Undepressing wedding memorial
Ceremony Advice
By
on June 19, 2008
75 Responses
My future mother-in-law wants me to do something at our wedding to honor the people who recently died in our family, one of them being her husband. And then she went on to mention that she would like us to honor her mother (who died over 20 years ago). AND THEN she said that I should also mention my two grandmothers, my uncle, and my cousin who all passed away. Um, is it me, or would that make for an INCREDIBLY depressing moment at a wedding?
-Sara
Here's an easy solution that makes everyone happy: get some wedding photo charms (available from Etsy or from photojewelrymaking.com) to hang from your bouquet. You can put photos of all the deceased into the charms, and have them quietly but respectfully dangling from your bouquet for your entire wedding day. That way there's no need to harsh your guests' mellow by making a memorial announcement at the reception. Just make sure your photographer gets some shots of the bouquet. Then, you could even get a print of that photo framed special for your mother-in-law.
The result would be something like this photo from hystudio.com:
Thanks to hystudio for the photo!
About Ariel Meadow Stallings
Author of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides, Ariel acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives, loves, and dorks out hard in Seattle, WA.
lucy said
what a GREAT solution. kudos!
Coley said
Awww! What a sweet idea!
Becca said
*sniff*
I didn't know what to do or how to get them into my wedding…..you just morbidly, but happily, made my day!
Angi Farrugia said
My grandfather passed away a little over a year ago and I have been missing him immensely throughout the planning of my wedding. I was just having this conversation with my fiance and mother this evening about it being "creepy" having our lost loved ones pictures somewhere at our wedding. This is a wonderful remedy to my dilemma. Thank you!!
threecitiesbride said
I was faced with the same dilemma, except my MIL wanted to put a bouquet on an empty chair (oh the horrors) for my FI's grandmother, which my mom was strongly against. This is a GREAT solution. The people that want to be happy are happy, and nobody needs to be the wiser.
Alison said
That is a GREAT idea! My fiancé's sister died a year ago. But my mom died 15 years ago. And I wanted to acknowledge both, but didn't know how. Thank you.
nenasadije said
this is a beautiful idea.
FH and i are going to put three small black a white photos of my mom, my dad and FH's father to honor them. hopefully it will be enough that guests notice but descreet enough to not send them into mourning mode.
diana said
I love this idea!
KC said
my father passed away a few years back and by the time the wedding comes around it will be almost 5 years to the day.
this is an excellent way to honour him! thanks so much.
i might also have a "in loving memory" vase full of roses (my dad's fav flower).
Chelsea said
I love this idea. I have 3 people to honor – My grandmother on my mom's side, and my grandparents on my dad's side. They all did charity work, so in honor of that I'll be displaying pictures and a description of them, and inviting people to donate gloves and canned goods (our wedding is right before Thanksgiving.)
Moonspun said
That's a great idea! You could also have a small table at the reception that has family pictures including them on it.
My FH's younger daughter and mothere (who has alzheimer's) can't be at our wedding. So we are having pictures of them on our altar. It's a little different, but pictures are powerful.
The other thing you could do is make a general mention maybe at the reception with a nice slow dance of "all those who have passed on."
Kathryn said
We had a small table set up in our garden with pictures and little mementos of 3 grandparents and my husband's dad (all have passed away). We could both see the table when we walked down the aisle- it felt like a sweet way to include them on that day.
Andrew said
That's a really beautiful and subtle idea. Etsy to the rescue again!
For our wedding a couple of years ago, I wanted to acknowledge my parents (neither of whom are around any more) but without casting a shadow over the day. Our solution was to design our own invitations to include the wedding photos of both sets of parents:
http://www.shedside.com/tmp/wedding-invite.jpg
The trouble was, we had many guests ask us who the random people on our invites were!
HeidiAphrodite said
At least two of my cousins did the small memorial table display at their weddings, too. They used wedding pictures of the deceased grandparents and laid a single rose in front of a sign that said "in loving memory of *insert names here*". It was really quite sweet and touching. I want as many wedding photos of family members (living or dead) I can get my hands on as part of a display at my own wedding. I think it's a wonderful idea to remember special people who have passed on.
LauraKate said
Love that someone else sees it the same way I do!! We are planning, as part of our decor, to include a photo wall with as many wedding photos as possible from family and friends–as well as pictures of my Sweetheart's Brothers who have passed. Like life, the sweet and the bitter together. We are hoping people just feel the love for those displayed!!
t-rah said
Hi. We are just saying a quick prayer for departed loved ones at the begining of our service. Then during our ceremony I am dedicating a fun song to one of my best friends who passed away in December. It might bring people down a little to think about death, but it is very important that my friend is included in our wedding.
Caressa said
My mother just passed away in Feb (on my dads birthday nonetheless) and then just recently my FH's grandfather passed away. We were going to leave an open chair in the front row and as I passed I was going to place one of their favorite flower on the chair.
While I like my idea, this seems like alot more simple, I love it!
Jaymi said
I am getting married in a month…and I have been going back and forth about how to honor my Dad, who passed 2 years ago. Missing him has been a huge part of the wedding planning…with many tears involved. I am leaving a chair for him, next to my mom, "reserved for big Z"… I feel like bringing attention to someone that has passed isn't morbid, it's the celebration of how important that life was.
east side bride said
I dunno. Little portraits of dead people on the bouquet kind of give me the creeps. I prefer the family pictures at the reception.
Lucy said
Bearing in mind the number of people you are supposed to be remembering the bouquet might sound like maracas.
And if you do go for this option, I guess it means you don't toss the flowers (unless you want to get rid of granny's photo)
Lea said
usually you have a second bouqet for the toss. I didn't know that until my florist asked if I wanted one for $15.
oregoncoastgirl said
My husband and I wanted to honor his father and my brother, who had both passed prior to our marriage. We got married on a cliff by the ocean, and we had our officiant announce a moment of silence for those loved ones who had passed. My husband and I both cut strings holding white balloons, and the balloons drifted out over the ocean. It was poingant, and meaningful, and then we resumed with the vows. (In retrospect, horrible for the environment, I know, but better than releasing Monarch butterflies in their non-native habitat, which was mom's idea).
celeste said
The photos are adorable, but could get unwieldy with the number of people MIL wants her to honor.
How about, during the ceremony, just saying a classy and short, "And let's remember those who are no longer with us and who we wish were here?" Or something along those lines. That way, everyone's covered.
lauren said
what about a simple toast to absent friends? someone did that out of the blue during dinner at our wedding, and i loved it – it paid tribute both to my granddad (who died two months before the wedding – we also went to a pub right after the ceremony for him) and to people who couldn't make it for non-mortality-related reasons.
Rachael said
I find the whole group wedding memorial thing a little strange, myself. But I did want a way to acknowledge my mom, though, without forcing everyone else to do the same. I'm planning on wearing a locket on a bracelet with a picture of us in it.
Jennifer said
*sniff, sniff*
This makes me so happy. I always wanted my grandfather (who raised me + who has long passed) to walk me down the aisle. I love etsy!
Dawn said
I am doing the photo thing, but we are also taking a moment in the ceremony to acknowledge absent friends.
We've tried to word it so it isn't gruesome, and we hope it will just make people smile. If anyone wants to steal, please feel free.
You may be wondering why we are gathered here
On this beach in Massachusetts.
It isn’t just to inconvenience everyone.
Dawn and her family used to vacation on the Cape frequently.
This beach was one of her mother's favourite places in the world.
In 1996, when she died, Dawn and XXX
Brought her ashes here and scattered them on the beach.
Dawn and Paul hoped that in marrying here
Her spirit could celebrate with us.
There are of course others who cannot be with us today.
Either because they could not travel the distance to join us
like Dawn’s grandmother’s, X and Y
or because they have passed on.
These include Paul's grandparents,
Simone and Kenneth Williams,
And X and Yo,
and Dawn’s grandfather’s,
X andY.
We know that they would have been delighted to be here,
And wherever their spirits are today
Whatever they have become
Some small spark of creation glows a bit brighter
because we are gathered together to celebrate
continuation, family and friendship.
darleene said
Really good, subtle idea.
On another note, the original question reminds me of the Friends episode where Monica tried to get her parents to cry by mentioning their long-dead dog and Nana.
elizabathory said
That is such a good idea. I'm already having charms coming off the bottom of my bouquet, but I wanted something non-depressing to honour my FH mother who passed some time ago but is still a rather raw nerve (obviously). This is so sweet.