Comments on: Proposing Part 1: Why you should propose to your boyfriend http://offbeatbride.com/2009/01/propose-to-your-boyfriend Taffeta-Free Alternatives for Independent Brides Sat, 21 Nov 2009 07:51:54 -0800 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.5 hourly 1 By: Team Runcible http://offbeatbride.com/2009/01/propose-to-your-boyfriend/comment-page-3#comment-54459 Team Runcible Thu, 12 Nov 2009 03:48:49 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1498#comment-54459 I accidentally proposed to my boyfriend last Friday while we were at a party together. We'd sneaked away from the rest of the crowd and lain down on the hosts' bed for a few minutes of quiet time together. I'd been thinking about marrying him a lot over the past month. Every time l looked at him, all I could think was "I want to be your wife." I really had meant it as more of a reassurance that it would be OK to ask me, that I wanted him to ask me sometime, that if he did ask me, he'd get a good answer. So I just let the words slip out. "I want to be your wife." He looked shocked, but took a deep breath and laughed and said he loved me. With the next breath he asked me to marry him. I assured him that of course I would, but I was shocked too. I hadn't meant to propose, just to clear the way! Man... years ago I'd asked both of my dates to prom, I'd asked this one if he wanted to date me--and now this! "Can't I just be patient?! Shit! I ruined it; Me and my big mouth!" I was berating myself inside, rather than fully enjoying the momentousness of the occasion. When he giggled, though, it set me more at ease. He told me that he'd been planning on speaking with my father about it next week when we go visit my family for a cousin's wedding. He'd planned to ask me after getting my father's blessing, on the anniversary of the day I asked him out--he's offbeat, but as sweet a Southern Gentleman as you could ask for too. We talked about it, and he'll be speaking with both of my parents this week and making a formal proposal at a time of his choosing (with a ring that we both like), likely next month. I told him I'd been looking at rings. He told me he'd been looking at rings, we decided to swap websites, and it turned out to be EXACTLY the same site (google mokume gane rings). So I could have let things unfold, and they would have been perfect.... but they're going to unfold a little differently and still be perfect. I accidentally proposed to my boyfriend last Friday while we were at a party together.

We'd sneaked away from the rest of the crowd and lain down on the hosts' bed for a few minutes of quiet time together. I'd been thinking about marrying him a lot over the past month.

Every time l looked at him, all I could think was "I want to be your wife." I really had meant it as more of a reassurance that it would be OK to ask me, that I wanted him to ask me sometime, that if he did ask me, he'd get a good answer. So I just let the words slip out. "I want to be your wife."

He looked shocked, but took a deep breath and laughed and said he loved me. With the next breath he asked me to marry him. I assured him that of course I would, but I was shocked too. I hadn't meant to propose, just to clear the way!

Man… years ago I'd asked both of my dates to prom, I'd asked this one if he wanted to date me–and now this! "Can't I just be patient?! Shit! I ruined it; Me and my big mouth!" I was berating myself inside, rather than fully enjoying the momentousness of the occasion.

When he giggled, though, it set me more at ease. He told me that he'd been planning on speaking with my father about it next week when we go visit my family for a cousin's wedding. He'd planned to ask me after getting my father's blessing, on the anniversary of the day I asked him out–he's offbeat, but as sweet a Southern Gentleman as you could ask for too.

We talked about it, and he'll be speaking with both of my parents this week and making a formal proposal at a time of his choosing (with a ring that we both like), likely next month.

I told him I'd been looking at rings. He told me he'd been looking at rings, we decided to swap websites, and it turned out to be EXACTLY the same site (google mokume gane rings).

So I could have let things unfold, and they would have been perfect…. but they're going to unfold a little differently and still be perfect.

]]> By: Spectre Incarnate http://offbeatbride.com/2009/01/propose-to-your-boyfriend/comment-page-3#comment-52355 Spectre Incarnate Mon, 12 Oct 2009 07:14:18 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1498#comment-52355 My parents came down about a week later to look at a house with us and afterward we sat and brainstormed a bit. They didn't want us to have the courthouse be our only memory of a marriage, so they offered to pay for a small ceremony and a simple ice cream reception if we could help out some. We were overjoyed with the idea. I didn't think we could have an October wedding this year, I really wanted one, but I was ready to wait a year. Mom said we could do it. It'd be hectic and crazy, but she insisted we could do it, so I said okaaaay... Then friends and family started offering their talents left and right over the past two months. One of mom's friends offered a big discount on a hand made wedding cake to my specifications. (I can't wait to see it! I asked for tiers that look like they are covered with fabric sheets, each one a different color, and then monarchs all over it.) My aunt threw me a bridal shower a couple weeks ago. My cousin offered to play piano during our unity ceremony. My absolute best friend on the internet for the last decade (whom I've met in real life a couple times at conventions) is coming up by bus. Just a ton of stuff has fallen into our laps like a sudden burst of candy from a pinata! Grandpa sure did like his candy. I think I'll get another feather to display along with grandpa's butterfly at the wedding that we are finally having this Saturday!! My parents came down about a week later to look at a house with us and afterward we sat and brainstormed a bit. They didn't want us to have the courthouse be our only memory of a marriage, so they offered to pay for a small ceremony and a simple ice cream reception if we could help out some. We were overjoyed with the idea. I didn't think we could have an October wedding this year, I really wanted one, but I was ready to wait a year. Mom said we could do it. It'd be hectic and crazy, but she insisted we could do it, so I said okaaaay…

Then friends and family started offering their talents left and right over the past two months. One of mom's friends offered a big discount on a hand made wedding cake to my specifications. (I can't wait to see it! I asked for tiers that look like they are covered with fabric sheets, each one a different color, and then monarchs all over it.) My aunt threw me a bridal shower a couple weeks ago. My cousin offered to play piano during our unity ceremony. My absolute best friend on the internet for the last decade (whom I've met in real life a couple times at conventions) is coming up by bus. Just a ton of stuff has fallen into our laps like a sudden burst of candy from a pinata!

Grandpa sure did like his candy.

I think I'll get another feather to display along with grandpa's butterfly at the wedding that we are finally having this Saturday!!

]]> By: Spectre Incarnate http://offbeatbride.com/2009/01/propose-to-your-boyfriend/comment-page-3#comment-52353 Spectre Incarnate Mon, 12 Oct 2009 07:10:08 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1498#comment-52353 The feather was taped to the headboard of our bed and stayed there for three years, a continuous promise that we would get married someday. We giggled and proposed to each other about once a month, to be silly, to renew the idea, and to make sure we were still good to go on that. We just didn't have the money for an actual wedding, not even a small one, so we waited... and waited... and then in 2007 we had children: two adorable siamese cats. After about a year, when they got old enough to get into some major mischief... the poor thing didn't stand a chance. It was a horrid death of blue scattered about the bedroom. o_o We eventually decided to f*ck the idea of a wedding and got married at our courthouse for official, medical, and sanity reasons. The civil marriage, now coined the Get-It-Over-With-Already! Day, was cold and perfunctory and the only thing that made it nice and took my mind away from the speed-reading officiant was the real monarch butterfly standing on my shoulder (superglued to a piece of card and pinned on). I had found it dead as of recent in the parking lot a couple days beforehand, and we had actually planned for butterflies to be the theme of our little mini marriage, on the bouquet and my dress was dark orange, dark brown, tan, cream... etc. Monarchs have a very special place in my heart from the main character in a book I am writing, whom I name Anne Monarch. She also loves monarchs and ended up with the last name Monarch and also became a monarch (royalty). And this... *choke*... and this is where I start crying. I think my grandfather sent the butterfly to me. He passed away earlier this year of Alzheimers... he must have wanted me to care for her body and honor it in the best way possible. I am honored in return, grandpa. She completely made my day. My husband and I had considered changing both of our last names to represent us as a new family, and I think Monarch would be nice. Maybe I, like my character who often represents me, always was a Monarch? No offense to my parents, but I think we each grow into our own special names and states of mind when we become a new family. (Continued) The feather was taped to the headboard of our bed and stayed there for three years, a continuous promise that we would get married someday. We giggled and proposed to each other about once a month, to be silly, to renew the idea, and to make sure we were still good to go on that. We just didn't have the money for an actual wedding, not even a small one, so we waited… and waited… and then in 2007 we had children: two adorable siamese cats. After about a year, when they got old enough to get into some major mischief… the poor thing didn't stand a chance. It was a horrid death of blue scattered about the bedroom. o_o

We eventually decided to f*ck the idea of a wedding and got married at our courthouse for official, medical, and sanity reasons. The civil marriage, now coined the Get-It-Over-With-Already! Day, was cold and perfunctory and the only thing that made it nice and took my mind away from the speed-reading officiant was the real monarch butterfly standing on my shoulder (superglued to a piece of card and pinned on). I had found it dead as of recent in the parking lot a couple days beforehand, and we had actually planned for butterflies to be the theme of our little mini marriage, on the bouquet and my dress was dark orange, dark brown, tan, cream… etc. Monarchs have a very special place in my heart from the main character in a book I am writing, whom I name Anne Monarch. She also loves monarchs and ended up with the last name Monarch and also became a monarch (royalty). And this… *choke*… and this is where I start crying. I think my grandfather sent the butterfly to me. He passed away earlier this year of Alzheimers… he must have wanted me to care for her body and honor it in the
best way possible. I am honored in return, grandpa. She completely made my day. My husband and I had considered changing both of our last names to represent us as a new family, and I think Monarch would be nice. Maybe I, like my character who often represents me, always was a Monarch? No offense to my parents, but I think we each grow into our own special names and states of mind when we become a new family.

(Continued)

]]> By: Spectre Incarnate http://offbeatbride.com/2009/01/propose-to-your-boyfriend/comment-page-2#comment-52352 Spectre Incarnate Mon, 12 Oct 2009 07:06:58 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1498#comment-52352 I proposed to my husband. I'm a spontaneous, goofy girl that jumps on any opportunity when it comes her way, even if it seems totally impossible or impractical or dumb, because in my opinion, something can only be considered that way if you don't give it at least one try. I'm like Trillian in The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy when she asked Arthur Dent if he would go to Madagascar with her immediately that night for no reason at all. I made the proposal extremely meaningful for him, something that he would know right away what it meant for us, and to show him that I was not trying to one-up him as "proposal bearer". We both obsess over the Harvest Moon game series on Nintendo and Playstation. You take care of a farm, animals, crops, and stuff, and solve quests, and as a major side quest you can choose a girl to woo over time and eventually marry her. There were a couple revised versions of the game where a girl is managing the farm and can find a boy to marry. Learning about the new revised version gave me a lot of confidence to pull this little stunt. In the game, a person does not propose marriage with a ring, they instead must get a rare expensive blue feather from a traveling vendor. On Christmas Day 2004, my husband opened the presents I got him: the newest Harvest Moon game, the GameCube to play it on, and a blue ostrich feather from a craft store, which cost me a dollar, but has so much more meaning to the two of us. He gave a small smile of recognition. "Is this what I think it is?" I scooted closer to him cause we were sitting on the floor and took the feather from him gently and presented it back to him with my proposal. He was in shock for a few, but he eventually gave me a "Yes". Mom asked if I was serious or just playing around cause she didn't understand the significance of an ostrich feather dyed blue, so I explained and she teared up a little. (Continued) I proposed to my husband. I'm a spontaneous, goofy girl that jumps on any opportunity when it comes her way, even if it seems totally impossible or impractical or dumb, because in my opinion, something can only be considered that way if you don't give it at least one try. I'm like Trillian in The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy when she asked Arthur Dent if he would go to Madagascar with her immediately that night for no reason at all.

I made the proposal extremely meaningful for him, something that he would know right away what it meant for us, and to show him that I was not trying to one-up him as "proposal bearer". We both obsess over the Harvest Moon game series on Nintendo and Playstation. You take care of a farm, animals, crops, and stuff, and solve quests, and as a major side quest you can choose a girl to woo over time and eventually marry her. There were a couple revised versions of the game where a girl is managing the farm and can find a boy to marry. Learning about the new revised version gave me a lot of confidence to pull this little stunt.

In the game, a person does not propose marriage with a ring, they instead must get a rare expensive blue feather from a traveling vendor. On Christmas Day 2004, my husband opened the presents I got him: the newest Harvest Moon game, the GameCube to play it on, and a blue ostrich feather from a craft store, which cost me a dollar, but has so much more meaning to the two of us. He gave a small smile of recognition. "Is this what I think it is?" I scooted closer to him cause we were sitting on the floor and took the feather from him gently and presented it back to him with my proposal. He was in shock for a few, but he eventually gave me a "Yes". Mom asked if I was serious or just playing around cause she didn't understand the significance of an ostrich feather dyed blue, so I explained and she teared up a little.

(Continued)

]]> By: Tina http://offbeatbride.com/2009/01/propose-to-your-boyfriend/comment-page-2#comment-52084 Tina Mon, 05 Oct 2009 02:58:33 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1498#comment-52084 Oh man. I would *totally* ask - he certainly doesn't have an ego about any of that (honestly, he's more of a feminist than I am) and no one would ever accuse us of being heternormative - but, as much as I often want to, I could never take it away from him to ask me. I mean, we 'sort of' ask each other, but the actual question is reserved for him. As someone else mentioned, it's not a fear of commitment thing, it's a getting-his-shit-together thing. I know that he wants to better be able to provide for us as a family, and I respect that. Even if I get a little impatient... [We did just get our domestic partnership license in Cambridge, MA, though. It gives us both rights as a non-married couple that we wouldn't otherwise have, which is awesome. For the occasion, we're having pre-engagement rings custom made (his idea. we both wear cheapy rings we got each other in the beginning of the relationship). They will also end probably end up engagement rings, at which point maybe we'll engrave them. So, it's a step!] More power to you all who plunged in and did it! I think it's wonderful and sexy and I'm a little jealous! Oh man. I would *totally* ask – he certainly doesn't have an ego about any of that (honestly, he's more of a feminist than I am) and no one would ever accuse us of being heternormative – but, as much as I often want to, I could never take it away from him to ask me. I mean, we 'sort of' ask each other, but the actual question is reserved for him. As someone else mentioned, it's not a fear of commitment thing, it's a getting-his-shit-together thing. I know that he wants to better be able to provide for us as a family, and I respect that. Even if I get a little impatient…

[We did just get our domestic partnership license in Cambridge, MA, though. It gives us both rights as a non-married couple that we wouldn't otherwise have, which is awesome. For the occasion, we're having pre-engagement rings custom made (his idea. we both wear cheapy rings we got each other in the beginning of the relationship). They will also end probably end up engagement rings, at which point maybe we'll engrave them. So, it's a step!]

More power to you all who plunged in and did it! I think it's wonderful and sexy and I'm a little jealous!

]]> By: KCP http://offbeatbride.com/2009/01/propose-to-your-boyfriend/comment-page-2#comment-52055 KCP Sat, 03 Oct 2009 20:38:57 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1498#comment-52055 My finance and I have been together for almost four years now and yes he did ask first but. (quite awhile ago).. every few months (six months or so) I find some silly romantic way to ask him back. We're considered too young within our families to get married yet but we've been enjoying keeping our tradition going. :) My finance and I have been together for almost four years now and yes he did ask first but. (quite awhile ago).. every few months (six months or so) I find some silly romantic way to ask him back. We're considered too young within our families to get married yet but we've been enjoying keeping our tradition going. :)

]]> By: empathy http://offbeatbride.com/2009/01/propose-to-your-boyfriend/comment-page-1#comment-52030 empathy Sat, 03 Oct 2009 00:09:47 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1498#comment-52030 Oh and one more thing: If you/he is feeling anxious because of "other people," don't think a proposal will get them to relent. These are often the traditionalists that launch into an inquisition for wedding plans, bridal showers, babies!... the list will continue to expand I'm sure. Oh and one more thing: If you/he is feeling anxious because of "other people," don't think a proposal will get them to relent. These are often the traditionalists that launch into an inquisition for wedding plans, bridal showers, babies!… the list will continue to expand I'm sure.

]]> By: empathy http://offbeatbride.com/2009/01/propose-to-your-boyfriend/comment-page-1#comment-52029 empathy Sat, 03 Oct 2009 00:08:56 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1498#comment-52029 My point? I really did feel like I had already proposed and we could have done without the formalities (or the expense - in retrospect, I would prefer that we bought simple wedding bands together). Additionally, we had already talked extensively about plans for the future (jobs, relocation?, kids? etc.), which I realized was, if not *special*, still an expression of his desire for a future together. I know, however, that we needed to have the conversations that "the proposal" inspired (i.e. the importance of "something special" to me, appreciation, balance, etc.), but that can AND SHOULD be manifested in so many other ways. So forget about the formalities, and if you haven't already, start talking (and listening) about ideas for the future, and then see when it might be a good time to slip in a ceremony. Assuming you have both been monogamous for 6 years, the commitment is already there, right? Just tell him there's got to be a good time to celebrate your commitment (with or without a large group involved)! That's how I "proposed" before he "proposed".... My point? I really did feel like I had already proposed and we could have done without the formalities (or the expense – in retrospect, I would prefer that we bought simple wedding bands together). Additionally, we had already talked extensively about plans for the future (jobs, relocation?, kids? etc.), which I realized was, if not *special*, still an expression of his desire for a future together. I know, however, that we needed to have the conversations that "the proposal" inspired (i.e. the importance of "something special" to me, appreciation, balance, etc.), but that can AND SHOULD be manifested in so many other ways. So forget about the formalities, and if you haven't already, start talking (and listening) about ideas for the future, and then see when it might be a good time to slip in a ceremony. Assuming you have both been monogamous for 6 years, the commitment is already there, right? Just tell him there's got to be a good time to celebrate your commitment (with or without a large group involved)! That's how I "proposed" before he "proposed"….

]]> By: empathy http://offbeatbride.com/2009/01/propose-to-your-boyfriend/comment-page-1#comment-52028 empathy Sat, 03 Oct 2009 00:08:13 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1498#comment-52028 I can relate. As someone in a relationship with similar dynamics and now engaged, I would like to offer some advice: Decide if you are waiting for him to propose simply because you want it to be his turn to do "something special" or if there are additional reasons. For me, I felt it was 'his turn,' but not just because I wanted something special.. I was the one to suggest moving in together and I just wanted him to take the next step, so I would feel that he was equally interested in being permanent life partners. What ended up happening is that we did a lot of talking and I ended up feeling like I did a lot coaxing.. I got a special proposal and an expensive ring, but ultimately realized that all I really wanted was his expression of love and desire to marry as well. I can relate. As someone in a relationship with similar dynamics and now engaged, I would like to offer some advice: Decide if you are waiting for him to propose simply because you want it to be his turn to do "something special" or if there are additional reasons. For me, I felt it was 'his turn,' but not just because I wanted something special.. I was the one to suggest moving in together and I just wanted him to take the next step, so I would feel that he was equally interested in being permanent life partners.
What ended up happening is that we did a lot of talking and I ended up feeling like I did a lot coaxing.. I got a special proposal and an expensive ring, but ultimately realized that all I really wanted was his expression of love and desire to marry as well.

]]> By: Brandie http://offbeatbride.com/2009/01/propose-to-your-boyfriend/comment-page-2#comment-51568 Brandie Sun, 20 Sep 2009 02:58:07 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/?p=1498#comment-51568 I proposed to my guy earlier this year, and several of my girlfriends also proposed to their guys. We had talked of getting engaged for a while, and even looked at rings. I was impatient, and since he had quit his job to go back to school- it would have probably been years before he could afford a nice ring which he would have wanted before proposing. It was late one night after I came home from school (I'm getting my MBA part time while working) and we were sitting on the floor just chatting. We were discussing engagement stuff, so I figured I'd just 'make it official' and ask him. He said yes. It was sweet and casual, and the lack of specific planning meant I had no time to get nervous. A month or so later we went to shopping together for my engagement ring. There are time I wish I had been proposed to, but I'm also happy I 'popped' the question. I'm thrilled to be engaged. Plus, I adore my engagement ring- its center stone is a star sapphire that belonged to my mom, and I liked having a say in a piece of jewelry I plan on wearing for the rest of my life. We aren't getting married for 2 years (till I finish school), but I love being engaged and planning on spending my life with this guy. I proposed to my guy earlier this year, and several of my girlfriends also proposed to their guys. We had talked of getting engaged for a while, and even looked at rings. I was impatient, and since he had quit his job to go back to school- it would have probably been years before he could afford a nice ring which he would have wanted before proposing.

It was late one night after I came home from school (I'm getting my MBA part time while working) and we were sitting on the floor just chatting. We were discussing engagement stuff, so I figured I'd just 'make it official' and ask him. He said yes. It was sweet and casual, and the lack of specific planning meant I had no time to get nervous. A month or so later we went to shopping together for my engagement ring.

There are time I wish I had been proposed to, but I'm also happy I 'popped' the question. I'm thrilled to be engaged. Plus, I adore my engagement ring- its center stone is a star sapphire that belonged to my mom, and I liked having a say in a piece of jewelry I plan on wearing for the rest of my life. We aren't getting married for 2 years (till I finish school), but I love being engaged and planning on spending my life with this guy.

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