Comments on: Offbeat Bride & Diversity

By: Cassandra

Cassandra — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 16:58:29 +0000

THANK YOU! I should have said it in my reply. YOU ARE DOING WAAAAAAAAY BETTER THAN MOST. I will push Myshell – Hannabals video and I have linked (my readers) to OBB. Thanks again for being Off Beat in all the right areas.
PS Off Beat Couples of Color is good, don't make yourself crazy.
Thanks again.

By: OffbeatAriel

OffbeatAriel — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 08:15:29 +0000

Thanks for chiming in, Cassandra — when you mention the African American couple that also danced down the aisle, did you mean Myshell & Hannibal? http://offbeatbride.com/2009/06/myshell-hannibals... I actually preferred their wedding dancing, and wondered to myself why Jill & Kevin's wedding got so much more attention …

I remain super dedicated to getting more diversity on Offbeat Bride, and feel like we're doing a better job than most lily-white wedding blogs. That said, it's genuinely hard work to find diverse couples to feature, but it's important to me to try to always keep striving toward more and more diversity. Looking through the last couple months of wedding porn, I feel like we're getting better … but still have a long way to go.

It's worth checking out this link for a glance at OBB's couples of color: http://offbeatbride.com/tag/offbeat-couples-of-co... (and does anyone have a better tag name for that? It's awkward, but I can't think of anything better.)

By: Cassandra

Cassandra — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 21:26:01 +0000

The bottom line for African American's, they, we, us, them, me, I etc, may have OBB ideas but we are UBER conservative (I'm taking myself out of that). Also AA suffer from "What will they think". I have seen a couple go down the aisle in a bold gold dress to the beat of drums, only to have a God parent show how uneasy they were with this type of ceremony,
On the other hand just recently I went to a wedding photography event in Brooklyn and there were no pictures of couples of color (well one was a black guy who married a white women). I didn't care about that but I was surprised that out of all the beautiful gallery like photos there were no black couples. I complained (no I didn't call Al Sharpton) but I did feel left out as an AA.
The wedding walk video that is getting a lot of play on the news and everywhere else was fab, but another couple (AA) did something similar a year before J and K, but did not get the same interest.
Racism is usually seen as a bold unjustly horrible denial of rights of one group against another. None of us (including myself) would like to admit to our own subtle and faint racists actions. I don't think you, OBB are racist's (tough word, try being black, go to an upscale bridal show and get back to me) but you may not see or hear us.
Thanks for being open to the conversation.

By: Jasmyn

Jasmyn — Tue, 12 May 2009 19:38:09 +0000

As a black person and as one who has attended many weddings within my culture, some of my racial peers deem these subcultures as something for "crazy White people" thru perpatuating the ignorance and making African-Americans who like and partake of these subcultures feel like outcasts (within their own race, I might add). Blacks in general are very wary as far as expressing a love for punk rock, hippie, goth, etc. subculture as it is, so hosting a wedding based on this subculture is even more impossible. It has to start from within really. As soon as Blacks in general become more accepting of these subcultures that don't necessarily include rap and R&B, the more offbeat brides of color will come out of the woodwork and proudly display their wedding handiwork.
P.S.-As someone who is heavily into retro/rockabilly culture, I will come back to share my nuptials (WHENEVER they happen), provided that my traditonal family, or the potentially traditonal family of the groom (whoever that may turn out to be), doesn't take over or force me to elope…

By: tresky

tresky — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 23:50:59 +0000

I am Here!!!!
(big, beautiful, black, off-beat bride)
may 31 is the big day and I will definitely come back to share;)

By: Shauna

Shauna — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 19:29:49 +0000

you wrote: I see a bazillion tattooed white women, but very very few black hippie brides, goth asian brides, steampunk latina brides, rockabilly native american brides, etc.

i'm hoping the "etc" includes eclectic expressions of anything else, otherwise i'd wonder why OB must ID as hippie/goth/steampunk/rockabilly to be OB.

while it didn't have a clear/clean OB theme as described above, my ex and i sprinkled some OB stuff in our wedding:
-the rsvp cards were a photo of the guest in question made into a postcard; where we didn't have a photo, we used one of the free postcards you could find in racks in nyc bars and restaurants back then (most had HIV education slogans)
-guests changed into picnic clothes for the backyard bbq reception
-the 3 cakes (sm, med & lg) were sculpted to look like picnic baskets spilling flowers
-my mother's church lady posse received large bowls a few weeks before and asked to fill them with picnic fare and bring to the reception
-a friend put turntables on the upstairs porch and pumped the tunes; all the neighborhood was welcome and it turned into a block party

for the record: my fam is black, the ex's peeps are white, korean, mexican and native american

i'll be sure to send you shots and details on wedding #2, planned for next spring, which will likely include a christian lesbian officiant, skulls, knives, a sleeveless tux, a vegas club vibe and the bride entering in a silver spiderweb dress to a song she will sing herself. don't even get me started on the swingers and the sex toys.

By: Natalie

Natalie — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 19:20:04 +0000

i'm a Haitian/Jewish bride to be and my husband to be is African-American and Latino. We are beyond "off-beat"(thats the only thing our family and friends say to describe us, although i don't really think in a good way. lol). If i really had to decribe us, it would be a mix of metal, tattoos with a 50s rockabilly flavor. You can bet your bottom dollar we will be on this site come wedding day!

By: serena

serena — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 22:14:39 +0000

I'm a Mexican/Asian Indian bride marrying a Danish homebrewer in Los Angeles. I'm very non-traditional however am including some cultural things into our offbeat wedding. I'm wearing my mom's sari that she wore in Las Vegas when she married my dad in the 60's. I'm going to decorate the ceremony with papel picado (cut paper banners) and mexican paper flowers. We're trying to find glass danish "drinking horns" for our toasts. Danish wedding cake. We'll have Indian vegetarian food. Those are the traditions, but there are a lot of other fun offbeat things that I don't want to give away until afterwards. Basically the culture is a great backdrop for design inspiration. I love this site and the book!

I'm a wedding photographer and have found that most of my non-traditional couples are white. I agree with some of the other posters that there are a lot of traditions that most people feel they need to follow especially in a tight knit cultural family. My mom, who is from India originally, was disappointed at first when I told her of my plans, but is now excited since she's given up her "traditional" ideas for the wedding. Now she's excited by the tarot card readers and bellydancers we'll be having, without the church and the arch to get married under. Hopefully more of we non traditional, ethnic brides will post more here.

By: rash

rash — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 22:51:14 +0000

I'm a Caribbean chick who's obssessed with this site. Soon as I get married, you'll be the first I link to my facebook album!!

By: Denise Fixcat

Denise Fixcat — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 00:45:12 +0000

First off, I want to thank Ariel and all the other OBT members who helped inspired me to do my wedding my way which was my wish from the beginning. I think of my wedding as two parts because it actually was in two parts, one here in California and the second in Mexico City where we met. I am from Mexico City and my husband is from California with Mexican-Guatemalan roots.

When we first got married here Ariel's book wasn't out yet and I honestly had no idea how to incorporate our love for punk and ska and music into our wedding. we actually met in a show I was Throwing for his brother's band in Mexico City, I knew the lead singer of the band. Other than our blue cake, him having long hair, and me having short hair … our wedding in California was mostly traditional but when I found this website I realized there were other freaks (I mean that in a loving way) like us who wanted to proclaim their love in a different way.

I always wanted to celebrate our wedding in Mexico City because my BFFs weren't able to come to the wedding over here and I just wanted to share that special moment with them and other friends who weren't here. So two years after, we were able to celebrate with a Batman/Superman theme and with help from this wonderful website.

As a Mexican we incorporated Mexican food into our wedding(s) -cheese enchiladas here and vegetarian pozole over there made by my grandma who is vegetarian herself- and I showed off my tattoos on both.

I think sharing who you are, both what you grew up in and what your culture is, is what makes the even special. For our friends and families (mostly all Latinos) as long as there's food, drink and dancing, it's all good!

So I agree that as people of color, we have to agree to certain traditions but we can also add a special touch that will make it an original *very you* wedding, at least that's I've learned from this website, there's no right or wrong, it's about personalization. You can check the pics of our wedding in Mexico City here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/denisecf/