You know you're an offbeat bride when… (by Cassie)
Posted by Ariel · OMG OBT

Bwah! Totally just shot pop out my nose at the "Knot" comment! HAhAHAHAHA!

Wow…this completely describes everything that happened with my wedding. People were really confused and probably thinking "WTF?", but I wouldn't have done it any other way…

Cute stuff! I definitely hear you on the ring-finger-peeping, ugh that drove me crazy. I could add a few from my own experience:

…when you explain to a dress store vendor what you're looking for in a gown, and she gives you a pitying look and asks if this is your second wedding.

…you get one of those giant wedding planner books and then use only a few pages of it, allowing you to pass it on to a newly engaged friend afterward.

…you either have to correct new acquaintances who ask about the "lucky groom," OR (if you're me) you enthusiastically reply "her name is…!"

…you go to a wedding expo purely for the "OMG LOL, I can't wait to blog this later!" value.

…there are some aspects of what is "usually" part of a wedding that you just plain phone in, keep REALLY simple or skip altogether. And never regret having done so.

"…friends are not amused when they ask what your theme is and you say, 'Um…getting married?'"

This is definitely my partner and me. Our "theme" changes almost weekly (20s, sunflowers, x-files, pirates, sea-foam green, etc…) but at the end of the day we remember that "OMFG WE'RE GETTING MARRIED" and we receive the reality check we need.

Thanks for this post, and especially the bit on the end about supporting commitments, off-beat or not. Because really, isn't that what it's all about?

Love,
Anne Marie

…when your headpiece has buttons and feathers instead of rhinestones.

…when your reception buffett is full of candy, ONLY candy.

…when your friends ask about your wedding plans and you start talking for hours about everything you're making

Thanks girls, you create this shining ray of light that brightens even the darkest of days.

I LOVE THIS WOMAN! If we weren't both otherwise involved…

…When they ask you where you're getting your bouquet/dress/shoes/jewelry/centerpieces and your response is always Etsy.

Hmmm… funny and somewhat accurate article, but to me it kinda falls into the "my wedding is SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOURS because it is AUTHENTIC and OFFBEAT and you are just a traditionalist slave to the machine".

Your wedding is not a contest. You are not a bad person if you have a very traditional wedding, just like you're not a bad person if you have a very untraditional wedding. And you're not a bad person if you don't have a wedding, either! I think it's kind of rough to mock friends, family and vendors for presuming at first that you'd do typical/traditional wedding stuff (given that's what most people do) – until you politely correct them, how are they to know otherwise?

Is this post any different from snooty ones on "traditional" wedding forums bagging offbeat types for being "trashy" or "freaks" with their plans? Just a thought…

Hahah, I think I qualify. My centre piece was a modified Barbie and Ken -doll couple representing me and the hubby. I still don't know what I should have answered to the theme-question. We had no gift registry. My dress cost me about 70 dollars, including shoes and jewellery, while my husbands kilt-set topped that ten fold. Our church had no roof, floor, windows, doors or a priest and the grooms men wore no underpants. Off the top of my head.

Ariel – totally, I get that the writer is wanting to say that everyone can dig everyone else's style of wedding, and is simply providing some funny examples that many OBB readers can relate to! My concern is that the article nevertheless creates, through humour, a stereotype or standard of what you're supposed to be doing if you're an offbeat bride.

Some of the comments reinforce this – for example, one person said that she was an offbeat bride because her groom "actually has a say". I'm sure that person didn't mean to offend, and was presumably responding in the humourous tone of the article, but isn't it both unfair and inaccurate to suggest that a groom to anyone other than an "offbeat bride" gets to participate in the planning process?

Or, directly addressing the article – does the fact that someone wears a white dress, gets married in a church and takes their husband's last name with happiness and pride disqualify them from being an offbeat bride in any other respect? Isn't that like saying that "you're not doing it properly" if you don't have your father walk you down the aisle or if you want to marry your same-sex partner?

I guess to me, the idea of being an offbeat bride is not to have any stereotypes about what a wedding is or has to be. By creating defintions, humorous or otherwise, about what "offbeat" means, you might be inadvertently creating standards that people new to OBB (or just feeling freaked out and unsure about how to plan their wedding) think they have to live up to.

Obviously, the article is meant to be lighthearted (and had me giggling!), and I'm probably over-analysing this – but I just thought the article doesn't do justice to the positive, fun and inclusive resources this website and OBBT provide. A overwhelmed bride-to-be might feel lesser of herself after reading this (ie, "Hmmm… guess I'm not quite offbeat compared to these people"). Hence my two cents. Lovin' the ability to discuss this though! Props to you and Cassie.

I know Im an offbeat bride when people say "oh ok" when i tell them something about the wedding and the colour black is thrown in somewhere!!

Lol, i love my engagement ring but I never wore it so i can relate to the blank stares at a blank hand. I finally bought my "wedding band" which was a $6.95 sterling silver ring from amazon. Don't know why anyone would care, but that just did not seem to go over well with some family and friends, lol.

Kim W – It's funny, I would consider myself an 'offbeat' bride, but none of those things on the list really applied… except for the last one, about accepting my best friend's princess fairy tale wedding as her own style. I guess I just figured that most of those 'You know you're a XXXX when' lists are never 100% accurate, and, as we've seen in the comments here, people are not feeling left out but rather adding their own entries to the list!

I totally, totally understand where you're coming from, but I think the intention behind the list is nothing but awesome. And for that I have a smile on my face.

Of course our weddings are not about competing over who can have the most outlandish and offbeat affair, but many of us do have details that deviate from the norm in wedding planning and many of us get a lot of negative comments from others in our lives because of it. That's why I love OBB, and the OBBT. We have a place to celebrate ourselves in our all quirky glory and if sometimes we make posts celebrating our different-ness, I find nothing wrong with that.

BAW-AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! It's funny cuz it is SOOO true. I can't wiat until I get to LIVE those moments. hehehehe *evil plots brewing like a fine, fine, espresso*

I loved this, because I had so many moments where I went 'Oh, yeah. this isn't quite how this is usually done'. when preparing for our wedding.
I think my favorites were when my best friend and I were looking @ dresses, and when the saleslady asked me "what's the ocassion?" and I said "I'm getting married" and her eyes bounced back and forth between me and the black dress I was holding about 15 times, before suggesting I try a bridal store, and my husband on his cellphone freaking out the day of the wedding because he realized he was in vans and was desperately trying to find someone to swing by the house because "I can't get married without my combat boots!"

you know you are an offbeat bride when
… you let your fiance pick colors, registry gifts, and give 110% of the ideas to you, because you didnt have a dream wedding… because all you can think about is you are marrying the person you love and nothing else matters….no matter how big or small the wedding!

You know you are an offbeat bride when…
-Your officiant quotes Tom Waits lyrics during the ceremony and is wearing an orange bandanna.

I loved this post; every couple should have the wedding that makes them happy, no matter what that entails!

Reminds me of when I was showing my ring to one co-worker when another walked in. I showed the second co-worker and she asked: "Oh, did you get a new ring?"
Amusing because I never wear rings to work but apparently pink sapphires don't scream "wedding to follow."

…your wedding dinner is turkey with all the trimmings, and being catered by your future sister in laws!

—When you need to co-ordinate the hooping show in with the band.
— When your fave hot pink shoes cost more than your dress and the colour becomes the focal point for everything else.

Thank you for the book Ariel!! It was just what I needed to ease my conscience about having a somewhat off-beat wedding. The tips on how to share the vision with more traditional friends and relatives and get them on-board have been invaluable.

Plus it was just such a relief to have validation that anything was OK as long as it was significant to the people getting married. There is just too much pressure to fit in with what is expected and reading your book gave me courage and confidence to do what felt right for us.

We have incorporated traditions that we like and ditched the ones that are not important to us and added some of our own.

At the end of the day, it will be the wedding that reflects us and will make us happy. Being able to communicate that to our friends and family and have them be involved will make it even more special.

A month to go.. getting excited now!!