Target Women: Jewelry!

This isn't about weddings, but it totally relates — you'll see. And then you will laugh and laugh.

  1. Classic!! I love it. It's so true. Jewelry says.. "you have a vagina and I figured as a feminist if I bought you sexy undies you'd get offended so I bought oyu this safe bracelet that's really shiny because I couldn't muster up enough thought to give you something orginal that you'd really really like… like salsa dance lessons or a copy of "Offbeat Bride" or even a shopping spree at MAC (because that's what a girl really wants).

    Thanks Ariel for making me laugh this morning. I needed it!

    1 agrees
  2. Hurray more Infomania form Sara. I love these things.

    Have you seen her wedding show one? Or the cleaning one? Oh there's also the birth control one.

    Okay so maybe I have a slight girl crush.

    2 agree
  3. My man and I always laugh when those commericals. He'll turn to me and say "I'm sorry I not love you enough because I not buy you an overpriced piece of carbon that most likely is tainted with the blood of oppressed Africans". And I'll reply, "Well, it really does hurt me that you don't expect me to conform to sexist, commerically driven stereotype, but I'll forgive you."

    2 agree
  4. Hah! It's true. I am always bothered by those commercials because it assumes that all women are interested in the same sort of thing. I love jewelry, but it better be reflected of me (something no diamond ever will!)

    1 agrees
  5. "I guess we'll be having the sex now."
    Awesome.

    1 agrees
  6. Wow. I had never heard of Sarah Haskins before, but after watching a couple of clips…she is the awesome. I love her.

    0 agree
  7. I find it funny how appalled people when they find out that Tom didn't buy a diamond for my engagement ring and how they never believe him when he tells them that I specifically asked for NO diamonds.

    I had on ex buy me diamond earrings which I never wore and eventually lost. His reasoning was "that's what all women want and what all men are supposed to buy them." WTF?

    2 agree
  8. HA! Thanks for posting. I needed a good laugh. "I was worried that I was a boring guy in a sweater." Now I'm going to go watch all the others.

    0 agree
  9. YES!!! I was JUST talking about this the last night w my friends (guys & girls) and we asked the guys if commercials like that make them feel like they need to buy us jewelry. A resounding NO was heard. For all their hard work- their advertising just ain't working.
    Thank god, bc if my husband got me that "diamond journey pendant" bullshit- I'd fucking chuck it at his head and then make HIM wear it.

    1 agrees
  10. That hit the spot…. I'm still laughing at "jewelry face."

    I guess I'm lucky that I don't have cable and I haven't seen any of those wedding shows… was the "Bulging Bride" serious? Is that a real show? They take normal looking people and tell them they've got "tons" of work to do?!? Insane.

    2 agree
  11. My soon-to-be fiance (The proposal is coming soon! I can sense it! :) ) and I were *just* talking about this last night.

    We've been together for four years (and lived together for about 3.5) and he's never once seen me eye-balling jewelry or talking about jewelry or buying jewelry or anything like that.

    In fact, he's heard me talking about how much I HATE mall jewelry. We've discussed, at length, about how important it is to me that if/when he should decide to propose that my ring be UNDER $500 and antique/vintage. We even went to the antique store at the Pike Place Market and looked at their rings.

    With all of that background, you'd think he'd know that diamonds and bling just aren't my thing. …But the ad man got to him, despite it all!

    We were watching television and it was back-to-back "BUY YOUR WOMAN JEWELRY OR SHE WON'T LOVE YOU!" commercials. He stopped and looked at me with sincere concern in his eyes and he was like, "You don't want that, do you?… Because I want you to be happy and I already bought your Christmas gifts but if…"

    His concern was sweet but totally ridiculous. As soon as the commercial was over and the sentimental music stopped playing he realized how silly his question was and we both cracked up.

    It was kinda scary how effective their advertising really is. If those commercials can make my wonderful boyfriend, who knows me inside and out, actually think that I might *want* some crappy mall jewelry or that my feelings would be hurt if I didn't get any, I can't even imagine how many less-in touch men fall for it.

    0 agree
  12. Oh dear. I now have another addiction to feed. I love this Target Women thing… Thanks!

    0 agree
  13. Oh SamanthaB I hear you!
    Despite repeated conversations where I insist I don't really like diamonds, and I really don't want a diamond engagement ring – I am 95% sure I will end up with a diamond, because it is what HE feels he should and wants to give. Not sure where he got that idea from, because he is normally so cool about everything, but he gets really het up about girls who don't want diamonds, and ask not to have diamonds etc etc

    0 agree
  14. argh. . . . mall jewelry. My engagement ring is a family heirloom. Being that is is over a 150 years old, it needed to be re- banded. Every f&*^%&g jeweler we were referred to said "lets melt it down and redesign it into something more modern" "here's a book of our styles , if you see something you like , we'll turn it into that" "why don't you buy a larger diamond?"
    I almost ripped a guys head off at one store. He didn't even wait for me to tell him what I wanted done to the ring. He started off pointing out "flaws". Oh , we were even offered a discount on a "diamond journey pendant" if we would sell the ring to them.
    The jewelry industry is a joke , I'm glad this was posted!!

    1 agrees
  15. Hah, I am soooo glad my boyfriend of 4 years understands that if he gets me a big old chunk of carbon for my ring, he's more likely to be decked than kissed.

    Besides, we're way too open with each other, and I know the ring he's getting me…beautiful, emerald, and only about $300…but goodness it's a beautiful thing.

    My parents love that we're not so traditional a couple, especially since they know we don't expect them to pay for my wedding! :P

    0 agree
  16. I've told my other half that he is NOT to buy me diamonds and any rings he buys has to be ethically sourced. My engagement ring is a claddaugh (spelling?) and I bought him a more manly one when I went away with my family to Ireland. He also wears a pentangle ring (he's a raging pagan). I wear a couple of plastic and wooden flower patterend rings (probably both entirely unethical *sigh*) and I love silver jewelry, but I hate all that diamonds are a girl's best friend bullshit. Seeing as A) There's rarely any assurance that they're conflict free and B) They're crass, blingy and just plain boring. And not that valuable as it turns out.

    Mike knows better than to get me one!
    Plus we're poor. Natch.

    0 agree
  17. We have the ongoing joke of "if you see something shiny bring it home to me", and I am quite the magpie – but it truly does extend to all things shiny, and not just jewelry:

    Ohh look at those hubcaps!Want!
    *Gasp* a silver ipod!
    Ooooh, that bowling ball sparkles!!
    EEE! Glitter Confetti! :D

    And judging by what shiny things I buy myself, I am *not* a diamond girl. In fact, I'm generally not a gemstone-on-my-finger girl.

    I *am* a girl in love with words and language, and small sentimental things full of meaning….

    So my engagement ring is a rose gold band with an inscription…on the outside.

    :D *le sigh* He knows me so well.

    0 agree
  18. I love how the women in those jewelry ads look like they just got an instant lobotomy.

    0 agree
  19. roflmfao

    Ummm, yeah..that was way too funny. All though I like the sing language commercial (i just took a sign language course, and I can kinda understand it without subtitles) although it always makes me wonder how the hell they communicated before.

    0 agree
  20. You have to see the yogurt one. That one had me falling out of my chair laughing, because it's so hysterically true.

    0 agree
  21. @Samantha B: We have the same name! And we both hate diamonds! And our boyfriends asked us the same question last night! What. The. HELL.

    Except I'm going for a titanium or tungsten carbide ring, so I'm even cheaper than you. Suck it, other me!

    0 agree
  22. @the other Samantha B:

    It must be something in the water! :)

    I like titanium, too, but I'm a bit of a cheesy romantic under my bad-ass exterior, and I *really* like the idea of an antique ring. Not only has it stood the test of time (sturdy AND still fashionable), but it has a story behind it– a MUCH better story than "…We were at the mall and I saw a mass-produced ring that was within our budget and it had a big diamond in it so we bought it."

    Plus, I wear my grandmother's 1945 white-gold engagement ring on my right hand and I have no intention of ever taking it off, so I want my engagement ring and wedding band to be complimentary…

    0 agree
  23. Haha! I laughed so hard, i snorted! And not once, oh no, full on "pig eating" snorting. Ah, good times.

    0 agree
  24. This is brilliant!! Thanks for posting it! I loathe all of those jewelry commercials. They're so manipulative, and so many people buy into them! I actually had someone tell me that my engagement couldn't be official because I had a ruby ring and not a diamond, because "an engagement ring HAS to be a diamond!"

    0 agree
  25. I'll give my man credit. :) He did unexpectedly pull a diamond ring out of his pocket earlier this month, but he made a point of getting an ethically sourced diamond, using only local, family-owned jewelers, and looking for a setting that you can't find just anywhere. (It's the first thing everyone comments on… including me!)

    I wasn't expecting to have a "normal" diamond engagement ring in my lifetime, really, but I have to say that I *do* really like sparkly shiny things so I guess he knows me pretty well after all!

    0 agree
  26. Ragdoll –

    Do NOT give up that ring! It's an antique cut and no one makes them like that any more.

    I have an heirloom ring myself, just over 100 years old (an "old Euroean" cut), which has passed down from mother to daughter; I'm the 4th generation of women to wear it.

    We went to a artisan jeweler (to get custom wedding bands – that's the one material thing that's going to last from the wedding, so it's the one thing we're going to splurge on) and they went ga-ga over it. You don't have to live with mall jewelers (who are probably pushing you buy more because they're desperate for a commission right now) dissing your ring!

    I recommend that anyone who doesn't want to buy a new diamond get one of their family's rings and start a tradition themselves. I never got what the big deal was with diamonds until I had one on myself. It. Is. Beautiful. 100 years old, worn and knocked around by 4 women, and it still sparkles like a mini fucking disco ball. I love it when the light hits it right and my hand is suddenly casting tiny little rainbows everywhere. Turns out compressed carbon is a pretty amazing substance. Hopefully by the time I get to pass it on man-made diamonds will be cheap and plentiful.

    0 agree
  27. "Target Women" is the single best thing in the world. I heart Sarah!

    0 agree
  28. -Hibryd-
    That ring is my baby , so glad to see someone else using an old family jewel. To me , letting it go to waste is the same as a blood diamond. Besides , If it has lasted all through the decades , and even made it through the Great Depression unscathed , it must be special.

    0 agree
  29. Ragdoll – Here here!

    I mean, isn't that the essence of Offbeat Bride-ery – bringing the wedding back to meaning something by making it about the two people getting married? Not Hallmark. Not the bridal magazines. Not what's trendy or attention-grabbing or meant to show up other weddings.

    When I look at my ring, (and you probably feel the same thing,) I see a long history and a lot of meaning. It's not big, it doesn't get attention, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

    (Oh, and my favorite video has got to be the birth control one!)

    0 agree
  30. bwahahaha thanks for the laugh. I've been slowly building up annoyance at all the jewelry ads on tv these days, and I don't even watch that much.

    0 agree
  31. Ahhh, those videos were fantastic! My boy originally thought he HAD to buy me a ring, and he HAD to spend two thousand dollars, but that was because we'd never, ever discussed it. He's quite aware now that I would much rather he asks my dad for my grandmother's opal ring, if he must use a ring at all.

    This does not stop my best friend from telling me I need a ring, and official engagement.

    0 agree
  32. Despite repeated conversations (that he claims too not remember) that I wanted a non-traditional engagement ring should we ever get engaged, my fiance proposed to me outside the freakin' jewelry store because he was so petrified about buying the wrong ring, then acted disappointed when I walked right past the diamonds and over to the much prettier (in my opinion) and much cheaper colored gems. In the end I selected a star sapphire (which turned out to be more romantic b/c sapphire is his birthstone) set in a one of a kind setting that despite it's originality ended up being only $600 dollars. And despite the fact that this ring means much more to me than some crap diamond ring, that he would have probably felt might never be big enough, when people ask to see my ring, and I proudly thrust my star reflecting blue ring with the one of a kind setting in their face, they still cringe and comment on how he was too cheap to buy me a diamond!

    0 agree
  33. that was great. I'm glad to know that there is an army of ladies that gag when though stupid jewlary commercials come on. they are so insulting.

    0 agree
  34. My father buys my mother jewels . . . in their natural forms.

    She studied crystal physics in graduate school. The idea of cutting up perfectly good gemstones makes her furious.

    0 agree
  35. Awesome. I think my favorite line is, "Diamonds are forever. Like roaches."

    0 agree

Join the conversation

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

No-drama comment policy

Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy.

Biz owners & wedding bloggers

Please just use your real name in your comment, not your business name or blog title. Our comments are not the place to pimp your website. If you want to promote your stuff on Offbeat Bride, join us as an advertiser instead.