"My parents are paying for the wedding as a gift and because, in their minds, paying for a wedding is your joy and privilege as a parent. They view it much the same way as paying for my education. They are investing in my future and in a day that we will all participate in and remember forever. And they are doing so without strings, because that's how gifts should be given." -Samantha

THIS. I don't care who's paying for the wedding – the only people who get an executive say are the bride and groom (or brides/grooms). You don't give people gift cards at Christmas and then tell them what to spend it on, do you? Parents have no right to dictate their children's weddings, even if they are paying. A gift of money with strings attached is no gift.

My current problem is finding out three weeks out from the wedding that my mother invited a bunch of random acquaintances that I've never met, who aren't even close family friends, and none of them can confirm whether they're coming or not. I don't want a group of strangers at my wedding, and I'm certainly not interested in making accommodations for their sporadic schedules. I asked for their names and numbers, so I could contact them directly and maybe get a more definite answer, but my mom wouldn't give me their contact info. So I told her she'd just have to tell them to forget it. The thing is that she seems to think my wedding is her day, and that it's ok to invite whomever she wants. And this is all somehow ok because she and my dad are paying for it. Wrong! If I can't share my wedding with the people I care about – i.e. NOT total strangers – I don't see a point in having one.

The upshot is, parents have no right to interfere, even if they are funding the event. If they can't muster the maturity required to give their children a gift with no strings attached, they can choose not to give it in the first place.

Now we are 10 weeks away from the wedding (which is very small) and while neither set of parents had any input (or offered to make any inputs), my mother is now demanding to bring more of her friends to the wedding if there are any cancellations. This won't be happening and I have explained my reasons (small wedding, they already have some friends there, it's OUR 'party').

If anyone's been a 'zilla, it's my maid of honour! This is her offical title: maid-of-honourzilla. She's very traditional and I'm not. I like things to be a little out of balance, but she has tried to change a few things and has succeeded in some areas (bridesmaid's dresses – I told the bridesmaids to buy whatever they wanted to wear on the day as long as it was blue, my MOHZ didn't like the idea of different dresses on the day, so she persuaded me to get a dressmaker, so all the girls have the same style and colour of dress with a 'twist' (something different on each) etc).

This is how I handle it. I let her do what she wants in some areas, and in the areas that are important to me, I may listen to her ideas (she got married 3 years ago), but I will do what I want.

It sounds like a PP (personal problem) of your Mother's – for her to invest so much energy in hating the details of your wedding. I'm sorry you have to endure it but limit the time and information you spend/share with your Mother. It seems to cause her pain – don't allow her to pass it on to you.

My biggest shocker was when the future MOTHER-IN-LAW!! was paying for everything – and was bound and determined to do what she wanted – not what the bride wanted.

She came often into our shop and looked at me and said – "I want you
to put poison ivy in her bouquet!"
We tried to laugh and joke it off, saying "Well . . .it's her wedding – we need to do what she would like". The MIL looked me in the eye and said "It's MY WEDDING! I'm paying for it. When she pays for her kids wedding – then she has the say!"

Be careful what you accept in $$ . .it may be easier to pay for your own!

It's a difficult position to be in, trying to create a ceremony that is unique to yourself while accepting or needing help from others to make it happen. It's important to realize that everyone is different and thinks differently about weddings and marriage. I sympathize with the mother who posted earlier about being saddened by the "keep your nose out of my wedding" attitude, just as much as I sympathize with all those couples out there who fear their parents will create a wedding that feels like someone else's.

On both sides a little understanding will go a long way. Couples, understand why your parents want what they do for you. You're not children anymore; so stop acting like it with this "mom and dad never let me have my way" act. Look past your own feelings about your parents and try to see them as human beings: equally flawed, equally human, and equally as eager to make this day special. Yes, they may want things for your wedding that you're not so comfortable with — ask them why. Maybe that element holds special meaning to them. Understanding motivations goes a long way toward finding a working compromise.

And the reverse holds true, as well. Parents, understand that your children will not always agree with you. Just as a loving parent would never say, "I love you, but only if you do what I tell you to," a loving parent should not say, "I'll support your wedding, but only if you plan it the way I want it to be." Along with your offer of financial support comes an unspoken offer of emotional support. Helping to pay for the wedding means that you approve of your child's future spouse and you are willing to contribute to their union and success. If you insist that your money only be spent on the wedding you want, you are subtly telling the couple that you only approve of them as long as they fit your preconceived notions of them. It tells them that you don't really accept their individuality. And that's hard for any child to hear, adult or otherwise.

Hopefully, if you're married or getting married, you already know that communication is key to a good relationship. Regardless of which side of this issue you're on, it's important to explain your motivations and make it clear why you want what you want, and that will help a long way toward finding a solution that everyone is comfortable with.

My parents are paying for the wedding as a gift and because, in their minds, paying for a wedding is your joy and privilege as a parent. They view it much the same way as paying for my education.

They are investing in my future and in a day that we will all participate in and remember forever. And they are doing so without strings, because that's how gifts should be given.

I also resent the remarks about adults needing to fund their own weddings. I would no more have refused my parents wedding money than I would them giving me a sweater on my birthday.