I'm queer but not trans, but since I had a lot of the same questions as you do I'm going to take a shot at answering them.

So you know, sometimes trans/queer/gay/other marginalized people get frustrated at being asked questions like these, since it can be a derailing tactic– which you can learn about here: http://www.derailingfordummies.com/#educate

That's not saying you're trying to derail the conversation. It's obvious from your questions that you mean well, so here are the best answers I've got.

"If a couple is same-sex and one transitions to the opposite gender…do those people still identify as lesbian or gay? If so, why?"

It depends entirely on the people in the relationship. Sexual identity isn't dependent on a person's partner, so it's possible, for example, for a woman to identify as a lesbian and be in a relationship with a man (either a trans or cis-gendered one.) I know a man and a woman who are married to each other, monogamous, yet both still strongly identify as bisexual.

Many people now identify as "queer" instead of "lesbian" or "gay." Queer is viewed by some as being a more inclusive term, since it can also include trans people, their partners, asexual people, and those people who are still exploring their sexual identity.

"Also, do homosexual people consider relationships with transgendered people of the, now, opposite gender?"

Some do, some don't. It all depends on the individual.

"Further, how does transgendered marriage work in a state that doesn't allow gay marriage?"

It works just like heterosexual marriage, because in the eyes of the law, that's exactly what it is. Once a person legally transitions, the law sees them as the gender on their legal documents and doesn't differentiate between cis and trans.

It's great that you're an ally, and that you recognize that you're not well informed, but you should be careful expressing your curiosity so you do not inadvertently offend. Trans (and queer) people are individuals and therefore there's no one "right" answer to any of your questions. Plus trans (and other LGBQ people) have dealt with many years of being judged to be freaks or fetishized, so your statement that you love all orientations and identifications made me cringe a bit.

I hope some of this was helpful! And perhaps someone with more direct knowledge than me will chime in.

I'm hetero and I support and love all orientations and identifications, however, that does not make me terribly informed about them!

So, I've had a few questions just eating away at me. If a couple is same-sex and one transitions to the opposite gender…do those people still identify as lesbian or gay? If so, why? To me, as an outsider, that would make it seem like the person transitioning wasn't actually making a change aside from clothing choices. Also, do homosexual people consider relationships with transgendered people of the, now, opposite gender? Further, how does transgendered marriage work in a state that doesn't allow gay marriage?

I'm hoping I didn't come off being rude or totally stupid, but I would love to get to know more about the communities I don't usually get to be a part of as a hetero person. Maybe there's a book someone could suggest? Thanks!

I think that wording "we're completely truthful" is a bit problematic. It's very problematic to imply that disclosing one's trans status is being "truthful" because that implies that individuals who don't disclose, or individuals who have medically transitioned yet perhaps do not identify as trans or queer, are being dishonest

Also? As far as I'm concerned, gender-neutral pronouns are awesome. It's up to each of us to choose what we feel comfortable with, and I'd never ask anyone to validate my own identity without being willing to accommodate theirs.

I am in a similar but all together different situation. I am a trans woman marrying a trans man.

Keep up the good advice.

Bianca