How to plan a wedding from afar: part I (by Shrie)

Advice By on April 14, 2009 40

I'm by no means a wedding planner. I had never even planned a large event before I got engaged… but in planning our wedding from over 2,000 miles away I found that there ain't jack shit for resources on this topic.

So here it is, "Shrie's Humble Guide to Planning A Wedding from Afar: Or How to Get Hitched Without Pulling Your Hair Out." I hope my teeny tidbits of advice will help at least one crazed, "I don't know where to start!" bride-to-be looking for a little relief.

Getting married and putting the whole shebang together can be awesome fun. Getting married and putting the whole shebang together at a location 2,100 miles away from where you live can be awesome fun AND a little stressful. Lucky for you, I've been through all that and will graciously divulge all my time-saving, stress-free secrets…

1) Focus!
If you're planning your wedding in a location in which you do not live, I'd recommend starting as far ahead of time in the planning process as possible! Look for inspiration online, in crafting stores, on TV, in the yard, at your hairdresser's salon.. wherever! Get a feel for the overall environment you'd like to create before you go one step further. Ours was focused on two main themes, vintage 50s and the celebratory Mexican fiesta! We wanted to find a venue with charm, flair and a vintage vibe. We had to realistically gauge our needs, budget and wedding "environment" ideas in order to choose the perfect venue. One of the big deciding factors for us was complete freedom with booze, food and the ability to have our sweet red dog as our ring bearer. Find your focus, like we did on the booze and food, and steer your efforts in that direction.

Minimize, ladies: If you were getting hitched down the road from your house, moving theatre set displays and a huge photobooth might be realistic. When you're traveling for three days in an FJ Cruiser with a dog and wedding gear, excess is not an option. Sure, we had grandiose plans but when reality hit like a ton of bricks we scaled back, and I think we were better off because of it.

2) Tools!
Google Docs is a dream… I could start a spreadsheet, email the link to my Mom and she could edit and view it! From there, we noted everything from cost to availability to restrictions to the specific person to contact from each venue on the spreadsheet. Spreadsheets were my saving grace in this process, along with the amazing Momz of course.

Because my parents were chipping in for the wedding ANOTHER spreadsheet was necessary to keep track of expenses. Luckily, Google has many needs-specific templates available. We chose a budgeting spreadsheet and everyone could edit it online as well, so we could keep a close track of what we spent and where we were at in terms of our overall budget. Because I was getting a jillion emails from the caterer, piano player, hair lady etc. I just set color-coded label in my Gmail inbox entitled "Wedding". I tagged any incoming wedding-related email with that label to make it easier to search for pertinent information when I needed it. Go Google!

3) Organization!
It makes it SO much easier to plan a wedding from afar if there are people you can trust to help you out. Because we were traveling with the dog and didn't have a lot of room in our vehicle, I assigned tasks to several people. It was hard to let go of control, but I wouldn't have been able to get everything taken care of in the few days we had before the wedding without their help. Elect another person to help you organize, delegate and run around. For me, it was my Mom, as my maid of honor lived in Colorado and couldn't be there til the eve of the wedding. She was more stressed than me for sure, but that's a Mom's nature, no?

Get down to the dirty work with "Planning a wedding from afar: part 2" coming soon! Venue, food, decorations… tips and pics galore!


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About offbeatshrie

Besides dog parkin' it with the dogs, honing her crafting wiles, making mixtapes and eating her hubs' stellar cooking, Shrie also enjoys writing about music, DIYin' and design.

http://www.loandbehold.org

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Comments (40)
  • Thanks for sharing your advice on this under-developed topic!! I'm maid of honour for my best friend right now, who is planning a wedding in Canada, from Spain. The jokes about not having hair left by the wedding day have already started.

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • I am looking forward to part 2 of this….I live in southern china and my wedding is in austin texas….fun fun fun

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • Yes, yes, yes to number 2! I'm planning my Oklahoma wedding from France, and Google is the glue holding this thing together!

    I'm waiting eagerly for part 2!

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • On April 14th, 2009 at 8:32 AM
    Heather said

    Thank you thank you so much!! I'm planning my Mexican Puerto Vallarta wedding from Nashville, TN of all places! ha I'm so excited to start using the spreadsheets on Google to Budget Baby!!

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • On April 14th, 2009 at 9:08 AM
    Kalyn McAlester said

    As an attender of this event, I can personally tell you how organized and festive this wedding was! Shrie did an amazing job and everything went like clockwork! YOU ROCK GIRL!

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • Awww, man. I wish I would've thought of the google docs thing before my wedding. That would've been verrry helpful! Looove your hair!

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • On April 14th, 2009 at 9:58 AM
    wildstyle said

    THANK YOU.

    I'm planning my wedding in New Zealand from New York. 18 hour time difference. Does "across the universe" work as a theme???

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • LOVE what I can see of your dress, Shrie — you must post more pics in part 2!

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • We planned a wedding from 1500 miles away – in my home town, but there were still challenges. The things that helped us stay sane: doing lots of research ahead of our trips out, narrowing vendors down to 2 or 3 and only meeting with them, and making choices and STICKING WITH THEM. It was great not having to second-guess ourselves; once we picked a caterer, that was it. The other main sanity saver was the oft-quoted indiebride mentality of "good is good enough." We didn't strive for perfection and knew it wasn't possible anyway.

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • On April 14th, 2009 at 11:10 AM
    elkaybie said

    great tip on the google docs and labels! I'm only getting married 200 miles from home, and they've been a life saver in the planning process :)

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • This is terrific!
    We've been engaged since November, but have felt overwhelmed at the thought of planning a wedding from afar!
    Thank you so much for all the tips!

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • On April 14th, 2009 at 11:53 AM
    emilykate said

    How did you find your vendors? I'm planning a wedding across the country and need to find gay-friendly vendors with only Google searches to lead me! Any advice on vetting?

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • I too have been struggling with this… and I have come to a completely different solution: wedding coordinator. Yes, DIY is awesome, and if it were just distance I would be more interested. But it's distance, an immigration move, and a new job! I quickly realized that any one of the above would be stressful, but all at the same time? Heck no. I have to say that I've been very considered that I might compromise my budget or my offbeat-ness in hiring someone else, but I'm optimistic! So far it seems that all the ideas will be mine, but the time and stress spent is hers. I think she'll more than make up for the cost in negotiations and stress reduction. And I'm still going to DIY a bunch of things that are easier to do from a distance (e.g. paper stuff). I don't think it's right for everyone, but coordinating is more negotiable than you might think. It's something to consider!

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • Emilykate, where are you getting married? I'm planning a Massachusetts lesbian wedding from afar, and I'm going on the advice of my photographer for several other vendors. Ok, I haven't met her either, but in addition to finding her here on OBB, her work online looks gorgeous, and it turns out that we have mutual friends so I actually can check her references. I will meet her in a few weeks when my partner and I visit Boston.

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • On April 14th, 2009 at 6:34 PM
    knitbot said

    We're using Google Docs, too! I'm a list and spreadsheet junkie and I did the invite list and my family filled in addresses, etc and I mail merged to do the invite labels!

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • On April 14th, 2009 at 9:51 PM
    britany said

    this looks gorgeous!
    and speaking of, could you tell me a bit about your dress?

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • umm.. yeeeaah…. Planning my wedding in Portland from Chile.

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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    • Ahh! A fellow person in this too!! I'm planning my wedding in Mexico from Chile as well! And my fiance is in D.C. (I moved here right after the engagement for a job, so we're long distance until after the wedding).. Fun!!

      Love this post, thank you!!!

      VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • EmilyKate, have you checked with local BGLT groups? That would be the first place I'd check for BLGT-friendly vendors – you might even be able to support businesses owned by BLGT people!

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • Sorry, I made an assumption. BLGT – bisexual, lesbian, gay, and transgender.

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • My dress was made by a rad lady I found on Etsy in the Alchemy section. I gave her an idea of what I wanted, we went to pick out the fabric together, and over the course of about three months she put together my dress, sash, bolero jacket and petticoat! Check back for part 2 next week!

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • Shrie, you picked out great fabric! I love the colorful print!

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • I love your hair!
    Thank you for this great information, I can't wait for part 2!
    (I'm in Spain, with the wedding to be held in Michigan.)

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • On April 15th, 2009 at 9:01 PM
    moeymargaret said

    I love this article! I'm in the last 2 weeks before my long-distance wedding in South Dakota. We're having it in a town that NONE of our family or wedding party live in, but with some phone calls, and some friends, we've made it happen!

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • Thank you! Can't wait for more tips, we are living in Ireland and getting married in Poland so not only do I have the distance problem but also a huge language problem! oh and i didn't know google docs existed, will definitely be using that!

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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  • On April 17th, 2009 at 4:42 AM
    CnoLovechild said

    Thanks for this topic! My wedding isn't thousands of miles away, but it is hundreds! It's good to know that it IS possible to do it!

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]

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