Reception-only wedding invitations that won't make your guests feel excluded or left out
Invitation advice, Reception Advice
By
on October 09, 2008
37
We are planning a small ceremony during the day with a limited number of guests. Later that evening, we will have a party/reception for everyone to come and celebrate whether they were at the ceremony or not. What is a polite way to word the invitations to the reception-only people so that they know that the ceremony was kept small so that no feelings are hurt? -Natty
We did our wedding the same way: relatively intimate ceremony and dinner, and then wide open "Bring your friends!" crazy dance reception. We invited these reception guests via an evite that read:
As many of you know, WE'RE FRICKING GETTING MARRIED! We're trying really hard to keep the ceremony/dinner part of our wedding intimate....but it simply wouldn't be a party WITHOUT YOU THERE so we sincerely hope you can join us for the post-ceremony dancing reception!
Please join us for a night of dancing, camping and freak-nasty wackiness under the trees of Bainbridge Island! Naturally, since we first fell in love at a rave, we have to throw a small (very small) rave-like thing to celebrate the wedding. So come dance with us.
You can read more about how we did this in the book, but in terms of invitation wording ... I wouldn't recommend doing it the way we did. Personally, I don't think there's any need to even mention the ceremony on the reception invitations.
Even if you're just trying to be nice, there's no need to talk about the part of the wedding they can't attend when inviting them to the part that they can. "We love you but you can't come to this part — but we still love you ... no seriously!" It's just rubbing salt into a wound that people didn't even know they had. Rather, just focus your invitation wording on how excited you are to have them attend your reception, how awesome the event is going to be, etc etc. Most folks think ceremonies are boring anyway, so don't let them in on the fact that yours is going to be awesome. Just invite them to the reception and leave it at that!
One very basic example would be something like this:
Jane and Joe invite you to join us at a reception celebrating our recent marriage. Please come get down with us at 7pm on Saturday, the 10th of October at the Bla bla bla Venue in Seattle, WA.
There are some who suggest including a small line at the bottom of the reception-only invitation that reads "A private wedding will precede the reception." I guess that's sort of what we did, just in a more casual/more wordy way.
I've been to numerous reception-only weddings, and never once did I feel like people were standing around gloating "What a LOVELY CEREMONY. Oh, you weren't there? Sucks to be you, girlfriend. Tee hee!"
PS: Check out my wedding invitation wording ideas.
About Ariel Meadow Stallings
Author of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides, Ariel acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives, loves, and dorks out hard in Seattle, WA.
Tracy said
thanks SO much for posting this!! we're doing the semi-private ceremony/big reception combo and I was unsure of how to approach it on the invites.
and I feel the same way– I really don't think people are going to be offended when I invite them to come eat, drink & dance with us but don't invite them to a 15 minute ceremony. thanks again
Keola said
YES! my friends aren't going to be able to attend the ceremnoy & wedding my parents are throwing for us in Hawaii so this is perfect!
Besides, our reception will be more fun. ROCKBAND!!
Ariel said
Yeah, I think that's the real secret here: no matter how awesome and offbeat your ceremony may be, really the reception is always more fun.
Alli said
We ordered invites and used the "ceremony card" poriton as the reception card, and only ordered 25 "reception cards" — those were used to invite family and a few close friends to our intimate ceremony. Here's what our reception card — which everyone received — read:
"Liz and Alli, together with their parents, invite you to celebrate their love and commitment at a reception following their ceremony. Join us for hors d'oeuvres, drinks, dessert and dancing."
We did have some people ask why they couldn't come to the ceremony, and basically had to tell everyone that was reception-only the real reason. We reserved a state beach and they only allow 50 people. Most people were happy to just come to the reception, as it was a five-hour party as opposed to a ten minute ceremony, and lots said it was the most fun wedding they've ever been to. Yay.
kim* said
this is awesome
Melissa said
This also works for the people who have destination weddings, with a reception back home. It's similar to what I did:
____ & _____
Got married on (date) in (location)
We would like to invite you to a reception in celebration of our recent marriage… (details)
HeidiAphrodite said
In my religion, the wedding ceremony is traditionally attended by very few people as we consider it a sacred ordinance–only those who meet certain qualifications are eligible to attend, which leaves the vast majority of friends and family unable to join the couple for the ceremony itself. It is not uncommon for most invitations to be "reception only". Where I live there is a large percentage of members of my faith, so it is generally assumed that ALL invitations are only for the reception. However, I've had friends in other places word their invitations something like this:
Jane Smith and John Doe are pleased to announce their marriage and happily invite you to a celebration held in honor of their union at
(place)
(time)
on (date)
Marriage solemnized in (location) on (date).
They also use insert cards to invite people to the actual ceremony so there is USUALLY very little confusion.
Samantha said
We had two seperate invitations and it was not really a big to do since we made them all on Office Word and then printed them at home. (they came out sweet). Anyway, the wedding time was at 1:00 and then one said 5:30 (the party).
The only people that had problems were the people who A)did not read the invitation to begin with and asked what time the wedding was. B) Pouted about not going to the wedding and then asked for all of the things she had ever lent to her back because she had no intentions of talking to me again. (As you can see, this one was a bit out of my control) and I think is the exception to the rule. She is a very immature 8 year old, I mean, 28 year old.
TinaBina said
We had a ceremony with only 20 people in attendence, but wanted a huge party afterwards that anyone could come to and help us celebrate. I ended up coming up with a poem to let people know we were doing a private ceremony with a very public reception. People thought it was cute and no one was too bent out of shape that they missed a very short, very intimate wedding.
Our wording was:
"We started our family, now we are tying the knot. We are having the ceremony in a tiny private spot. We hope you can still join us right after, for a dance some drinks and plenty of laughter!"
BethB said
After too much time wasted on working our Save the Date cards for a party after an elopement, I settled on a poem too and i loved it!
"Kevin and Beth are going to elope, but you'll be there to welcome us home, we hope…so save the date to party and dine, December 12th, 2009"
It said it all and everyone thought it was cute! We simply got it printed on a Walgreens photo card with a pic of a non-traditional bride and groom.
Annamaria said
TinaBina – can I steal that poem?!?!?!?!?! It's FAN-TASTIC!
Although I may make a small change to the exact wording, but still I would love to steal this. Teehee
Jodi said
We are getting married in Vegas and having a huge party a week after we get back. When people ask who is invited to Vegas, I just tell them that we are not specifically inviting anyone since we can't afford to pay for people to fly there, and don't want to make anyone feel like they have to. But anyone who wants to come up is more than welcome to. Then we go into discussing the big party.
Our parents will probably be the only ones who actually fly there.
Erin said
I have the opposite problem… my fiance & I want to share the 'intimate' ceremony with everyone, but the reception with only a few.
most of the reason is because we wanted the reception to be more intimate to share the time with the ones we love most. but also because we're paying for it ourselves & trying to buy a house, and our location is small.
do you think it's unfair to people only invited to the ceremony? we've weighed all of our options, and i just can't justify spending thousands on one day (not that it isn't important), instead of a home for us to make our own lifetime of memories & family.
how do we explain this and not sound 'stingy'????
Kylie said
I'm with Erin; My fiance coaches gymnastics and wants the girls he's coached for years to be able to come to the ceremony. How do we let them and their families come to that, and then tell them we can't afford to pay for their plates later? Our reception is going to be pretty much family and a few friends.
Any help?
Mary said
I have a suggestion for Kylie & Erin: my mom for her wedding had a large cake & punch reception immediately following the ceremony, and then had separate invites only for those close family & friends to a more intimate family dinner later the same day. This allowed everyone who made the effort to join them for the ceremony feel appreciated, and they were able to mingle and have some fun at the cake reception. I think everyone understood that the more intimate dinner was only for family. Hope this helps!
Kristen said
Question?? Would it rude to have a "coctail party" after the reception. I am planning an at home tent wedding the weekend of the 4th of July (2010) and would like to have an intimate ceremony and semi-formal reception…however, we would love to invite all of our friends to party with us afterwards for the rest of the night. Would it be wrong to send out seperate invites from the formal ceremony and reception for a "coctail party" and serve appetizers and (possibly)have an open bar and request that these guests do not bring gifts…since we just want to celebrate with them but cannot afford to do the dinner thing for so many people??
Justcka said
This is exactly what I am doing. I want to keep the ceremony and reception intimate being only our families and closest friends but I want to have a huge party when dinner is done. I was thinking of doing a coctail party type invite also. I posted this idea on the Knot and got a lot of not so positive feedback so I am glad I am not the only one thinking this way. As long as guests know that a gift is not expected, I don't see a problem with it!
punkachick said
My fiance and I are also doing that. The chapel we booked only holds 170 and the reception venue 200 (he is Mexican and I'm Irish so we have HUGE families, yes we are the stereotypes haha). We budgeted for 200 but that's still cutting out a lot of friends. So we got a venue that allows us to use it all day until 11:30 PM. We know that the majority of the family and family friends will head out early. This leaves room for all our friends to come out and party. So we are also trying to figure out the wording on those after Party, party invitations. btw i would be terrified to post anything on the Knot or those type of sites… wow those women are CRITICAL !! It's nice that you don't get judged here for being who you are =)
Jen said
Did you guys come up with any invitation ideas for your guests that are coming after dinner is finished??? I'm considering this idea– we're having a tented reception at my future in-law's house and have PLENTY of space for every single one of our friends, but I can't afford to feed them all a dinner – I just want to party with them. I need invitation ideas that will let them know I want them to share in the experience – their presence being the best gift of all!
Jessica said
I just thought I would share our plans. we decided spur of the moment to have a small wedding in june with only 30 people, but my guy's family is really close and huge!!! to avoid hurting feelings we are web casting the ceremony on line then each of our family branches are throwing us a separate reception later in the summer… as a bonus i don't have to be embarrassed or explain certain members of my family that I would rather not own up to.
Daisy said
We are getting married in Las Vegas. Have been together going on 9 yrs. When we get back we are throwing a big party reception 2 weeks after. I am just having trouble wording the invitation since its only for the reception. Also we are paying for everything ourselves and we would like cash or gift cards for gifts ony.. We have everything already. How do we word that on the invitation? Is there a way to word it? Thank you
John said
Hi. My fiancee and I are both teachers. She has a huge awesome family. Many of our teacher friends at both schools want to come to the wedding, but we just can't afford to have them at the reception.
There will be an informal invitation to the ceremony only and a wedding party after school is in session. Many of my teacher friends said they don't care about the reception, but want to come to the wedding. I am struggling with the wording. Any suggestions? Thanks!
Amanda said
Hi John,
My fiance and I both work at a school too and we are getting married next week – yes 7 days! We had this problem too, our problems stemmed from that our location of the wedding is small, holds about 150 people, and the reception location holds up to 400. So, we only invited our principals and their spouses and 3 other couples from our building due to the small number allowed in the wedding location (I am a spec. ed. teacher and have 3 women that work directly in my classroom with me each day, they were invited as well as the principals). This was an easy way to determine who was invited "small location, no one else invited due to only being private ceremony for family". THEN we invited the rest of the staff to the reception. I am not sure how much your meal is per head, but we were able to afford this.. I am guessing this is much more expensive where you live or at your venue…? Also it was a bit easier for us b/c we are at the same building. Our staff was very understanding that the location for the ceremony only held so many people and are thrilled to be attending the reception.
There were 2 invitations that went out.. the wedding invitation that included a RSVP card and an enclosure card with the reception information on it.. and a reception invitation which included just the RSVP card. Both had maps, the wedding invite had a map (both in color) and printed front to back with the wedding and reception location and the reception invite had just the reception location map.
The way the reception invitation was worded different was this: Mr. and Mrs. ____________ and Mr. and Mrs. __________________ would like to invite you to the reception celebrating the marriage of their children _____________ and _______________ on Saturday, August 2, 2009 at 5:30pm
. Park Place Hotel, Sandusky, OH
Then you just put in the RSVP, b/c the info from the enclosure card for your wedding invites is now on your other invitations.. does that make sense? hope so!!! Good luck!!!
I hope this helps!! I was stressing out trying to figure out how to word the reception only invite people!!!
Amanda
Nicole said
Hi, this may help someone out. My fiance' and I are planning a nice evening wedding. The problem is…there are so many wonderful people, who have been very instrumental in our lives. We are on a strict budget, as we will be purchasing a home about a year after we are married. Because of this…we just can't afford to have the big reception liked we had originally planned. To solve this problem, we've decided to do a desert and light appetizer reception for our wedding guests (immediately following the wedding…in the church's hall). This will last about 30 min (we will tactfully word this on the invites). Afterward, we will have a smaller intimate dinner (at the hotel where our out of town guests are staying) with just the wedding party and out of town family members. This solved our problem….hope it helps someone else.
Samantha said
I need some help. My fiance and I are not sure what to do. We have a guest list of about 260 people and my mom and my fiances parents are both on a tight budget. They offered to pay for some of the wedding but with the guest list we have I don't see us having the wedding we want. So I thought about having a small wedding in NYC for only really close family and friends with a nice dinner to follow. But I'm not sure about what to do for the reception later for all our friends and distant relatives. Do we do it like a normal wedding reception or can we just have a bbq or large party without all the fancy expectaitons that usually cost a lot? And how do I keep from offending people who were not invited to the ceremony. My fiance has many close friends and family friends that may not be happy if they are not at the ceremony.
Kate said
I've been lucky with this. In Utah, it is common to have 'reception only' invitations due to the many LDS couples that get married in the temple which is restricted to members that qualify.
It did bring up the issue of extended family thinking we're getting married in the temple and they get disappointed to find we're having a small, canyon wedding. We don't mind though.
rockgurl said
I have a similar invitation dilemma – My fiance and I are getting married this fall. The location of the ceremony/reception is in this broad valley that with a couple of lodges that are traditionally used for guests that have hiked or horseback ridden in for an overnight stay in hostel-like accommodations. Our guests (~90) will hike into (short, <1 mile hike) the valley for the ceremony/reception. Unfortunately, the lodge only has sleeping quarters for 48 people. We plan to ask only our closest friends/family to stay in the lodges and everyone else will hike out after the reception before dark. We have a few hotels in the area that we plan to recommend for these guests, but we simply are not able to invite them to stay in the valley. How do we let the folks that we would like to stay in the cabins with us know that they are invited to do so? We also need to add details, like fresh bedding is provided, breakfast is provided, etc.? Everyone is invited to ceremony and reception, it's just that only a selected few will get to stay in the overnight cabins.
Lina said
I'm having trouble phrasing what is going to be a combination of a wedding announcement and a separate reception. I'm trying to be creative and not use stock phrases, but it's all coming out sounding like stock. So far, I've got:
Together with our parents
ME and HIM
Are ecstatic to announce that we were married in a private ceremony
Monday, the third of August, two thousand and nine
At the San Francisco City Hall
Please join us for a celebration
On Saturday, the third of October two thousand and nine
At four o’clock in the afternoon
The *** Museum
Address, Massachusetts
For more information, please visit [our wedsite]
Please suggest any non-rhyming alternatives!
Thanks!
Rebecca said
I have a similar issue. We have limited seating for both the ceremony location and the reception location for the dinner. We are sending out invites to certain close family and friends to the ceremony and entire reception including dinner. We are also sending out invititations for those who we would like to come and celebrate with us for the dance portion of the reception. Everything is on one day, but in two different locations. Does anyone have any ideas on how to word the "dance only" reception invites? I know that this isn't the proper etiquette, but we don't have any other options. Thanks for any suggestions!
Sharon said
My daughter is getting married in October. She and her fiancee want to have a small private ceremony in the morning with a cake and punch reception in early afternoon for everyone. How do you word the invitation for the invitees for the reception only? They are leaning toward not mentioning the wedding at all. Don't the reception invitees need to know when the wedding took place? We go to church with alot of these people. When she arrives in her dress, they will obviously know they just came from the wedding.