Your wedding is tacky
Philosophizing, WTF!?
By
on July 31, 2008
96
I am officially decreeing myself done with the word "tacky." It's a word thrown around a lot in the wedding world — even the non-traditional wedding world!
People are worried their centerpieces will look tacky. People decree honeymoon registries tacky. There's muttering over etiquette: "I want to do things this way ... but is that tacky?" brides whisper in terror. Tacky: the dark evil that sneaks into your bedroom and eats your face at night.
I'm here to tell you that, YES: everything you want to do for your wedding is tacky. All of it. The red dress is tacky. The handmade paper flowers are tacky. Your custom-designed invitations? TACKY.
Because you see, "tacky" is in the eye of the beholder and there is always, always going to be someone who sees things differently than you. Your handwritten wedding vows? Tacky! Using old mugs as favors? Tacky! Your ribbon veil? Tacky! Your father reading a poem he wrote instead of Corinthians? Tacky!
There is no end to the tackiness. It is ALL tacky, according to someone. Someone will tell you it's tacky to get married in your backyard. Someone will tell you it's tacky not to decorate your chairs with large bows and organza. Someone will tell you it's tacky to have portapotties at your wedding. Someone somewhere thinks sequined wedding shoes and button bouquets and Wai-Ching dresses are all tacky.
...This website? TACKY!
Tacky is the manifestation of your fears that people won't approve of your wedding.
I'm exhausted by the tacky debate. I'm sick of people asking if some component of their wedding is tacky. (Sure it is! ...to someone. Do you care? Is that why you're doing it?) I'm sick of commenters decreeing certain wedding thangs as tacky. (Sure it is! ...to you. Do I care? Are you invited to my wedding?) Tacky: the dark monster that creeps in at night ... tacky is the manifestation of your fears that people won't approve of your wedding.
Moving forward, I'm decreeing a moratorium on the word. When it's ALL tacky, none of it's tacky and we can finally stop talking about it.
About Ariel Meadow Stallings
Author of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides, Ariel acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives, loves, and dorks out hard in Seattle, WA.
Helen said
The word tacky has lost all meaning having read it so many times… guess that's kinda the point!
blablover5 said
I had actually given up on the T word a while ago. intbride.blogspot.com/2008/04/tacky.html
It just seems like third grade playground antics to me.
stephanie said
THANK YOU! Ariel, i know i've said this before, but you are my frakking hero!!! My mom LOVES throwing that word around if she doesn't like a decision i'm making about my wedding. It's ridiculous and judgemental, and really, who the frak cares if i use labels instead of calligraphy on the invitations? A year from now, nobody will remember.
Dawn said
Uh-oh. Labels are somehow …. inappropriate? Lol.
aaa said
haha all good. i hand wrote the addresses (and i do NOT have good handwriting). lots of ppl are saying things in my wedding are tacky but i decided at the beginning of all this to ignore. all girls in the wedding party, myself included, are wearing flip flops
i dont wear heels most other days, why start when nobody can even see my feet?
Desaray said
That was, like, a Tack Manifesto.
Ariel said
Desaray: yep! I even tagged this post "manifesto."
Sarah said
YES YES YES YES YES!
I hate how people use this word – which has such a silly ring to it – in a mean-spirited way to demoralize others and pass judgment.
However, I love the use of it all over your wedding photo. It cracked me up!
laura said
This is EXACTLY the kind of post I needed to read. *sigh* I don't know what else I (or anyone) can do to really engrain that into my mind.
You're the best, Ariel!
Lizzy said
Seriously. Ariel, you are a hero
I'm not even 10% done planning my wedding and I hear that word… bleck.
Reba said
Word!
Red said
I completely agree with Helen. By the end of this entry I was thinking to myself taq-eee? TAKy?
Tack like? So it's sharp and helps keep things flat? What does that word even mean?
Christy said
I find it funny that when you do something out of the ordinary for your wedding that it gets called tacky, but you do everything traditional, your not. I find it extremely wrong to tell someone that their ideas aren't what they should be.
kim* said
yes this is the whole point of this blog. it isnt for people who do not like offbeat things. i often wonder, why people choose to spend their time somewhere if all they do is want to be negative.
Meg said
Funny, and true. Look what I brought on myself today when discussing plastic rings. It's true though, in general. Enough with the Tacky debate. It's like the DIY guilt issue… it's not tacky for god's sake, just make sure it's what you love.
Chelsie said
I think I read somewhere on here that Tacky is the new hot.
roso said
I heard it's tacky to talk about the definition of the word tacky on a wedding blog.
LMAO
Samantha said
I *JUST* had a conversation about the subjective nature of tacky last night with my future MIL.
Last month I went to a 100%-by-the-book traditional wedding and (probably because I'm so spoiled with all of the amazing weddings I get to see on OBB everyday) I thought that THAT wedding (the wedding everyone else was "oohing" and "ahhing" over) was THE tackiest thing I'd ever seen.
Which is ironic, considering most of the people present at that wedding think that MY wedding is going to be the tackiest thing that they'll ever see.
To each her own, right? Tacky. I embrace the "tacky," whatever that means.
Diann said
Here Here Here Here!!!!!
I could NOT have SAID it any better if I where TRYING!!!
I guess this is why YOU are the BOSS!
–Diann…
Rachel said
My tape is tacky…my wedding is not.
Kelly said
You complete me.
scunshine said
I had to battle the T word with a classmate who thought that having my wedding at my in-law's home was just the "T*ckiest" thing ever. He actually asked, "Is their house at least nice?" I couldn't help rolling my eyes at the uninvited backseat wedding coordinator.
I love your diagram! Maybe we should recalim the word and change the definition because all I see is AWESOME!
Kate said
Etymology: from "tackey", in the 1800's, a word for a small horse usually of poor quality. I'm guessing the connection has to do with being owned by poor farmers, and those farmers had so little money that anything they did was low-quality or "tacky".
As for me, I had someone at my wedding say that they "didn't normally go to hillbilly weddings". …does that count as "tacky"? Should I be worried?
…joking. Not worried. Seriously, the only thing tacky at my wedding was the fact that this person actually said this. THAT was tacky.
AbsintheMinded (Amy) said
Ooohh…I want someone to label all the t—- things in my wedding photos! Whatever in the world is wrong with words like 'unique', 'crafty', 'personal'… and 'fan-fucking-tastic'?!?!
BTW….I love you Ariel!
Carol Ann said
"uninvited backseat wedding coordinator"
that label is hilarious!
danicalynn said
In response to Rachel:
I was just thinking that my pasties that keep my nipples from poking through my wedding dress are tacky!