Comments on: Why do longtime partners split after getting married?

By: Glenda

Glenda — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 23:41:01 +0000

"never make promises for later that you wouldn't keep now."
AMEN, sister!

By: Shenitha

Shenitha — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 13:35:58 +0000

I'm getting marry in June 2010. My parnter is a great guy. He has 4 kids they are grown. I also has three kids they are also grown. But I love this man very much. Me and him talk, we listen to he other, we both love TV, we talk on the phone just say we love each other,we both love yard work, also we have great sex. We have know n each other for a long time. We both want someone to respect us,listen,love me for me, still continue to have great sex,And sometime just to say Hi.You good point on relationship. Thank you for good thing to read.

By: katie

katie — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 22:34:12 +0000

this is a major reason why i'm not getting married. the relationship is good the way it is. don't want to rock the boat for a piece of paper.

By: Mia

Mia — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 00:38:12 +0000

Usually, those are "bandaid marriages". That's why they divorce after a year. They tried everything.

By: OffbeatAriel

OffbeatAriel — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 06:09:38 +0000

"Ariel, if you have doubts about getting married because of everyone else's break up stories you will never be happy. You are the only one who knows in your heart that this person you love is the only person you want to be with and you trust and believe they feel the same."

Orla, I'm totally confused by your comment — I got married five years ago and am happy as a clam. Doubts about getting married? Whaaaa?

By: Orla

Orla — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 22:54:28 +0000

Couples who have been together for 6 years and break up – my theroy is More than likely these couples were together for a few years not living together and then bought a place and realised completely different things about each other. Living together and sharing finances is a big issue in many break ups.
If couples get married thinking this is the next step we have been together for this many years and this is the reason for getting married – don't!!!!
When i was single i spent every penny i earned plus money i didn't have to spend and went on holidays every year. I met my boyfriend and we connected straight away. We were so different i spent – he was cautious with money. I changed my ways because i knew he made sense and we were able to buy our own place and now save for the wedding. You have to realise that you both can't be right all of the time and compromise is the biggest relasionship saver.
Ariel, if you have doubts about getting married because of everyone else's break up stories you will never be happy. You are the only one who knows in your heart that this person you love is the only person you want to be with and you trust and believe they feel the same.
You will also find couples who have been in the situation of broke up and found love of life, more than likely are couples who met very young and changed their ideas of what the wanted or one or the other had no real previous relasionships and fell into habit with each other.

The best advice i can give to anyone reading this is 1. Money how both of you treat this . Remember don't think if your partner is being tight it is a controlling thing, it might not be, just ensuring for your future. I thought this at first but i realised he really did have our best interests.
2. Compremise – it is okay to give in to each other. You are both different.
3. Allow each other space to do your own things from time to time. You are both individual and deserve that right. You will be better together also. This shows trust , faith and respect between you,
Hope i have helped somewhat. preacing over and time to head to bed.
4. Most importantly know how to have fun together and be happy in each other company
Best of luck to all and don't loose faith. Marriage is and will be hard work if you don't work at it and don't forget each other no matter what is going on in your life at the time. Discuss your feelings no matter how stupid they seem.

By: chillena

chillena — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 07:36:11 +0000

Me & Mr. Right have waited seven years before deciding to tie the knot and both of us expect a big change after the wedding, because we want to get preggers immediately! But the key is communication and shared goals. We've talked and talked and talked about it, so we both feel very confident in making these next steps. And if it doesn't work out, at least we know each other well enough after all these lengthy discussions to deal with it amicably. There's absolutely nothing wrong about waiting to get married!

By: Morgan

Morgan — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 05:21:28 +0000

I don't know if I agree that having different expectations of marriage is the primary reason that long-term couples split up. For me, it seems to be more of a confinement issue, as I often think I'd feel suffocated in a marriage. I don't know why but picturing myself in a lifelong, unmarried relationship feels much more "freeing" than marriage. I question whether some long-term couples may experience this feeling of confinement once married and then get divorced. This could just be me, though!

By: Hibryd

Hibryd — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 23:58:23 +0000

"We didn't think much would change after we got married. After all, we were already living together and madly in love. Weren't we just making it legal?"

I want to amend my previous statement, because I think I can more clearly state why marriage really did take our relationship to the next level.

A relationship is about love; marriage is more, marriage is bigger, marriage is more profound than that, than just love or feelings.

Marriage is not just about the love you feel now, it's also the love you promise to give for the rest of your life. Marriage is not just a verbal commitment made in the privacy of your own home, it's a commitment made public, legal and binding. Marriage is not just about having fun and enjoying your current life, it's vowing that your partner's fun and enjoyment is now, if anything, more important than your own. Marriage is not just a "celebration" about your "relationship", it the day you promise to shift your priorities and put the "we" above "me".

Marriage is also a nexus, a focal point, the day in which you lay all you are out on the table and say "this is me, and from now on I am yours." When you're dating the armor is on, your self-interests are alive and well, but as you get to know each other more the armor slowly comes off. The wedding is when you finally cast it all aside and mutually agree to give everything you have.

I would follow my husband across the country and give him one of my kidneys when we got there, and I feel safe doing so only because, on the day we got married, he got up in front of his friends and family and promised to do the same for me. I can give more than I ever could while we were dating, or even engaged, because we have already given the ultimate gift to each other: the rest of our lives. There's nothing left to withhold. There's no reason left to keep my guard up. He knows I'm not just with him until I get bored or find someone better, because I have said in the loudest, clearest way possible that I would rather live the rest of my life with him than keep my options open.

Dating is about you, your feelings, your fun, your interests. Marriage is the next level because it is a declaration to the world that your partnership is now a bigger, better, and more important thing than you are on your own.

By: Cyn

Cyn — Sat, 30 May 2009 02:30:05 +0000

Statistics Canada said that people who lived together before they were married were 50% more likely to get divorced once they got married than people who did not live together previous to marriage.