Comments on: Construction is always more difficult than demolition

By: Nay

Nay — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 21:45:04 +0000

I love this…. My Bow seams to be saying this exact thing. (I don't Want … When all along I have been trying to explain to him that this is about us me and him no one ells lets bring us into our once in a life time memorable moment.

By: sushi

sushi — Sat, 02 May 2009 21:17:54 +0000

great post!

I never wanted a wedding – but my fiance and I talked it through and decided it would be meaningful to mark the event with family & friends.

The easiest thing, by far, was to make a list of everything we didn't want.

Then – the hard part – trying to figure out what we did want.

Basically, we took the first list, and turned every negative into a positive. For example, "we don't want everyone stuck at a table watching us go through the motions" became "we want to create an event that focuses on our guests & encourages mingling." To make it happen, we decided to have multiple tables of themed hors d'oeuvres instead of a sit down dinner & open lounge style seating instead of place settings.

But even once we had things like that figured out, it was harder to make it happen. No matter how "unique" a product they claim to deliver, wedding vendors are set up for cookie cutter results. It took months and months of research to find a seamstress who'd make a black dress, a caterer who'd deliver sushi, and a venue that would let us throw this party our way.

6 weeks to go, and my entire house is a happy DIY mess! but I am looking forward to an awesome party.

By: Cirocco

Cirocco — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 16:19:35 +0000

Sorry. I totally identified with Anonymous, and with ShiLoM's comment about "those freaks finding each other." I know what we're not and what we don't want (and couldn't even afford), and the process of figuring out who I am, who we are, and what we want and what we can afford is making me puke and cry and scream. Considering I'm also job-hunting and changing careers, the fact I adore my Freak is the only thing that makes this shit worth it. I never dreamed about weddings – I never thought I'd meet someone. But, now (miracle) that I'm about to get married I'm not going to do a half-assed job of it. And I insist that it will be fun. (irony intentional)

Anonymous – hand over that bottle, here's my flask.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:42:39 +0000

This post is how I feel most of the time.
I really want to get married, but don't want all the 'fluff' that comes along with a wedding.
A marriage to me is building a family, the rest is just extra.

By: TB

TB — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 19:33:07 +0000

Thanks so much for this post! With 4 months to go, I am getting so sick of hearing peoples opinions. What about other options?!?!

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 17:53:52 +0000

@ Anonymous:

You are so welcome! I hope things are getting better for you…

(and thanks, LM–this is one of the many reasons I love OBB)

By: Lani

Lani — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 16:40:49 +0000

Oooh…I just realized that my photo is in this post. I'm the bouncy bride.

People get too hung up on what they don't want. I know I did. I didn't want the first dance, I didn't want the clinky glass thingy…and then I decided to start focusing on what I did want. And much like the poster of the rant, I definitly wanted cake. And candy. And fun! I got over the should and shouldn't and did what felt right. But I did keep family involved every step of the way and I valued their input (even though I didn't always take their advice). And it was the best day of my life…though I never thought I'd say that because it seems so cliche. But it was so much damn fun and I smile every time I think about it!

By: Lindsay

Lindsay — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 13:34:50 +0000

For a minute, instead of "Crate & Barrel," I thought the original post said, "I don't want to be registered at Cracker Barrel."

By: Infamous

Infamous — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 06:28:31 +0000

P.S. And of course what should be obvious but I forgot to underline is that getting married is a privilege …as is the opportunity to create a wedding celebration that is unique (and true) to you/your partner. I admire the couples who use their weddings to bring family together, share what's important with their guests through action (not just talk –like DIY/upcycled eco weddings, family reunion style, etc).

By: Infamous

Infamous — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 06:13:02 +0000

I say …take a hint from us queermos who don't have to worry about "rejecting" all of the establishmentarian wedding traditions –because they're not available to us. In the face of ostracism queer partners have been creating their own amazing, unique celebrations that focus on honoring the lives, communities, and families that couples have built for themselves…for decades! When your relationship isn't legally recognized and family members routinely boycott your "special day" it serves as a critical reminder of what makes ones partnership so important and the reason for celebrating it. The CL "rant" and this discussion as a whole points to a broader, more important topic which is the vast number of couples who are so absorbed by perfecting their weddings that instead of a meaningful celebration that reflects & honors the couple being wed so often weddings turn into a manifestation of all the aforementioned material "traditions" …and rants pop up lamenting what a drag it is to be obligated to celebrate ones partnership with the person they (at least presumably and ideally) adore. When any single aspect stops being a reflection and celebration of your life with your partner and starts becoming a prop for a show or an obligatory compromise in the name of tradition it's time to get back to the basics.