Why "wedding porn"?
Reader Mail
By
on October 29, 2008
47
why is it called Wedding Porn? Since this is a woman-friendly community, why is it called porn? My wedding pictures won't be pornographic. I have no problems with porn, it's useful, especially women porn (for women, by women). I'm a sex-positive feminist. But why do we participate in "wedding pornography"? -Brady
Great question! "Wedding Porn" is a term I appropriated from an old Salon.com article by Heather Havrilesky. The phrase is meant as a playful take on the thrill of gawking at images from other people's weddings.
For me, this appropriation of the word "porn" has nothing to do with sex or even gender — it's about covetous voyeurism. In this context, "porn" simply refers to image that incites desire. Sure: when you're horny, you want sex porn. But when you're hungry, you want food porn. When you're feeling consumeristic, you want shopping porn. And when you're planning a wedding, you want wedding porn.
I'm using the term as a play on "images that inspire desire," rather than "images of naked people engaged in sexual activities." But I recognize that "wedding porn" is definitely a contextual term. I'm a big fan of reclaiming/appropriating words, and it doesn't always work for everyone. I used to refer to my readers as "offbeat bitches" and people REALLY didn't like that. So while "bitch" is a term of endearment for me, I had to recognize that it's just not for others.
That said, I think the contextual use of "porn" is being used pretty commonly online these days, so I'm sticking with it. 
About Ariel Meadow Stallings
Author of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides, Ariel acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives, loves, and dorks out hard in Seattle, WA.
jx said
I have to admit that I was a bit taken aback the first time I saw the term "wedding porn", but I agree with Ariel's use of it, specifically as it is "porn" not "pornography". those who drool over sex images have much in common with those who drool over wedding images, or even car images, kitchen makeover images or anything really that we can't stop staring at because it excites us. it is exciting and wonderful to see all of these different, beautiful, joyous weddings all in one place with new things happening all the time. yay for Ariel, and now Shrie, for posting the profiles so that we get the story of how it all came together too! keep that wedding porn coming!!
Lyndsay said
I love the term. I found it perfectly explained my obsession with looking at as many wedding pictures as I could, before, and now even after my wedding! Thanks for helping me get my porn fix daily!!!
Jill said
the term resonates with me because (at first) i felt slightly guilty and simultaneously addicted to looking at wedding porn, clicking away from the screen when my fiance walked by. lol
Bunny said
My future husband called it wedding porn without even knowing that others called it that as well. In fact, anything I enjoy looking at in a DO WANT! way – yarn for knitting, wedding goodies, 1950s dresses – is called my porn. I'm really surprised that anyone would be put off by the term.
Rykie said
I love the term wedding porn.
Toryn said
I think the phrase "food porn" has become pretty commonly known, so the first time I saw this blog and saw the words "wedding porn" I associated it more with the food porn type of meaning, not sexual porn.
teneisha said
ooh, is there such a thing as real porn for women by women? That is awesome.
i4detail said
I'm a bit of a hypocrite on this one. Usually I mangle the English language to my own nefarious ends, and am a great believer in localized contextualization of language, but I can't help but look at the word porn and remember that it comes from the greek word for prostitute, and I can't bring myself to make that association with the brides I photograph.
I know that the meaning of the word has changed since the time of Plato, but for me, the word carries too much negative baggage.
Gemma Marmalade said
Ariel's justification of the word 'porn' is watertight. I certainly use the word 'porn' with regard to my fascination of shoes, cupcakes et al. I believe it is commonly used in this context and following 'i4detail's comment, I believe you can use this phrase with conviction and without feminist reprise. Indeed, language evolves, for example the notorious stigmatisation of the 'c' word (I won't say it to be on the safe side!) This word is actually LESS offensive than the medical/physiological term 'vagina' as the definition of this literally means ' a swords sheath' ie. its only purpose is for the penetration of a mans weapon! Whereas the 'c' word is just an old colloquial term for exterior lady bits.
We must always take into consideration the appropriate context of any language and judge from this accordingly.
Renee said
As a women's studies major who is engaged, all I have to say is I LOVE the feminist theory and rhetoric used on your site, Ariel. I am consistently blown away by the woman-friendly and fabulously feministy rationale of weddings. You rock.
Marquesa Jen said
I love the term! I was aware of Food Porn before I came to this site. It definitely fits me. I love looking at wedding photos and my boyfriend thinks its funny, but useful!
Emily Neubert said
Just because Gemma brought it up…regarding the "c" word–if you read Inga Muscio's amazing, wonderful, brilliant, life-altering book "Cunt: A Declaration of Independence", you will learn that the etymology of this word extends far beyond a "colloquial term for exterior lady bits". It was actually derived from ancient goddess worship surrounding the cult of the fertility/love goddess Kunti. Now if that doesn't call for some proud re-appropriation, I don't know what does! Waaaay better than "sheath for a sword", am I right?
p.s. I'm fine with "wedding porn"!
)
p.p.s. Ariel, sorry if it's not okay to say "cunt". You can edit it if you need to!
Ariel said
Emily, it's all about context: Saying cunt in this context is 100% appropriate.
Shrie, the offbeat intern said
Thanks JX @ 1! I'm having a good time posting amazing bride profiles AND enjoying the wedding porn that goes along with them
Bridechka said
I am totally into the use of the term wedding porn and all the other variations on the phrase… I am partial to real estate porn because I am looking for a new apartment and NYC has a lot of real estate porn to salivate over.
Heather said
The term "wedding porn" is a hilarious and wonderfully connotative term that describes the inexplicable desire for a woman (or a guy…) who, upon becoming engaged, begins to ravenously view everything wedding related.
When I began planning my wedding, suddenly I just HAD to have every bridal magazine (whether or not it actually had any merit) and I couldn't pass by computer without doing a wedding search. The word "wedding" reached my ears and suddenly I was part of the conversation – "Tell me more!" "Really?" "Do you have any PHOTOS?". Overnight, a subject that had meant little to me became a guilty obsession.
When I first saw the term "Wedding Porn" on this site, I about died laughing. That's exactly what it is! Knowing that others were engaging in the same wedding "voyeurism" and could delightfully poke fun at it made me feel a bit better about drooling over tiered cakes and birdcage veils.
laura said
I don't know why this had to even be addressed. People need to not be so uptight about stuff!!
laura said
p.s. I SO wouldn't mind being referred to as "my offbeat bitch," btw.
TeriB said
I did run into what I consider the only "down-side" to this phrase during our reception. I'd been telling our photographer beforehand that I wanted him to get all the "wedding porn" meaning all the details- flowers, centerpeices, all that jazz. Then, during the reception, I blurted out to him "Dont forget to get the PORN!" right in front of my new wifes grandmother. That was a bit embarrasing.
So uh…use with care.
theelusiven said
The only thing that bugs me about this comments thread is this:
That's actually …well, significantly antifeminist. It smacks of, "You feminists need to stop making up things to get mad about." Just because you're not offended, that doesn't mean that someone else loses their right to be offended, and I believe that if someone was offended enough to e-mail about it, it's a safe guess that they found it troubling for the aforementioned reasons.
The same thing happens with the words "lame" and "crazy" in the feminist blogosphere: using them to mean "stupid", "silly", or "ridiculous" is basically the same thing as implying that the worst thing one can be is to have a physical disability or mental illness.
::awaits a "you humorless feminist" beatdown::
Ariel said
Aargh: let's see if we can side-step the "humorless feminist" debate/beatdown. I agree with theelusiven that Brady's concerns with the phrase "wedding porn" are perfectly valid and not worth dismissing with a wave of "oh it's just a joke!" That's why I took the time to address the issue in this post.
That said, I also bristle when readers start accusing each other of being "anti-feminist." It doesn't help the discussion, and if the conversation starts sliding into y'all attacking each other or invoking Godwin's Law, I'll be closing comments.
amber said
yay for reappropriation! i remember being totally confused when i first heard the term "commodity fetishism" in school for the same reason.
and anyway, there's nothing unfeminist about porn…of any kind, lol.
ps, teri b, that is hilarious.
Amanda said
I think it's funny! The term porn has been added onto lots of other things, not just weddings (and not just here on OBB). My FH was watching a documentary about sword making, and it referred to samurai movies as "sword porn," so I find it rather amusing. I thought it was a little odd at first, but it makes a ton of sense, IMO, with the way everyone starts trying to find images to inspire them or convey what they idealize for a wedding.
Echo said
Everyone's going to get upset about something at some point in their lives an Ariel's response is open and amusing without being condescending or offensive.
But to toss in my two cents, I think allot of these pictures are better then porn, in that there's so much variety and the emotions behind them are actually genuine!
Marina said
I enjoy the term "wedding porn" in this context, and I'm also very glad the subject has been brought up, because in some ways it does make me uneasy. Some connotations of the word "porn" for me include objectification, voyeurism without concern for the enjoyment of the object of that voyeurism, exploitation, etc etc, you know the shpiel.
And I'm really GLAD to get those connotations pushed at me in the context of weddings! So much of the images coming out of the wedding-industrial complex ARE exploitative, objectifying, and demeaning to women. I really, really like having a little niggle in the back of my mind when I look at someone's wedding: Am I objectifying someone else's spiritual moment? Are they performing for me?
Maybe even especially in the Offbeat Tribe land. I'm getting to know my fellow tribe members, moving out of the realms of performance and objectification, but there's still an element of… well, let me put it this way, blog posts with "PORN" in the subject get more comments. Are we using our wedding porn to sell ourselves?
I don't think we are. But I do think it's a good question to ask.