Comments on: Weddings for shy people http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/weddings-for-shy-people Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides Fri, 25 May 2012 19:19:35 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Mary http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/weddings-for-shy-people/comment-page-2#comment-126649 Mary Mon, 05 Dec 2011 16:53:46 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1822#comment-126649 This is all such good advice - But you'll need the "setting boundaries" tips as well! I think that most of us who are shy are also terrible at dealing with conflict. But you have to STICK TO YOUR GUNS. And do it early, so the drama is over long before the wedding. Even after a year and a half of marriage, just reading these posts makes me hyperventilate, my feet and hands are numb and I have an eggplant-sized lump in my chest. At our wedding, I did not want to walk down the aisle: first, I had an anxiety attack just thinking of it; second, at 48 years of age, I was not a goat to be given by my previous owner to my next owner. My mother kept harping on this, although I had explained my feelings over and over. At the wedding rehearsal, we had gathered at the front as planned, as the guests found their seats. The officiant started to talk. My mother piped up with "Wait! your father has to walk you down the aisle and give you away!!" I wanted to scream "NOOOOOO!!!!" But I couldn't make a scene in front of my FH's family. Instead, I went to the ladies' room and cried, then came back and walked down the aisle as directed. I hardly slept a wink, and in the morning decided on a compromise - my parents and FH's mother would all stand with us at the front as the guests assembled. My mother did not like this, but it's what we did. I let my mother hijack a lot of my wedding, and I still resent it. So make sure that you follow all the good advice on this site and don't end up a quivering wreck just because the well-meaning world thinks you'll enjoy being Barbie For A Day! This is all such good advice – But you'll need the "setting boundaries" tips as well! I think that most of us who are shy are also terrible at dealing with conflict. But you have to STICK TO YOUR GUNS. And do it early, so the drama is over long before the wedding.
Even after a year and a half of marriage, just reading these posts makes me hyperventilate, my feet and hands are numb and I have an eggplant-sized lump in my chest.
At our wedding, I did not want to walk down the aisle: first, I had an anxiety attack just thinking of it; second, at 48 years of age, I was not a goat to be given by my previous owner to my next owner. My mother kept harping on this, although I had explained my feelings over and over.
At the wedding rehearsal, we had gathered at the front as planned, as the guests found their seats. The officiant started to talk. My mother piped up with "Wait! your father has to walk you down the aisle and give you away!!" I wanted to scream "NOOOOOO!!!!" But I couldn't make a scene in front of my FH's family. Instead, I went to the ladies' room and cried, then came back and walked down the aisle as directed.
I hardly slept a wink, and in the morning decided on a compromise – my parents and FH's mother would all stand with us at the front as the guests assembled. My mother did not like this, but it's what we did.
I let my mother hijack a lot of my wedding, and I still resent it. So make sure that you follow all the good advice on this site and don't end up a quivering wreck just because the well-meaning world thinks you'll enjoy being Barbie For A Day!
]]> By: Sarah http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/weddings-for-shy-people/comment-page-2#comment-100357 Sarah Fri, 10 Jun 2011 16:40:29 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1822#comment-100357 Oh my goodness...I'm about tearing up here. THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY SOUL FOR THIS ARTICLE!!! My fiance (we actually eloped already to cut down on pressure, and yes it helped for those who are considering doing it-so husband already) is both extremely shy (though more comfortable around people he knows well) AND suffers from pretty extreme social anxiety. This advice is really, truly, amazing. The "I love you" break and "chill out room" ideas are perfect, and just what we need. Our family friend is officiating, and I know she can handle bearing the brunt-I think if we just have to repeat or say "I do", we'll be cool. It's hard for me too because I am very extroverted and extremely comfortable in front of people talking even in GIANT crowds (I am a teacher...and a Speech &Debate coach to boot!). Thank you for helping me save my husband from a panic attack! Oh my goodness…I'm about tearing up here. THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY SOUL FOR THIS ARTICLE!!! My fiance (we actually eloped already to cut down on pressure, and yes it helped for those who are considering doing it-so husband already) is both extremely shy (though more comfortable around people he knows well) AND suffers from pretty extreme social anxiety. This advice is really, truly, amazing. The "I love you" break and "chill out room" ideas are perfect, and just what we need. Our family friend is officiating, and I know she can handle bearing the brunt-I think if we just have to repeat or say "I do", we'll be cool. It's hard for me too because I am very extroverted and extremely comfortable in front of people talking even in GIANT crowds (I am a teacher…and a Speech &Debate coach to boot!). Thank you for helping me save my husband from a panic attack!
]]> By: Laura http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/weddings-for-shy-people/comment-page-2#comment-98523 Laura Mon, 23 May 2011 16:29:39 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1822#comment-98523 I think the "I love you" break is brilliant. Just a few more suggestions: have a chill-out room - depends on the venue if that's possible of course, but I think having a space where you can close the door and be alone for a few mins would be really helpful (even if it's just a broom cupboard!) have an exit strategy. This is why I'd never consider having a wedding at home even if it were possible. There needs to be a way that I could leave immediately - no waiting for a taxi/bus/train. Not that I think I will, but knowing I could will calm me down to no end. I think the "I love you" break is brilliant. Just a few more suggestions:

have a chill-out room – depends on the venue if that's possible of course, but I think having a space where you can close the door and be alone for a few mins would be really helpful (even if it's just a broom cupboard!)

have an exit strategy. This is why I'd never consider having a wedding at home even if it were possible. There needs to be a way that I could leave immediately – no waiting for a taxi/bus/train. Not that I think I will, but knowing I could will calm me down to no end.

]]> By: Michelle http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/weddings-for-shy-people/comment-page-2#comment-93407 Michelle Thu, 31 Mar 2011 14:18:34 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1822#comment-93407 I'm looking for some quick, simple sample vows. This is a second wedding for both of us and we really just want to get right to the party. No standard wedding crapola! Any suggestions? I'm looking for some quick, simple sample vows. This is a second wedding for both of us and we really just want to get right to the party. No standard wedding crapola! Any suggestions?
]]> By: Brandi http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/weddings-for-shy-people/comment-page-2#comment-86985 Brandi Thu, 06 Jan 2011 22:59:39 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1822#comment-86985 My centre-of-attention fear is huge. Thank you thank you thank you so much for this article. Even for the very simple realization that I'm not a freak, and I'm not the only one who doesn't want it to be MY day where all eyes are constantly on me, me, me. I am lucky in the fact that my fiance is more comfortable with the centre of attention, and he's a pro at knowing when I need a 'spotlight shield'. I LOVE your "I love you break" and e-mailed this article to him immediately. Although I must admit it made me tear up right here in my office. My first thought was it may save my life on our wedding day, or it might make me burst into tears again... Tough to say! My centre-of-attention fear is huge. Thank you thank you thank you so much for this article. Even for the very simple realization that I'm not a freak, and I'm not the only one who doesn't want it to be MY day where all eyes are constantly on me, me, me.

I am lucky in the fact that my fiance is more comfortable with the centre of attention, and he's a pro at knowing when I need a 'spotlight shield'.

I LOVE your "I love you break" and e-mailed this article to him immediately. Although I must admit it made me tear up right here in my office. My first thought was it may save my life on our wedding day, or it might make me burst into tears again… Tough to say!

]]> By: Dinka http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/weddings-for-shy-people/comment-page-2#comment-84677 Dinka Thu, 16 Dec 2010 20:09:07 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1822#comment-84677 I also wanted to put in my two cents (sorry if someone else has already sent this!). I'm more of an extrovert, but my fiancee is a complete introvert and often struggles with social anxiety. To make sure this doesn't become a problem at our wedding, we're tweaking all of the traditions and making it more guest-oriented. For example, we are not making a grand entrance. Instead, we're going to mingle with our guests during cocktail hour and then kick off the reception with a speech from our dads, at the end of which, they're going to invite EVERYONE to get on the floor and join us in our first dance. Stuff like that throughout the evening, just to take the pressure off. :-) I also wanted to put in my two cents (sorry if someone else has already sent this!). I'm more of an extrovert, but my fiancee is a complete introvert and often struggles with social anxiety. To make sure this doesn't become a problem at our wedding, we're tweaking all of the traditions and making it more guest-oriented.

For example, we are not making a grand entrance. Instead, we're going to mingle with our guests during cocktail hour and then kick off the reception with a speech from our dads, at the end of which, they're going to invite EVERYONE to get on the floor and join us in our first dance.

Stuff like that throughout the evening, just to take the pressure off. :-)

]]> By: FlowerRingGirl http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/weddings-for-shy-people/comment-page-2#comment-79154 FlowerRingGirl Sun, 31 Oct 2010 14:07:43 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1822#comment-79154 Your wedding must have happened by now - I hope it went well. I'd love to know what you did for the time fillers, as I've got exactly the same problem here! Your wedding must have happened by now – I hope it went well. I'd love to know what you did for the time fillers, as I've got exactly the same problem here!
]]> By: Cupcake http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/weddings-for-shy-people/comment-page-2#comment-68960 Cupcake Fri, 11 Jun 2010 02:20:09 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1822#comment-68960 I was referred to this advice by another APW reader, and I have to say there are FANTASTIC ideas in the official advice post and in the advice given in the comments. I am a somewhat outgoing person, but I absolutely hate people staring at me and have anxiety problems. My fiance however is a huge extrovert and loves being the center of attention. One thing I am considering doing is getting bridal henna, so that people will be looking at my hands/arms (and even my feet) instead of my rosacea and crazy blushing that only makes the redness worse. And two of my friends just told me today that they are going to "smudge" me and my fiance at the start of the ceremony to cleanse us of any anxiety or stress. Just thinking about breathing in the sage and taking that moment makes me feel less anxious about 130 pairs of eyes watching me do one of the most important things in my life! I was referred to this advice by another APW reader, and I have to say there are FANTASTIC ideas in the official advice post and in the advice given in the comments. I am a somewhat outgoing person, but I absolutely hate people staring at me and have anxiety problems. My fiance however is a huge extrovert and loves being the center of attention. One thing I am considering doing is getting bridal henna, so that people will be looking at my hands/arms (and even my feet) instead of my rosacea and crazy blushing that only makes the redness worse. And two of my friends just told me today that they are going to "smudge" me and my fiance at the start of the ceremony to cleanse us of any anxiety or stress. Just thinking about breathing in the sage and taking that moment makes me feel less anxious about 130 pairs of eyes watching me do one of the most important things in my life!
]]> By: misty http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/weddings-for-shy-people/comment-page-2#comment-66825 misty Tue, 04 May 2010 02:41:47 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1822#comment-66825 oh thank you! this is such a great post!!! im loving the i love you break idea. im sooo doing that. we arnt the best at being the center of attention and since noone can hear my fh because of his leaky trach anyway its easy to get overwhelmed by lots of people trying to talk to you at one time. i love you breaks rock! oh thank you! this is such a great post!!! im loving the i love you break idea. im sooo doing that. we arnt the best at being the center of attention and since noone can hear my fh because of his leaky trach anyway its easy to get overwhelmed by lots of people trying to talk to you at one time. i love you breaks rock!
]]> By: Mother of a Bride http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/weddings-for-shy-people/comment-page-2#comment-65986 Mother of a Bride Tue, 20 Apr 2010 04:34:50 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1822#comment-65986 There's a lot of wisdom on this page. I'm going to share it with my daughter and shy son-in-law to be. There's a lot of wisdom on this page. I'm going to share it with my daughter and shy son-in-law to be.
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