each other.

The best advice i can give to anyone reading this is 1. Money how both of you treat this . Remember don't think if your partner is being tight it is a controlling thing, it might not be, just ensuring for your future. I thought this at first but i realised he really did have our best interests.
2. Compremise – it is okay to give in to each other. You are both different.
3. Allow each other space to do your own things from time to time. You are both individual and deserve that right. You will be better together also. This shows trust , faith and respect between you,
Hope i have helped somewhat. preacing over and time to head to bed.
4. Most importantly know how to have fun together and be happy in each other company
Best of luck to all and don't loose faith. Marriage is and will be hard work if you don't work at it and don't forget each other no matter what is going on in your life at the time. Discuss your feelings no matter how stupid they seem.

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]]> By: chillena http://offbeatbride.com/2009/04/why-do-longtime-partners-split-after-getting-married/comment-page-2#comment-46279 chillena Sun, 28 Jun 2009 07:36:11 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=2079#comment-46279 Me & Mr. Right have waited seven years before deciding to tie the knot and both of us expect a big change after the wedding, because we want to get preggers immediately! But the key is communication and shared goals. We've talked and talked and talked about it, so we both feel very confident in making these next steps. And if it doesn't work out, at least we know each other well enough after all these lengthy discussions to deal with it amicably. There's absolutely nothing wrong about waiting to get married! Me & Mr. Right have waited seven years before deciding to tie the knot and both of us expect a big change after the wedding, because we want to get preggers immediately! But the key is communication and shared goals. We've talked and talked and talked about it, so we both feel very confident in making these next steps. And if it doesn't work out, at least we know each other well enough after all these lengthy discussions to deal with it amicably. There's absolutely nothing wrong about waiting to get married!
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