Copy 'n' paste conflict resolution (aka How to say "fuck off" and "I love you" and "this conversation is over" all at the same time)

By on Jan. 21st
Ring fingers

Photo by madlove photography

So, you your family/friends are freaking about about your plans for a tiny simple wedding in your backyard. Or about how your sweety wants to carry a pirate sword for the ceremony. Or about how you're wearing a black dress instead of a white one. Whatever: you told 'em something, and they've freaked out.

While every situation is different, I decide to write up a few copy 'n' paste responses that y'all could use in your conversations with your family & friends. Obviously, these would need tweaking depending on your particular conflict, but hopefully the respectful but firm tone will help you hold your ground while also keeping the peace:

  • "It means so much to me that you're so interested in my wedding planning. That said, I hope you'll be able to respect that my partner and I are putting a lot of thought into having wedding reflect our unique relationship and values. I hope you can place your trust in our ability to find what we feel works best for us."
  • "Oh my goodness — it's so flattering that you felt you could come and talk to me about your thoughts on my wedding. I love hearing all the different ideas that we get from friends and family — I think you'll be excited to see what we come up with."
  • "I'm so sorry to hear that you're upset about my decision to [FILL IN THE BLANK] at my upcoming wedding. I hope you understand that this was a decision my partner and I took very seriously, that we made after putting a lot of thought into how we could best make our wedding a reflection of our relationship. While I wish I could change how you feel, I respect that we all have different opinions about weddings … and I hope you know that despite this disagreement, it doesn't change how much I love you! I'm so looking forward to seeing you [at our wedding/some other time/whatever]."
  • "Wow, thanks so much for sharing your ideas with me. It really makes me feel like you're as excited about this as we are! My partner and I believe really strongly in working together to shape a wedding that's a reflection of who we are, and I'll definitely be keeping your ideas in mind during our planning discussions."
  • "Thanks so much for all your suggestions about our wedding. Although we've decided to take our plans in a slightly different direction, I just want you to know that we put a lot of thought into our decision and your input was so incredibly valuable to us. Thanks so much again … and we can't wait to have you there celebrating with us."

We'd love to hear your most loving, most boundary-setting phrases that you've used with family members… leave a comment with your favorite ways to say "I love you so much, but absolutely not."