but he does listen to all my ideas.

Whenever I try to work on some wedding plans with him, he usually says something along the lines of, "It's sooo far away! I don't want to think about it." I know that he's right; the wedding is quite a long way off, so we don't need everything planned out to a T right now. But at the same time, I can't sit down and plan everything at one shot while I'm having to study for school, and I don't want to just sit on my hands for the next 3 1/2 years and have halls and venues and service providers book up. And I'm just so excited that even though I can't marry him right this minute (which we would both love, but know we can't do for many reasons), I can't stop thinking about our wedding and how we can make our special day wonderful. Our wedding isn't just about me. I want his input and need his help. I'm just not sure how to get those things without coming off as naggy or irritating him to the point of frustration.

Anyone have any advice for this type of situation?

We live in California but are getting married at his parents' house in central NY, so we are super lucky that his parents (who are awesome) are VERY eager and involved in the planning of our very DIY wedding. I can tend to be a little micro-manage-y, so I'm actually surprising myself at how much I am leaving to them, but it's been such a load off.

We decided together on the few things we both really care about (he's got strong feelings about the photography, I'm obsessed with the invitations, and we're both having custom clothes made) and divided those as you suggested. The rest: delegated! I feel lucky to have realized early that I don't have to have a specific kind of flower or tablecloth to make my day, or more importantly, my marriage, special and wonderful. And in the end, as good friends and this fabulous blog remind me, the marriage, not the wedding, is the important part.

I think that your wedding was a perfect example of compromise. Isn't that how you want your marriage to work? You being the girl had nothing to do with the fact that you were the one who wanted an actual wedding. I keep trying to elope and he wants a wedding. And he's the quiet one! lol.

You're both going to come upon situations that you would approach in opposite ways. Those differences are probably some of the reasons he's your partner and I'd guess he feels the same. Be happy when you can both find satisfaction.

He was kind of shocked, but immediately proclaimed that I obviously wanted a wedding more than he didn't want one, so we should have one. He had a great time at our wedding, and got everything that was important to him; but still, when you boil it down, we had a wedding because I wanted one, and I'm the girl. I'm not sure how to reconcile that.

As far as the planning itself, Gernith cared about: his clothes (including NOT wearing a "man flower"), getting to sit during the ceremony (we used the bench from outside our front door), that the ceremony itself wasn't religious or overly sappy (I wrote it, the friend who introduced us performed it), the music (we DJ'd off our iTunes), having the ceremony videotaped (I couldn't have cared less), that there was something he could eat on the menu (he has a lot of dietary restrictions), NOT having a first dance (I shared both his aversion and lack of rhythm), and the cake.