Lith & Ealesy's Formal Feminist *Not Legal* Wedding
Real Weddings: Global
By
on February 07, 2009
17 Responses
The offbeat bride: Lith, Pregnancy and Postpartum Doula
Her offbeat partner: Ealesy, Community Corrections Officer
Location & date of wedding: Tecoma Pavilion in the Royal Botanic Gardens, Melbourne, Australia on February 24th, 2007
What made our wedding offbeat: I planned our wedding in a total of 9 days! Our wedding was not a legally recognised ceremony. We had a friend facilitate the ceremony because we did not want our "marriage" recognised because our nation does not permit same sex couples to marry.
Our facilitator spoke about feminism and why many feminists rightly object to weddings and marriage but why the feminists in this wedding celebrated this particular wedding.
We actually refer to it as a unity celebration rather than a wedding because it was not a legally official or recognised occasion.
We designed our own rings (our engagement rings were $2 mood rings from the reject shop) which are silver and feature one another's birth stone. Mine has zirconias rather than diamonds because my favourite episode of The Simpson's is the one where the world's largest cubic zirconia was stolen from The Springfield Museum.
Father of the groom made the wedding cake, Aunt of the bride made the wedding invitations and former guitar teacher of the bride played at the ceremony (Bride and Groom's favourite song as the bridal party entered the ceremony).
Our biggest challenge: The bride, groom and first bridesmaid all had gastro on the big day! The bride and bridesmaid took turns vomiting in the hairdresser's bathroom in the morning before driving to a doctors clinic (hair and make up complete) for an emergency shot of an anti-nausea drug. We carried empty waste bags with us all day, just in case they were needed.
My favorite moment: Walking into the ceremony together and exchanging vows surrounded by a circle of friends and family. So high on oxytocin, joyful tear in my eye, enormous smiles.
My offbeat advice: Do nothing out of obligation!
Keep it small, the intimate feeling of less than 30 people (including bridal party of eight) was awesome.
Some of my vendors:
- Photos by Clare Murray
- Dress from Abbey Bridal (now closed)
- Reception on a Melbourne River Cruiser
Enough talk — show me the wedding porn: Click the photo below for more elegant photos from Lith & Ealesy's formal and feminist unity celebration!
Read more posts about: australia, commitment ceremony, custom rings, feminism, marriage equality, melbourne, outdoor, park, small wedding« Previous post
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Mandy said
Yay for non legalized weddings! Mine will be non legal as well. Beautiful and inspiring!
Meliss said
I would LOVE to know where that dress came from…it's just perfect, as was the rest of your awesome ceremony, from the looks of it.
Autumn said
We actually had the same thing happen with our wedding – the Unitarian minister who married us would not sign our license as a protest to the fact that she is not able to sign the license of same sex couples in New York state. We thought it was a great stance but ended up getting "legal" 6 months later through a justice of peace for the usual reasons (healthcare, etc). It is great that you are standing up for what you believe in and bucking the whole process altogether on your own!
George said
Woohoo! Another couple who refused to sign up to our pathetic governments idea of "what should constitute a marriage".
*hugs*
Brandi said
Rock on! I love your dedication to those who are not (YET) able to legally wed. You guys are total hotties to boot
Lith said
Thanks for the lovely comments
To those wondering about who made the dress, here's a link for you:
http://www.maggiesottero.com/d…fId%3d4685
It's called "Samara" by Maggie Sottero.
Shina said
I'm getting weddinged this way in September. My brother will be officiating!
Sarah said
I love this idea, and I've been thinking about a way to involve my gay best friend in the ceremony without making him feel horrible… now there will be no guilt!
Brookelynne said
Wow! My fiance suggested we not get legally married when we do our ceremony this fall, and I thought it was the best idea ever, and now this article is up just the very next day.
If that is not a sign then I do not know what is.
shari said
Hi, who can I hire to do a real wedding ceremony but not a legal one? I live in Coral Springs, Florida?
SavvyChristine said
Wow! I love that you ditched the legal aspect. My fiance and I considered doing the same, but we live in one of the only states in the U.S. that allows same sex marriages (Massachusetts), so we decided to make it legal. Kudos to you — the non-wedding looked amazing!
Mo said
Due to benefit reasons we want to have a spritual ceremony without the legal aspect of a marriage license. Thanks for giving me food for thought.
Pearbaby said
Well done for standing by your beliefs and arguing against the ridiculous stance that so many states have taken!
On a less socially conscious note:
I have the same dress! Love it!! I'm so happy to see pictures on a real bride in context of an actual wedding! I can't wait to wear it in two months… I can't believe you put your wedding together in 9 days. I bow down.
coyontita said
yay for you! i don't want to legally marry my opposite-sex partner for a whole host of reasons, including wanting to stand in solidarity with same-sex couples. it's amazing how many people–even out here in san francisco, where we live–don't understand why we would do that. i'm really happy to be reminded that there are like-minded folks out there… makes me feel less crazy.
Stephanie said
thank you so much for that respectful tribute to love everywhere. !!!!
Meechtk said
This has very much so inspired me! Wow!
congrats btw