Why didn't you feature my wedding?

By on Feb. 12th
Photo by Photovaria.

Photo by Photovaria.

I submitted my wedding months ago and it still hasn't been posted.

I am not trying to be rude or pressuring you into posting my wedding, but I am just curious as to why it was never put up.

I think we had the most punk rock glamour fest wedding imaginable! There wasn't one thing we didn't DIY ourselves.

…Is there a reason why you haven't published it? -Alexzandra

Thanks so much for taking the time to write, and let me say this right off the bat: YOUR WEDDING WAS AMAZING. I've looked through the photos, and it was amazing. I haven't had a chance to feature it yet, but it was amazing.

Yours isn't the first email I've received asking this question, so I'm wondering if it might be helpful to share a bit about the process of selecting to weddings to feature on Offbeat Bride…

The editors and I check in and discuss what we might be looking to feature that week. Diversity is a huge priority: we want to show a range of locations, styles, ethnicities, ages, sizes, shapes, etc. Have we had nothing but red wedding dresses for three weeks? Has it been forever since we saw a non-white bride? Have the last 10 profiles all been people in their 20s? When was the last time we did a lesbian wedding? Or a wedding in the midwest? Or Australia? Didn't we just do a goth wedding last week? Is it time to feature a spring wedding? Variety is a big factor.

Content quality is also a factor — is the write-up grammatically solid? Does it share a good story? Is it full of well-written advice that we haven't heard before? Are the photos gorgeous, or are they over-processed? Do the photos submitted convey the wedding's story, or are there 40 pictures of the bride and groom, and only 10 pictures of the ceremony and reception?

Another issue is timing. There are currently over 200 weddings in our queue, and I love having such a rich pool to chose from, so we can say, "Ooh, it's time for a Hawaii wedding … [search search] FOUND ONE!" This means many months (and even YEARS) can pass before a particular wedding is posted. I don't want to lead anyone on — I can't ever promise that we'll feature any given wedding, ever. But we feature weddings six or even eight months after they're submitted … and I almost never delete weddings. There are very few weddings that I look at and think, "Nope, I'd never feature that wedding on Offbeat Bride. Ever."

So to summarize, it's an issue of editorial variety, content, and timing. Those are the logistics. But your email brings up another issue … a more emotional one.

…I'm so deeply flattered that so many people want to share their stories here. But the measure of your wedding's success shouldn't be seeing it on Offbeat Bride…

I love love looooove that people take the time to share their weddings with me, but I worry, too. Yours isn't the first email I've received asking, essentially, "What was wrong with my wedding that you didn't feature it?"

Some people have gone even farther, getting angry and saying things like their wedding was way way cooler than some of the "lame" weddings we've featured instead. (Whoa. So not ok.) This freaks me out — your wedding is not a contest . Of course I'm deeply flattered that so many people want to share their stories on Offbeat Bride, but the measure of your wedding's "success" should NOT be seeing it on Offbeat Bride or any other website. The goal of your wedding should be celebrating your commitment with your partner, and having a wonderful day with your community of family and friends.

I am just some random lady in Seattle with a website who sees more beautiful weddings a day than she has the ability to share. I am not insulting your wedding if I haven't featured it on Offbeat Bride. Even with editors dedicated to getting five profiles up every single week, there's simply no way we could get every single one of you on the site … but that doesn't make your wedding any less of an amazing punk rock DIY glamour fest! Seriously.

I try to set the expectation on the submission form that I will not be able to post every wedding submitted. I'm open to suggestions if there's something I could be doing differently in the way the bride profile survey is worded to help folks avoid disappointment. I think I'll link to this blog post from the questionnaire, but I'm absolutely open to other suggestions, as well.