Why "wedding porn"?
Posted by Ariel · Mailbag

I love the term. I found it perfectly explained my obsession with looking at as many wedding pictures as I could, before, and now even after my wedding! Thanks for helping me get my porn fix daily!!!

My future husband called it wedding porn without even knowing that others called it that as well. In fact, anything I enjoy looking at in a DO WANT! way – yarn for knitting, wedding goodies, 1950s dresses – is called my porn. I'm really surprised that anyone would be put off by the term.

I think the phrase "food porn" has become pretty commonly known, so the first time I saw this blog and saw the words "wedding porn" I associated it more with the food porn type of meaning, not sexual porn.

I'm a bit of a hypocrite on this one. Usually I mangle the English language to my own nefarious ends, and am a great believer in localized contextualization of language, but I can't help but look at the word porn and remember that it comes from the greek word for prostitute, and I can't bring myself to make that association with the brides I photograph.

I know that the meaning of the word has changed since the time of Plato, but for me, the word carries too much negative baggage.

As a women's studies major who is engaged, all I have to say is I LOVE the feminist theory and rhetoric used on your site, Ariel. I am consistently blown away by the woman-friendly and fabulously feministy rationale of weddings. You rock.

Just because Gemma brought it up…regarding the "c" word–if you read Inga Muscio's amazing, wonderful, brilliant, life-altering book "Cunt: A Declaration of Independence", you will learn that the etymology of this word extends far beyond a "colloquial term for exterior lady bits". It was actually derived from ancient goddess worship surrounding the cult of the fertility/love goddess Kunti. Now if that doesn't call for some proud re-appropriation, I don't know what does! Waaaay better than "sheath for a sword", am I right?

p.s. I'm fine with "wedding porn"!
p.p.s. Ariel, sorry if it's not okay to say "cunt". You can edit it if you need to! )

Thanks JX @ 1! I'm having a good time posting amazing bride profiles AND enjoying the wedding porn that goes along with them

The term "wedding porn" is a hilarious and wonderfully connotative term that describes the inexplicable desire for a woman (or a guy…) who, upon becoming engaged, begins to ravenously view everything wedding related.

When I began planning my wedding, suddenly I just HAD to have every bridal magazine (whether or not it actually had any merit) and I couldn't pass by computer without doing a wedding search. The word "wedding" reached my ears and suddenly I was part of the conversation – "Tell me more!" "Really?" "Do you have any PHOTOS?". Overnight, a subject that had meant little to me became a guilty obsession.

When I first saw the term "Wedding Porn" on this site, I about died laughing. That's exactly what it is! Knowing that others were engaging in the same wedding "voyeurism" and could delightfully poke fun at it made me feel a bit better about drooling over tiered cakes and birdcage veils.

p.s. I SO wouldn't mind being referred to as "my offbeat bitch," btw.

The only thing that bugs me about this comments thread is this:

I don’t know why this had to even be addressed. People need to not be so uptight about stuff!!

That's actually …well, significantly antifeminist. It smacks of, "You feminists need to stop making up things to get mad about." Just because you're not offended, that doesn't mean that someone else loses their right to be offended, and I believe that if someone was offended enough to e-mail about it, it's a safe guess that they found it troubling for the aforementioned reasons.
The same thing happens with the words "lame" and "crazy" in the feminist blogosphere: using them to mean "stupid", "silly", or "ridiculous" is basically the same thing as implying that the worst thing one can be is to have a physical disability or mental illness.

::awaits a "you humorless feminist" beatdown::

yay for reappropriation! i remember being totally confused when i first heard the term "commodity fetishism" in school for the same reason.

and anyway, there's nothing unfeminist about porn…of any kind, lol.

ps, teri b, that is hilarious.

Everyone's going to get upset about something at some point in their lives an Ariel's response is open and amusing without being condescending or offensive.

But to toss in my two cents, I think allot of these pictures are better then porn, in that there's so much variety and the emotions behind them are actually genuine!

I didn't get the feeling that Brady (the original questioner) was offended necessarily, just concerned and curious, and I think Ariel's response was right on. That's part of why I have such a great affection for this site and the OBT, respectful disagreement and discussion are good for the soul (and the intellect!).

Also, I happen to love all those shows on TV where they come in to someone's messy, cluttered house and make them pare down and re-decorate. I refer to them as my "organizing porn" and the first time I referred to them as such, my husband knew exactly what I was talking about!

Ive always felt that a word can only offend you if you choose to let it be offensive to you. I find it extremely liberating to let words be nothing but letters strung together to make sounds. Its our actions and attitudes that have meaning.

Porn is my favorite 4 letter word.

Now, if you will excuse me, I must get back to my bitches……

I think it's a great term actually… it really does fit the action pretty well in my opinion. I love seeing people's reactions! I use it for a lot of things now. heh!

M ex used to like to watch tornado porn on the Weather Channel, and I can watch real estate porn on HGTV for hours. (Plus, at this point, "house" has become porn for me.)

i'm just sad you stopped using the term "offbeat bitches"…. maybe people wouldn't mind if it was "offbeat biiaatches…"

I like the term actually, reflects perfectly my lusting after photos of offbeat and nontraditional ceremony and rites. But correct me if I am wrong Ariel; didn't you once write in an article about the nuts and bolts of making a website like this a financial possibility that part of the reason you choose "Wedding Porn" was to increase the number of hits? That is a perfectly valid reason for use of the term as any.

Gotta say I don't like "offbeat bitches" but I am an animal person and to me a bitch is a female dog and many men have used the word dog to denigrate women.

SEO is the key when it comes to word creations

In my case, I am not an engaged person – I just like looking at this stuff, the more offbeat the better! The thing is this: because I'm not planning a wedding currently, I feel that drooling over strangers' cool wedding shots and stories would be considered strange or even shameful to some people.

When I found Offbeat Bride and saw the term "wedding porn" emblazoned near the header I knew I had come to the right place. I take the term to mean "hey, those pictures of orange dresses dresses and blue cakes and opera ceremonies and bicycle bridesmaids and coffin cookies…the ones you don't tell your boyfriend you look at when you're alone…they're right here. It's ok, I know how you feel and there's nothing wrong with it, so just look at 'em already!" In other words, I felt like someone understood, embraced and validated my harmless interest.

A few things (most are non-related to each other, and thus the reason for my comment being in list form:

1. This was actually an excellent post/comments section. I love this site so much because of these feminist questions. So thanks Ariel.

2. The book 'Cunt: A Declaration of Independence' by Inga Musico was indeed a wonderful, life changing book. It's always fun to find other fans out there. Especially on this site.

3.I too use the word "bitch" as a term of endearment. But I like bad words.

4."Plant porn" may be the funniest damn thing I've heard in a long time.

Ok that's all!

Ariel, Thank you so much for addressing this! I got caught up in offline life this past week, so I hadn't even checked OBT to see if there was a response posted. I really appreciate your explanation, and also all of this fabulous discussion. I think it's important to have conversation on feminist issues, whether they surround word choices or how to celebrate commitments like marriage.

Thanks again!

(Now I'm off to go research the etymology of vulva).