Comments on: When to stop looking at wedding porn http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/fetishizing Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides Sun, 12 Feb 2012 06:18:35 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Elizabeth http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/fetishizing/comment-page-1#comment-75306 Elizabeth Sat, 04 Sep 2010 01:17:18 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1595#comment-75306 I did that with my wedding mags, too! I went through them, tore out what I wanted to keep (articles I liked, dress pics I liked, etc) and threw the rest of the magazines away. I wound up keeping maybe 20% of each of the three wedding magazines I bought. I was kind of appalled at the amount of the magazine that was just ads. It made me rethink my whole research process, and I started focusing on real weddings, and what made the couple feel more connected to each other and to their guests. I did that with my wedding mags, too! I went through them, tore out what I wanted to keep (articles I liked, dress pics I liked, etc) and threw the rest of the magazines away. I wound up keeping maybe 20% of each of the three wedding magazines I bought. I was kind of appalled at the amount of the magazine that was just ads. It made me rethink my whole research process, and I started focusing on real weddings, and what made the couple feel more connected to each other and to their guests.

]]> By: Ann http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/fetishizing/comment-page-3#comment-74949 Ann Sat, 28 Aug 2010 03:21:30 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1595#comment-74949 I totally agree that brides will become confused by overviewing wedding sites- but this is clearly a place for creative people to share their love, and the ideas that grew from their relationship. I have 4 grown children and a bunch of "surrogates". Because I also do costume design for community theatre, they often ask me for new ideas. OBB wakes up ideas that I didn't know I had: nOt copying- just creating. Isn't that what marriages should be about? I totally agree that brides will become confused by overviewing wedding sites- but this is clearly a place for creative people to share their love, and the ideas that grew from their relationship. I have 4 grown children and a bunch of "surrogates". Because I also do costume design for community theatre, they often ask me for new ideas. OBB wakes up ideas that I didn't know I had: nOt copying- just creating. Isn't that what marriages should be about?

]]> By: tabitha_black http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/fetishizing/comment-page-3#comment-74711 tabitha_black Wed, 25 Aug 2010 05:22:20 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1595#comment-74711 While I want a wedding that everyone thinks is lovely and unique, I have recently seen a bride who spent so much time and effort showing off all the lovely bits that she'd found for the perfect day, that its put me completely off wanting to share my finds with anyone... but there's a balance to be had. From my perspective that wedding was overshadowed by the show & tell factor, rather than the love it was meant to symbolise. Luckily, I find that I've got enough time to distract myself from planning every now and then, and I'm still in the inspiration stages so looking is important. I do like the thought of being able to take a break, re-assess if your decisions still reflect you or just someone elses personality. But a reminder every now and then is partly why OBB appeals to me more than any other blog I've seen, keeps it real :) While I want a wedding that everyone thinks is lovely and unique, I have recently seen a bride who spent so much time and effort showing off all the lovely bits that she'd found for the perfect day, that its put me completely off wanting to share my finds with anyone… but there's a balance to be had. From my perspective that wedding was overshadowed by the show & tell factor, rather than the love it was meant to symbolise.
Luckily, I find that I've got enough time to distract myself from planning every now and then, and I'm still in the inspiration stages so looking is important. I do like the thought of being able to take a break, re-assess if your decisions still reflect you or just someone elses personality. But a reminder every now and then is partly why OBB appeals to me more than any other blog I've seen, keeps it real :)

]]> By: Megan http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/fetishizing/comment-page-3#comment-63671 Megan Fri, 02 Apr 2010 16:51:08 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1595#comment-63671 Thanks for posting this because it really is true and really sad. I finally got to the point where I refused to buy any wedding magazines because I knew that there would always be something cuter or more crafty that I already had. And you get to a point where not only is it to close to your wedding date to take on a new project, but it just becomes a point of frustration with you fiance. Whenever I look at wedding blogs (which I do a lot because weddings are my life)I always remind myself how much I love the decisions I've made for my own wedding and that they came from me and my future husband and that makes them the best choice by far. Thanks for posting this because it really is true and really sad. I finally got to the point where I refused to buy any wedding magazines because I knew that there would always be something cuter or more crafty that I already had. And you get to a point where not only is it to close to your wedding date to take on a new project, but it just becomes a point of frustration with you fiance.

Whenever I look at wedding blogs (which I do a lot because weddings are my life)I always remind myself how much I love the decisions I've made for my own wedding and that they came from me and my future husband and that makes them the best choice by far.

]]> By: Ness http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/fetishizing/comment-page-1#comment-63409 Ness Wed, 31 Mar 2010 23:06:41 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1595#comment-63409 I completely agree. I love seeing the offbeat ways people make their wedding their own. I also like the support of DIY projects and support. My Wedding is my Fiancee and mine alone. I'm not changing anything about it, even seeing all the awesome options there are out there. I completely agree. I love seeing the offbeat ways people make their wedding their own. I also like the support of DIY projects and support. My Wedding is my Fiancee and mine alone. I'm not changing anything about it, even seeing all the awesome options there are out there.

]]> By: Amanda http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/fetishizing/comment-page-3#comment-63406 Amanda Wed, 31 Mar 2010 22:49:36 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1595#comment-63406 I REALLY needed this article. Actually, I think I'm going to print it out and stick it with all my planning stuffs so I see it anytime I sit down to work on the wedding. I adore OBB but recently, with two months to go, I've been second-guessing everything we do: "Oh my god, we're spending way too much!" (our budget is less than 2 grand) and then, two seconds and another wedding later, "oh my god, our wedding is going to look so shabby!". This article is amazing though, and I think I will use this as my cue to take a breath, realize our wedding will be beautiful because it will be US, and take a break from the internet.. I REALLY needed this article. Actually, I think I'm going to print it out and stick it with all my planning stuffs so I see it anytime I sit down to work on the wedding. I adore OBB but recently, with two months to go, I've been second-guessing everything we do: "Oh my god, we're spending way too much!" (our budget is less than 2 grand) and then, two seconds and another wedding later, "oh my god, our wedding is going to look so shabby!". This article is amazing though, and I think I will use this as my cue to take a breath, realize our wedding will be beautiful because it will be US, and take a break from the internet..

]]> By: Kristen http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/fetishizing/comment-page-3#comment-63292 Kristen Tue, 30 Mar 2010 21:54:05 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1595#comment-63292 Hey, I also really appreciate you saying this stuff. We aren't engaged but I've already planned (and purchased and diy'd) just about everything for our possible wedding. I'm out of projects, and money, and we just started seeing a couples counselor. Last week I donated all my hard copy wedding porn to a library book sale. This week I put away my crafting chest. And, I said goodbye to one of the bridal blogs I'm always chiming in on. We have to make a decision: get married and stay together or not get married and...split up? and part? That is harder to focus on than wedding minutae...because it is scary. Real decisions about my life, not just coordinating a color scheme or deciding what size pomander balls to make (and then hide in the closet!). Waiting is a virtue...Maybe if I act patient long enough, I'll start feeling patient...? Hey, I also really appreciate you saying this stuff. We aren't engaged but I've already planned (and purchased and diy'd) just about everything for our possible wedding. I'm out of projects, and money, and we just started seeing a couples counselor. Last week I donated all my hard copy wedding porn to a library book sale. This week I put away my crafting chest. And, I said goodbye to one of the bridal blogs I'm always chiming in on. We have to make a decision: get married and stay together or not get married and…split up? and part? That is harder to focus on than wedding minutae…because it is scary. Real decisions about my life, not just coordinating a color scheme or deciding what size pomander balls to make (and then hide in the closet!). Waiting is a virtue…Maybe if I act patient long enough, I'll start feeling patient…?

]]> By: Ariel http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/fetishizing/comment-page-1#comment-63127 Ariel Mon, 29 Mar 2010 04:19:03 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1595#comment-63127 Ashley, I totally support that decision. Good for you for finding the balance! :) Ashley, I totally support that decision. Good for you for finding the balance! :)

]]> By: Kellye http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/fetishizing/comment-page-2#comment-58837 Kellye Fri, 29 Jan 2010 00:20:19 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1595#comment-58837 I have been lurking here for awhile (several months) and I thought this post was amazing. No matter what wedsite I go to I feel attacked if I don't have my wedding a certain way. People always tell me online or irl that I am doing things wrong or I see something that I like and second guess my decisions. This was definitely something that I needed to hear (or read) I have been lurking here for awhile (several months) and I thought this post was amazing. No matter what wedsite I go to I feel attacked if I don't have my wedding a certain way. People always tell me online or irl that I am doing things wrong or I see something that I like and second guess my decisions. This was definitely something that I needed to hear (or read)

]]> By: Livvy http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/fetishizing/comment-page-2#comment-55544 Livvy Mon, 07 Dec 2009 16:20:07 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1595#comment-55544 That exact same thing happened to me about my dress. I decided to just step back from looking at wedding dresses because I started thinking I made a mistake. I did decide to bling out my gown a bit more and get some new accessories for it and now I'm 100% and won't look at dress sites. I also know with my budget I won't be able to have the super fancy centerpieces and the huge ball room but I still get to have it in a beautiful place and with it just being family it will be better then some huge production. That exact same thing happened to me about my dress. I decided to just step back from looking at wedding dresses because I started thinking I made a mistake. I did decide to bling out my gown a bit more and get some new accessories for it and now I'm 100% and won't look at dress sites.

I also know with my budget I won't be able to have the super fancy centerpieces and the huge ball room but I still get to have it in a beautiful place and with it just being family it will be better then some huge production.

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