You know you're an offbeat bride when…
Philosophizing
Guestpost by
on February 24, 2009
71
…you ask your engaged friend, "What are your centerpieces going to be, and how are you making them?" and she looks at you funny and says the florist is bringing them. Then you remember, oh yeah, centerpieces are traditionally beautiful flower arrangements brought in by florists, not the homemade concoctions made from a combination of dried gourds, vintage buttons, wind-up toys, and mini cast-iron bicycles that you were planning on.
…your relatives think your engagement must be off just because they can't find a wedding website/registry for you on The Knot.
…you ask a bride-to-be what color her dress is and she says, "Like, do you mean ivory vs. white?" and you remember not everyone considers red/purple/rainbow/polka-dotted dresses for their wedding day.
…when you mention you're getting married, strangers, store clerks, and vendors give your bare ring finger a long look mixed with pity and suspicion.
…your engaged friend plans a 5-hour-long mimosa/hair appointment the day of the wedding and you remember not all brides plan to spend their pre-wedding time carting in the alcohol, dishes, glasses, decorations, etc. to the DIY reception site.
…your friend asks, "What are your colors?" and you stare at her blankly for 10 minutes because you have no idea what the heck she's talking about.
…friends are not amused when they ask what your theme is and you say, "Um…getting married?"
…friends and family announce "Yourname Hislastname!" and then say how good it sounds before you can stop them and explain you're keeping your own name.
…friends are not amused when they ask what your theme is and you say, "Um…getting married?"
…a coworker asks, "Have you found a church yet?" and you respond, "For what?"
…your toilet tank conspicuously lacks a stack of thick bridal magazines, and instead features a funny little blue book by some chick who has "Meadow" in her name.
And finally, you know you're an offbeat bride when you accept and celebrate your best friend's uber-traditional wedding, because that is what she wants and that is just awesome for her. And then you go out searching for the perfect set of hot pink and purple polka-dotted frogs for your cake topper and all is well in the world.
Thanks, Cassie! I'm always on the look out for guest blogs to feature offbeatbride.com. OBT members can submit them here, and everyone else can submit them here.
Read more posts about: diy centerpiece, diy wedding, humor, last names, pink hair, short dress« Previous post
Cassie is a proud contributor to Offbeat Bride.
Accidental Housewife said
Bwah! Totally just shot pop out my nose at the "Knot" comment! HAhAHAHAHA!
Maren said
Hello Cassie,
I just read your aricle about your offbeat wedding and I´m loving it. Although I´m a more traditional bride I love your comments about the centerpieces and colours of wedding dresses. Especially your answer to the theme question make me roar with laughter! Best wishes for you and your husband and may your marriage be filled with a lot of nice, offbeat moments!
Greetings from Germany
Maren
cindy said
Wow…this completely describes everything that happened with my wedding. People were really confused and probably thinking "WTF?", but I wouldn't have done it any other way…
megan v said
I loved this post so much! It made me laugh and some of the things were totally me. Like lugging junk into the venue on the day of the wedding instead of sitting at a 5 hour hair appointment. Ha! Not only was I lugging in things but it was literally "1" degree that day!!!
I had to post this post and an offbeat bride type discussion on my blog today because I loved it so much. I thought you'd like to see:
http://runningstitch.typepad.c…bride.html
Liz said
Cute stuff! I definitely hear you on the ring-finger-peeping, ugh that drove me crazy. I could add a few from my own experience:
…when you explain to a dress store vendor what you're looking for in a gown, and she gives you a pitying look and asks if this is your second wedding.
…you get one of those giant wedding planner books and then use only a few pages of it, allowing you to pass it on to a newly engaged friend afterward.
…you either have to correct new acquaintances who ask about the "lucky groom," OR (if you're me) you enthusiastically reply "her name is…!"
…you go to a wedding expo purely for the "OMG LOL, I can't wait to blog this later!" value.
…there are some aspects of what is "usually" part of a wedding that you just plain phone in, keep REALLY simple or skip altogether. And never regret having done so.
lucy said
lol i feel you! im so tired of the finger peeping too! i have a little gols band on my ring finger that i've been wearing for years and one lady actually asked me "ooooohhh let me see you ring! wait where's your diamond?" lmfao
Carrie said
I get the comment "that is more appropriate for a second wedding" everytime I show my ma or my friends the dresses I like. What don't they get?? I am not a priss and I don't want to be a princess I want to be able to move and dance and spill without worrying that I just wasted 5k on something I am NEVER going to wear again. ughh. so funny but also frustrating. This blog has been a real safe haven. =0) thanks ladies.
BoogieStace said
Thanks for making me smile this morning! I am feeling the stress of wanting to make my own centerpieces/bouquets and not having my family understand it. I needed to smile and be reminded of all the other amazing ways it's been pulled off!
Amy said
… you order your dress from Wai-Ching and your family face is mock horror, but they perk up and go "That is so you!" (That's also when you know that the last hold out of the family's hope that somewhere deep inside you are truly "normal" and planned to be a princess for just one day will not come true. )
…your groom actually has a say.
… your colors are blush and bashful unless you really loved Steele Magnolias.
I love this.
lucy said
heart that the groom has a say!! here here!
Anne Marie said
"…friends are not amused when they ask what your theme is and you say, 'Um…getting married?'"
This is definitely my partner and me. Our "theme" changes almost weekly (20s, sunflowers, x-files, pirates, sea-foam green, etc…) but at the end of the day we remember that "OMFG WE'RE GETTING MARRIED" and we receive the reality check we need.
Thanks for this post, and especially the bit on the end about supporting commitments, off-beat or not. Because really, isn't that what it's all about?
Love,
Anne Marie
julia said
Amy: Oh, but I DO love Steel Magnolias. I don't think Louisiana in the 80s is my theme though.
katie said
…when your headpiece has buttons and feathers instead of rhinestones.
…when your reception buffett is full of candy, ONLY candy.
…when your friends ask about your wedding plans and you start talking for hours about everything you're making
Thanks girls, you create this shining ray of light that brightens even the darkest of days.
renee said
…when the best men have a bitch fight about who is THE best man (because there couldn't possibly be 2 of them!)
AbsintheMinded (Amy) said
I LOVE THIS WOMAN! If we weren't both otherwise involved…
Denise said
so funny I wish you were around in 80's I'd probably still be married!
Phoenix said
…When they ask you where you're getting your bouquet/dress/shoes/jewelry/centerpieces and your response is always Etsy.
Barbara said
HAHAHAHA! I had the seamstress ask if my dress was an heimloom. "No, eBay…"
Carrie said
haha! I have found almost everything for our wedding so far on etsy! I love being able to support local artisans and have something unique. =0)
Julia said
…when friends and family say "your going to dye your hair, right?", and you say "whats wrong with the pink i have now?"
…when you watch Jurassic Park and think to yourself…."thats so bad ass…i want to get married there!"
i love all of the little things you said, it made me feel better about my ultra conservative family, especially the one about the dress, because maybe they will be accepting after all! :]
KRiSTEN said
When they ask "You're going to dye your hair, right?" and you reply "Yes of course! The back will be jet black, and my bangs will be neon red…"
peachblossom said
Yes to the hair dye bit! I'm so sick of this now, I think I'll just stare at those people as blankly as people stare at me when I talk about my plans and stop wasting my time defending my fuchsia hair.
Kim W said
Hmmm… funny and somewhat accurate article, but to me it kinda falls into the "my wedding is SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOURS because it is AUTHENTIC and OFFBEAT and you are just a traditionalist slave to the machine".
Your wedding is not a contest. You are not a bad person if you have a very traditional wedding, just like you're not a bad person if you have a very untraditional wedding. And you're not a bad person if you don't have a wedding, either! I think it's kind of rough to mock friends, family and vendors for presuming at first that you'd do typical/traditional wedding stuff (given that's what most people do) – until you politely correct them, how are they to know otherwise?
Is this post any different from snooty ones on "traditional" wedding forums bagging offbeat types for being "trashy" or "freaks" with their plans? Just a thought…
Ariel said
Kim, I totally get where you're coming from in your concern … but what about the last item on Cassie's list?
…you know you're an offbeat bride when you accept and celebrate your best friend's uber-traditional wedding, because that is what she wants and that is just awesome for her.
To me, this doesn't read as at all "snooty" towards traditional wedding plans. It acknowledges that even best friends will have very different tastes in wedding styles — and that's fine!
Even cloaked in humor, I don't think the author is insulting anyone else's wedding in her celebration of doing things a little bit differently.
Liz T said
Well, to be honest, that felt a little tacked-on to me. Isn't it a bit like saying, "No offense!" after insulting someone?
Sebastyne said
Hahah, I think I qualify. My centre piece was a modified Barbie and Ken -doll couple representing me and the hubby. I still don't know what I should have answered to the theme-question. We had no gift registry. My dress cost me about 70 dollars, including shoes and jewellery, while my husbands kilt-set topped that ten fold. Our church had no roof, floor, windows, doors or a priest and the grooms men wore no underpants. Off the top of my head.
Nena said
You know youre and OBB when people ask who your best man is, and you say something like, "Katie"
Kim W said
Ariel – totally, I get that the writer is wanting to say that everyone can dig everyone else's style of wedding, and is simply providing some funny examples that many OBB readers can relate to! My concern is that the article nevertheless creates, through humour, a stereotype or standard of what you're supposed to be doing if you're an offbeat bride.
Some of the comments reinforce this – for example, one person said that she was an offbeat bride because her groom "actually has a say". I'm sure that person didn't mean to offend, and was presumably responding in the humourous tone of the article, but isn't it both unfair and inaccurate to suggest that a groom to anyone other than an "offbeat bride" gets to participate in the planning process?
Or, directly addressing the article – does the fact that someone wears a white dress, gets married in a church and takes their husband's last name with happiness and pride disqualify them from being an offbeat bride in any other respect? Isn't that like saying that "you're not doing it properly" if you don't have your father walk you down the aisle or if you want to marry your same-sex partner?
I guess to me, the idea of being an offbeat bride is not to have any stereotypes about what a wedding is or has to be. By creating defintions, humorous or otherwise, about what "offbeat" means, you might be inadvertently creating standards that people new to OBB (or just feeling freaked out and unsure about how to plan their wedding) think they have to live up to.
Obviously, the article is meant to be lighthearted (and had me giggling!), and I'm probably over-analysing this – but I just thought the article doesn't do justice to the positive, fun and inclusive resources this website and OBBT provide. A overwhelmed bride-to-be might feel lesser of herself after reading this (ie, "Hmmm… guess I'm not quite offbeat compared to these people"). Hence my two cents.
Lovin' the ability to discuss this though! 
Props to you and Cassie.
Melissa said
I know Im an offbeat bride when people say "oh ok" when i tell them something about the wedding and the colour black is thrown in somewhere!!
shorty j said
haha, I can definitely relate to the "oh, okay…" response, especially when it's accompanied by a confused stare
Rooi_Skoene said
"…a coworker asks, "Have you found a church yet?" and you respond, "For what?""
Awesome!
Autumn said
Lol, i love my engagement ring but I never wore it so i can relate to the blank stares at a blank hand. I finally bought my "wedding band" which was a $6.95 sterling silver ring from amazon. Don't know why anyone would care, but that just did not seem to go over well with some family and friends, lol.
Chris S. said
Hahaha… I love this. Especially the last line, that fits me!
"…your engaged friend plans a 5-hour-long mimosa/hair appointment the day of the wedding and you remember not all brides plan to spend their pre-wedding time carting in the alcohol, dishes, glasses, decorations, etc. to the DIY reception site."
I tried to explain this one to my mom, she's under the impression that I get to relax!
Heather said
Kim W – It's funny, I would consider myself an 'offbeat' bride, but none of those things on the list really applied… except for the last one, about accepting my best friend's princess fairy tale wedding as her own style. I guess I just figured that most of those 'You know you're a XXXX when' lists are never 100% accurate, and, as we've seen in the comments here, people are not feeling left out but rather adding their own entries to the list!
I totally, totally understand where you're coming from, but I think the intention behind the list is nothing but awesome. And for that I have a smile on my face.